1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,440 - Hi, I'm James Francis, I'm an alcoholic. 2 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:07,880 My celebrity date is May 20th, 2016, 3 00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:11,600 and my home group is the U.S.R. group, 4 00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:15,320 Men's Stag Fellowship. 5 00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:17,600 I'm coming up on a birthday, of course, 6 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:21,640 in a couple weeks, and it's getting to be 7 00:00:25,920 --> 00:00:30,920 pressure, somehow, you know, 8 00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:38,920 these, I guess, difficult feelings of 9 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:46,200 some disgruntledness have started to set in, 10 00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:52,340 where I feel like, if I didn't know better, 11 00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:58,200 that I could throw it all away, 12 00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:01,640 and I could say, it would be so easy 13 00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:06,640 to throw it all away, but I know better, 14 00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:09,200 I know that I got a God in my life, 15 00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:11,640 and my God has been my number one, 16 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:16,640 and I've started to find that path 17 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:22,860 where there's other God people on my path, 18 00:01:22,860 --> 00:01:25,880 other people that I pray with, 19 00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:28,160 other people that I listen to, 20 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:32,400 and other people that are in family, 21 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:37,400 that, you know, their life has evolved around God. 22 00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:42,440 So, I started out as a youngster, 23 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:45,640 I was born into a family of, 24 00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:50,280 I have nine brothers and sisters ahead of me, 25 00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:52,040 and then I'm the youngest boy, 26 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:54,640 and then I have four younger sisters below me, 27 00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:57,880 and there's 14 kids in the family, 28 00:01:57,880 --> 00:02:02,640 and I'm the youngest boy at 10, 29 00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:07,640 and my youngest sister was born when I was 15 years old, 30 00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:09,920 so she was born quite late, 31 00:02:09,920 --> 00:02:14,000 and she evened up the category of seven boys 32 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,720 and seven girls for our family, 33 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:21,620 and it was like, I had done some things 34 00:02:21,620 --> 00:02:25,520 when I was 15 that I thought I would be able 35 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:30,520 to be following some kind of basic lifestyle 36 00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:35,480 of getting married and having children, 37 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:40,480 but at 15, I started a life of acting influenced 38 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:55,320 by the ways of sex, drugs, and rock and roll, 39 00:02:55,320 --> 00:03:03,520 and I was off and running to chase after 40 00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:11,880 this supposed girlfriend that I was supposed 41 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:13,840 to get together with, 42 00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:18,840 and I had some ways of my experience 43 00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:22,840 family was Catholic, so we were brought up 44 00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:27,840 in a good unity of a Catholic faith 45 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:31,960 with all the Catholic schooling, 46 00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:36,640 and all the family had some way of, 47 00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:41,800 there was a network of families that had kids in my class, 48 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:45,820 kids in my brother's class, kids in my sister's class. 49 00:03:45,820 --> 00:03:50,040 They had four kids, and we had the same grades, kids, 50 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:54,520 and then other classes had older relationships 51 00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:56,000 with my brothers that were older, 52 00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:57,440 my sisters that were older, 53 00:03:57,440 --> 00:03:59,600 and it was just this way of, 54 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:04,600 that felt like one big, large togetherness 55 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:11,760 until just about junior year of high school 56 00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:15,100 when things really started getting like, 57 00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:20,880 my dad got offered a job to go away 58 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:23,400 after my junior year of high school, 59 00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:28,160 and I started doing drugs and drinking, 60 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:31,120 and I would, for a while I would steal drinks 61 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:34,760 from my employer, I would steal drinks from my employer 62 00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:36,520 and try to get away with it. 63 00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:41,520 Can justify that it didn't matter, 64 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:46,080 the company was well on their feet 65 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:51,080 and somehow it became some ways of, 66 00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:59,000 I got a friend and when I moved away to this job 67 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:04,000 that my dad got away, we moved from Northridge, California 68 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:08,720 to Edmonds, Washington, and I got this friend 69 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:11,480 that lived in Everett, it was at the college, 70 00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:13,700 I mean at the high school that I was at, 71 00:05:13,700 --> 00:05:18,360 and we began working at the same mini market, 72 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:22,860 and we would start working, 73 00:05:22,860 --> 00:05:25,380 and then we stocked the beer cooler, 74 00:05:25,380 --> 00:05:29,360 and we had his mother was the cashier, 75 00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:31,700 and she was also an alcoholic, 76 00:05:31,700 --> 00:05:33,680 and his father was an alcoholic. 