1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:10,240 Mike, Alcoholics? First of all, always an honor and a privilege to speak at a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. 2 00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:15,140 Abraham, thank you for asking me to come out and share with you guys. Natalie, great job. 3 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:21,340 Man, I want to hear the 45-minute one. That was awesome. That was awesome. Yeah, no, I love the 4 00:00:21,340 --> 00:00:27,960 story and I'm from Southern Oregon also. No, I'm just teasing, teasing, but I like that. It always made me 5 00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:32,880 laugh. I love football. That's the wife. I'm nuts and she's, I had the game on before I left, came over 6 00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:38,040 here. So I love passion. Yeah, thanks for the great little haul. I haven't been here. We actually live 7 00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:42,260 not too far away. Moved, got a house like three years ago over here. And so it's cool to be here, 8 00:00:42,260 --> 00:00:46,480 man. And, you know, I like new places and checking it out. So anywhere there's Alcoholics Anonymous, 9 00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:50,680 I love to be, man. This is my life today. And because of Alcoholics Anonymous, my life is 10 00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:57,060 pretty, pretty amazing. My sobriety date is December 28th, 2012. And then happy birthday to you, 11 00:00:57,060 --> 00:01:05,020 12 years. Awesome. And yes, that was my sobriety. I have a sponsor, Gary H. He took me through the 12 00:01:05,020 --> 00:01:10,080 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. And because of that, my life is pretty, pretty, pretty good 13 00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:15,860 today. Pretty good. Antonio, welcome. Welcome, man. Welcome to the best deal in town. I like to 14 00:01:15,860 --> 00:01:20,640 call it, man. Alcoholics Anonymous is definitely the best way to live if you're an alcoholic like 15 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:24,720 me. You know, it's given me a, I didn't get that manual how to live life when I got here. And 16 00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:28,980 Alcoholics Anonymous, the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous is my manual to live. And it's a great 17 00:01:28,980 --> 00:01:34,560 design for living for an alcoholic like me, man. And, you know, so welcome. And anybody else who's 18 00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:38,820 new or newer than me and older than me, you know, let's have a good little Saturday night. Good to 19 00:01:38,820 --> 00:01:42,600 be in Alcoholics Anonymous, right? So you guys get a little bit of the story. I got a little more 20 00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:48,080 time than Natalie there. But I love that. I don't know. In my head, when I was young and out there 21 00:01:48,080 --> 00:01:51,580 doing the thing, I thought I was like running cartel stuff, you know what I mean? But I wasn't. 22 00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:54,680 But that was cool. I was like, oh, I was like, in my head, I was, I was at grandiose, 23 00:01:54,680 --> 00:02:00,260 right? I grew up in Burbank, and not that not the toughest spot in the world, you know. But 24 00:02:00,260 --> 00:02:05,020 originally, I was born in Ireland. That's why they call me Irish Mike. And when I was eight years 25 00:02:05,020 --> 00:02:08,960 old, my mom bought me and my two sisters out here after she kicked out my dad, because he was an 26 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:13,200 alcoholic. He's one of us. And she kicked him out and wanted to take her kids and go have the 27 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:19,280 American dream. So we moved out to America in 1989. And I left all my family back home. And 28 00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:22,880 it was the first time I remember when I was little, I was just a crazy little kid. I was 29 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:24,440 mischievous, ran around. I'm the baby. 30 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:29,460 I have two older sisters. And, you know, and I was just a nutty little kid. And when I got to 31 00:02:29,460 --> 00:02:33,240 America was the first time I really had like feelings like even with my dad, my mom kicked my 32 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:37,420 dad out. I had like two uncles back home. So I didn't really, I just didn't, you know, grasp it, 33 00:02:37,500 --> 00:02:41,440 you know, and when we came to America, just leaving all my family was the first time I felt 34 00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:46,020 like different, not fitting in even in my own family, because there's three girls, I'm the only 35 00:02:46,020 --> 00:02:50,500 boy like, you know, and just, and then also had an Irish accent. And so I said, Hello, how are 36 00:02:50,500 --> 00:02:54,200 you? How are things everybody, you know, and everybody is new. Where's this kid from weirdo. 37 00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:59,240 And that's how I felt, you know, and so I wanted to fit in immediately. And I just wanted to be a 38 00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:03,920 part of so bad man. And, you know, and where I found where I fit in was with the older guys. And 39 00:03:03,920 --> 00:03:08,760 then we moved to, we moved in downtown LA for like a year. And then we moved to Burbank and this big 40 00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:13,080 apartment complex. And I found kids like me, like single parents and stuff who were a little 41 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:17,420 mischievous. And the first time I do the first time I drank, I was actually like four or five 42 00:03:17,420 --> 00:03:21,920 in Ireland when my cousin Dave, we went around to, to, we're at a wedding, my cousin's wedding, 43 00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:24,640 we went around, drank all everybody's drinks while they're out dancing and stuff. We got, 44 00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:29,420 drunk, had a great time, but it didn't kick off to an everyday thing, you know, but my first time 45 00:03:29,420 --> 00:03:35,480 really getting drunk with a, you know, just on purpose. I was 11 years old, and I was at that 46 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:40,400 promenade apartments. And me and my I was hung, I was like older kids, and I was like, I was 11. 