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Hi. I'm Butch. I'm an alcoholic. Thank you, Ben. Thanks for the 10 minutes. Great job, you know, meat and potatoes. It's good AA. Do the do. We had a saying in my group for a long time, do the deal. The deal. The deal. Do the deal. You're not doing the deal. Gotta do the deal. I'm doing the deal, you know. And, you know, you gotta do the deal. And then if you weren't doing the deal, you were a shirker. Quit shirking and do the deal, you know.

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Like a house band, you know, played at all our little parties and stuff. And they were called the shirkers. But it made me think of that. Yeah, I'm in the Pacific group. I'm sorry about that. No, it's been good to me. It really has. It has. And it's, you know, AA is AA, you know. I hope, whatever, if you're new, you just find whatever works for you. I'm an LA native, born and raised in LA.

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Ten years sobriety. I have a sponsor. I have a home group. And, yeah, I grew up on the west side. I always say west side's the best side. This is the first time I heard of quality of life. I just wanted to hear everybody say it. I couldn't figure it out what it was. I'm like, is somebody's hair messed up? You know what I mean? So, yeah, I grew up, you know, I grew up really, you know, I'm 67 years old. So, I was born in 59. The 60s were like, I was just a kid.

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Dad would say, hey, you guys want to get in the car and drive up to Sunset Boulevard and look at the hippies, you know? But I was just, like, into music, you know, baseball and rock and roll. And, you know, just grew up in Westchester. I actually lived in Baldwin Hills for a while, and then we moved to Westchester. I didn't want to leave, but, you know, my next-door neighbor got murdered one night, and it wasn't a side. My sister saw her, and, you know, my folks got us out of there. You know, it was Baldwin Hills. It was mixed.

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It was, like, 50-50 black and white. And, but it wasn't, it was a white guy that killed the white lady. I'm not saying anything like that. But then we moved to Westchester, and that was like, it was like, I called it Lily White Westchester. But that was right when busing started in LA Unified. There was a lot of busing going on, you know, so, you know, there was people from my school driving all the, you know, going all the way to Dorsey High School and kids coming, you know. There was guys from Reseda going to Crenshaw and Crenshaw to Reseda, you know. But I, and then,

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it was kind of a culture shock, but I had already grown up in a 50-50 community. I'd gone all through elementary school, you know. I had friends in my neighborhood, and so it wasn't a big culture shock for me, but it was different than it is today. It was worse. That's my lived experience. But anyhow, everything, Westchester was a totally different thing for me. It was really, like, clean, and, you know, we were probably the poorest people on the block.

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We just had working-class parents. They rented a house. Everybody else were homeowners, you know. You know, my dad didn't have a lawnmower. Ours was always the last lawn to get mowed, you know. But they worked, and they provided, and life was okay, you know. I played a lot of baseball, just a lot of sports. I would just leave in the morning, go play baseball. We played baseball all year long. You know, we would shoot bats and everything, but we would just play baseball, you know. But when I was in fourth grade, I was doing really well in school, because I read a lot.

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I didn't feel like I was, like, this prodigy or anything. I just read a lot. My mom was from Scotland, and she spent a lot of time in the bomb shelters, and her two brothers died on the beach in Normandy, and she just gave me books about, you know, about World War II, and just continued to give me all kinds of books. So I read. And then I loved baseball so much, I would do all the averages. You didn't have statistics back then. You know, you had to look on your phone and see, you know. They came out, like, once a week, you know. And then they were old.

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Three days before for the week, you know. So I always did all the baseball averages. I worked them out myself, all my players. So I was really good at math, and I was a really good reader. So I was finishing all my work really easy. Anyway, I skipped from fourth grade to sixth grade, which I wished I never did. It was like, it wasn't good. I should have stayed where I was. But it was just different. Then I always felt like I had to prove myself to people.

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You know, the difference between a 12-year-old girl and a 10-year-old boy is, you know, it's like, you're awkward, you know. But I managed to get through there. But I always felt, you know, different. But when I played sports, I played with kids in my grade. I didn't want, like, look, he's playing with the little kid, you know. So I always played. And then, you know, like, it was the 60s, like 69 or something. And you know how, you know, I wasn't at Woodstock, you know. I was, like, everybody was at Woodstock.

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Everybody else that was born back then. But I got to keep it tight. 835? 8 what? 25. All right. And then, but, you know, I wasn't the best player on my team. But, I mean, I wasn't the best player in our league. But I was the best player on our team. My last year of playing baseball. And I made the all-star team. And I wasn't the best player on the all-star team. But I was good enough to make the all-star team. And I went in. I was so excited. I thought I made the all-star team. It was a big deal, especially because all the kids were

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older than me. And I went in. The coach looked at my hair. I had longer hair. He goes, you know, if you don't get a haircut, you can't play. And you got to cut your hair. And that was the last time I ever played baseball. I chose my hair over baseball. And that was it. And so after that, it was just, like, I don't know. And I went to, you know, I went, you know, I'm in middle school now. They called it junior high back then. It was 7th, 8th, and 9th. LA Unified. You know, high school was, you know.