77 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:37,220 So they had this way, the owner didn't probably care, 78 00:05:37,220 --> 00:05:41,800 they thought we had this way that we would stack the bottle, 79 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:46,000 six pack of Rainier Ale in boxes 80 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:50,160 when we took the boxes out, put them out in the trash can. 81 00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:53,960 So we would get drunk, 82 00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:57,360 and drugs are not really a part of my story, 83 00:05:57,360 --> 00:06:00,320 but one night we got drunk and we used acid, 84 00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:02,800 and we ended up at the Motel 6, 85 00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:05,220 and I thought it was, 86 00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:12,360 had done some, I was gonna be in real big trouble, 87 00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:14,280 I thought something really bad happened to me, 88 00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:17,640 and I didn't wanna do that ever again, 89 00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:21,240 and I never really touched drugs 'cause, 90 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:25,320 except marijuana is because it never occurred to me 91 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:29,960 that it was any thing, 92 00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:32,760 and I saw that it would be just a dangerous thing, 93 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:37,580 I didn't think it was very, really, really, really helpful. 94 00:06:37,580 --> 00:06:39,440 I was always in the health, 95 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:44,440 I liked sporting TV and all the ball of sports, 96 00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:53,400 and I'd see that the ones that were healthy 97 00:06:53,400 --> 00:07:00,720 kept a certain dietary and a way of life, 98 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:07,480 and I lived like some way safe for a while, 99 00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:13,960 but I always got on these extended periods 100 00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:21,380 where I cheated, I got a way that I cheat, 101 00:07:21,380 --> 00:07:26,380 and I start forgetting about my healthful needs, 102 00:07:26,380 --> 00:07:31,680 and my life goes into this justifying splurges. 103 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:40,960 I would give in, like, I'm trying to save for a car, 104 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:47,160 or I'm trying to save for somewhere to go on a pilgrimage, 105 00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:51,600 and I'd say, oh, I could just spend money as, 106 00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:56,480 that's what I did on my last drunk. 107 00:07:56,480 --> 00:08:00,480 I first got sober in the road of 1988, 108 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:06,920 and then I had a while there where I saw 109 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:09,480 how life was fun again. 110 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:13,160 I felt like the fellowship was perfect for me. 111 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,400 I felt like the fellowship was perfect for me. 112 00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:19,640 1988, like '92, I felt like the fellowship was perfect. 113 00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:24,640 This is the way it's made my life really happy, 114 00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:31,000 and I got some time of, but it was always like, 115 00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:39,240 I get back somehow, and those ideas of stopping drinking 116 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:45,220 was not that important, so I would not have kept sobriety. 117 00:08:45,220 --> 00:08:51,240 I would be, like, sober for a while, then just get drunk, 118 00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:58,200 and then not 'til '92, when I was free from this all of you, 119 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:03,560 and in aborting care, did I get together 120 00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:08,560 with this home group, USR group, back in 1992, 121 00:09:08,560 --> 00:09:11,880 and I'd start going to meetings regular, 122 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:16,880 and I'd see all the old-timers, Bob Fisher, Bill Waller, 123 00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:23,520 Dave Richardson, Jack Lynch, Raymond Gutierrez, 124 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:27,120 and they would all have time with sobriety, 125 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:30,600 and I would figure, oh, I'm gonna maybe be able 126 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:32,200 to get time with sobriety. 127 00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:34,480 I'm gonna get that length of time with sobriety, 128 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:36,720 and then when they share their length of time, 129 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:39,560 I'm gonna share my length, and feel like I still 130 00:09:39,560 --> 00:09:42,200 got my length, I'm never gonna lose my length, 131 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:47,200 but then came the day when I thought things were going good. 132 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:55,560 Well, I'll be back in the mental hospital I was at. 133 00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:58,520 I got in this mental hospital situation, 134 00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:02,160 and I got a friend in the mental hospital, 135 00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:06,520 and when I got out and got in those boarding cares, 136 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:09,620 and my life started getting better, she didn't get out, 137 00:10:09,620 --> 00:10:12,920 but I always would tread the road back on the bus, 138 00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:14,800 and still try to keep her friendship. 