1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,840 - Oh, I'm sorry. 2 00:00:00,840 --> 00:00:01,660 - No, you're okay. 3 00:00:01,660 --> 00:00:02,500 Yeah, you're fine. 4 00:00:02,500 --> 00:00:06,660 Well, my name is Eddie B, and I am an alcoholic. 5 00:00:06,660 --> 00:00:10,160 I'm a very grateful recovering alcoholic, 6 00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:13,760 and I always have to say that there before the grace of God, 7 00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:15,920 I have a life I love today. 8 00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:17,160 I really love my life. 9 00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:19,120 I'm a member of the Pacoima group. 10 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:21,560 I've been there since the very, very beginning 11 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:23,480 of my sobriety. 12 00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:27,200 My sobriety date is November 5th, 2012. 13 00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:28,120 I have a sponsor. 14 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:29,920 His name is Arthur Burke. 15 00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:31,600 He has 40 years. 16 00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:35,440 My grand sponsor who passed away this past year 17 00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:38,280 was James Cross, Jim Cross. 18 00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:41,040 He had 55 years before he passed, 19 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:46,040 and I'm so glad for those two men in my life 20 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:51,960 because it was them who showed me in human form 21 00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:54,400 the unconditional love of God. 22 00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:55,280 We hear about it. 23 00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:56,240 We read about it. 24 00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:57,920 We read it. 25 00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:00,320 Those of you who've gone to church like I have 26 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:03,760 as I was younger, we hear about it, 27 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:07,760 and but we never really experienced that, 28 00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:12,760 but I was able to do so and transfer that in my life. 29 00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:15,120 Anyway, as I said, my name is Eddie, 30 00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:18,520 and I'm just gonna go quickly on my, 31 00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:22,320 like a drunk-a-log, started drinking, 12 years old. 32 00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:25,560 I grew up in New York City in the Bronx 33 00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:27,440 when it was burning down. 34 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:30,280 I was able to go into the bodega. 35 00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:31,440 I had a choice. 36 00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:33,920 If I had a dollar, I could buy a joint, right? 37 00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:35,880 Or I could go to the bodega 38 00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:38,880 and get a pint of Old English 800 39 00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:43,080 and five loose cigarettes and have a quarter left over 40 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:45,040 to go to the numbers hole, right? 41 00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:46,640 If anybody knows the numbers, 42 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:51,640 it's the illegal lotto of that time in New York City. 43 00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:55,840 Anyway, what I usually like to say is that 44 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:59,000 how many of us here, just kind of like a show of hands, 45 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:01,960 you know, you drank every day for at least six months, 46 00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:02,840 you know, right? 47 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:04,960 Or every day for a year, you know? 48 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:08,400 Yep, you know, we do those things. 49 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:11,920 And it wasn't until I came to AA 50 00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:15,480 that I found out about the allergy of the body. 51 00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:18,920 Now I'll kind of fast forward a little bit. 52 00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:22,720 My drinking took off even in my teen years, 53 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:25,120 and there was a part where I said to myself, 54 00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:29,080 I said, "If God does not intervene, I'm gonna die." 55 00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:31,320 This is about like at 19 years old. 56 00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:35,240 You know, I was drinking heavily, I was doing drugs, 57 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:37,480 and God intervened. 58 00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:40,600 I had this spiritual experience 59 00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:42,560 on a street corner in the Bronx. 60 00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:46,880 You know, I was cornered by some Jesus people. 61 00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:48,880 But there was something about what they said 62 00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:51,480 that just clicked in me 'cause I grew up as a Catholic. 63 00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:55,000 And man, I had a psychic change. 64 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:58,760 That psychic change kept me from not drinking 65 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:00,120 for seven years. 66 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:02,200 I quit smoking cigarettes, I did all these. 67 00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:07,200 I was actually at one point studying to be a minister. 68 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:10,400 And then after I had gotten my associate's degree 69 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:15,400 in biblical studies, I had this divine kind of like, 70 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:20,680 you know, idea, and I know it was from God, 71 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:22,040 to go to secular school. 72 00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:24,000 So I went back to school. 73 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:26,560 I was working full-time, I was working full-time, 74 00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:31,120 and I got my double major in psychology and sociology 75 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:33,720 with a minor in communications 76 00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:35,840 and working in Puerto Rican studies. 