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10, 11, and 12. And it was different. I started smoking pot. You know, I got, you know, introduced to alcohol. There was just a lot of pot around. And I'll talk about drugs a little bit. But I'm an alcoholic. I mean, I have the phenomenon of craving. You know, I have, you know. Everything applies to me in the doctor's opinion and everything in the book. But when you're a teenager back then, it was easier to get weed. And it was easier to get acid.

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It was easier to get barbiturates and speed than it was to get alcohol. You can go out, you know, you just, you couldn't get it. And everybody, all my friends and my parents included, all their liquor cabinets were watered down already. You know, we had already told, you know, took all the alcohol. And then, but then my mom was working at this hotel. It was called the Penn and Quill. It was on Rosecrans and PCH in Manhattan Beach. And it was in receivership. And she was just there trying to keep it afloat. But the only thing afloat was this

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nightclub called the Turtle Club. And every night, she wasn't getting paid. And she was just, like, she'd come home. She'd have a case of whiskey. Come home the next night, she'd have a case of vodka. So our house was full of alcohol. And it was a pretty popular, I had an older sister. It was a pretty, my garage was pretty popular. And, you know, for the hangout, you know, we'd smoke weed and drink. But that, you know, later on that kind of, you know, there was just, there was a lot of drugs around. And I just started, you know, and alcohol. And I just, I started hanging out really with

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my sister's friends, who now are, like, three years older than me. And then they're, you know, they're telling, you know, they're, a lot of people in the neighborhood were breaking into pharmacies. So one day, I was, like, 15 years old. And these kids that were, you know, like, 17, 18, they took me to this pharmacy and gave me a list of stuff. We broke this window. They took me up there. And I went in and I got everything on the list. And that became my career for a long time. I became a pharmacist at the age of 15.

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I was a walking PDR. You know, and the quaaludes were popular with the girls. And, and, but, but, yeah, so that, but, you know, along with that came, you know, interaction with law enforcement, you know, so and I'd already been, you know, arrested for just open containers. I mean, they took you to jail for, you know, I don't know how many of you, but I did a year and a day for a joint, you know. So back then, it was, you know, I was a walking PDR.

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You know, I was, you know, I was an adult, too. Now, it's like, it's like, I was like, I picked the wrong time to do crime. But, but that pharmacy thing turned into, you know, getting arrested. And then I, you know, I started the jail circuit. Yeah, I know a lot of people share you have the hookers and businessmen. And I'm the convict, you know. But yeah, I started that life that, you know, that vicious circle of the rotating door in and out. And I lived my whole life, just like one release date to the next, you know.

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And then, you know, I turned from juvenile hall to county jail to state prison, you know, and, and then from state prison, the terms got longer and longer. And then before I knew it, all my 20s were gone. You know, I was, it was not good. And, and, I mean, but it was always someone else's fault. It was, you know, if they, you know, somebody ratted me off, or that's the one thing when you're dealing with a bunch of drug addicts, and mostly I just sold it, they have a tendency to tell, you know, you know, it's, it's, you know, they, you know, because they're all

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sick, and they need to get, you know, they're going to kick, you know, they're going to withdraw, and then, you know, we'll let you out if you, you know, give up somebody. And, you know, so anyway, I was getting, just, I didn't even have to deal with my own fault, my own fault. I was, you know, people were giving me up when I got away with stuff. So, yeah, it's kind of rough when you're getting hit by both sides. But there's no honor amongst thieves, you know. I always thought that's, that was the, that was the, that was the definition of a man, you know, if you, if you did your

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time, you know, you didn't back down from a fight, and you, and you kept your mouth shut with the police, you know, it was kind of a distorted sense of reality, you know, and pride, this false pride, you know, disrespecting me, and like, I knew, like, I knew what respect was. But, um, but yeah, it was tough. It was, you know, like I said, before I knew it, all my 20s were gone, you know, I'm in my 30s and stuff. And then I got, you know, my brother, I had a brother 10 years younger than me after, you know,

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when I was 10, my mom had a kid. I always said, it was like a year later, they legalized abortion. I always told my brother it was a year too late. But, but, but, yeah, so, yeah, and that kept my parent, my mom preoccupied, really, that's when I was doing all my juvenile stuff. She was had a newborn baby, you know, three year old, four year old in the house, and when I was running around, but my brother had got sober, he started getting in trouble, and he went to

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the youth authority, and, uh, but he went to the youth authority, got out, and never went back. He, he landed in AA, and then I, I, you know, he picked me up one day. I got out the day before, and he goes, we're going to the yard. I'm like, what do you mean the yard? And he, and he took me to Clancy's house, and I was just like, oh my gosh, what a, you know, I remember that day, I, you know, I went to, went to, to, to, went to the yard, and we played bass, softball all day. Then we went to a meeting at night, and after the meeting, they had a five-year party for someone, where someone turns five,

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five years, they read cards and thing, and then after the, and the whole time, I'm telling my brother, are the girls that were playing volleyball at the yard going to meet at the party? Because that's the only thing that was on my mind at that time. Yeah, they'll be, and I get there, I'm like, what's going on here? It's after the meeting. I'm like, and then they had the party, I'm like, this is the stupidest party I've ever been to. Then we went to a watch afterwards, you know what I mean? We watched, stood around and watched somebody turn a year sober, and I was like, and then all that time, all these people are coming up to me, how you doing?

