1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,720 Can everybody hear me? 2 00:00:01,720 --> 00:00:02,640 Can you hear me now? 3 00:00:02,640 --> 00:00:03,480 Okay. 4 00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:05,760 Hi everybody, I'm Vicki and I'm an alcoholic. 5 00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:06,600 I like to meet you. 6 00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:09,300 Oh my God, I'm so glad to be here. 7 00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:14,300 And you know, I wanna thank Abraham for, 8 00:00:14,300 --> 00:00:15,400 I hope I don't freeze. 9 00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:16,980 I have really bad connection here, 10 00:00:16,980 --> 00:00:19,000 so hopefully this will work. 11 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:22,860 Abraham for calling me and my friend, Rich, 12 00:00:22,860 --> 00:00:25,380 who has been not feeling very good, 13 00:00:25,380 --> 00:00:27,800 who referred me to Abraham to call me 14 00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:29,960 so that I'm here tonight. 15 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:32,020 And that's kind of how it works, 16 00:00:32,020 --> 00:00:34,520 like the ripple effect, right? 17 00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:36,640 Somebody knows somebody and somebody knows somebody 18 00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:37,920 and here we are. 19 00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:40,120 You know, I love Zoom. 20 00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:41,800 Zoom is my, you know, 21 00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:44,100 is just something that I really appreciated 22 00:00:44,100 --> 00:00:45,440 from our pandemic. 23 00:00:45,440 --> 00:00:48,360 I am so grateful tonight because it kept me 24 00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:51,380 from driving two and a half hours to see y'all. 25 00:00:51,380 --> 00:00:52,680 Not that I wouldn't have done it, 26 00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:54,160 I would have gone to any lengths, 27 00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:55,760 but this is so much easier. 28 00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:58,100 So I'm really grateful for Zoom. 29 00:00:58,100 --> 00:00:59,980 And you know, in our fourth edition, 30 00:00:59,980 --> 00:01:03,420 it states clearly modem to modem or in person, 31 00:01:03,420 --> 00:01:04,620 we carry the message. 32 00:01:04,620 --> 00:01:06,820 So really grateful for that. 33 00:01:06,820 --> 00:01:09,760 Let's see, do I have 35 minutes? 34 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:10,600 What do I got? 35 00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:11,600 Yeah, yes. 36 00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:14,580 Okay, I'm timing myself here. 37 00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:16,280 Start now. 38 00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:19,680 Okay, so, you know, I've been sober a long time. 39 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:23,100 I got sober August 28th, 1988. 40 00:01:23,100 --> 00:01:25,860 I hear there's other, you know, 88s 41 00:01:25,860 --> 00:01:28,220 in the class of 88 in the room. 42 00:01:28,220 --> 00:01:29,100 So if I don't have a phone, I'm gonna call you. 43 00:01:29,100 --> 00:01:29,960 Okay, so I'm gonna call you. 44 00:01:29,980 --> 00:01:33,600 If I don't have a drink, I'll be 38 years sober in August. 45 00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:36,300 So that's, you know, to me, it's like, wow. 46 00:01:36,300 --> 00:01:38,360 You know, I can't believe it. 47 00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:40,740 You know, I got sober when I was 10, clearly. 48 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:43,740 No, I got sober in my late 20s. 49 00:01:43,740 --> 00:01:45,400 Hey, okay, hey. 50 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:48,260 You know, I drank and used for 17 years, 51 00:01:48,260 --> 00:01:49,980 but I've been sober way much longer. 52 00:01:49,980 --> 00:01:54,900 And, you know, I love Alcoholics Anonymous. 53 00:01:54,900 --> 00:01:57,740 You know, I love talking about Alcoholics Anonymous. 54 00:01:57,740 --> 00:01:58,540 I love more than anything, the biggest thing, you know, 55 00:01:58,540 --> 00:01:59,380 I love talking about Alcoholics Anonymous. 56 00:01:59,380 --> 00:01:59,740 I love more than anything. 57 00:01:59,740 --> 00:02:01,920 The big book of Alcoholics Anonymous 58 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:04,520 that, you know, has changed my life. 59 00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:07,000 And everything like, I think our 10 minute, 60 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:08,040 I forgot your name already. 61 00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:09,480 I'm terrible with names. 62 00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:11,740 Said, you know, everything in it, 63 00:02:11,740 --> 00:02:13,240 there is a solution to everything 64 00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:16,280 and the big book has it, you know, it truly does. 65 00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:17,840 So I try to stay centered. 66 00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:20,700 I try to stay centered in that book, you know? 67 00:02:20,700 --> 00:02:23,360 So that's my sobriety date. 68 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:26,540 I go to a book study on Thursday nights. 69 00:02:26,540 --> 00:02:28,500 Please come and join us in Covina. 70 00:02:28,500 --> 00:02:29,320 Only take you a couple hours to get there. 71 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:30,320 And it's a great book study. 72 00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:31,320 It's six to seven at the Prince of Peace Church in Covina. 