77 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:38,720 I am Puerto Rican, I speak Spanish. 78 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:40,600 Oh, a quick plug. 79 00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:43,200 So I'm just gonna say, the Pacoima Group, 80 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:47,680 this past couple of weeks at the business meeting, 81 00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:52,520 we are going to have a Spanish meeting 82 00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:54,360 for Spanish speakers. 83 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,840 So if you know anyone out there who is interested 84 00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:58,920 in going to a Spanish meeting, 85 00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:01,440 let them know Friday nights at 7.30, 86 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:02,680 we will be having meetings, 87 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:05,120 and I will be doing that meeting. 88 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:08,720 So back again to my drinking, this is what, 89 00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:10,920 so here I am seven years sober, 90 00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:15,920 and I got my sponsor there, his name is Jimmy, right? 91 00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:18,880 I'm not sure if anybody else decided to show up, 92 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:20,640 but it was very simple. 93 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:24,960 We were having finals, and one of my friends 94 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:26,800 that I was taking a course with, she said, 95 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:29,360 "Hey Eddie, we're going out for drinks after finals. 96 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:30,520 "Do you wanna come with us?" 97 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:32,440 And I said, "Sure, no problem." 98 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,720 Seven years, what's the harm? 99 00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:37,440 I did not know about the allergy of the body. 100 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:39,360 I really did not. 101 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:41,440 And so I had that first drink, 102 00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:43,960 and then I had another drink, and another drink, 103 00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:46,160 but I stopped, and I didn't even really drink 104 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:47,880 every day after that. 105 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:49,760 But after a while, yeah, 106 00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:52,000 I was back into every day drinking, 107 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,560 and going to work drunk, and you know, 108 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:57,600 here I am, now I graduated college. 109 00:04:57,600 --> 00:05:01,040 I'm working as a special ed resource room teacher, 110 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:04,600 right, in the Bronx, and remember going to the bar, 111 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:07,480 and just going back, going to work, 112 00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:11,000 and teaching these kids hungover, you know? 113 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:14,160 So let's kind of fast forward a little bit from there. 114 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:17,680 I get married to this, 115 00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:21,240 to my wife now. 116 00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:24,680 We had a previous, 117 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:26,280 I was married, she was not, 118 00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:28,920 then I got divorced, but then she got married. 119 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:31,720 And so then we found ourselves at this point 120 00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:34,080 where we were both single at the same time, 121 00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:35,880 and it was like, you know, "Harry Met Sally," 122 00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:37,240 kind of one of those stories. 123 00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:40,040 And so we got married, 124 00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:42,680 and she knew about, she knew I drank, 125 00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:46,800 but it's funny, she has three master's degrees, right? 126 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:48,960 And so no matter how smart you are, 127 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:52,000 it's like, you know, it's like, 128 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,880 they're always drawn to that bad boy, right? 129 00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:57,320 And so now, you know, I'm so glad, 130 00:05:57,320 --> 00:06:00,560 'cause my wife has her black belt in Al-Anon, right? 131 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:04,280 So she, you know, she just knows, 132 00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:06,240 oh, I'm just gonna let him do his thing, 133 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:08,040 and let him find his way. 134 00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:09,680 And you know, it's funny, 135 00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:12,720 there was one point in our marriage after I got sober, 136 00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:15,600 where it was kind of hard, it really was. 137 00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:18,920 And I would pray, I said, "God, if you don't do something, 138 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:22,960 I'm going to, you know, I think I'm gonna get a divorce." 139 00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:25,640 And then something happened, something snapped. 140 00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:29,520 About five years into her Al-Anon and five years into mine, 141 00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:31,480 she just, everything just, 142 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:33,840 there was just a sense of peace in our home, you know? 143 00:06:33,840 --> 00:06:35,440 And that was beautiful. 144 00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:36,600 But let me go backtrack. 145 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:40,760 So now, now I'm drinking again after college, 146 00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:44,120 I get married, I'm drinking every day, 147 00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:48,240 or if I'm not drinking every day, maybe weekends, 148 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:50,360 but I am hitting it hard when I do. 149 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:53,880 If I go to a party, I'm just like banging a whole mess. 150 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:56,360 And the crazy thing is that, you know, 151 00:06:56,360 --> 00:07:00,080 I could stand here and tell you 152 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:03,720 that I had this crazy life, but I didn't. 153 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:05,280 I never got a DUI. 154 00:07:05,280 --> 00:07:07,760 I never lost my job over drinking. 