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And I was trying to introduce myself as Alan, because nobody knew me as Alan. I wanted to kind of ditch the prison, the Butch name, and then my brother's just following around, his name's Butch, his name's Butch, you know? And anyway, yeah, but that night, after the watch, we sat around, I remember that night, you know, I was late, you know, I probably drank 25 cups of coffee that day, met hundreds of people, did all those activities. I remember just laying there, all, you know, thinking, you know, you know, I realized, you know, I didn't want to get sober.

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I didn't want to get sober and everything, but I realized for the first time in my life, you know, prison wasn't really that bad, you know? So I went back. I stuck it out as long as I could, you know, because my case was different, and you didn't understand. You just didn't understand. And that's the worst two things for a new alcoholic, is thinking your case is different, and that, you know, the AA members don't understand, you know?

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But I've learned after, you know, some really hard and trying times that,

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my case isn't different. I heard this guy, Scott Redman, I'm sure some of you, he said at a meeting one night, he goes, for everybody in here that killed a puppy, there's someone that killed two puppies. And for some reason, that resonated with me, like, you know, I just thought, you know, whatever I think I am, you know, a legend in my own mind, you know, there's somebody that's had it worse, or did more time than me, or is tougher than me, or smarter than me, or whatever. But it was a little just baby steps for me, but I, there was punishment involved, you know?

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So I,

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I ended up getting arrested, you know, and going back to prison. I got seven years for, for, for breaking into a garage. And, and by, by this time, I, I, you know, I had, I had went to this, I had, when I, before I came, I was in a halfway house before I got sober and came to the group, tried to get sober. And I learned a plumbing trade. I went to a pre-apprentice school, and I was working as a plumber. And, and so I had a little, you know, I had, so, so I got locked up, you know, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I,

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I got locked up again. And, and then, so I'm in jail, I'm back in prison. I'm doing, I'm doing four years. And, and I got a job as a, as in the prison industries as a, as a plumber. And I did that for four years for 75 cents an hour. And that was good money back then in there. But, yeah, but the whole time I was in there, it was like Monday night, I knew that everybody was there Monday night at Ohio. I knew on Tuesday night, all those people were at the big book study. And Wednesday night, they were at the big meeting. Thursday, they were at the key group. And it's different than when you're in church. And I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

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When you have, God, I could have had this life here, but I chose this life.

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And then it's different when you're just like, you know, I made a choice.

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I don't have to be here anymore.

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And, you know, I read the big book.

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I did the whole thing in there.

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I couldn't wait to get out.

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I did my four years.

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I had met a girl in AA, and we did the damn, you know, AA boy meets AA girl on the AA campus thing, you know.

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I like to say I was just walking at the meeting and eating a chocolate bar, and I bumped into her.

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She was, you know, eating a jar of peanut butter.

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And the next thing we know, you know, it was, but she waited for me for four years, left me a few times.

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And I got out.

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We got married.

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After I got out, everybody said, don't, don't, don't get married.

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But we did.

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We were married for 20 years, had three kids.

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But 10 years into the marriage, she found Jesus, and the dynamic changed as a family.

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By now, we have three kids.

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They're all, you know.

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Elementary school.

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They're young, you know, like two, four, and six.

53
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And that changed a little bit.

54
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And then we had some financial things during the, during the big, the, I had moved out.

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We had moved to San Francisco, moved to Vegas.

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And we went to San Francisco.

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I crafted my trade.

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I really learned how to be a plumber.

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I mean, it's a lot of critical thinking up there.

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It's not just like build a house.

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There's all these buildings right up against each other.

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They're old.

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You have to fix things.

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And I learned how to do that.

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And we had our firstborn.

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Then we moved to Vegas.

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And I started doing high-rise to hotel work.

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Did like a Venetian.

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And I did the Wynn Hotel from a hole in the ground to opening day.

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I did a, you know, 10-inch water mains, 24-inch train pipes.

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And did this big mechanical room.

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And by then, I was, I was pretty qualified.

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And then one day, I was at the Wynn.

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And I had 11 years sober at this time.

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And I fell 15 feet and landed on my butt.

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And I was in midair going, this isn't going to be good.

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You know, I swear I thought that.

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I'm like, this isn't going to be good.

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And then, bam, I landed on this metal decking.

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And I just had this excruciating pain throughout my whole body.

81
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And I was just waiting, you know, for it to subside.

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Like you bang your funny bone or something.

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And I waited.

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And I waited.

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And I'm way up on this roof.

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I fell from a roof to a roof.

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And I ended up, I had a radio.

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I was a foreman.

89
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And I called one of the helpers to come and get.

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I didn't say it.

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I just said, bring a scissor lift over here.

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I'm up there.

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I'm up on this roof.

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And he took me down.

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But I broke my back.