73 00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:32,320 I also go to a woman's meeting. 74 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:33,320 I really, really suggest go to your gender meeting 75 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:34,320 and it's a good thing to be with your fellows, you know? 76 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:35,320 And then I go to a speaker meeting 77 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:36,320 and our speaker meeting in Covina is kind of known, you know, 78 00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:37,320 it's been around for a lot of years. 79 00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:38,320 And, you know, you know what they say about Covina, sobriety, 80 00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:39,320 sobriety capital of the world. 81 00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:40,320 So I don't hear a lot about it. 82 00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:41,320 I don't hear a lot about it. 83 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:42,320 I don't hear a lot about it. 84 00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:43,320 I don't hear a lot about it. 85 00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:44,320 I don't hear a lot about it. 86 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:45,320 I don't hear a lot about it. 87 00:02:45,320 --> 00:02:46,320 I don't hear a lot about it. 88 00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:47,320 I don't hear a lot about it. 89 00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:48,320 I don't really know. 90 00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:49,320 I don't know a lot about it. 91 00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:50,320 I really don't know. 92 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:51,320 So anyway, I, you know, 93 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:52,320 I came to Alcoholics Anonymous when I was young. 94 00:02:52,320 --> 00:02:53,320 But in a very short period of time here, 95 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:54,320 I'm going to tell you what it was like, 96 00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:55,320 what happened to me 97 00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:56,320 and what I'm doing now to stay sober. 98 00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:57,320 I'm really upset about it. 99 00:02:57,320 --> 00:02:58,320 I don't know. 100 00:02:58,320 --> 00:02:59,320 I don't know. 101 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:00,320 I don't know how I'm going to handle it. 102 00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:01,320 I just want to do it. 103 00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:02,320 And I'm just like, 104 00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:03,320 I'm not going to do it. 105 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:08,620 I, uh, you know, I, I came to Alcoholics Anonymous when I was young, but, uh, in a very short period 106 00:03:08,620 --> 00:03:12,960 of time here, I'm going to tell you what it was like, what happened to me and, and what I'm doing 107 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:19,640 now to stay sober. Um, and what that looks like. Um, so here we go. So, you know, I, uh, came from 108 00:03:19,640 --> 00:03:25,340 a very normal, uh, uh, family, you know, my, well, hello, let's, let's read back up a little 109 00:03:25,340 --> 00:03:32,400 bit. Um, you know, I, my mom and dad were great parents. My mom, um, was a stay at home mom. And 110 00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:39,060 my dad was a police officer, LAPD's finest. Um, and I, you know, I grew up in a home, uh, where, 111 00:03:39,060 --> 00:03:43,780 you know, it was loving and kind, you know, very loving and kind. And of course you're going to 112 00:03:43,780 --> 00:03:48,940 have your, your stuff that goes on, you know, the elephants in the room and all the stuff, um, 113 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:54,760 little dysfunctional, whatever, you know, um, I have, uh, I have a, uh, older brother, a couple 114 00:03:54,760 --> 00:04:01,540 years older than me. And, um, unfortunately to me, when I was seven years old, um, my parents 115 00:04:01,540 --> 00:04:02,380 decided without me to stay sober. Um, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, 116 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:08,420 without my permission to have my younger brother. And, uh, he's seven years younger. And, um, I say 117 00:04:08,420 --> 00:04:13,540 that because, um, you know, we're, we're great friends today. I love him dearly, but, you know, 118 00:04:13,660 --> 00:04:21,800 growing up as the only girl, daddy's little girl. And, um, and also, uh, the youngest when he was 119 00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:27,620 born, you know, my, the, the whole dynamic of my family changed. And, uh, my perception was this, 120 00:04:27,620 --> 00:04:32,120 that they didn't love me as much as they loved him. And, um, you know, and I didn't get what I 121 00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:38,280 needed and, you know, what I wanted. I was a spoiled little girl. And I, um, you know, I, I was 122 00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:43,900 just one of those, like, I believe I have out, I had alcoholism from the gate. Um, I had the 123 00:04:43,900 --> 00:04:50,880 tendencies, you know, um, growing up, I was liar, cheater, um, thief, you know, um, I, you know, 124 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:56,800 I wasn't a very kind little girl, you know? Um, and I think that, um, that I just had a lot of the 125 00:04:56,800 --> 00:05:01,940 isms, if you will, you know, growing up and, um, and I, you know, sure. I'd like to blame it on, 126 00:05:01,940 --> 00:05:07,360 you know, all this stuff, but I can't, you know, because the truth is, is what I have is 127 