155 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:09,360 My wife didn't leave me. 156 00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:13,000 I didn't, you know, lose my home or anything. 157 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:15,880 I didn't have any of that bad stuff happen to me. 158 00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:19,800 You know, I even remember there was one time with my son. 159 00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:21,560 He might've been two or three years old. 160 00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:22,640 I hadn't been drinking. 161 00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:23,560 I'm in the car. 162 00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:27,640 I'm getting off at Balboa and off the 118. 163 00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:30,120 And I don't know what it was, but I wasn't aware. 164 00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:31,720 And then I hit the guy in front of me, 165 00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:32,920 but it wasn't that bad. 166 00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:35,240 And he gets out and he was like, "Oh, you know." 167 00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:37,040 And then he sees my son in the back seat 168 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:38,360 who's only like two or three. 169 00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:40,720 And he was like, "Oh, okay, hey, no problem." 170 00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:41,880 Let it go, you know. 171 00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:44,880 I had a lot of those close calls. 172 00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:47,120 And I think God knew. 173 00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:50,880 I carried a very heavy sense of shame in my life. 174 00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:55,160 And if I would have ever gotten arrested for a DUI, 175 00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:57,160 I probably would have lost it. 176 00:07:57,160 --> 00:07:59,360 You know, I probably would have put a gun to my head 177 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:02,000 just thinking it's the worst thing in the world. 178 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:05,040 As you know, we always think something is the worst thing 179 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:06,840 in the world until it happens. 180 00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:09,400 And after a while, it's like, eh, you know, no big deal. 181 00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:12,480 You know, so anyway, so here I am. 182 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:15,080 Now I'm married, my wife is pregnant, 183 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:17,480 and we're living in Alhambra. 184 00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:22,480 Oh, I moved from New York to California 185 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:25,720 'cause my wife was already here, 186 00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:28,920 or my fiance at the time, but I came over here 187 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:31,520 'cause it made more sense for me to come over here 188 00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:34,200 than it was for her to go over to where I was at. 189 00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:37,360 So yeah, we're married, she's pregnant. 190 00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:40,980 And I remember that the night that, you know, 191 00:08:40,980 --> 00:08:44,740 she gave birth to my son, and we were at this club, 192 00:08:44,740 --> 00:08:49,740 we went to see her sister sing at this club in, 193 00:08:49,740 --> 00:08:53,620 I wanna say studio city around that area, 194 00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:55,200 and her water broke. 195 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:58,620 At least, you know, so we said, okay, let's go back home. 196 00:08:58,620 --> 00:09:01,680 So we went back home, and the doula, 197 00:09:01,680 --> 00:09:04,920 the woman who was training my wife during her pregnancy, 198 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:06,920 said, oh, you know, if you want, you know, 199 00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:09,960 you can have some wine to relax, right? 200 00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:12,720 So my wife had a glass of wine and knocked out, 201 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:15,260 and I polished off the rest of that wine. 202 00:09:15,260 --> 00:09:16,920 I already had drank at the club. 203 00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:19,360 Now I'm at the house and I'm drinking again. 204 00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:24,360 My son was born, you know, I remember him being born, 205 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:26,640 but there was that part of me that was like, 206 00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:28,680 God, you know, I don't wanna do, 207 00:09:28,680 --> 00:09:30,440 I don't wanna be this kind of a dad. 208 00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:31,800 I don't wanna be a drunk dad. 209 00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:35,680 Unfortunately, you know, I continued to drink, 210 00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:39,720 and I terrorized that boy, 'cause in my mind it was like, 211 00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:41,160 well, you're not gonna be like me, 212 00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:44,540 and I was just so hard on him, I really was. 213 00:09:44,540 --> 00:09:46,740 Anyway, somewhere along the line, I stopped, 214 00:09:46,740 --> 00:09:50,400 you know, I was teaching here, and then I stopped teaching. 215 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:54,360 There was a point, I think, where I went into real estate, 216 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:57,680 and then I started, I'm sorry, I went into life insurance, 217 00:09:57,680 --> 00:10:00,040 and then I started selling real estate, 218 00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:03,000 and I wasn't that great at it, you know? 219 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:05,800 I had some pretty good sales. 