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And they gave me some Oxycontin.

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And, you know, I mean, get one every four hours.

98
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Why can't you crush it up and come on faster, you know?

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So that turned into that spiral, man.

100
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I was just home, you know, miserable with a bunch of pills.

101
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And I lost 11 years of sobriety.

102
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And then we ended up moving back to L.A.

103
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And I raised my hand.

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I did, you know, all that.

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But by now, she's not in A anymore.

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It's church 24-7.

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Bible studies, all that.

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I get home from work.

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We got three kids now.

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It's like, I got the kids.

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And she goes right upstairs to her Bible study.

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And even though it sounds like I'm resentful, I probably still have a little bit.

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We're friends today.

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I wouldn't be sober today.

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I wouldn't have the life I have.

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I'd be locked up or dead, you know.

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So I know that.

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And she knows it, too.

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And most of the people in my life know that.

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But it just, and then I started going out again.

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I put four years together.

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And I've had some kidney stones and got some medication.

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And then I put seven years together.

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And by then, I'm miserable in the marriage now.

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It's just not working.

126
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It's tough.

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Everything's about Jesus.

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And I got to enforce all the rules with the kids.

129
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And it's just a crazy dynamic.

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And I wasn't happy.

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But I wasn't doing anything about it.

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That's the thing.

133
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There was a solution to all that.

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But now I'm way out in Thousand Oaks.

135
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All my friends are on the west side.

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And I'm like, if I can't go to the Pacific Group, I'm not going to a meeting.

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So that'll work.

138
00:18:37,860 --> 00:18:40,000
And if it doesn't, I'll die trying, you know.

139
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:45,180
So anyways, then I went out again with seven years.

140
00:18:45,500 --> 00:18:47,240
And she had warned me.

141
00:18:47,540 --> 00:18:49,380
And she asked me to leave the house.

142
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And there I was.

143
00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:53,660
That was 10 years ago and like 10 days ago.

144
00:18:54,360 --> 00:18:55,140
You know, I'm home.

145
00:18:55,140 --> 00:18:57,700
My kids, I'm out of the house.

146
00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:03,360
And not only that, she fished in the court for supervised visits for me.

147
00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:06,340
He's an ex-convict and he can't stay.

148
00:19:06,340 --> 00:19:11,040
So she's played it, I mean, came down really hard, like ruthless.

149
00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:16,280
And three and a half years, I had to visit my kid at the bowling alley, at the park, at a restaurant.

150
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:17,720
It was bad.

151
00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:20,040
But it's a pain I'll never forget.

152
00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:20,720
I'll tell you that.

153
00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:23,920
But today, you know, I have a really good relationship with those kids.

154
00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:25,720
They come to my house every Monday night.

155
00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:27,600
They're all coming to dinner every day.

156
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:28,440
Every Monday night.

157
00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:29,800
And she's remarried.

158
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:31,440
And she got everything.

159
00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:32,800
I got my plumbing business.

160
00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:34,480
By then, I had started my own business.

161
00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:38,120
She had the kids, you know, I paid the child support.

162
00:19:38,120 --> 00:19:39,360
I paid the alimony.

163
00:19:39,360 --> 00:19:40,000
And it was hard.

164
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,840
It was more money than I was making.

165
00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:43,800
I had to really, like, I couldn't make it.

166
00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:45,240
I was broke every week.

167
00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:48,360
And with the court, I just, I didn't win with the court.

168
00:19:48,360 --> 00:19:52,800
And every time I went back, every six months to ask to see my kids, they would say no.

169
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:55,680
And finally, I go, you know what, you're treating me like a child molester.

170
00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:57,540
And I said, you're honoring a child molester.

171
00:19:57,540 --> 00:19:59,460
A child molester has more rights than me, you know.

172
00:19:59,460 --> 00:20:02,540
And then she finally goes, all right, be careful what you ask for.

173
00:20:02,540 --> 00:20:03,540
The kids are free.

174
00:20:03,540 --> 00:20:07,180
You know, she ordered the kids were free to see me if they wanted to.

175
00:20:07,180 --> 00:20:09,560
She didn't make any orders or anything like that.

176
00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:12,700
But you know, I just, I just stayed the course.

177
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You know, that's all.

178
00:20:13,700 --> 00:20:15,920
That's all my sponsor told me during all that.

179
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Stay the course.

180
00:20:17,220 --> 00:20:18,420
Stay the course.

181
00:20:18,420 --> 00:20:23,780
So I just stayed the course, you know, and, and, you know, and I went to meetings and

182
00:20:23,780 --> 00:20:26,380
I, you know, and I remember that first meeting.

183
00:20:26,380 --> 00:20:27,380
Am I?

184
00:20:27,540 --> 00:20:32,360
I was with my pastor, who was really good guy, really wise, has 40 years sober.

185
00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:35,780
He told me the whole time he called me one time, he goes, Hey, but you know, your life's

186
00:20:35,780 --> 00:20:37,540
doing, you're doing, I was thinking about you.

187
00:20:37,540 --> 00:20:39,820
And you know, your life's doing, you're doing really good.