47 00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:45,320 They were like 16. We got two 40s of old English each, and drank that chip my tooth blacked out, 48 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:49,760 couldn't wait to do it again. You know, had a blast. The music was better. We were funny. I 49 00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:53,900 remember just laughing, having a blast, falling around, couldn't even walk just like this had a 50 00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:53,960 great time. And I was like, you know, I was like, you know, I was like, you know, I was like, you know, 51 00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:57,680 I had a great time, man. I was like, this is cool. This is what life's all about. And like I said, 52 00:03:57,680 --> 00:04:03,080 I didn't get that manual how to live life. So I love movies, and, and TV shows. That's my like, 53 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:06,980 my reference for everything. And I love like gangster movies. And I love gangster rap, 54 00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:11,060 like, you know, and that's like what I got into. I remember like memorizing easy, easy does it like, 55 00:04:11,060 --> 00:04:15,140 you know, one of the first songs I were, you know, memorized, and, you know, got into underground 56 00:04:15,140 --> 00:04:18,740 far side and all this stuff. And I love to rap and stuff, you know, so like, that was my thing, 57 00:04:18,740 --> 00:04:23,060 man. And that was like, you know, so that's the persona that I wanted to have. And I circled my 58 00:04:23,060 --> 00:04:26,600 friends, you know, hung with people like that. And, you know, we're all in the skating and just, 59 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,780 you know, anarchy and all that stuff, and just running the streets of the mean streets of 60 00:04:29,780 --> 00:04:35,240 Burbank, right. And, you know, just and what we did was party, man. And like, just, you know, 61 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:38,900 kegger parties and all that high school stuff. And, and I did go to high school. It's funny, 62 00:04:38,900 --> 00:04:42,860 you say the Christian thing. I was actually I'm Catholic, you know, I did the communion thing, 63 00:04:42,860 --> 00:04:47,780 I did confirmation. And I got kicked out of the Burbank Unified School District. I also like to 64 00:04:47,780 --> 00:04:52,940 fight. I'm a big fighter. I love I love fighting. I was good at it. And my mom got me into St. 65 00:04:52,940 --> 00:04:57,860 Francis, which is an all boys private school for high school. So I had that the same duality where I 66 00:04:57,860 --> 00:05:01,520 was like living on the mean streets of Burbank, you know, doing like thug things and then going 67 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:05,180 on all boys Catholic school and doing pretty good. Like, you know, I was trying to get kicked out, 68 00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:08,840 but they never let me out because my mom would always come and be like, please, my son. He just 69 00:05:08,840 --> 00:05:14,000 needs guidance. You know, she has an Irish accent. And so I got through high school and by the skin 70 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:17,360 of my teeth, love partying, going to raves. I grew up in the 90s. You know, that's what we did, 71 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:22,340 psychedelics and all that stuff. Drugs are a big part of my story. But I love to drink. I'm Irish. 72 00:05:22,940 --> 00:05:26,600 I drink and fight. And I was I wore like a badge of honor. I was like, I'm gonna drink you under 73 00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:30,440 the table. I'm coming with 240s to the party, drinking your keg beer, and then I'm gonna go 74 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:34,760 steal some liquor inside. Like, you know, I'm just going all out every night. And, and then I'm 75 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:39,020 fighting. That's what I do. And I got respect for that. And I love that because I want to fit in. I 76 00:05:39,020 --> 00:05:44,420 belong to my crew. I'm a boys. And that was what it's all about, you know, and then, but also came 77 00:05:44,420 --> 00:05:48,980 with the problems, you know, always fun, getting jail time, like not really always in and out. 78 00:05:52,940 --> 00:05:58,160 And then the first DUI. And like, I was like, 18 or 19. I got the DUI. I was like, the first 79 00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:03,140 consequences of my drinking. And it was the first time I was introduced to Alcoholics Anonymous. And 80 00:06:03,140 --> 00:06:08,000 I had to go do some meetings at the Burbank group. And I saw that, you know, they were just there. 81 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:12,560 And I just signed the card, right. And I was like, I could sign a card, sign my own card, you know, 82 00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:16,700 I mean, you know, we do, and often running and but I did get exposed to a little Alcoholics 83 00:06:16,700 --> 00:06:21,440 Anonymous, you know, but I was like, not for me. I'm drink to the day I die. That's what I do. And, 84 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:25,880 you know, so then I got a fake ID. And I love to drink at bars. I'm a bar drinker. I love sports. 85 00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:30,080 I'm watching sports, drinking bar, like I used to go to champs, which is in Burbank right there on 86 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:35,000 a Burbank Boulevard, a little sports bar. And they call me little Tony, because my fake ID said Tony 87 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:39,440 Santos. So that's what they call me for, for years. And then when I turned 21, I remember, I was like, 88 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:42,860 Hey, by the way, I'm turned 21. And my name is Mike. Nice to meet you guys. They're like, 89 00:06:42,860 --> 00:06:47,180 well, we've been serving you for like four years, you know. And so that was what I did, though. I 90 00:06:47,180 --> 00:06:51,380 went, you know, graduated high school when the Valley College, you know, took some night classes, 91 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:55,640 I guess I showed up once in a while, and then I'd go drink at the bar. And that was like my 92 00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:59,180 little life, you know, and then hung out with the boys doing drugs, like, you know, just doing that 93 00:06:59,180 --> 00:07:02,300 thing that was like, biggest my life got, I thought that was it. You know, I thought it was 94 00:07:02,300 --> 00:07:05,060 cool. That was like, that's what we do for the rest of my life, right? Just like they do in 95 00:07:05,060 --> 00:07:09,620 Ireland, you know, you work, go to the pub, that's it, you know. And, you know, I didn't know what 96 00:07:09,620 --> 00:07:14,120 else that was out there, really, I just, I