220 00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:09,440 Once a year was like, it was like a big windfall, you know? 221 00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:11,680 Commercial property or something like that, 222 00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:14,640 but there was just, you know, I wasn't that good at it, 223 00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:18,200 and then this guy came to our real estate office, 224 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:21,160 and he was from the Tony Robbins thing, 225 00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:24,720 and he was like, oh, you know, Tony Robbins and my, 226 00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:26,140 I remember my broker says, well, you know, 227 00:10:26,140 --> 00:10:27,960 you guys need to get motivated, 228 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,560 so here I am at this Tony Robbins thing, 229 00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:33,920 and of course, you know, they make you walk on fire, right? 230 00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:37,920 So I remember it was funny, 'cause when he said 231 00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:39,280 we were gonna walk on fire, I was like, 232 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:41,240 what, I was like, heck, but then I, 233 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:43,660 there was something in my brain that said, 234 00:10:43,660 --> 00:10:46,880 okay, I need to change, I need something. 235 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:49,640 I remember I took my pack of cigarettes 236 00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:51,440 that was in my pocket, and I threw it up in the fridge, 237 00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:54,080 I said, you know, yeah, I'm no profanity, 238 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:56,240 but you know, guys, I was like, the hell with it, 239 00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:59,360 you know, I'm gonna do this, and then, 240 00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:02,200 after that whole week, you know, at Tony Robbins, 241 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:04,440 I became the poster child for this is the methods 242 00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:08,600 we have tried, I did stay sober after that for three years, 243 00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:11,880 I started reading inspirational books, 244 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:14,600 I started going to health farms, you know, 245 00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:19,000 just getting my body healthy, I trained for a marathon, 246 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:22,720 and you know, I remember it was like, 247 00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:25,000 I was sober for about three years, 248 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,560 I was training for this marathon, 249 00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:29,720 and then I remember after the marathon, 250 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:33,060 it was kind of, it was a little bit spiritual, 251 00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:35,480 you know, I would pray a lot when I would run, 252 00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:38,800 and I remember I crossed the finish line, I said to myself, 253 00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:41,200 is that it, but then I kind of heard God talk to me, 254 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:45,800 and he was like, it's not about the goal, the destination, 255 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:48,600 it's about the journey, and I remember that very vividly, 256 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:53,600 so here's the irony, a week later, I'm in Hawthorne, 257 00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:57,200 and I was near this old watering hole that I used to go to, 258 00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:59,820 and this is how it came into my brain, 259 00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:02,960 it said, you just finished running a marathon, 260 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:07,320 you deserve a drink, and I proceeded to go into that bar 261 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:09,720 and polish off three pitchers of beer, 262 00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:14,320 and then drive back home, and it was off to the races again. 263 00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:18,360 So now, another three or four years go by, 264 00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:20,360 I'm still terrorizing my son, 265 00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:22,500 I'm not doing that well in real estate, 266 00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:25,640 I'm just, a lot of things are just not working out for me, 267 00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:29,800 I hadn't done my taxes in like three or four years, right? 268 00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:34,800 And then I, and here's the thing that really got to me, 269 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:38,360 I am somewhat religious, right? 270 00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:41,000 And so, I'm not religious, but you know, 271 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:44,000 there's a spiritual part of me, but I was still drinking, 272 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:47,500 and that kind of kept me from going to another level, 273 00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:51,960 that I know that we all deserve, that sense of progress, 274 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:55,300 whether it's spiritually, financially, whatever. 275 00:12:55,300 --> 00:12:56,880 And so, but I couldn't get it, 276 00:12:56,880 --> 00:13:00,060 I would go to church with my family, and then, 277 00:13:00,060 --> 00:13:03,000 this was like every Sunday, and then I would say to my wife, 278 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,560 I go, I'm gonna walk the dog, and I would get the dog, 279 00:13:05,560 --> 00:13:08,260 and I'd go straight to the liquor store, right? 280 00:13:08,260 --> 00:13:12,320 Get a few bottles of wine, and a pack of cigarettes, 281 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:15,180 and just drink that while I'm walking my dog, 282 00:13:15,180 --> 00:13:17,680 or I'll sit on the grassy knoll there. 283 00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:18,940 And it just came to a point 284 00:13:18,940 --> 00:13:21,240 where I couldn't do it any longer. 285 00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:25,000 The two other sobrieties that I had showed me 286 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,880 that when I don't drink, I'm pretty productive. 287 00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:31,160 Stuff happens, good things happen, you know, 288 00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:36,160 but drinking is like the paralyzer of my life, 289 00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:38,720 and it takes up my time. 290 00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:43,680 And you know, I remember even working at a youth home, 291 00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:46,440 at a group home, but I had the night shift, 292 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:49,320 so I would get off work, and then I'd walk from, 293 00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:51,240 this is not Tampa, Corbin. 