00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:13,760 alcoholism, which changes my perception. So my perception growing up was very twisted and very 128 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:18,540 wrong, you know, and, and after being here for a lot of years, you know, and doing a lot of work, 129 00:05:18,620 --> 00:05:23,720 you know, you learn these things about yourself that in hindsight, if you just knew, you know, 130 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:28,520 as I grew up and I was a young adult and all this stuff that, you know, some of my choices would 131 00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:31,580 have been different. You know, I was constantly turning, 132 00:05:31,940 --> 00:05:37,340 uh, left instead of right. You know, I was always placing myself in a position to be hurt all the 133 00:05:37,340 --> 00:05:42,420 time. And then I blamed them for it. You know, um, there's always, he's, you know, in our stories, 134 00:05:42,500 --> 00:05:47,260 um, you know, there's always a him or her and I had a lot of them, you know, I had, uh, just what 135 00:05:47,260 --> 00:05:53,360 it took to, um, you know, to, because what happened for me is my relationships also became 136 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:59,520 very obsessional for me. I, they were obsessions, um, you know, just to, because I felt that I 137 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:01,860 didn't have enough attention. There was never, 138 00:06:01,860 --> 00:06:07,140 never enough attention for me. And so, um, you know, as I was growing up, I got attention to 139 00:06:07,140 --> 00:06:13,040 anywhere I, I, I could, you know, and it's usually from, uh, you know, from little boys when I was 140 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:18,100 younger, I'm at a very young age. And as I grew up, you know, it was always about, you know, 141 00:06:18,100 --> 00:06:23,740 trying to get somebody to love me or, you know, any, I don't care if, you know, they were your 142 00:06:23,740 --> 00:06:29,120 boyfriend or, or even your husband, you know, um, sometimes I borrowed that and then, you know, 143 00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:31,840 that then they always went back, you know, I don't care if, you know, I don't care if they 144 00:06:31,860 --> 00:06:37,660 I was always like, I always just, I'd never had something that belonged to me. I always was 145 00:06:37,660 --> 00:06:43,620 borrowing. And, um, you know, again, I was not a very nice person growing up. And, um, and, you 146 00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:48,060 know, I had my first drink when I was 12 and, uh, you know, we were sitting, I was sitting out with 147 00:06:48,060 --> 00:06:53,980 the fellows in the park and drinking, uh, Spaniotta, passing the bottle around. And I had taken, uh, 148 00:06:54,100 --> 00:07:00,580 some of my friends' diet pills, you know, so, um, high powered amphetamines and alcohol is part of 149 00:07:01,860 --> 00:07:08,020 the amphetamines, the high powered amphetamines got different and, and stronger as the years went 150 00:07:08,020 --> 00:07:15,100 on. Um, there were times when I could absolutely, um, you know, go for a while, a period of time 151 00:07:15,100 --> 00:07:20,260 without drinking, you know, in the beginning, you know, I was partying just to hang out with 152 00:07:20,260 --> 00:07:25,800 my fellows just to be like noticed, you know, I could do that. And Hey, you want some of these? 153 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:30,920 Sure. I'll take some of those. And, um, you know, I, I, anything to make me feel different because 154 00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:36,960 even though I was loved as a little girl and had a head of good family, you know, I always felt 155 00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:43,800 different and awkward and, um, not enough, you know? And so, um, growing up too, you know, 156 00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:48,600 when I was a little girl, I did a lot of like fantasizing and wanting this, wanting something 157 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:55,700 other than I had. Um, and I was very much, um, an introvert, you know, um, at school I would read 158 00:07:55,700 --> 00:08:00,180 quietly, um, you know, on the steps instead of playing with everybody in the, 159 00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:06,900 recess. And, um, and so these are, are things that, um, that I found out about myself, you know, 160 00:08:06,940 --> 00:08:11,700 as, like I said, as, you know, I learned a little bit more about me during, through inventory and 161 00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:18,320 through a lot of work. Um, you know, of course it's like, I just wanted to be happy, you know, 162 00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:24,940 no matter what, if you just did this, then I was going to be better, you know, and I would wait, 163 00:08:24,940 --> 00:08:29,640 you know, for you to change, for me to feel better and for things to change for me to feel 164 00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:30,900 better. I never thought for a minute that I was going to be better. I never thought for a minute 165 00:08:30,900 --> 00:08:38,180 that I could change or that I should, you know? Um, so, you know, I drank and used, um, a little 166 00:08:38,180 --> 00:08:44,400 bit of this and a little bit of that, you know, um, for 17 years and, um, I was 29 going, almost 167 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:50,080 going on 30. Um, and, uh, you know, one day I just couldn't do it anymore. You know, I was, 168 00:08:50,140 --> 00:08:55,580 you know, uh, strung out, looked like that alcoholic, you know, the whole look that we get. 169 00:08:55,580 --> 00:09:00,540 And, um, and I was scared. I was scared that my daddy was going to find out, you know, he 170 00:09:00,900 --> 00:09:06,200 said people like me, you know, I