139 00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:18,440 I'd try to be like what they call that corporal 140 00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:20,680 or spiritual work of mercy for her, 141 00:10:20,680 --> 00:10:25,680 and this kind of concept of being someone 142 00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:32,160 that would come to her aid, and then what happened was 143 00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:41,860 that worked, it was keeping me sober for a while, 144 00:10:41,860 --> 00:10:48,260 and then I had this manager from the hospital 145 00:10:51,680 --> 00:10:54,600 used to take me out, and we'd go together 146 00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:56,920 in the movies and stuff, and I thought that was, 147 00:10:56,920 --> 00:10:59,360 I was having the time of my life in sobriety, 148 00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:01,440 'cause I was like going to the movies, 149 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:04,480 and I saw all the different movies as it was, 150 00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:08,840 that was a real movie goer, and I come home, 151 00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:11,440 just a lot of bus riding, a lot of going, 152 00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:14,160 and then I have my basic meetings to go to, 153 00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:19,160 and then there was this path of somehow, 154 00:11:20,540 --> 00:11:24,520 I met this guy, Ray, would take me to meetings, 155 00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:29,320 and every time when I started getting the message, 156 00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:31,680 I'd say her something really good, and Ray would go, 157 00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:33,720 and he would give me a real thumbs up, 158 00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:38,280 but I feel like, yeah, I was doing good, 159 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:42,960 but something finally got the better of me, 160 00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:45,680 and I started getting resentments 161 00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:47,800 towards these men at the men's seg, 162 00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:52,800 and started feeling like they're all getting something, 163 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:54,720 and I'm not getting anything, 164 00:11:54,720 --> 00:12:01,720 like there was just this thing 165 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:04,960 that was just outside of my reach 166 00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:09,960 that I couldn't get with the way I was living, 167 00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:14,960 and so eventually, I was going to school, 168 00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:19,840 and then I graduated at Pierce College in 2005, 169 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:22,280 and then I transferred to CSUN, 170 00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:25,400 and I passed some classes at CSUN, 171 00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:28,440 but then I started not doing good at CSUN 172 00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:33,400 'cause the study got harder, 173 00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:36,760 and I didn't do the study. 174 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:40,320 I just started doing the things 175 00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:43,040 that were playing around in the fellowship, 176 00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:47,120 and then this all leads up to finally, 177 00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:53,680 I had thought this girlfriend wasn't gonna work out. 178 00:12:53,680 --> 00:13:00,000 This friend in the hospital was starting to push me away 179 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,360 as well as the fact that I didn't think 180 00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:04,680 it was gonna work out anyways 181 00:13:04,680 --> 00:13:07,340 because having a visitor on the bus, 182 00:13:07,340 --> 00:13:09,480 and the bus rides got harder to take 183 00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:11,800 with the crowd that was on the bus 184 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:13,540 was kind of looking at me like, 185 00:13:13,540 --> 00:13:21,120 hey, you stranger, where are you from? 186 00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:26,120 And I didn't feel nothing but nervous, 187 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:32,120 and the way that finally happened 188 00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:35,780 was that I started saying in college 189 00:13:35,780 --> 00:13:37,440 that I could get a younger girl 190 00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:42,440 that I remember from before it all started being 191 00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:46,640 a patient at a hospital. 192 00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:50,160 There was a girl in a young adult group club 193 00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:51,320 that I had at church. 194 00:13:51,320 --> 00:13:55,280 I started thinking I was hearing her voices in my mind. 195 00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:59,060 It was like I was gonna connect with her somehow, 196 00:13:59,060 --> 00:14:04,060 and I started chasing after the idea, 197 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:10,320 and then I would try to say, 198 00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:15,320 'cause still gonna finally have this one dream come true, 199 00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:18,760 this relief from this broken relationship 200 00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:20,880 that I had in high school that ended up, 201 00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:25,880 and since I was a drunk and I had been doing nothing 202 00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:29,040 and I wasn't working and I wasn't responsible, 203 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:31,160 we had got this girl pregnant, 204 00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:34,960 and she had off the child and abortion, 205 00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:39,960 and I went to the humiliation of that was something 206 00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:45,200 that I always wanted to be like my dad, having kids, 207 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:47,920 and so I thought when I got to AA, 208 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:51,600 I was trying to find this girl that would change it all 209 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:56,600 and reform what I've been able to do, 210 00:14:56,600 --> 00:15:01,480 and then when this girl from young adult church group 211 00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:02,640 was in my mind, singing, 212 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:05,780 "Yeah, that's probably the final path to AA thing 213 00:15:05,780 --> 00:15:07,160 "that's gonna happen for me," 214 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:11,400 so I started bringing it up with the guys in the home group 215 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,520 saying, "Yeah, the story is," 216 00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:15,080 and then