188
00:20:39,820 --> 00:20:42,000
You got all this stuff.

189
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:44,240
And this is the time you usually get into trouble.

190
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:48,160
And then I'm thinking, yeah, you're about four days too late.

191
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:54,420
You know, I had got these kidney stones again and anyways, so he, you know, I had kind of

192
00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:55,540
violated that relationship.

193
00:20:55,540 --> 00:20:57,340
And he says he didn't fire me.

194
00:20:57,340 --> 00:21:00,920
But I knew, you know, I probably needed, and I was standing in the back of the Wednesday

195
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:01,920
night meeting.

196
00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:02,920
No, and I got it.

197
00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:03,920
I got one day sober.

198
00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:04,920
I got to go and raise my hand.

199
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:10,060
I go, and I just said, just go down there, raise your hand and be a newcomer.

200
00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:11,060
You know?

201
00:21:11,060 --> 00:21:15,940
So, you know, I had, I had the 11 years, I had the four years, I had the seven years.

202
00:21:15,940 --> 00:21:16,940
Now I got 10 years.

203
00:21:16,940 --> 00:21:21,080
And if you add it all together, it comes out to 10 years, 10 years.

204
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:22,080
That's what it comes out to.

205
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:23,080
That's what I have.

206
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:24,340
And I love my 10 years.

207
00:21:24,340 --> 00:21:32,820
Um, and, uh, so, so now, um, you know, lately, so that, that all happened, I had to start

208
00:21:32,820 --> 00:21:33,820
all over.

209
00:21:33,820 --> 00:21:36,680
I had nothing but my truck and my tools.

210
00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:40,560
She made sure I had that, um, and, um, but she's the mother of my children.

211
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:45,860
Like I said, I, you know, I wouldn't be sober today and slowly that's worked itself out.

212
00:21:45,860 --> 00:21:47,960
You know, I'm always have love for her.

213
00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:52,600
She's, you know, she, she was the mother of my children and all that, but she's remarried.

214
00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:53,820
I'm so happy for her.

215
00:21:53,820 --> 00:21:55,200
She's got a great guy.

216
00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:56,200
He's taking care of her.

217
00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:58,420
She's not, I don't have to worry about it.

218
00:21:58,420 --> 00:22:01,700
I don't have to pay child support or alimony anymore.

219
00:22:01,700 --> 00:22:07,580
And then, and then I was kind of just, you know, settled on, um, just, I was getting

220
00:22:07,580 --> 00:22:08,580
used to being single.

221
00:22:08,580 --> 00:22:13,640
I tried the dating scene and stuff and, and, you know, I was like just working so hard

222
00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:17,060
and I was more worried about just building my relationship with the kids.

223
00:22:17,060 --> 00:22:22,300
And it just, uh, it, I just pretty much did that and just did a lot of AA and just hung

224
00:22:22,300 --> 00:22:23,300
out with the boys.

225
00:22:23,300 --> 00:22:29,540
And then I did more AA and then COVID happened and, and my sponsor at the time, Nathan started

226
00:22:29,540 --> 00:22:33,320
a meeting in his backyard, like the day after the shutdown.

227
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:38,580
And we started a little meeting called the COVID Conspirators and we met every Tuesday.

228
00:22:38,580 --> 00:22:39,580
We met every Tuesday.

229
00:22:39,580 --> 00:22:44,240
Then we met every Friday and there was like a rotating thing of seven to 20 people every

230
00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:45,240
Tuesday and Friday.

231
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:51,160
And we did, we just did the 12 and 12, 12, we read the 12 and 12, once every, every week,

232
00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:52,340
every meeting we did one step.

233
00:22:52,340 --> 00:22:53,180
And then on the next day, we met again.

234
00:22:53,180 --> 00:22:56,460
We went on to the next step and then we do the traditions and we did that.

235
00:22:56,460 --> 00:23:00,260
And then once COVID opened up, there was a group in Ohio street on Tuesday night that

236
00:23:00,260 --> 00:23:01,940
didn't want to go back.

237
00:23:01,940 --> 00:23:03,380
They wanted to stay on zoom.

238
00:23:03,380 --> 00:23:07,540
And we, we took the Tuesday night meeting and then we called it the COVID Conspirators

239
00:23:07,540 --> 00:23:12,660
and everybody had a, you know, the, had a fit that we couldn't call it that they wouldn't

240
00:23:12,660 --> 00:23:13,660
put us in the directory.

241
00:23:13,660 --> 00:23:14,660
They wouldn't do it.

242
00:23:14,660 --> 00:23:16,660
And everybody was like, you got to change the name.

243
00:23:16,660 --> 00:23:20,020
And I'm like, you know, in one year, nobody's going to care about that.

244
00:23:20,020 --> 00:23:21,180
It's going to be so insignificant.

245
00:23:21,180 --> 00:23:22,180
And it is.

246
00:23:22,180 --> 00:23:23,180
Yeah.

247
00:23:23,180 --> 00:23:27,940
There's a little sign that hangs in our PG 12 and 12 group is, is we have a little COVID

248
00:23:27,940 --> 00:23:28,940
Conspirators sign.