was, I was ashamed and I was full of guilt and, um, and full 171 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:12,820 of fear. And, uh, you know, one day I got home after a four day binge and, um, and came home 172 00:09:12,820 --> 00:09:18,760 and knew that I wasn't going to make it to work again. And, um, and I fell to my knees and I asked 173 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:25,820 God, God is good always. And, uh, the God that I grew up with, you know, um, a good Catholic girl 174 00:09:25,820 --> 00:09:30,880 and my daddy used to take me to church every Sunday. Um, and, uh, you know, and, and I knew, 175 00:09:30,900 --> 00:09:35,560 that, that, that there was a God and that if anybody can help me, it's going to be him. 176 00:09:35,660 --> 00:09:41,420 And so, you know, I fell to my knees and I asked God for God help, help me, help me. I'm sick. And 177 00:09:41,420 --> 00:09:46,500 I don't know what to do. And that first intuitive thought that, that we get around here, you know, 178 00:09:46,500 --> 00:09:53,180 after we've been here for a bit, um, I intuitively knew to call my parents, you know? Um, so I called 179 00:09:53,180 --> 00:09:57,880 at four o'clock in the morning and, um, you know, it's never a good thing to call, you know, when 180 00:09:57,880 --> 00:10:02,740 your dad answers the phone at four o'clock in the morning. Um, you know, and I told them that what 181 00:10:02,740 --> 00:10:06,900 was going on, you know, and that I needed help. And they, uh, you know, they helped me, you know, 182 00:10:06,900 --> 00:10:11,460 they came and got me and I detoxed on their couch. And then I went to my first meeting two days 183 00:10:11,460 --> 00:10:16,500 later. Now it wasn't an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. I came through the back door of AA and, 184 00:10:16,680 --> 00:10:22,820 um, you know, and the first time I went to the, so there was my whole family, mom, dad, brother, 185 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:27,860 girlfriends, whatever of my brothers, you know, where there we were all, um, at this meeting, 186 00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:32,280 and I was, it was kind of different for me. A lot of people go to their first meeting and they 187 00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:37,540 don't hear anything. They don't want to be there. And I was so grateful that I was in this meeting. 188 00:10:37,540 --> 00:10:44,660 I was so grateful that these people, um, were like me. And, um, and so, you know, I was sobbing, 189 00:10:44,780 --> 00:10:50,920 my family was sobbing and I stood up and said, yes, I'm an alcoholic. And, um, and my journey 190 00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:57,380 began. Um, I changed fellowships for a bit and, uh, you know, and, and, uh, sooner or later I 191 00:10:57,380 --> 00:11:02,820 made, you know, I was always going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. Um, I'd go to our main speaker 192 00:11:02,820 --> 00:11:08,280 meeting. Um, and I kind of sat in the back and listened and, and watched the, um, you know, 193 00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:14,100 the fashion show, all the old timers wearing their, their really nice clothes and, you know, 194 00:11:14,100 --> 00:11:19,480 speaking at the podium and everybody was polite. And I, you know, I just wanted what they had and 195 00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:26,820 I didn't feel comfortable even really acknowledging, uh, or opening up my mouth because I just thought 196 00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:27,360 that I had to do something. I had to do something. I had to do something. I had to do something. 197 00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:34,220 I had, um, you know, uh, a little cocaine problem. I just thought that I had, you know, 198 00:11:34,220 --> 00:11:40,360 I didn't understand what alcoholism was. I had no idea what alcoholism was, although I did get 199 00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:45,660 sober in the big book. Um, you know, but we would cross out alcohol and put drugs, you know, I mean, 200 00:11:45,700 --> 00:11:50,820 it wasn't until I actually went through the book with somebody who had great knowledge of the book 201 00:11:50,820 --> 00:11:56,900 and the steps and explained to me what alcoholism was and explained to me, um, 202 00:11:57,360 --> 00:12:04,780 that I had a spiritual malady, a sickness in my spirit, you know, along with, um, you know, 203 00:12:04,940 --> 00:12:12,060 with an alcoholic mind, you know, that, um, you know, that would, would say things to me 204 00:12:12,060 --> 00:12:18,340 that like, you know, I had this peculiar twist in my, in my thinking and you know what, 205 00:12:18,340 --> 00:12:27,400 I got to get my job. Hey, um, sorry about that. Um, you know, the mental, the peculiar, 206 00:12:27,620 --> 00:12:34,500 the mental twist, the, um, you know, the thing that says, uh, oh, this is going to be okay. 207 00:12:34,500 --> 00:12:40,140 And then I do it anyway, you know? Um, and then just those things that, and then, but mostly, 208 00:12:40,140 --> 00:12:45,200 you know, that, that physical allergy, I didn't understand that. I didn't understand 209 00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:50,380 the allergy, the fact that I couldn't stay stopped. And the reason is, is because, 210 00:12:50,500 --> 00:12:56,320 you know, I had an allergy to alcohol and any, any other substance from the neck up. Um, and, 211 00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:57,600 you know, and I, and I, 212 00:12:57,620 --> 00:13:03,720 I could not say no, you know, I have this craving beyond my control. And so learning the true 213 00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:11,860 nature of my disease was so very important. Um, and I really suggest if anybody, um, has a problem 214 00:13:11,860 --> 00:13:18,960 with not understanding what your, the true nature of alcoholism is, is to ask questions