they would tell me, 217 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,840 "Just take your meds and go to bed. 218 00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:23,880 "Go to sleep at night and just don't chase after that trail 219 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:29,620 "'cause it leads to wine country or something," so they say, 220 00:15:29,620 --> 00:15:32,760 "So I got a real resentment," I started singing, 221 00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:36,680 "They don't know me, they don't know how it was for me," 222 00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:40,260 so I finally drank again thinking, 223 00:15:40,260 --> 00:15:42,880 "I'll show them how I could do this thing," 224 00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:46,360 so I drank and then it was like, "What am I gonna do?" 225 00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:48,760 I had no idea where this girl 226 00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:51,240 from a young adult group was like, 227 00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:56,060 and so the only idea was then I could go to bars 228 00:15:56,060 --> 00:15:59,120 where I used to be with this girl from high school, 229 00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:01,440 and live that lifestyle again, 230 00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:03,880 so I tried to go to bars and live this lifestyle 231 00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,360 with a girl from high school, 232 00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:09,120 and then I found out, oh man, 233 00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:10,860 that really cost me a lot of money, 234 00:16:10,860 --> 00:16:12,480 and I don't have a lot of money. 235 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:13,960 I'm not a rich dude. 236 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:16,520 I'm not even working a career job, 237 00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:20,080 so I find out if that doesn't work, I better go back to AA, 238 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:24,120 so I went bouncing back and forth to AA for a while 239 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:25,800 trying to get my sobriety back, 240 00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:27,600 trying to get my life back together, 241 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:29,280 and still trying to think, 242 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:30,280 "Well, I don't have this. 243 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:31,840 I didn't win at this girlfriend thing," 244 00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:36,840 so the fact is I find that finally one guy saw 245 00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:39,680 that I was reading the book at least. 246 00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:44,680 I was going to this point of I got my books still, 247 00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:49,800 and I would get to read the book somewhere at home, 248 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:54,580 or I would just do it at the park somewhere, 249 00:16:54,580 --> 00:16:59,580 and I would read all these, the doctor's opinion, 250 00:16:59,580 --> 00:17:04,580 the part from chapter one to chapter three to chapter five, 251 00:17:04,580 --> 00:17:07,840 and all the italics parts in between there. 252 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:09,480 I read all the italics parts, 253 00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:12,640 and then I would read chapter, chapter, the parts, 254 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:16,880 chapter three, chapter five, and the 12 traditions, 255 00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:21,300 and then there was especially like page 25, 26, 256 00:17:22,940 --> 00:17:26,240 or page 19 and 20 or something, 257 00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:31,240 and page 83 to 88, something like those pages 258 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:35,520 that I was told to read, 259 00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:39,600 and so I saw this time of the fact 260 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,360 that I was reading the book, 261 00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:45,020 and this guy saw that I was reading the book, 262 00:17:45,020 --> 00:17:50,020 so he says, "How about I offer to be a resource sponsor 263 00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:56,720 for you, and I'll read the book with you." 264 00:17:56,720 --> 00:17:57,560 I'll read the book. 265 00:17:57,560 --> 00:18:00,140 We could go through the book page by page 266 00:18:00,140 --> 00:18:03,380 every Wednesday at Reseda Park, 267 00:18:03,380 --> 00:18:06,860 and so it's during right after COVID 268 00:18:06,860 --> 00:18:10,060 when I had come back to the meetings, 269 00:18:10,060 --> 00:18:13,120 and there was some sense of I had got 270 00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:14,680 a little bit of sobriety, 271 00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:19,680 and that was, I guess, after this time, 272 00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:25,520 2026, 2016, about 2018, 273 00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:32,680 right after, so it was maybe right before COVID struck, 274 00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:37,240 17 or something, it was like 2017. 275 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:40,800 So the feeling was I started reading the book. 276 00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:43,280 I started talking about some of my inventory. 277 00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:45,920 I started talking about some of my goal plans, 278 00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:48,480 some of the things that I was like resentful about 279 00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:49,760 that didn't happen for me, 280 00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:54,760 and I realized with all the different things 281 00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:56,480 that it said in the book 282 00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:59,660 that I might really have a problem. 