just didn't know. And then, you know, I just got out 97 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:20,840 of control. Early 20s. I'm, you know, just always drunk, my family's like, so my dad, this time, 98 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:25,220 he's in San Francisco, and I try to have a relationship with them. But he's he's one of 99 00:07:25,220 --> 00:07:30,560 us is drunk, and just didn't want to have anything to do with us. And, and, and it was my sisters 100 00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:34,700 always was like, my mom, like, you're just like, Dad, you're just like, Dad, until like, you're 101 00:07:34,700 --> 00:07:39,260 worse than Dad. And I'm like, man, I'm becoming that guy. So like, I always found my human 102 00:07:39,260 --> 00:07:43,760 solutions and stuff. And so like, we got into the pill game. And that took me away from drinking for 103 00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:48,020 a minute. But it was another disease that just like kicked off. And that was what was big in 104 00:07:48,020 --> 00:07:50,780 Burbank in the in the 2000s. You know, so we were like running pills, 105 00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:55,340 doing all that thing thinking we were hustlers and doing all the big game stuff. And it was small 106 00:07:55,340 --> 00:07:59,000 time, but it was still fun. You know, because it kind of worked. It was like, I felt like we were 107 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:02,720 doing stuff. And I wasn't getting arrested anymore. And I wasn't getting into bar fights. And the 108 00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:07,340 family didn't mind me coming around. You know what I mean? But just like everything else progresses, 109 00:08:07,340 --> 00:08:12,860 gets worse. And now I'm robbing and stealing and doing all that stuff just to get by. And then I'm 110 00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:17,360 drinking more than ever when I don't have my pills and like, just the craziness that that comes with 111 00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:26,420 that. My dad died of this disease. He was 52 years old, and alcoholism killed him. I saw firsthand I 112 00:08:26,420 --> 00:08:31,220 got to be with him a couple of times like in his 50s and 51. I saw him I went up north and my cousins 113 00:08:31,220 --> 00:08:35,720 came over from Ireland, I got to see him, we kind of hatched things up. And I remember so sad. I like 114 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:41,180 he was 51. And we sat at the bar together. And, and I was like 20. It was the first time we had a bar 115 00:08:41,180 --> 00:08:45,500 and beer at the bar together. And he's like, Oh, the proudest moment ever having a having a beer 116 00:08:45,500 --> 00:08:49,220 with my boy, you know, and I was like, sad. I remember thinking that at the time, you know, 117 00:08:49,220 --> 00:08:53,900 I was like, whatever pops, you know, cool, you know, and, and he when he died, I kind of lost, 118 00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:57,380 I lost my mind a little bit, because I always wanted that relationship. I like I always felt 119 00:08:57,380 --> 00:09:01,460 that love I was missing was, was his love, you know, and his approval. And my dad was like a 120 00:09:01,460 --> 00:09:05,300 big star in Ireland. So it really messed with me, man. And, and it was just sad to see what the 121 00:09:05,300 --> 00:09:08,420 alcohol had done to him. But I didn't think it was doing it to me. Like, you know what I mean? 122 00:09:08,420 --> 00:09:11,780 When you see it in others, but I couldn't see it in myself, you know, even though I could hear it, 123 00:09:11,780 --> 00:09:15,620 my family, just like dad, worse than dad, and like, just wasn't getting it at all. You know, 124 00:09:15,620 --> 00:09:20,180 I'm just young, just having a good time. I'm not hurting anybody, you know, and, you know, 125 00:09:20,180 --> 00:09:24,880 and then, so the next couple years were rough. I always got good jobs. I'm a good alcoholic. I mean, 126 00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:29,800 money, I can work. I got in post production, I was working there doing well, you know, but just 127 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:34,500 drinking heavily and popping a lot of pills and, and, you know, getting written up and stuff. And 128 00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:40,060 my favorite work store, what I do for work is I go to medieval, yes, I've been in medieval times, 129 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:44,480 right? You know, it's a fun time. It's a good time, right? I've never been there. And so I'm 130 00:09:45,620 --> 00:09:49,040 doing well, I'm moving up, and they knew I'm a little crazy, you know, they call me a crazy Mike, 131 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:53,600 you know, and, but they don't know how crazy I am. And so we go to medieval times, and there's 132 00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:58,160 a bar inside, I'm drinking, I'm drinking before pre-gaming, right? I'm drinking inside, I'm 133 00:09:58,160 --> 00:10:01,400 drinking during the event, and we have the red night, and like, I didn't know, but like, you 134 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:05,600 know, whoever sections the loudest, they win the contest. And I was like, we're winning tonight. So 135 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:09,560 I'm going up and down the stands, come on, everybody, red night, get loud, like, you know, 136 00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:13,160 everybody's cheering. And, and then all of a sudden, the last guy, the blue knight stabs the 137 00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:18,460 knight in the back, and I lose my shit. I was like, no, not my knight. I was like, this is my 138 00:10:18,460 --> 00:10:22,980 knight. And I just wanted to get on the stage. So I grabbed the turkey leg, and I threw it out there. 