and to find 215 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:25,460 that out. Um, because, you know, that sets you up for the solution, you know? And so, um, you know, 216 00:13:25,460 --> 00:13:27,460 so, so I did, I used to go to these 217 00:13:27,620 --> 00:13:32,740 and not really understand. And so when I landed in Alcoholics Anonymous and, and actually understood 218 00:13:32,740 --> 00:13:39,140 this disease, I was able to get into the solution, um, with all my might, you know, and I love 219 00:13:39,140 --> 00:13:45,600 Alcoholics Anonymous. Um, I love, um, talking about the book and, um, you know, and helping, 220 00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:51,280 uh, others to recover through the big book, you know, of Alcoholics Anonymous. Um, when I was, 221 00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:57,420 um, 10 years sober, um, you know, I, um, I had a, I, you know, I was, uh, in a relationship, 222 00:13:57,420 --> 00:14:03,380 um, with somebody that had relapsed and I, uh, you know, I was just crazy as a loon and, um, and 223 00:14:03,380 --> 00:14:08,100 the women held me up, you know, it w if it wasn't for the women, I, I don't think that I would have 224 00:14:08,100 --> 00:14:13,780 would have, uh, I would have probably killed him, but, um, you know, even when I was so growing up 225 00:14:13,780 --> 00:14:18,500 and having twisted relationships, you know, the book talks about our relationships and being unable 226 00:14:18,500 --> 00:14:25,360 to have them, uh, true partner, true partnerships. And, and, you know, is because I, I, I, I kind of 227 00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:30,440 missed that chapter in the book, like our 10 minute speaker was talking about, you know, um, 228 00:14:30,500 --> 00:14:35,560 I missed, you know, I, I totally missed that chapter and I, and I, I still have problems 229 00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:43,000 in relationships, you know, I mean, I, I have, um, you know, I, I still have some inability to like, 230 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:49,680 um, be comfortable in my, in that area, you know? So, um, so that's why I really try to stay, 231 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:55,140 um, in the book and, and to, to like, see this, the truths of my own behavior. Um, 232 00:14:55,360 --> 00:15:02,320 so when I was 20 years sober, um, 12, let's go back to 12 years sober. Um, my mom, um, got really 233 00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:08,500 sick and I was able to help her through that. You know, my dad died when I was 24 years sober. Um, 234 00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:14,160 and you know, uh, that was pretty tragic. However, you know, I, I was able to like help my family 235 00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:20,280 through that. Um, uh, you know, again, an intuitive thought, you know, that I was able to 236 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:25,240 like, know what was going on. And my parent, my, my mom was still in denial and it was, 237 00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:30,400 it was very difficult for her, um, and my brothers, you know, but, uh, I, I, I really 238 00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:33,680 believe that if it wasn't for Alcoholics Anonymous, that would have been a really 239 00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:40,880 hard course for me to take. Um, you know, and I, um, I have always been like a lever of service 240 00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:46,820 of this fellowship, you know? So anybody's bored, there's no reason to be bored. There's so many 241 00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:52,120 things to do in Alcoholics Anonymous. And, and when I was a little over 20 years sober, I think 242 00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:55,200 I started really getting involved with service. I mean, I was, 243 00:15:55,360 --> 00:16:00,400 secretary of meetings, I was doing this kind of stuff, but to actually get involved with the 244 00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:06,480 backside of Alcoholics Anonymous, if you will, you know, um, so, you know, I, I really enjoyed, 245 00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:12,060 like I was the DCM of our district for a couple of years, actually for two terms. Um, I got 246 00:16:12,060 --> 00:16:18,720 involved and, um, and I still am involved in our district. Um, so if again, you know, you have, 247 00:16:19,100 --> 00:16:25,340 you're tired of being secretary at a meeting or having just meeting, uh, service, uh, um, 248 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:32,060 uh, jobs, you know, try to get involved with, with your, your district and, and then the area 249 00:16:32,060 --> 00:16:37,940 and learn about our service structure that, um, that we so desperately need, you know, that keeps 250 00:16:37,940 --> 00:16:44,620 us as Alcoholics Anonymous and, um, you know, and just know, just having like some experience 251 00:16:44,620 --> 00:16:49,820 in service and that, you know, we'll, we'll give you kind of a new sense of belonging to 252 00:16:49,820 --> 00:16:55,340 Alcoholics Anonymous, you know? Um, so I love service, um, and, uh, but mostly I love service. 