294 00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:55,080 I would walk from Corbin and around Devonshire, 295 00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:56,680 all the way to Granada Hills. 296 00:13:56,680 --> 00:13:59,360 And in the meantime, stopping off at liquor stores, right? 297 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:03,360 Getting a drink, going to my house, and then knocking out, 298 00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:05,360 or maybe not knocking out, you know? 299 00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:07,360 The thing that I know that made me an alcoholic 300 00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:08,960 is it didn't make a difference what I drank, 301 00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:12,400 whether I drank Top Shelf, Blend Fittich, or Cisco. 302 00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:15,260 And when I was working at that place, it was like, 303 00:14:15,260 --> 00:14:18,600 okay, I'm making my stops, and I'm going, you know, 304 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:20,600 to liquor stores and getting some wine or whatever, 305 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:23,120 but finally it was just like, and I didn't even dress up. 306 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:26,440 I mean, I like dressing up now, but it was just like, 307 00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:28,800 okay, I'm trying to get some sleep, 308 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:30,720 but drinking is more important. 309 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:33,360 So I would be in like my bathrobe or whatever, 310 00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:36,240 jump in the car, go to the liquor store, right? 311 00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:40,000 Get my, you know, get my drink, bring it back to the house, 312 00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:43,800 you know, pile it down, and just try to get some sleep 313 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:45,800 before I went to my next shift, you know, 314 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:47,280 at about like 10 o'clock at night. 315 00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:49,120 And it stayed like that for a while. 316 00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:53,320 Anyway, that job stopped, and like I said, 317 00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:56,160 so I would go to church, and then just one Sunday, 318 00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:59,000 I just said, God, I can't do this anymore. 319 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:02,600 This sense of who I wanna be, this sense of, you know, 320 00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:07,000 hypocrisy, you know, I'm trying to be, you know, a good dad. 321 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:09,680 And I just felt so bad 'cause I really, really did 322 00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:14,280 terrorize my son, you know, up until he was 12 years old. 323 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:17,920 Now he's, I stopped drinking just in time 324 00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:20,880 because he started going to Al-Anon. 325 00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:25,800 And I remember I took him to the convention. 326 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:27,320 I took him to the convention. 327 00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:29,000 I was only like three months sober 328 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,240 when I went to the convention. 329 00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:33,280 And no, not even that, I was like maybe two months. 330 00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:37,320 But I remember telling him, you know, I'm sorry, 331 00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:40,240 the reason why I do what I do is because I'm an alcoholic. 332 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:41,880 Anyway, let me kind of go back. 333 00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:44,640 Let me go back to when the day started. 334 00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:48,520 Again, I prayed and I said, God, I can't do this any longer. 335 00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:51,160 It was one Sunday morning after church. 336 00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:52,720 And then the following week, 337 00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:54,400 I get a call from my brother-in-law. 338 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:57,320 And me and him were running buddies. 339 00:15:57,320 --> 00:15:58,240 I mean, we ran. 340 00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:00,040 And then he stopped running. 341 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:03,360 He found a, hey, I didn't know this, you know. 342 00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:04,920 But then he tells, you know, he calls me up. 343 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:07,360 He says, hey, I'm gonna, I'm gonna be a speaker. 344 00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:09,760 You know, I'm gonna speak at this meeting 345 00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:11,400 and I want you to come support me. 346 00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:13,640 Not that I didn't wanna go 'cause he was my boy, right? 347 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,120 But it was just like, you know, he says, 348 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:16,080 I want you to come support me. 349 00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:17,600 I have to get back, okay, I'll go. 350 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:18,840 You know, for you, anything. 351 00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:22,440 And he's gonna tell the story. 352 00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:25,440 And my sponsor, Jimmy, knows this. 353 00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:28,240 And there was that one point when he said, 354 00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:31,040 he said, who here is an alcoholic? 355 00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:32,080 And I didn't raise my hand. 356 00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:33,240 My son is next to me. 357 00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:34,560 My wife is there. 358 00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:36,160 You know, her sister's there. 359 00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:38,240 We're all here to support my brother-in-law. 360 00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:39,880 And I didn't raise my hand. 361 00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:42,640 And then he says, Eddie, you an alcoholic, man. 362 00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:44,560 Raise your hand, right? 363 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:46,640 And so I said, okay, I raised my hand. 364 00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:49,160 And my son kind of looks at me like, what? 365 00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,960 And I always felt that, you know, 366 00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:54,680 if this guy can get sober, I can get sober. 