139 00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:27,300 I broke a piece of the table off through that out there. And like, they're like, holding me down, 140 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:31,580 like, I'm just losing it, because I'm that guy. And, you know, the security guards come over, 141 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:34,340 and they're like, hey, you need to calm down, we're gonna kick you out, you know, and I was 142 00:10:34,340 --> 00:10:38,240 like, all right, I'll calm down, whatever, they take me outside. And there's a club going on out 143 00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:41,540 there. I didn't even know there's like a club afterwards. So I'm going in there dancing, still 144 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:47,260 bumbling and falling, because that's what I do. And then all of a sudden, I thought the security 145 00:10:47,260 --> 00:10:51,300 guards were coming again, but ends up being the Bonaparte police. And they're escorting me out. 146 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:55,580 And I fall into one of them. And then all of a sudden, I'm getting tased. And they're tasing me 147 00:10:55,580 --> 00:11:00,540 30 of my co workers are looking at me just getting tased by the Bonaparte police. That's what I do, 148 00:11:00,780 --> 00:11:04,100 you know, and then I'm yelling at them. And they throw me in the back of the cop car. And, 149 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:08,800 and, you know, I'm just, you know, by then now I'm blacked out. And I come to I'm in the jail cell, 150 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:12,640 like happens all the time. But this time, I'm trying to punch my way out of this little 151 00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:17,660 glass window for some reason. I don't even know just came to and I'm like, Oh, and this is like 152 00:11:17,660 --> 00:11:23,120 my alcoholism and not full remorse, full of shame, full guilt. And I'm like, Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. 153 00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:27,060 I'm looking for the camera. I'm like, Hey, I'm so sorry. I just came out of a blackout. Whatever I 154 00:11:27,060 --> 00:11:30,420 did. I'm so sorry, because I don't remember. I know my hands are bleeding. I got it. You know, 155 00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:34,040 I don't know what I've done. I know I got mad because the red knight lost. That's all I remember 156 00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:38,260 really, you know what I mean? And so I'm like, I'm so sorry. I sat down, sit down, I'll calm down. 157 00:11:38,260 --> 00:11:42,260 And then the other cop comes and he's like, Hey, you're and I was like, Yeah, man, I was like, 158 00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:46,340 I'm so sorry. I came out blackout. And they're like, it's cool. Sorry, we tased you. You're a 159 00:11:46,340 --> 00:11:50,380 big guy. I was like, it's all good. I understand. We're cool. And they're like, we're gonna let you 160 00:11:50,380 --> 00:11:53,660 like, you know, just once you sober up, we're gonna release you. And man, I'm like, every time 161 00:11:53,660 --> 00:11:56,920 that happened to me, like, you know, and I was like, man, another one I'm getting off. And, 162 00:11:57,040 --> 00:12:01,260 you know, but the sad thing is my buddy came and picked me up. It's like 530 in the morning 163 00:12:01,260 --> 00:12:04,840 picked. I was like, I can't wait till six in the morning. I need a drink. And I didn't know when I 164 00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:09,620 was so sad in that cell. And I was like, I gotta fix my life. I gotta get better, man. I'm just 165 00:12:09,620 --> 00:12:14,260 gonna it's just going downhill quick. And nope, right when I got no mental defense against the 166 00:12:14,260 --> 00:12:18,660 first drink, right. And I go and I get that drink. And then it's off and running. And like nothing 167 00:12:18,660 --> 00:12:23,020 happened, right? Because I just know how to numb out. And then I'm running amok. You know, and 168 00:12:23,020 --> 00:12:28,080 that's just what I do with the job side, lose that job, get fired, losing the apartment. I'm 26. 169 00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:31,140 And everything's falling apart. And I'm doing, 170 00:12:31,260 --> 00:12:35,200 you know, I'm in the coke game on this game. I'm doing all these things trying to hustle and be 171 00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:39,180 this guy. And like, I'm just broke because I'm getting high on my own supply. Rule number one, 172 00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:43,600 you know, you don't do that. And and so I'm just losing and I'm going to mom, mom, please. I need 173 00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:47,720 money. I need rent. I need rent every time. Mom, mom. And it was like two months in and 174 00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:54,560 it was the end of 07. It was New Year's Eve. And my family calls me up like we're having a family 175 00:12:54,860 --> 00:12:58,860 picture. Come on up. And I said, all right, we've never done a family picture in my life. 176 00:12:59,260 --> 00:13:00,800 But this made sense to me that night. 177 00:13:01,260 --> 00:13:04,280 And I go up there because I wanted money. I needed to get some money because I'm going out 178 00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:07,920 to party. Right. It's New Year's Eve. I go up there and my family, they're Irish. They always 179 00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:12,000 got drinks and stuff. So I know they're going to be partying. And so I go up there and I see this 180 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:16,740 lady, lady sitting down. I was like, oh, I must be a photographer. Hello, photographer lady. And 181 00:13:16,740 --> 00:13:21,020 no, it's Candy Finnegan from the show Intervention. She's at my house. It's a family intervention. 182 00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:27,020 Mike's first one at 26 years old. And the gig was up. Right. And so I'm sitting there and, 183 00:13:27,020 --> 00:13:30,080 you know, they all go to read the letters. And by this time, too, my mom had remarried. 184 00:13:30,260 --> 00:13:31,100 I had a stepdad. 185 00:13:31,100 --> 00:13:34,540 I had a stepdad that I hated that threatened his life several times. You know, you got between me 186 00:13:34,540 --> 00:13:38,440 and my mom and like, you know, all this craziness. I thought like, you know, because I used my mom 187 00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:45,040 to get money all the time. That was my big hustle. My mom, please help me. And and so he goes to read 188 00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:49,920 his letter. I said, shut up next. And then my sister's in town. She goes to read her letter. 189 00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:53,960 And I said, I just gave you a gram of weed. Shut up next. And then my other sister, I was like, 190 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:58,640 party all the year, coked out the other night next. And then my mom and reads her letter. 