253 00:16:55,360 --> 00:17:01,440 I love the book, you know, I really like, um, being, uh, I, I, I love taking new people through 254 00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:05,880 the book or old people, older people that have really never gone through it or that want to go 255 00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:11,980 through it again, you know, um, to break that book down and, and, and, and to explain the history of 256 00:17:11,980 --> 00:17:17,860 Alcoholics Anonymous and, um, you know, and how fabulous Bill was. He was crazy as a loon, but, 257 00:17:17,940 --> 00:17:23,280 you know, he was fabulous. And, um, to be able to come up with, you know, with our principles and 258 00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:24,980 our steps, um, 259 00:17:25,360 --> 00:17:31,560 you know, from, and to be able to like, give us this great, um, you know, this great fellowship 260 00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:37,060 that we have. Um, I, you know, I, I just, I just don't know, you know, what I would do without 261 00:17:37,060 --> 00:17:42,060 Alcoholics Anonymous. You know, I, um, I, you know, I went, when I was 27 years sober, um, 262 00:17:42,340 --> 00:17:47,360 I was going through this weird, like my dad had just died and I just didn't like, I had my foot 263 00:17:47,360 --> 00:17:53,420 in service and I wasn't going to a lot of meetings and, you know, and I just wasn't sure. Um, I, 264 00:17:53,420 --> 00:17:55,320 you know, we have our journey. 265 00:17:55,360 --> 00:18:00,060 Right. And sometimes we're on fire with Alcoholics Anonymous. We're on fire with 266 00:18:00,060 --> 00:18:06,060 everything, you know, and then other times we aren't, you know, and I, this was a, we aren't 267 00:18:06,060 --> 00:18:13,100 time. And, um, and my sponsor had just died and, um, and I got, and so I just like thought, 268 00:18:13,220 --> 00:18:17,680 ah, you know, I'm going to this one meeting in somebody's backyard and I just wasn't really into 269 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:23,340 it, you know? And, um, and that's, you know, when that happens, when we become untreated and we're 270 00:18:23,340 --> 00:18:25,340 not doing the deal, we're not doing the three steps. We're not doing the three steps. We're 271 00:18:25,360 --> 00:18:29,560 not doing the three sides of the triangle. You know, we need to do unity, recovery, and service. 272 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:34,080 We need to carry the message. We need to stay in our steps and we need to go to meetings. 273 00:18:34,460 --> 00:18:39,140 And I just kind of wasn't doing all that. And I felt it, you know, I felt it in the way that I 274 00:18:39,140 --> 00:18:44,600 reacted, the way that I interacted with people. And, um, you know, and it was a, it was a hard 275 00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:50,640 time for me. And, um, and so somebody elected me to be the speaker, the, the secretary of our 276 00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:55,340 speaker meeting. And I had, you know, 26, I had quite a bit of time at the time. And, you know, 277 00:18:55,360 --> 00:19:00,680 and, and, and I, and I, people knew me, but, you know, I, I was like even unable to look at them 278 00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:06,260 in the eyes, you know? So that meeting really changed my life to be able to like be a part of 279 00:19:06,260 --> 00:19:12,120 and do, um, do AA, you know, with some of the old timers that knew me and they were like, 280 00:19:12,180 --> 00:19:18,800 where have you been? You know, self-centered me. Um, and you know, so I, uh, I, it just kind of 281 00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:25,200 really changed for me. And, um, and then, you know, when I actually like started practicing, 282 00:19:25,360 --> 00:19:31,800 some of these principles in all my affairs, you know, we say that all the time, are we doing the 283 00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:36,560 deal? Are we really practicing the principles? I would think, Oh yeah, you know, I've done all my 284 00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:43,560 steps, done my inventories a couple of times I've done, um, you know, 10 steps I've written this 285 00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:49,520 and that, you know, but the deal is, was I keeping myself accountable? You know, was I really looking 286 00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:55,180 for the flaws in my makeup every day so that I didn't have to do a four column, 287 00:19:55,360 --> 00:20:00,540 10th step, you know, because I, so I didn't have to have all this stuff that was, you know, 288 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:05,780 propping up and, you know, and, and, and I had all these resentments. I don't want to live like 289 00:20:05,780 --> 00:20:11,900 that anymore. And I really believe that Bill designed our maintenance steps, uh, to be just 290 00:20:11,900 --> 00:20:17,740 that, to maintain my sobriety. Um, and, and in, in order to do that, I have to do some things every 291 00:20:17,740 --> 00:20:22,540 day. You know, I don't call my sponsor every day. I call her once a week. She just moved to 292 00:20:22,540 --> 00:20:27,440 Tennessee. Um, you know, but, uh, so I don't do that. And I go to three meetings a week, sometimes 293 00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:33,280 four. Um, and I stay in the book, but what I do do is I do a 10th step every day. And you know, 294 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:39,160 when, when we like, if you remember when you did your fourth step, right. And your sponsor sent 295 00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:44,360 you home and said, after you did your fifth step and sent you home and said, I want you to take 296 00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:49,480 out that book. And I want you to go through all five proposals and make sure that you're sound, 297 00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:52,380 make sure that, that you don't have any questions and that you didn't, 298 00:20:52,380 --> 00:20:57,140 leave anything out and that you have a firm foundation, you know, and that you didn't skimp 299 00:20:57,140 --> 00:21:02,620 on the motor cement and that, um, you know, that you have your keystone and your cornerstone, 300 00:21:02,780 --> 00:21:07,600 which is the second and third step. Um, because then you're ready for your six and seven step, 301 00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:12,000 which by the way, if you did, when you did your inventory, your sponsor is probably