367 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,280 And after the meeting, I asked him, I says, 368 00:16:57,280 --> 00:16:58,120 what did you do? 369 00:16:58,120 --> 00:16:58,960 How did you do it? 370 00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:01,960 And he said, he said, he said, I did a 90 and 90. 371 00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:04,340 He said, I got a sponsor right away. 372 00:17:04,340 --> 00:17:06,360 Take the steps and be of service. 373 00:17:06,360 --> 00:17:07,800 And so that's what I did. 374 00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:11,160 And I don't know, I don't remember how I found Pacoima. 375 00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:12,880 I was going to a few meetings, 376 00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:16,160 but there was this hardcore sense at Pacoima 377 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,640 that said, I need to make this my home. 378 00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:20,840 And there was good sobriety there. 379 00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:24,240 And I remember a girl took a chip there for three months. 380 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:26,880 When I got there and I was like, three months? 381 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:28,940 I couldn't even fathom that, you know? 382 00:17:28,940 --> 00:17:31,540 Anyway, I got sober just in time. 383 00:17:31,540 --> 00:17:35,760 My son eventually got into Berkeley and graduated Berkeley. 384 00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:38,280 And he's extremely productive. 385 00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:42,240 He graduated his last semester during COVID. 386 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:46,320 But let me say what sobriety does also. 387 00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:49,880 I got my sponsor, I know he was the match for me. 388 00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:51,320 I was willing to do anything. 389 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:54,080 And I went through this slight depression 390 00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:55,520 after my second year, 391 00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:58,520 because when I started to do my amends, 392 00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:01,600 I started to feel the weight of the hurt 393 00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:02,940 that I did to people. 394 00:18:02,940 --> 00:18:04,360 And I went into a depression, 395 00:18:04,360 --> 00:18:06,640 but I was still dragged myself to meetings. 396 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:09,200 And I remember calling everybody up and I'm like, 397 00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:10,760 I can't, it was just so hard. 398 00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:11,680 And they were like, Eddie, 399 00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:14,300 you are exactly where you're supposed to be. 400 00:18:14,300 --> 00:18:16,480 You know, just keep pressing. 401 00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:17,520 And I did that. 402 00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:19,320 It was like a six month depression. 403 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:22,640 And I suffered from clinical depression as well. 404 00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:24,640 And of course, what's the saying about alcoholics? 405 00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:26,240 You know, we're the only depressed people 406 00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:29,440 who drink a depressant to forget about our depression. 407 00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:31,500 So that's what I did for the longest. 408 00:18:31,500 --> 00:18:34,440 And so, you know, I go on my journey 409 00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:36,920 and everything starts getting better. 410 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:38,540 But initially it was hard. 411 00:18:38,540 --> 00:18:40,940 My sobriety was hard 412 00:18:40,940 --> 00:18:43,440 because everything started like breaking down. 413 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:46,520 You know, the garage door, my sewer line, 414 00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:48,680 crap was coming up, my shower. 415 00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:50,760 It was just, it was just bad. 416 00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:52,440 And I kept praying and I just said, 417 00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:55,520 God, I can't focus on this stuff. 418 00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:57,600 Will you please put a bandaid on it 419 00:18:57,600 --> 00:18:59,880 until I get this thing called sobriety? 420 00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:01,720 And I would have guys from U.S.R. 421 00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:03,600 or whatever that would come up to me and say, 422 00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,960 hey Eddie, can I go check out your garage or whatever? 423 00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:07,760 He says, I'm not sure if I could do that. 424 00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:09,380 But then one guy gave me a number 425 00:19:09,380 --> 00:19:11,440 and then somebody came to my house, 426 00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:13,080 turns out he was in the program. 427 00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:15,140 And he was like, look, I'll fix your door 428 00:19:15,140 --> 00:19:16,800 and I'll let you make payments. 429 00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:19,140 And then another guy who wanted to help me out 430 00:19:19,140 --> 00:19:21,020 with my sewer line, he was like, I can't help you. 431 00:19:21,020 --> 00:19:24,000 But the fact that he even came out meant so much to me. 432 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:27,600 You know, I started to feel that the sense of, you know, 433 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:30,380 people really cared about my alcoholism. 434 00:19:30,380 --> 00:19:32,880 And so, you know, I'm going through this process. 435 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:34,920 I remember even being at a U.S.R. meeting 436 00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:37,600 and I think maybe I'm three years sober. 437 00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:41,820 And I go, and I owed the IRS $60,000, right? 438 00:19:41,820 --> 00:19:45,640 And I hadn't done my taxes in like six years. 439 00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:47,160 And so, yeah, don't worry about it. 440 00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:48,960 I'm just waving this guy off. 441 00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:52,800 You know, so I hadn't done my taxes like six years. 