249
00:23:28,940 --> 00:23:34,560
And yeah, we got a bunch of t-shirts that say COVID Conspirators, but that, that was

250
00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:37,000
a, I never wanted to go to men's stags.

251
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:40,140
I'd spent enough time around men, you know, I don't, I'm not going, I'm going to hang

252
00:23:40,140 --> 00:23:44,500
out a bunch of lame dudes talking about, you know, stupid stuff.

253
00:23:44,500 --> 00:23:49,940
I'm like, you know, and, but, but that, that was a, it was a men's, it turned into a men's

254
00:23:49,940 --> 00:23:50,940
meeting.

255
00:23:50,940 --> 00:23:52,940
He sent an email out, you know, every, you know, the first day of the week, you know,

256
00:23:52,940 --> 00:23:56,480
if the first 10 people can come every day, and then it just opened it up, but it was

257
00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:58,120
all men that showed up.

258
00:23:58,120 --> 00:24:03,200
And then, and, and I knew all the, most of the guys for a long time from, you know, they

259
00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:08,400
had seen me come from prison twice, you know, some of them, I knew these guys and they knew

260
00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:09,400
my story.

261
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:11,440
They knew my, you know, I knew their wives.

262
00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:15,200
They knew my, you know, I knew them all before any of us got married and had kids and stuff.

263
00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:19,960
And then, but we were just friends, but just slowly, you know, we started opening up about

264
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:22,320
our lives, which, you know, we had never done.

265
00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:22,820
It was.

266
00:24:22,940 --> 00:24:24,380
I just didn't know these guys in the meeting.

267
00:24:24,380 --> 00:24:25,600
I knew them outside.

268
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:28,120
We did stuff together for, for years.

269
00:24:28,120 --> 00:24:30,960
And that was the turning point of my life, really.

270
00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:35,360
That's when AA, I just, I got it, you know, I got it that my case isn't different.

271
00:24:35,360 --> 00:24:39,560
And you do understand a couple of the guys in the, in the meeting dot, you know, one

272
00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:40,560
kid overdosed.

273
00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:45,720
Another one, another guy, these guys, kids were like, he was like 25 or something, man,

274
00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:47,680
from Chicago in a recovery house.

275
00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:51,880
And you know, we, we, and it was a, but we did that.

276
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:52,880
And then.

277
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:56,900
And you know, I mean, some of the, a lot of the guys from that group were in this fantasy

278
00:24:56,900 --> 00:24:58,020
football league together.

279
00:24:58,020 --> 00:25:02,260
We have been for like, we've, I think I've been in there for 26 years.

280
00:25:02,260 --> 00:25:03,540
Like we just picked teams.

281
00:25:03,540 --> 00:25:04,920
It was before they had fantasy.

282
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:09,120
We had our own little thing and best record of our combined teams and stuff.

283
00:25:09,120 --> 00:25:15,060
And Genevieve was the first woman that got, I've known Genevieve 23 years.

284
00:25:15,060 --> 00:25:21,520
So and then and we've been friends for 23 years and we're in the, she's on another team

285
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:22,520
during football season.

286
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:27,500
And we talk smack back and forth and all that, and we have our meetings and we have a Super

287
00:25:27,500 --> 00:25:28,500
bowl party.

288
00:25:28,500 --> 00:25:30,760
And that's just a tradition outside of PG.

289
00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:35,580
If I don't know if you're the one thing about Pacific group, man, you can stay busy.

290
00:25:35,580 --> 00:25:40,500
If you, if you need to stay busy, you know, you know, you go there and you'll stay busy

291
00:25:40,500 --> 00:25:44,020
and it keeps you out of your head and action is a big thing there.

292
00:25:44,020 --> 00:25:46,020
So we, we do that same kind of stuff.

293
00:25:46,020 --> 00:25:49,540
Like we're going to Yosemite, like 30 of us, you know, I've, this is the fifth year I've

294
00:25:49,540 --> 00:25:50,540
gone and my kids are gone.

295
00:25:50,540 --> 00:25:51,520
We're all going up there.

296
00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:52,520
Some of the same things.

297
00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:56,420
Some of the same guys from the COVID conspirators and from the, from the DDFs for our football

298
00:25:56,420 --> 00:25:57,420
thing.

299
00:25:57,420 --> 00:26:00,700
But then one of the guys on our football thing said, I got two tickets to the Dodger game.

300
00:26:00,700 --> 00:26:01,700
Anybody want them with parking?

301
00:26:01,700 --> 00:26:04,400
And then we know he's got tickets behind home plate.

302
00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:06,640
And then I'm thinking, I'm like, nah, I'm in my pajamas.

303
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:08,800
I'm like, I'm staying in my pajamas all day.

304
00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:10,440
I need, got billing to do.

305
00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:11,440
Just one of those Sundays.

306
00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:12,440
I didn't have to do anything.

307
00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:14,380
Just going to do paperwork and probably watch the game.

308
00:26:14,380 --> 00:26:16,140
And then Genevieve said, I'll take them.