191 00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:00,860 And my mom's my everything, man. And 192 00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:05,240 she's like, I cut your father off. She doesn't know. I have another uncle, John, and she's I cut 193 00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:10,700 him off and I'm going to cut you off. You don't get help. And and I knew, man, I was like, I relied 194 00:14:10,700 --> 00:14:15,100 on my mom for everything. I love my family. Right. And it's just us out here in America. And it was 195 00:14:15,100 --> 00:14:19,440 just like, you know, I was like, I'll I'll try something. And plus, I asked first at first. I was 196 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:23,780 like, no, I'm fine. But then the lady, Candy Finnegan, is very good at her job and persuaded 197 00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:26,440 me to go. She's like, don't worry, you're about to lose your apartment. You're going to be homeless. 198 00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:30,520 This place is nice. It's down in the desert. You'll be you know, you'll you might get something 199 00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:35,740 out of it. And I did. You know, I'm glad I went. And it was the first time I got H and I came into 200 00:14:35,740 --> 00:14:40,180 the facility that I was at. It was like a lockdown facility place, a men's place. I was there for two 201 00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:44,300 months. And but H and I came in and that and that was the first time I heard the message of 202 00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:49,200 Alcoholics Anonymous, where the seed was really planted, you know, and they came in and I saw guys 203 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:53,200 like me with with with some time they had four or five years and like, you know, their stories and 204 00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:56,280 was very similar and stuff. And then they were having good lives. And they were like, they 205 00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:59,760 frigging stuff out. You know, they were learning how to live life on life's terms. And I was like, 206 00:14:59,820 --> 00:15:04,520 all right. So there was some hope right there. And then, you know, but of course, you know, 207 00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:09,120 get that ego back and everything. I got a little pass. I go out and what do I do? I end up at a 208 00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:14,700 bar and I get drunk, blackout, fight. And once again and again, no mental defense. I wanted to 209 00:15:14,700 --> 00:15:19,560 be so I had 45 days sober, the longest I had since I was 11. And I was like, I'm going to do this. I 210 00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:23,800 was gung ho about sobriety, you know, and no mental defense, man. I'm drunk one more time. 211 00:15:23,980 --> 00:15:25,400 And I do that again. 212 00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:31,560 The next five years of that just in and out of the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous in and out of 213 00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:36,780 sober livings. Just that was my hustles of finding a new sober living. I've been lived all over this 214 00:15:36,780 --> 00:15:41,700 valley, everywhere, just in and out of sober livings getting kicked out and stuff. And, and 215 00:15:41,940 --> 00:15:51,480 that's, that's where it all ended, man. My last little thing was found meth, meth and vodka. That 216 00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:56,100 was my thing. I finally thought it was a good balance. And it worked for like a year. 217 00:15:56,280 --> 00:16:26,280 Got another good job. I was working at two jobs because you know, I think and, and, and it didn't work out though. And I lost a lot. I had a girl at the time, lost the girl, lost the house, lost the job, lost my mind. And, you know, I'm 31 years old. And I go to the top of the Holiday Inn in Burbank, and I'm going to jump. I was like, alcohol and drugs have beat me down. I was homeless for like six months. Just, you know, the family didn't want me around. The mom locked the doors, the sisters didn't want nothing to do with me. My friends didn't want me around. I was like, I'm going to jump. I'm going to jump. I'm going to jump. I'm going to jump. I'm going to jump. I'm going to jump. I'm going to jump. I'm 218 00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:41,840 going to jump. I'm going to jump. I'm going to jump, jump, jump. Jump, jump, jump, jump, I want to do anything. I used to be like Irish Mike's here party time to like, don't invite him, he'll steal your shit. And I became that guy. In people's houses, dealing doing all the criminal stuff. And, and, you know, cuz I'd all like to do it. So, uh, you know, and, but then when I was up on that roof 18th floor, I'm looking down, and I used to party at the Holiday Inn, that's like right across where I grew up. So like, I'm very 219 00:16:41,840 --> 00:17:10,920 Looking down, and I used to party at the holiday, and that's like, it was right across where I grew up, so I'm like, I love movies, right, so I'm like, hey, this is where it all started, it's all gonna end, you know, it's all like making it all dramatic, right, and, but, you know, God came to me and said, you know, go ask for help one more time, and thank God I did, man, and I went up to my mom's, and she's one of us, she's in the program also, and she was going through this place in Glendale, and it was funny, I think you guys read it here at the start of your preamble, like, you know, it's the one alcoholic talking to another, 220 00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:40,900 and my mom wasn't an alcoholic for a long time, like a workaholic, until like the last couple of years, and she went downhill quick, and she could relate, though, and she was like, man, I didn't know you were this sick, I thought you were just an asshole, and, you know, but you got a problem, like, you know, she like knew, but she didn't know until she went through it, she knew about all the medical, she's a nurse, so she knows the medical disease, the reason, but until you experience, you don't know what we're going through, you know, and she was like, I found this place, I'm at this rehab, and there's a lot of love there, and I think that's what you need, you know, and it was, 221 00:17:40,920 --> 00:18:10,900 man, I didn't know, I thought it was like my dad's love, and this love, but it was, it was another love, man, it's God's love, you know, and I got into this program, I got into that room, that place, and it was the first time I was able to get honest, I got in there July 2012, tripped and stumbled a couple times, because I still have old ideas in my old ways, you know, but I got sober in December, and how I did it, man, I just, you know, I got honest, man, I couldn't get on, I was a liar cheating a thief, I remember the first prayer I did, I started praying, like, I didn't pray, you know, I had God in my life, I'm Catholic, if I prayed when I was in a 222 00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:40,900 cell, that was the only time, and, you know, and I started praying, and I prayed, I was like, God, please, please put the, put