442 00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:55,520 And I remember I go to this men's meeting and I go, 443 00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:57,120 hey fellas, look, man, you know, 444 00:19:57,120 --> 00:19:59,000 I'm getting this stuff together and everything, 445 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:02,520 but you know, I haven't done my taxes in six years. 446 00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:03,700 The whole room went. 447 00:20:03,700 --> 00:20:06,620 And I remember one guy says, Eddie, 448 00:20:06,620 --> 00:20:08,480 you're gonna get in contact with Lloyd. 449 00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:10,040 He's a tax attorney. 450 00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:11,920 And you're gonna start doing your taxes 451 00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:13,480 and get that stuff done. 452 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:16,000 And so I proceeded to do, you know, 453 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,680 every month I would do one year of taxes until I, 454 00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:21,880 and several months later I finished seven years of taxes. 455 00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:25,080 Handed that to my tax guy. 456 00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:28,240 He submits the stuff and lo and behold, 457 00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:31,000 I don't owe the IRS anything. 458 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:32,000 They owed me. 459 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:35,600 And they even came after me again later on 460 00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:37,800 because you know, I had a corporation 461 00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:40,280 and I hadn't done certain things with that. 462 00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:42,420 And I owed them the fines and penalties 463 00:20:42,420 --> 00:20:45,840 was like $7,000 per year, right, on the corporate side. 464 00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:47,040 So what happens? 465 00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:49,800 You know, I'm trying to get these letters done. 466 00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:53,600 And I remember one guy in the Burbank men's group, 467 00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:57,600 he says, Eddie, there's no problem that you can't solve. 468 00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:00,540 And hey, if you just throw a little bit of money at it. 469 00:21:00,540 --> 00:21:01,380 Right? 470 00:21:01,380 --> 00:21:06,360 So I find a couple of AA tax lawyers, right? 471 00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:09,160 Who they said one lady was really nice. 472 00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:10,760 She was out in Beverly Hills. 473 00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:12,540 She goes, I've been doing this for years. 474 00:21:12,540 --> 00:21:13,380 Don't worry about it. 475 00:21:13,380 --> 00:21:14,720 I says, look, can I just check out one more? 476 00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,980 She goes, you can do whatever you want, sweetie. 477 00:21:16,980 --> 00:21:17,820 Right? 478 00:21:17,820 --> 00:21:20,540 And so I went with this other person 479 00:21:20,540 --> 00:21:22,840 and he continued to write the letters 480 00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:24,560 that I needed to have done 481 00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:27,320 so that I could get this thing resolved. 482 00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:29,240 And the first year was, 483 00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:32,840 'cause the IRS will allow you, right, 484 00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:36,360 a pass if you have some kind of infirmity 485 00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:38,600 and alcoholism is an infirmity. 486 00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:41,980 And so my tax guy, that tax lawyer, 487 00:21:41,980 --> 00:21:44,520 wrote the letters to say for all of these years, 488 00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:47,880 he was an alcoholic or something to that extent. 489 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:49,600 But you know, then they came back and said, 490 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:51,040 okay, you don't owe us anything. 491 00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:53,240 They wiped out all seven years. 492 00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:55,640 You know, I get, you know, 493 00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:58,420 but the thing is I was also willing to pay them. 494 00:21:58,420 --> 00:22:01,360 I wanna say that because in the big book 495 00:22:01,360 --> 00:22:03,840 and when we do our steps, it's our willingness. 496 00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:06,040 And I remember Jesse Loy, 497 00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:08,160 I'm not sure if you know the famous Loy brothers, 498 00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:10,180 he was like, ah, Eddie, you know what? 499 00:22:10,180 --> 00:22:11,560 Just get on that payment plan. 500 00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:13,560 Just give $50 a month for the rest of your life 501 00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:15,120 and you'll be good, you know? 502 00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:16,480 And I was willing to do that. 503 00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:19,280 But then, like I said, when I took the action to do it, 504 00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:21,040 it turned out that they owed me. 505 00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:23,660 And so I never would have done that 506 00:22:23,660 --> 00:22:27,640 had I not been, had the support of AA. 507 00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:29,960 Anyway, I'm gonna try to do this real quick. 508 00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:31,720 When my son went to Berkeley, 509 00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:34,720 I made up my mind that I wanted to help him out. 510 00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:38,040 And so I was trying to get a job at Lockheed. 511 00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:40,880 And 'cause a friend of mine who wasn't alcoholic said, 512 00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:42,000 Eddie, they're hiring. 513 00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:43,280 If you got a pulse and a heart, 514 00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:45,400 you know, a pulse and a decent skill, 515 00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:47,680 they'll take you 'cause we really need guys. 516 00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:50,040 So I decided to go to North Valley Occupational Center 517 00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:52,620 to take a class as to become a machinist. 518 00:22:52,620 --> 00:22:55,240 So, but then the instructor there, 519 00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:56,840 we get to the class. 