283 00:18:59,660 --> 00:19:04,660 These people have discussed what we do as alcoholics 284 00:19:04,660 --> 00:19:08,200 and how we react according to that behavior 285 00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:10,520 that I had when I thought I could drink again 286 00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:11,760 when I had that idea, 287 00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:15,320 that it was like going against the better judgment 288 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:16,560 of being in the group, 289 00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:20,920 so it was like, and then the younger days of my life, 290 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:25,480 I saw the idea of what started me from the beginning of, 291 00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:27,600 I saw in the book some of the methods 292 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,520 of what started me in the beginning 293 00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:30,960 when I was a younger kid, 294 00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:33,000 that the influence from my brothers 295 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,120 and the influence from my older sisters, 296 00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:37,400 of how that played a part 297 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:41,240 in the doctor's opinions, talks about, 298 00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:46,240 and the things that why I was actually in the group, 299 00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:52,760 an alcoholic, why it was that if I came to the conclusion 300 00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:58,560 that this thing could be for me as well, 301 00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:03,560 I maybe have to decide to jump in with both feet 302 00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:08,560 and stay away from those things 303 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:15,400 that they talk about in the italics. 304 00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:19,760 And I guess the first line on page nine 305 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,840 in the book of the italics says, 306 00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:26,680 when the one guy came to the bill 307 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:28,480 and the book's bill story, 308 00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:32,080 it says, "The first italics words are, he was sober." 309 00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:34,000 That was the first thing. 310 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:38,240 And that's one thing I see about my men's stat group 311 00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:41,200 and that I saw before that when I was younger, 312 00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:44,120 when I saw the guys that had long-term sobriety 313 00:20:44,120 --> 00:20:46,960 and I thought, I wanna have long-term sobriety one day. 314 00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:48,600 I thought they were sober. 315 00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:51,280 I thought there really is something about being sober 316 00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:53,400 that these guys had sobriety. 317 00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:58,400 And when I have a way of any behavior, 318 00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:06,160 I'm gonna be one that won't have sobriety. 319 00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:09,040 So I always try to feelings of having sobriety. 320 00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:12,120 I've always longed for a little bit of value 321 00:21:12,120 --> 00:21:15,080 without having sobriety. 322 00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:17,440 I don't know how things are these days. 323 00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:22,440 It's like coming up on the milestone of 10 years 324 00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:27,160 where I had that time that I drank was 11 years that I had, 325 00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:30,000 but I drank again and went out to those bars 326 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,560 and started chasing after that girl. 327 00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:33,680 I had 11 years. 328 00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:35,280 So I'm coming up on 10 years. 329 00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:37,720 And right now I just learned that 330 00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:40,880 since I've been doing all this stuff with my friends 331 00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:42,960 and all these people that are in my path, 332 00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:44,480 it's like I have this dome 333 00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:47,240 of the banner of God's love is over me 334 00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:50,680 with some way that there's a protection and a safety 335 00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:53,920 of some kind of thing that daily. 336 00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:56,520 I used to count my days on the calendar. 337 00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:57,880 I used to count my days. 338 00:21:57,880 --> 00:22:02,480 And now I count how many days I see 339 00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:05,520 and how many per day I see of the rosary. 340 00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:07,280 I count on the calendar. 341 00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:11,080 Like I said, it's part of the remembrance 342 00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:14,840 of the back in the Catholic school, the Fatima movement. 343 00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:16,680 The Fatima was pray daily, 344 00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:18,640 pray the rosary daily kind of movement. 345 00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:21,720 So I count all that on my calendar now. 346 00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:24,240 And it's part of a, we came to scoff, 347 00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:25,760 but we remained to pray. 348 00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:27,120 I think it says in the book. 349 00:22:27,120 --> 00:22:30,800 'Cause I came with that idea that a part of it was like, 350 00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:33,480 "Ah, the scoff of these guys. 351 00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:36,040 They're not even believers in God." 352 00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:37,320 And then it was scuffed. 353 00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:39,280 And now it's just like, I just come to pray. 354 00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:42,920 I just pray, just pray that just somehow, 355 00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:45,880 even if they're not believers in God, 356 00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:46,840 I could have a friend. 357 00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:50,840 And somehow the people that are part of that fellowship 358 00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:52,840 of just at least finding a friend 359 00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:56,600 and the guy that maybe has less belief in God to me 360 00:22:56,600 --> 00:23:01,200 is what keeps me kind of like lighted up, 361 00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:03,400 feeling in life about the program. 