writing in 302 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:16,940 the corner, all these things about you, um, along with your fourth column. And, you know, 303 00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:21,740 unfortunately we just leave it at that, you know, okay, we have all these defensive character 304 00:21:22,380 --> 00:21:27,420 things, you know, we'll work on it later. Um, and they continuously prop up. So after that, 305 00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:33,560 you know, then we do, we, we make our, our amends, you know, um, the, our first initial amends, 306 00:21:33,620 --> 00:21:38,280 which, which are, you know, sometimes harder, hard to do. Sometimes not, you do the family, 307 00:21:38,380 --> 00:21:43,620 you do all those things. And we initially get that, that reprieve, you know, some of those 308 00:21:43,620 --> 00:21:48,680 promises start coming true for us. You know, it says when we're halfway done, you know, 309 00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:52,280 our ninth step, our promises start coming true, you know? Um, 310 00:21:52,380 --> 00:21:56,940 and then we get into step 10, right? And it says, continue to take personal inventory or, 311 00:21:57,200 --> 00:22:02,220 you know, when you have, and then it talks about some of, some of the inventory work that you're 312 00:22:02,220 --> 00:22:06,800 supposed to do in the 12 and 12, but really doesn't say much. What we don't read in the 10th 313 00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:13,520 step in the big book is that it says we continue to look for all these defects of character. We 314 00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:20,440 look for anger, resentment, fear. We look for self-righteousness, which is my biggest thing. 315 00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:22,360 Um, you know, we look for these things, 316 00:22:22,380 --> 00:22:28,200 things that crop up and when they crop up, we ask God immediately to remove them, right? So now 317 00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:33,620 we've done four and then we four, six and seven. And then we, we talk to our sponsor or we share 318 00:22:33,620 --> 00:22:40,940 about it. That's five. Um, and if we own amends, we do that promptly admit it are wrong. And that's 319 00:22:40,940 --> 00:22:46,440 eight, nine. So now we've done steps four through nine, which is what our 10 step is a daily four 320 00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:52,360 through nine. And I started doing that rigorously. And, um, you know, and there's so many things, 321 00:22:52,360 --> 00:22:57,180 that I didn't realize were still cropping up. You know, the book talks about old ideas and, 322 00:22:57,300 --> 00:23:01,960 you know, and those old ideas, those things like, you know, my, I still have issues with that 323 00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:05,840 brother, you know, because my mom loves him more than he loves. She loves me, you know, 324 00:23:05,860 --> 00:23:12,100 and those things crop up and then I react. And when I react, I respond and, and, you know, 325 00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:17,800 to things that, that in my mind would could totally be an illusion, you know, because I 326 00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:22,280 suffer from illusions and delusions that, you know, are, are truly maybe not even, 327 00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:27,800 they're, you know, I have the ability to mislead my own mind. You know, I can like think of 328 00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:32,340 something that really isn't going on. And boy, by the end of that, if this is, it's something 329 00:23:32,340 --> 00:23:36,480 that really isn't happening, you know? Um, I think we call that going down the rabbit hole. 330 00:23:36,580 --> 00:23:42,540 Um, you know, and, and so I have this brain of mine that, that these things, these old ideas 331 00:23:42,540 --> 00:23:47,580 from when I was younger and, you know, keep cropping up in my life, character defects 332 00:23:47,580 --> 00:23:52,340 nest don't necessarily go away. You know, they, some of, some of the grosser ones do, 333 00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:56,680 I think, but a lot of them keep cropping up in my, in, at least in my life, you know, 334 00:23:56,760 --> 00:24:03,400 in my 37 years sober, but I have to like, look at myself every day in order to see the truth 335 00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:09,120 of my own behavior so that I don't react. And so that, and I love that ripple effect, you know, 336 00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:15,880 it, when I react, when I, so the ripple effect works both ways, you know, um, it ripples into 337 00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:22,320 goodness, you know, but if I am not on guard about what I'm doing, who I'm doing it to, 338 00:24:22,360 --> 00:24:26,280 you know, I shouldn't be messing where I shouldn't be messing. Then that ripple effect is going to 339 00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:31,460 affect that too, you know? And, um, and I want to, I want to change. I want to be a different 340 00:24:31,460 --> 00:24:37,220 person. I don't want to be the person that I was, you know, I have, um, you know, there's still so 341 00:24:37,220 --> 00:24:42,800 much to learn, you know, I might be sober for, for a while, but there, as soon as I stopped 342 00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:47,920 thinking that, um, or, or thinking that I'm unteachable, I'm in trouble, you know? And 343 00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:51,980 that's why I like book studies because when I go to book studies, I get to like hear, 344 00:24:52,360 --> 00:24:57,260 at least my book study, we talk about what Bill's trying to tell us in our book, you know? Um, and I 345 00:24:57,260 --> 00:25:02,700 get to hear different views and thoughts, you