the right people in my life for once, man, I'm always, my friends were terrible, like, everybody I picked was just terrible, I was like, I need the right people in my life, I need to be sober, and, you know, and like, about 30 days in, I met this girl in the rooms, and I started hanging with her, she had like a year and a bit, and she 13th stepped me, and, you know, and, and we, I hung with her friends, though, like, they were all sober, and they 223 00:18:40,900 --> 00:19:10,880 were doing the deal, and I got in the middle of Alcoholics Anonymous, you know, that was like my first thing, right, and then I met my sponsor, Gary, who put his hand out to me, and introduced himself, and I started honestly going through the steps, and, you know, it was the first time I did an honest step one, an honest and thorough step one, man, because I read the doctor's opinion, and I've read it, I was in and out for like five, six years, so it was the first time I read it, and I heard it, you know what I mean, and it was like, I found out what I was suffering from, like, I was, I'm alcoholic, I'm proud to be an Irish, that's what we do, like, you know, bullshit, and, but it wasn't, 224 00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:40,880 it was, I was suffering from that, you know, the obsession of the mind, I had an allergy of the body, and I had a spiritual malady, and, but my, I remember my sponsor was like, but there is a solution, let's get into some work, you know, and he also said, nothing changes if nothing changes, he said, and I was like, so I had to change everything, right, and, you know, so I quit hanging with the old friends, every time I went out, it was like, I'm hanging with the old friends and stuff, so I stopped doing that, I was like, I'm changing it all, right, I'm gonna do it different, because this thing does not work, and all my ideas do not work, so, you know, we got into that step one, and that was the honest 225 00:19:40,900 --> 00:20:10,600 thing, man, that principle behind step one is honesty, and that's my foundation for my program, to then and today, like, I try to be honest in all my, it's just an easier, softer way, man, when I was trying to always come up with ideas, and lies, and all this stuff was just so confusing, and just disruptive, and just negative, you know, and that's like what my God today, I keep it positive, and keep it moving, that's like my, my thing, right, that's my mantra, so, and then I got into step two, and, you know, that was the God thing, and I didn't have a problem with God, I just needed to know I had a relationship, and I love the, I always tell my 226 00:20:10,900 --> 00:20:40,720 I'm like, you know, you're crazy, right, like, step two says, you're insane, like, we can be restored to sanity, but I knew I was insane, because I was homeless, and I was crazy, and, you know, but, so I was like, I could be restored to sanity, I could dig that, so I gave me some hope, and then we got into step three, and I used to always get into step three, and I was like, what do you mean, turn your will in your life, like, what does that mean, like, what do I get in my keys, like, I wanted something tangible, you know, and it wasn't about that, it was just, you know, it was just making a decision, and now I know, it's like, just let go, and let God, you know what I mean, let go, and just, 227 00:20:40,900 --> 00:21:10,880 let God, it's just, just let it be, and, because my way don't work, you know, and let God's way work, you know, just like how you were sharing, Natalie, it was perfect about, like, you know, just at the start of your, you know, how God did for you what you can do for yourself, and that was how I did my fourth step, Studio Spirit of Studio 12 was going down, and I, like, stalled on my fourth step for, like, a month or two, and they were having a four-step workshop, and I went to that, and I sat there, and I knocked out, like, most of my fourth step, and then finished it, presented it, you know, gave me the courage to present it to my sponsor, and, you know, finally gave me some integrity, man, I was 228 00:21:10,900 --> 00:21:40,880 able to clean house, like, you know, what a gift that was, I, like, you know, I just got to see my flawed character, and, like, you know, and it was, it was a, it was a great experience, I knew I was selfish and self-centered to the core, but just seeing it, and how I blamed others, and all the resentments I really had, that was just all my doing, and all, all the things I'd done to, to, like, manipulate everybody, and do all that stuff, and then, so we got my defects off of that, so we got into six and seven, and we'd rather drop the rock, and, you know, but that gave me the willingness to look at my defects and make them assets, and then I got humbly to ask 229 00:21:40,880 --> 00:22:10,860 God to take away my shortcomings, and that's how I align myself with God today, right, so all my defects, my dishonesty, my, my hate, my anger, my violence, like, you know, I turn into, like, compassion, honesty, and do all that, and, and, and that, that's the person I want to be, that's, that's the, that's the good Mike, that's the, the character, right, the psychic change we have, that's that side, man, and so I want to live in those assets, so I ask God every day, I do a seven-step prayer every morning, just to get in line with God, you know, and then it got into eight, eight step, and, and wrote out 230 00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:40,860 those names down, and, you know, I didn't want to do a lot of them, didn't want to make amends, but I know there was a couple I had to make, and when I did that ninth step, you know, I went to the mom, I went to the stepdad, who I hated, and, and then I wrote a letter to my dad, who had passed away, and it was the biggest resentment I had, blamed that poor man for everything, man, and, and, like, what I finally realized by writing this letter, and what you guys taught me, was that he was just sick, he was just a sick man, he was doing the best he could, and, man, it was just so, so freeing, man, I went to the beach with that girl I had met, we were 231 00:22:40,860 --> 00:23:10,840 there, and I wrote the letter, I had written it, and I just read it out loud, and gave it to God, and, and, man, what a weight that was lifted off my shoulders, man, and I was like, man, I'm in Alcoholics Anonymous, this is crazy, I was like six months sober, and I was like, I'm doing the deal, and I was feeling free, man, and, and I was like, man, I'm not turning back now, so, you know, and now I do 10, 11, and 12 on a daily basis, you know, I got that perseverance, I do a 10 step as best as I can, I'm always, I think that's the meat and potatoes of this program, is really doing a 10 step, how free do you want to be, you know, 232 00:23:10,860 --> 00:23:40,800 I mean, where do you want to go, what do you want to do, like, I don't want alcohol to ever come in, like, and it hasn't, thank God, like, when I did