309
00:26:16,140 --> 00:26:17,140
And I'm like, lucky Genevieve.

310
00:26:17,140 --> 00:26:20,520
Another while later, she comes back like, does anybody want to go with me?

311
00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:23,080
Because once you take the tickets, you got to go.

312
00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:27,520
You can't say I'll take the two tickets in parking and not go to the game, right?

313
00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:30,120
So not if you're working a good program.

314
00:26:30,120 --> 00:26:31,760
And then she's like, will anybody go?

315
00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:36,420
And then I felt bad for her because I know, you know, I did and then I, so I said, I text,

316
00:26:36,420 --> 00:26:40,420
I go, call me in an hour, text me in an hour because I'm figuring if I get some paperwork

317
00:26:40,420 --> 00:26:45,540
done, like I got to drive all the way from West Hills to Santa Monica, pick her up, go

318
00:26:45,540 --> 00:26:50,320
all the way to Dodger Stadium, take her back to Santa Monica and then go back to West Hills.

319
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:56,440
I'm like, you know, no, but I felt bad for her and I'm a, I'm a sucker for real.

320
00:26:56,440 --> 00:27:00,040
But anyway, she called me and she goes, please, you know, I thought she just wanted me to

321
00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:03,240
go on a date to the game.

322
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:06,080
She was begging me for a date, but no, I'm kidding.

323
00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:10,000
She was just like, she took the tickets and she called all her friends and I'm like, all

324
00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:11,000
right, I'll go with you.

325
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:12,000
And then I thought about it.

326
00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:13,000
I go, you know what?

327
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:14,000
I'll make it a practice date.

328
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:15,000
All joking aside.

329
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:16,000
That's what I thought.

330
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:18,880
I went with her because I knew she had the tickets and I could do it.

331
00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:19,880
And you know, that's what we do.

332
00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:23,760
I go, you know, so I picked her up and I opened the door for her.

333
00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:24,760
She went and got food.

334
00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:26,920
I didn't even know you could take food in Dodger Stadium.

335
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:32,360
She got me a big clear plastic container full of meat and potatoes and veggies and I was,

336
00:27:32,360 --> 00:27:36,140
and then we went to the game and then the whole time, you know, like this is fun.

337
00:27:36,140 --> 00:27:40,980
And then I took her home and, and, and I went home and a couple of days later I was thinking

338
00:27:40,980 --> 00:27:45,940
about it and she, she's got, you know, at the time she had like 20 years and I had,

339
00:27:45,940 --> 00:27:48,280
you know, like seven years or something.

340
00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:49,280
But then I just text her.

341
00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:49,780
I go.

342
00:27:49,780 --> 00:27:50,780
I was, I had a lot of fun.

343
00:27:50,780 --> 00:27:54,780
Let me know if you ever want to hang out, you know, I said that in a way where she could

344
00:27:54,780 --> 00:27:59,020
reject me without rejecting, she could say, I would love to, but I'm so busy.

345
00:27:59,020 --> 00:28:00,020
Oh yeah.

346
00:28:00,020 --> 00:28:01,020
I totally get it.

347
00:28:01,020 --> 00:28:02,720
Or she could say yes.

348
00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:05,860
So as I thought she was going to say one or the other, she's like, what do you mean by

349
00:28:05,860 --> 00:28:06,860
hang out?

350
00:28:06,860 --> 00:28:07,860
So then, yeah.

351
00:28:07,860 --> 00:28:08,860
So I didn't know what to say.

352
00:28:08,860 --> 00:28:09,860
You know, cause I'm awkward.

353
00:28:09,860 --> 00:28:14,100
I've been, you know, I've been in with, you know, you know, I'm just awkward.

354
00:28:14,100 --> 00:28:15,660
I'm not dating scene guy.

355
00:28:15,660 --> 00:28:17,580
I'm, I'm a, you know.

356
00:28:17,580 --> 00:28:18,780
One thing about all my character defects.

357
00:28:18,780 --> 00:28:26,080
I've always been faithful and loyal to, in a relationship, probably one of the only qualities

358
00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:27,080
I ever had.

359
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:31,260
Then I turned into a pretty good father and business owner, but I learned all that from

360
00:28:31,260 --> 00:28:35,600
people in the group, you know, all the guys that had contractors licenses, all the guys

361
00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:40,580
that had kids, all the, you know, and I, you know, you know, I just started doing what

362
00:28:40,580 --> 00:28:43,580
they were doing and I got what they got.

363
00:28:43,580 --> 00:28:47,780
And anyway, so me and Genevieve started dating and it's been over two years now.

364
00:28:47,780 --> 00:28:48,780
And.

365
00:28:48,780 --> 00:28:53,400
And then one day we were in Thanksgiving and meet of your Arizona bought, saw this little

366
00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:54,400
house for sale.

367
00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:59,880
And I said, I wanted to, I looked at something years before and it was really Arizona prices.

368
00:28:59,880 --> 00:29:04,400
It was kind of off the grid, you know, and I ended up getting it like, you know, so that

369
00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:05,680
we go to Arizona a lot.