520 00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:57,720 He says, you know what? 521 00:22:57,720 --> 00:22:59,960 Don't take this bad, but you could do this work, 522 00:22:59,960 --> 00:23:01,280 but you're not a machinist. 523 00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:02,840 He, I go, yeah. 524 00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:05,360 He goes, you're more like an aircraft maintenance tech. 525 00:23:05,360 --> 00:23:08,040 I've always wanted, since I was 14 years old, 526 00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:09,600 to become an aircraft mechanic. 527 00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:12,560 And I just got terminated from my job 528 00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:14,400 as an aircraft mechanic yesterday. 529 00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:17,840 And, but that's another story. 530 00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:21,360 But I went to school for aircraft maintenance engineer. 531 00:23:21,360 --> 00:23:24,360 And I remember I had a windfall on my taxes 532 00:23:24,360 --> 00:23:27,000 that was so big that I was able to pay my son's Berkeley 533 00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:29,040 bill for the next couple of years. 534 00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:30,320 And my wife said, you know what? 535 00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:32,260 You go to school, I got the rest. 536 00:23:32,260 --> 00:23:35,040 So I went full time to school and I eventually, 537 00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:39,040 during COVID was when I finally took my last exam 538 00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:43,180 for, to become an airframe and power plant, 539 00:23:43,180 --> 00:23:46,040 FAA certified aircraft mechanic. 540 00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:48,400 And I worked up in Portland for a little while. 541 00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:51,200 And then I wound up in LAX with Qantas. 542 00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:54,220 And the reason why God wanted me there was so that I could, 543 00:23:54,220 --> 00:23:55,480 I started a union. 544 00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:58,280 I started the union, union representation 545 00:23:58,280 --> 00:23:59,880 for the workers at my job. 546 00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:01,960 And 'cause I saw how they were being treated. 547 00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:04,280 And these guys went out of their way to take care of me. 548 00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:06,180 And I don't know what it was that God just said, 549 00:24:06,180 --> 00:24:07,020 you know what? 550 00:24:07,020 --> 00:24:07,840 You need to take care of them. 551 00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:08,680 And I did. 552 00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:11,440 And even though I had this big target on my back 553 00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:14,520 that culminated, I'm still in union negotiations 554 00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:16,320 with the company, but you know, 555 00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:18,720 they finally came up with some little nonsense 556 00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:19,620 to try and release me. 557 00:24:19,620 --> 00:24:22,320 And after like two years that we'd been working 558 00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:24,280 on this contract that I've been working with the company 559 00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:25,920 for four and a half, you know, it was funny. 560 00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:28,720 They handed me that termination letter yesterday 561 00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:29,960 and they said, we're terminating you. 562 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:32,600 And I just had this sense of calm that came over me. 563 00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:33,700 I was worried. 564 00:24:33,700 --> 00:24:35,360 I was off from work for almost a month. 565 00:24:35,360 --> 00:24:37,760 They paid me for a month without, you know, 566 00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:41,240 while they investigated or made up their story. 567 00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:43,720 And, but I don't have any hard feelings. 568 00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:46,840 And I, you know, I'm at this place where now I'm, 569 00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:50,520 now everything is opening up in terms of the next chapter. 570 00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:52,860 And I can't do this. 571 00:24:52,860 --> 00:24:55,060 You know, God is definitely doing for me 572 00:24:55,060 --> 00:24:56,860 what I could not do for myself. 573 00:24:56,860 --> 00:24:59,080 That's, I know that, you know. 574 00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:00,600 And even though I was a little worried 575 00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:03,080 when this whole investigation came, 576 00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:05,840 by the time it came to that place where, you know, 577 00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:07,800 they told me here's the termination letter, 578 00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:09,440 I said, you know what, I'm good. 579 00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:11,100 The next chapter is about to begin. 580 00:25:11,100 --> 00:25:12,480 And that's where I'm at. 581 00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:13,520 I could talk about it. 582 00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:14,360 And you know, it's funny. 583 00:25:14,360 --> 00:25:15,840 You know, my sponsor said, you know, this morning 584 00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:16,680 I went to see him. 585 00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:17,520 He was like, are you okay? 586 00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:19,680 I was like, you know, I didn't sleep last night. 587 00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:22,280 And I didn't, but also when I got up this morning, 588 00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:24,560 everything felt like it's gonna be okay. 589 00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:26,040 The plan is there. 590 00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:26,940 This is what you're gonna do. 591 00:25:26,940 --> 00:25:27,840 This is what you're gonna do. 592 00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:28,680 This is what you're gonna do. 593 00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:30,760 And now you have the time off to do it. 594 00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:33,240 And I said, yes, let's go God. 595 00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:34,080 Next chapter. 596 00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:36,000 Thank you very much for letting me share. 597 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:36,840 I appreciate it. 598 00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:38,160 I know I got one minute nap. 599 00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:39,000 I'm good.