those steps, man, like, after probably that 9th step, the obsession had been lifted, maybe day one it was lifted, really, but, like, I really felt safe after doing that 9th step, and, you know, so I do, you know, I'd always check for resentment, for, for, for fear, for dishonesty, and for selfishness, like, I mean, I wake up selfish, I wake up thinking of Mike, I don't know about you guys, but I'm waking up thinking about me, how's my day, like, you know what I'm saying, I get in with God, I pray, I ask God to remove 233 00:23:40,800 --> 00:24:10,000 that, you know, I do a, I do my first, I've been doing these prayers since day one, I go, like, God, my name is Michael, I'm a real alcoholic, and I need your help today, and then I do this, like, second step prayer I learned, which is, God, give me your protection and care, as I abandon myself to you, and give up my old ways and my old ideas, just for today, and I love that prayer, that's my favorite prayer I've been doing since day one, because that's my old ways and my old ideas, got me in trouble all the time, and I, I can't use this thing, I need God to help me use this thing, and then I do a third step prayer to, you know, relieve that bondage of self, think of others, and then I do my step-in-step, 234 00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:10,680 little, 235 00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:40,320 step, and then I kind of do some reading, then I listen to God, and that's, like, my thing, man, every morning, because that's what God has taught me to do, and it's worked, and I do not want to go back to the old Mike, so I'm just going to keep doing that, because I'm happy, joyous, and free today, you know, my life, my life is pretty amazing, and then that 11th step is, you know, just more spirituality, you know, I just connect with God, and try to get that wisdom, I pray, I'm going to get a big prayer, not a big meditator, you can ask the wife, she's more of the meditator in the family, I think I got some ADHD going on, you know what I mean, 236 00:24:40,320 --> 00:25:10,320 I'm kind of all over the place, but I did, I have, and I know if it's a tool, when I, you know, need it, but I always do little readings, and I sit and just listen to God, and I, in my car, I kind of, like, you know, just turn down, when I shoot hoops, I love playing basketball, you know, just when I'm shooting by myself, I just listen to God, like, God's there with me, I'm at the gym, bone, God's there with me, I bring God everywhere, by the way, you know, where I go, God goes, man, and when you guys go, God goes, and I love hearing you guys speak, too, and people share, because I hear the message through you guys, I hear God speak through you guys, you know, and I love hearing you guys speak, too, and people share 237 00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:40,320 when I found Alcoholics Anonymous, I found home, you know, and I found, I found God here, man, through these steps, and then, what I do, I give it away for free, for fun, and for free, I sponsor a lot of guys, I'm all, I'm in the middle of this thing, I do, I'm a serviceman, and I wouldn't have it any other way, because it's, this program has given me a life beyond my wildest dreams, like, I didn't even think, I just wanted to be, be my dad, I wanted to live to 53, that was my biggest thing, I remember, I was like, I'll beat that bastard, you know, 53, that was my thing, right, and now, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, 238 00:25:40,320 --> 00:26:10,320 it's like expanding, I want to just help, man, I just want to be, I just want people to be sober and live this life, especially if you're sick, you know, because this is the best, best gift for an alcoholic like me, man, and yeah, I got lucky, and I get to sponsor a lot of guys, and I go to like, so, like, even from day one, man, I got commitments, I got in the middle of Alcoholics Anonymous, I still do, like, about two, three meetings a week, I'm a men's meeting in, on Monday night, in Glendale, I'm a, I have a commitment there, still, I was just a secretary, now, I'm, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm 239 00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:40,140 I'm the setup guy, you know what I mean, that's what we do, right, you know, that's the unity part of that circle, you know, being a part of, and my fellowship, I, Thursday night, Pacoima's men's meeting, I've been a regular there since I had like six months of sobriety, I've secretaried that meeting, I'm a service there with those guys, and then my Friday night meeting, I'm in unit A, Scantless Pigs, it's a men's meeting, if you guys ever want to get rowdy on a Friday night, come on out, it's fun, it's rowdy, but then we get serious, it's a good group of guys, but a great fellowship, I love all those men in there, 240 00:26:40,140 --> 00:27:10,120 and we have a lot of guys, and then Cry Help comes in, Impact comes in, we got a lot of guys, and that's where I get a lot of sponsees, that's like my sponsee place, and, you know, so I help a lot of guys through that, and, because I'm willing, I'm still willing today, as I was willing when I first came in, to have this better life, and, you know, so there's, you know, these days, it's kind of weird, like, you know, we read in the big book, and, you know, Bill, how they did it and gone to the hospitals and all that stuff, it's changed, right, and, but now, like, you know, you have to, like, how willing are you, so, like, some guys, like, I know, don't want to go and make commitments to go pick up 241 00:27:10,140 --> 00:27:40,140 guys at Impact, or go to Cry Help, I don't know, there's criterias these days, but I'm willing, like, you know, I'll set up, I'll go once a week, I'll meet a guy, take him through the big book, and see his life change, you know, that's the gift I get, and it does, man, I've sponsored a lot of guys in these 13 years, and a lot of lives have changed, man, it's cool, you know, that's a little wrinkle in the pond, right, you know what I mean, all those little, the ripple effect, you know, because of me getting sober, for what my sponsor gave to me, I pass it on to the next guy, pass it on to the next guy, like, you know, and I have, like, a little sponsee for me, you know, and I have, like, a 242 00:27:40,140 --> 00:28:10,120 12-step promise, by the way, a fellowship will grow up about you, and it has, man, and I have guys all around me, you know, which is great, and then what else, so in sobriety, so that stepdad, I remember I had, like, two years of sobriety, right, my mom got sober after me, which was cool, she was in and out, so that was tough, the first, like, I remember six months of my sobriety, my mom was a mess, but she, we got her to the Pacoima Women's place, and she got, she had to get a little humble, she was a little high and mighty, that Irish woman, and she got 243 00:28:10,120 --> 00:28:40,100 a little humble, and she got sober, and then my