362 00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:07,000 Also, it goes on with everything. 363 00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:10,120 There's a certain possibility 364 00:23:10,120 --> 00:23:15,120 that at times turn around, 365 00:23:15,120 --> 00:23:20,600 that somehow things become, 366 00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:28,240 going towards the direction 367 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:30,440 that I want to achieve my goals. 368 00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:33,720 Like back when I achieved college, 369 00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:36,800 that was a time when it was going my way. 370 00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:38,800 But for a while now, 371 00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:41,360 it's like I've been suffering 372 00:23:41,360 --> 00:23:44,840 with trying to get my dental work done 373 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:48,520 and they're gonna finally approve. 374 00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:53,520 And I gotta possibly have all the teeth pulled. 375 00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:58,080 It's like one guy shared a meeting in Pacific group. 376 00:24:00,120 --> 00:24:02,920 He had one tooth in his mouth 377 00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:07,920 and the leader guy of the Pacific group 378 00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:11,120 would offer him a piece of gum. 379 00:24:11,120 --> 00:24:15,440 So I saw that I had like, 380 00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:17,400 what can I do about getting teeth 381 00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:19,560 and then I got one tooth in my mouth 382 00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:24,560 that's able to be able to attach a bridge 383 00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:30,440 or some kind of brace to put the teeth in. 384 00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:34,000 So they just finally said that 385 00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:37,440 even though you have those teeth in the body of your mouth, 386 00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:40,120 they're all rotten, they're not gonna survive. 387 00:24:40,120 --> 00:24:41,120 They have to pull them. 388 00:24:41,120 --> 00:24:44,000 So I'm gonna do that and then hope they're the best. 389 00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:49,000 And I think it will be just a brand new start for me 390 00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:54,240 after the end of the month comes along 391 00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:57,360 and times are always better 392 00:24:57,360 --> 00:24:59,400 'cause at five years of sobriety, 393 00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:03,680 I got this motor scooter and it helped me get to meetings. 394 00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:07,360 I was able to start getting to different 395 00:25:07,360 --> 00:25:10,160 outside of my zone meetings 396 00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:13,080 and gave me a little freedom 397 00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:15,440 of getting outside of my zone meetings. 398 00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:17,200 I got this little motor scooter 399 00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:22,200 and then I just recently got a second one. 400 00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:27,400 And it's like four years and nine months of my sobriety, 401 00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:31,040 I'm getting a new motor scooter. 402 00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:36,040 So I got the second one now just like two months ago 403 00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:41,240 and it's really helping out 404 00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:44,400 'cause I could go to those outside meetings 405 00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:46,480 and then just meet people. 406 00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:50,880 And that brings me back to somehow 407 00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:55,880 I get that feeling when I'm at those new found meetings 408 00:25:55,880 --> 00:26:00,800 that it's back to that love of the music of AA. 409 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:03,520 I hear it at the meeting and I hear it all. 410 00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:05,720 It's like try to find a friend, 411 00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:10,720 try to find someone to work the we care, 412 00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:13,600 we care part of the program with 413 00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:17,160 is that they have that network of family again in my life. 414 00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:20,960 So I think that's just about all they have that's there. 415 00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:25,080 I'm happy to be here and happy to be having 416 00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:28,920 this resource sponsor and my two other sponsors 417 00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:33,240 have stuck with me since '94. 418 00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:38,680 My sponsor is both from the USR, 419 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:41,040 all three from the USR group. 420 00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:46,040 And as is seeming to be sort of place 421 00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:50,440 where it has worked out for me. 422 00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:52,520 Seem to be, it's from my hometown. 423 00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:54,520 That's another thing about the USR group. 424 00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:58,080 It's right there in my hometown, right across the street 425 00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:01,040 where I went to grammar school when I was a little kid. 426 00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:05,600 So it's like really works out the USR group 427 00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:10,600 for the place that it is 'cause I find it's, 428 00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:14,320 you don't have to go very far. 429 00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:18,320 This is to find recovery. 430 00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:20,880 Okay, thanks for letting me share. 431 00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:22,160 - How are you doing James? 432 00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:23,520 - Pretty good, how are you doing Scott? 433 00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:24,360 - Better.