know, about, and maybe hear something that, oh my God, 346 00:25:02,980 --> 00:25:06,880 you know, I never thought about it. You know, when you read the book, you always, you read it. 347 00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:10,620 And then all of a sudden something pops out at you that you think, oh my God, when did that get 348 00:25:10,620 --> 00:25:14,960 there? You know, when you put a spin there all along, um, you know, and that's the beauty of 349 00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:20,200 our big book, you know, is, is reading it and reading it and you learn things all the time 350 00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:26,820 and different, you know? Um, but, um, you know, I, I think that, um, that, like I said, that Bill 351 00:25:26,820 --> 00:25:33,540 is fabulous in, in, in giving us these steps and especially our maintenance steps. Um, I, uh, I'll 352 00:25:33,540 --> 00:25:37,960 just tell you a little bit about my week. How's that? I have five minutes, five minutes left or so. 353 00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:45,460 Okay. Um, you know, I, I live a very calm life, you know, um, still don't have the husband or 354 00:25:45,460 --> 00:25:49,720 whatever. I, I, I'm a single woman and, um, and AA's my life. 355 00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:55,460 Now I have a great little career, um, in the fitness industry. I have, uh, animals, you know, 356 00:25:55,480 --> 00:26:01,840 those are my fur babies and, um, I have a cute little condo and whatever, you know, um, which 357 00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:08,060 by the way, when I, before I got sober, I had those things too. So those of you who think that 358 00:26:08,060 --> 00:26:13,300 all because you have all that, that you're not alcoholic, you're wrong. Um, so, you know, I, 359 00:26:13,300 --> 00:26:19,940 I have this very easy, like life, you know, that, um, no drama. I do not like drama. So 360 00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:26,020 last two weeks, my roommate got hit by a, uh, a car. He was on his motorcycle and it was a hit and 361 00:26:26,020 --> 00:26:31,100 run. He's in the hospital, you know, flat on his back with a bunch of broken stuff. Lucky to be 362 00:26:31,100 --> 00:26:39,170 alive. Uh, beginning of this week, um, my dog got into a fight at the dog park and, uh, and it 363 00:26:39,170 --> 00:26:45,810 wasn't good and scary, you know? Um, and it was like all this trauma, all this stuff, you know, 364 00:26:45,810 --> 00:26:49,930 all of a sudden kind of came flowing in. And I'm like, I'm so exhausted. 365 00:26:49,930 --> 00:26:50,270 I'm so exhausted. I'm so exhausted. I'm so exhausted. I'm so exhausted. I'm so exhausted. I'm so 366 00:26:50,290 --> 00:26:56,150 all that that happened, you know, but I'm so grateful that I was able to like be there and, 367 00:26:56,490 --> 00:27:01,990 and be presented, you know, be there at the present moment and to be able to be accountable, 368 00:27:01,990 --> 00:27:07,510 you know, um, with, you know, the dog fight and, you know, the guy and, you know, she hurt, 369 00:27:07,510 --> 00:27:11,530 she hurt the dog a little bit, you know, thank God just a little bit. Um, you know, 370 00:27:11,570 --> 00:27:17,450 dog fights, fight dog parks. That's what happens. But, you know, I was responsible. Um, and, uh, 371 00:27:17,450 --> 00:27:20,190 you know, because that's what I was taught, you know, and I know, 372 00:27:20,190 --> 00:27:25,890 my roommate's going to be okay, but again, you know, um, God is good. I, you know, thank God 373 00:27:25,890 --> 00:27:31,070 every day. I journal every day. I just do. It's easier for me, you know, and I thank God every 374 00:27:31,070 --> 00:27:37,890 day for my blessings and Alcoholics Anonymous and, um, you know, and the, and the things that I have 375 00:27:37,890 --> 00:27:43,170 as a result, my social life, I wouldn't have that the women in my life. Um, you know, thank you, 376 00:27:43,190 --> 00:27:47,970 my friend Shannon for, for coming on the call on the call tonight. Um, you know, I wouldn't have 377 00:27:47,970 --> 00:27:54,070 all those things. And even in my work life, you know, um, it all ripples, uh, to, to just some 378 00:27:54,070 --> 00:28:00,310 really good things, um, for me and, and that's all due to Alcoholics Anonymous, you know, um, 379 00:28:00,310 --> 00:28:06,750 and I'm so grateful that, um, that I got, you know, that I found it, you know, um, not everybody 380 00:28:06,750 --> 00:28:12,970 gets a chance to like have another, to have a redo, you know, and to re to be able to like 381 00:28:12,970 --> 00:28:17,950 change your life. Um, uh, I've just, um, I I'm really grateful. 382 00:28:17,970 --> 00:28:23,470 That, um, well, I've been, you know, carrying the message here a little bit, um, rich, my friend 383 00:28:23,470 --> 00:28:29,790 who has not been feeling well, um, you know, has kind of passed the past me along, I guess. And, 384 00:28:30,090 --> 00:28:35,250 and it's just been great and fabulous. And I'm, I'm so grateful that, um, that he called Abraham 385 00:28:35,250 --> 00:28:40,430 and that you allowed me to come and talk to you tonight. And I hope that, um, that I was able to 386 00:28:40,430 --> 00:28:46,250 like say something that's, that made sense to you guys and, and maybe you can carry on, you know, 387 00:28:46,250 --> 00:28:47,950 get some book studies going and, um, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, 388 00:28:47,970 --> 00:28:52,850 and start journaling. It'll, it'll help you throughout, um, you know, for the next things 389 00:28:52,850 --> 00:28:58,510 to come. So I think I'm going to end there. I have one minute. So thank you for letting me share and 390 00:28:58,510 --> 00:29:10,430 for, for inviting me on. Thank you for having me. Thank you. Abraham, thank you again. 391 00:29:10,430 --> 00:29:14,430 You mean, thank you so much. 392 00:29:17,970 --> 00:29:25,290 Abraham, thanks again. I'm going to hang up now. Okay, great. Thank you.