stepdad got sick, and my stepdad got terminal cancer, and so, you know, for the next year, not even, man, it kind of went quick, but it was, like, my second year of sobriety, but what a guy, I got to show up, and be a son to my mom, to my, I have stepbrothers and sisters, and to be there for my stepdad the best I could, you know, and you guys taught me that, you guys gave me that gift, Alcoholics Anonymous was there for me, and walked me through that, and I remember one of my, before he passed, he was, like, 244 00:28:40,100 --> 00:29:09,940 man, I'm, like, we hated each other, we didn't get along, and he said, I'm so proud of you, like, how far you've come, and I have a stepbrother who's a little, a little out there, and he was, like, man, you give me hope that my son can, can, can get his life together, and, you know, he's just proud, and I was, like, man, what a gift, what a gift, man, and then when he passed, you know, I got to be there for my mom, and I got to show up, and suit up, and be a son, and what I always wanted to be, like, you know, I was such a taker, and such a terrible son, 245 00:29:10,100 --> 00:29:39,260 and now I got to be, you guys have taught me how to show up, and, and, and be accountable, and just be a loving son, and just, you know, an arm, a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to listen, and, and just to be there, you know, and, and then, same time, my mom's, and, like, it all happened, like, he died in November, and then in March, my other uncle, my mom's brother, Kevin, who was back in Ireland, got colon cancer, and he passed, and, you know, again, got to be there and show up for my mom, then, in that summer, my uncle John, who was my other mom's brother, who was one of us, 246 00:29:40,100 --> 00:30:10,100 came in in Hawaii, and never came back, and, and, you know, and, again, I got to be there, be a son, and, and, and walk my mom through that, and, and, it was cool, we went to Hawaii, he, he was in the Big Island, and we went a couple years ago, and I got to go to the spot where he disappeared, you know, and just had a little, because John was cool, like, when I was, like, 15, he lived with us for a while, and he's one of us, and he used to bring me, I used to get home from school, from St. Francis, and he'd always have a six-pack of Bohemia waiting, and, like, and that was our thing, you know, so we'd drink some beers and shit, and, like, you know, he'd always have a six-pack of Bohemia 247 00:30:10,100 --> 00:30:39,860 and I always had the sick, he had the crazy killer bud from up north, too, you knew the guys in Humboldt, so, yeah, so we got along, right, so me and John were cool, and, you know, and I missed him, and he was, you know, but he was a sick man, you know, and he was one of us, and, so it was cool to go there and have a little peace, and, and say a little prayer, and give it to God, and just, I don't know, it was just a nice little experience, and I wouldn't have got to experience that if I wasn't sober, let's see, so it was, like, some rough spots in life, but then good things happened, too, it was that girl I met, and I was hanging around with, and who, who kept me sober, 248 00:30:40,100 --> 00:31:10,080 helped keep me sober, I ended up marrying her, and that's that woman right there, so five years into sobriety, we, we got married, and, and it was, it was, what a day, what a fun day, hot, it was, like, 105 degrees in, in the, where were we, in Westlake, maybe 110, I don't know, it was a hot day, it was, like, the hottest day of the year, AC broke, things were going wrong, but we were having such a great time, and, and the coolest thing was, I remember sitting up front, and, like, so her, her mom and dad have over 40 years of sobriety, it was the whole time, 249 00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:40,000 sobriety in that family, and, so they were there with all their AA friends and stuff, and then in the middle is my sponsor, my, my fellowship, my buddies, and my boys, and then over here, my crazy, drunken Irish family came out, you know what I mean, and I was just, like, cool, man, and I loved it, and, man, I was just sitting there, I was, like, for me, like, you know what I mean, this guy who would just, I wouldn't have cared, done nothing for them, I didn't, I was just a taker, I was a terrible, you know, just person, and then they were all there to, you know, 250 00:31:40,080 --> 00:32:10,060 share that love with me, man, and I was, like, man, that's, that's Alcoholics Anonymous, like, you know, I wouldn't have got to experience that, and, and all the trips we've had, like, and I have a great relationship, man, with my wife, and she has her own program, she's sober, also, and, and we live this, we're in this thing, man, we're in Alcoholics Anonymous, and we do this, and the whole family is really, another tough thing, my mom has been in and out, she had, like, 11 years of sobriety, and then she went out, and my sister, still sober, but her and the mom are, are beefing, and families, man, what can you do? 251 00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:40,060 right, you know, life's in session with the families, and, you know, so it's, it's tough, man, and, but it's been, it's been rough for my mom in the last, like, year, and it hurts, man, but I, I just show up again, I just do what you guys have taught me, and I show up, and I try to be the, you know, the son, I just try to keep it honest with her, and, you know, she's sober now, kind of, we think, and, you know, but thank God, I got my sane, sober in-laws, you know what I mean, who go through their own stuff, and, but, but thank God I have that, and then the best thing, man, I was homeless in my life, 252 00:32:40,080 --> 00:33:10,080 and hopeless, man, and, and, and three years ago, we bought our first home, and, like, you know, we, like I said, we live around the corner, and, like, that's just blows my mind, like, I, when I came to Alcoholics Anonymous, I didn't have a driver's license, I didn't have a bank account, I was in check system, like, you know what I mean, I couldn't even get a credit card, I had to get a secured card, and start building my credit up, and then I got good credit, like, today, at 13 years sober, man, I have good credit, I have a home, I have a truck, I have, like, all those, like, things, like, that you guys taught me, like, you know, grown-up stuff, you know, but the best thing, I have a peace of mind, I 253 00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:32,300 have a big heart, and, and I got peace, man, I got so much peace, and it's all because of Alcoholics Anonymous, and another guy, like, and I haven't hit anybody in 13 years, like, I've never, I haven't fought, like, I have no reason to, because you guys taught me, you know, so many things, how to, how to deal with situations, how to deal with people, and for that, I'm forever grateful, and, you know, and I'll just keep coming back, and thanks for letting me speak tonight, guys.