370
00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:10,060
And then I've been renting this house for nine years and my landlord died.

371
00:29:10,060 --> 00:29:13,980
She was in a assisted living and they used the money and then she wasn't even had her

372
00:29:13,980 --> 00:29:18,480
funeral and, and the kids were looking through the house and I said, Hey, you know, before

373
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:22,380
you sold the house, we think we can maybe talk and maybe we could work something out.

374
00:29:22,380 --> 00:29:24,480
And by then I had already made some phone calls.

375
00:29:24,480 --> 00:29:29,020
My sponsor ran mortgage division of bank of America with like a hundred people working

376
00:29:29,020 --> 00:29:30,020
for him.

377
00:29:30,020 --> 00:29:31,640
So he knew people he's retired.

378
00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:36,160
So anyways, you know, you know, I, last month I closed on the house.

379
00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:37,160
I bought the house.

380
00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:39,780
They never even listed it and it's just crazy.

381
00:29:39,780 --> 00:29:42,600
I can't even believe, you know, we have a really good relationship.

382
00:29:42,600 --> 00:29:45,100
We got in a little fight today.

383
00:29:45,100 --> 00:29:46,360
Okay.

384
00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:47,360
Yes, we did.

385
00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:53,640
No, not a fight, but we had a little disagreement, but there was no, yeah, little, I think elevated.

386
00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:54,640
But you know what?

387
00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:59,140
We sat down and, and, and we talked it through and we, at the end of the day, we said, well,

388
00:29:59,140 --> 00:30:02,980
we just built some more muscle, you know, we worked out and we built a little muscle

389
00:30:02,980 --> 00:30:07,100
and on the way in driving here, I'm like, aren't you glad we talked that through today?

390
00:30:07,100 --> 00:30:08,100
And she's like, yeah.

391
00:30:08,100 --> 00:30:12,360
And it's like, that's just like this mature behavior that I'm not perfect at it, but I'm

392
00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:16,960
willing to go the extra effort and think how I can be a better person and be better

393
00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:21,180
in the relationship and not just about me and be of service to other people.

394
00:30:21,180 --> 00:30:22,760
And I had my 10 year party.

395
00:30:22,760 --> 00:30:23,760
We had the party.

396
00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:26,020
I had a 10 year party in my buddy's backyard.

397
00:30:26,020 --> 00:30:27,780
There was like 150 people there.

398
00:30:27,780 --> 00:30:33,760
He got a big burger smash, burger truck, and they had a pizza oven, they had a coffee maker

399
00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:37,240
and they brought this other lady had a 55 year party.

400
00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:40,860
But when I looked around the meeting, most of the people were there for me and I'm not

401
00:30:40,860 --> 00:30:41,860
saying that because.

402
00:30:41,860 --> 00:30:45,580
Because I've known these people forever and she's got 55 years, but she left the group

403
00:30:45,580 --> 00:30:46,580
for like 40 years.

404
00:30:46,580 --> 00:30:51,560
But anyway, they were there for us, but there was a lot of people I knew that they weren't

405
00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:56,500
there because their sponsor told them to be there, you know, and, and my kids showed up,

406
00:30:56,500 --> 00:31:00,420
you know, and they were there and yeah, and I couldn't hold it together.

407
00:31:00,420 --> 00:31:01,420
I'm doing it now though.

408
00:31:01,420 --> 00:31:03,620
You know, I can, I'm not jerking no tears out.

409
00:31:03,620 --> 00:31:06,020
So I gotta get control of that, man.

410
00:31:06,020 --> 00:31:07,020
You guys think I'm soft.

411
00:31:07,020 --> 00:31:08,020
I'm a convict.

412
00:31:08,020 --> 00:31:09,020
Show me some respect.

413
00:31:09,020 --> 00:31:10,020
I have a good life today.

414
00:31:10,020 --> 00:31:11,020
I really do.

415
00:31:11,020 --> 00:31:11,820
I'm a convict.

416
00:31:11,860 --> 00:31:14,760
I owe it all to AA, you know, I do, man.

417
00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:21,110
And I know it and I'm willing to work hard, you know, I'm willing to ask people for help

418
00:31:21,110 --> 00:31:27,990
and I'm willing to fight through difficult things without, you know, going off.

419
00:31:27,990 --> 00:31:31,470
So that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

420
00:31:31,470 --> 00:31:32,850
All right.

421
00:31:32,850 --> 00:31:33,850
Thank you.

422
00:31:33,850 --> 00:31:34,850
Thanks for having me.

423
00:31:34,850 --> 00:31:35,850
Great, great group of people here.

424
00:31:35,850 --> 00:31:36,850
It's a good meeting.

425
00:31:36,850 --> 00:31:37,850
Thank you.

426
00:31:37,850 --> 00:31:38,850
Thank you.

427
00:31:38,850 --> 00:31:39,850
Thank you.

428
00:31:39,850 --> 00:31:40,850
Thank you.

429
00:31:40,850 --> 00:31:41,850
Thank you.

430
00:31:41,850 --> 00:31:42,850
Thank you.