1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:30,240 Keyvon Alcoholics. Thank you guys for having me. Thank you Abraham for reaching out. It's always, it's a blessing, you know, just coming, driving down and thinking it's Saturday night, right? And I share this regularly at evening meetings on the weekends, like, we shouldn't be here. For both physically, like, and also living wise. The way we're living, we shouldn't be here. 2 00:00:30,260 --> 00:01:00,240 And if we were still alive, there's no way we would be caught dead in Reseda at 7.30 p.m. in an AA meeting, you know? So, yeah, it's like, you know, sometimes just taking a step back, my life is good, you know, and I'm very fortunate. I'm 45 now, and I'm at that age where, like, I have several adult years, you know, and I have several years, hopefully, God willing, 3 00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:21,880 ahead of me. And I have a level of experience and still a level of youthfulness where, like, my approach to life and my responsibilities are greater, but also my ability to really appreciate what I have is just, is what I think makes me just very grateful for not just AA, for everything. 4 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:29,820 You know, I am, I came to AA when I was almost 33 years old, and it was the first time in my life, 5 00:01:30,240 --> 00:02:00,220 I just wanted to stop drinking. I first started drinking when I was 17, and the first time I drank, I was at my older brother's house, or his apartment, and I drank and I passed out on his couch. And, you know, he's, I'm very close to my brother, we're just messing around. He had this thing where, when I would pass out, he would cover my nose, and then I'd have to gasp for air and breathe out of my mouth. And I guess he did that a few times that evening. And I share that story just to say, like, we're just messing around. 6 00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:30,100 No one's thinking much of it. Oh, it's his first time. But that's my story. When, over the course of the next almost 15 years or so, it's, I drank to the outs. It's till I blacked out, till I passed out, or till the alcohol ran out, you know. And the times that I didn't drink, I just didn't drink. You know what I mean? It wasn't, like, a situation where I'm just going to have a glass of wine and just call it a day, you know. I was just not going to drink. And then when I was going to drink, I thought I would just have a few. 7 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:59,180 And that never worked. But because I really focused on school and education, I latched onto that as part of my identity. So I did well. I didn't have any misdemeanor or felony convictions. I've been arrested, not even once, just once, I guess, in high school. But other than that, there was no major legal issues. I never had issues at school. I went to college, did well in college, went to grad school, did well in grad school. 8 00:02:59,180 --> 00:03:00,140 You know, so I always, 9 00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:25,960 I always thought, yeah, I have a potential problem with my drinking, but I'll figure it out. Like, I figured out most everything else in my life. And so I'm going through life. And from an early age, like, I wanted this job. So I get this job, and I'm about 25. And now there's no more goal in that sense, you know. So now I'm just a professional. I'm making money. And now I'm off to the races, you know. 10 00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:28,940 At that time, I was dating a girl from college. 11 00:03:28,940 --> 00:03:58,940 So we dated around for seven years. So by the age of 27, she was a great, great human being. Fantastic. We got along well. She wasn't a big partier the way I wanted to party. She wanted to settle down. And I thought I wanted to, but it wasn't in my cards. So I broke her heart. And at this point, I don't have an obligation of a girlfriend. I have the job I want. I'm making money. And I'm thinking I'm going to live the party life for the rest of my life. And it's, it's the insanity. When I look back, right, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like 12 00:03:58,940 --> 00:04:27,400 And when I started doing the steps to really just reflecting on my approach to my drinking, I knew I couldn't like drink in a very disciplined fashion. So my solution wasn't to stop drinking. My solution was to do other things to keep me up from passing out. Right. And there's a there's a story in the book that says like, you know, most people change their behavior to to reach their goals. 13 00:04:28,940 --> 00:04:58,920 We start changing our goals to match our behavior, you know, and I love the term yet. You know, I remember before getting sober. I was like, I haven't gotten arrested yet. You know, I haven't gotten a DUI yet. I really believe that, you know, I didn't think that like I was invincible or whatnot. I just thought like, man, my luck's gonna run out. And I have a problem. And but the 27 year old me didn't think so. You know, the 27 year old me would my older brother, he's in the program, too. We grew up together, we went to undergrad together, we went to 14 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:21,400 We went to grad school together. We lived together. When he was having marital problems, he was on my couch. When I was having marital problems, I was on his couch. He's the one who, through trying to help me, found out he's an alcoholic as well. So our lives have always been intertwined. To top it off, on his second birthday, I was born. So we share the same birth date, just two years apart. 15 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:50,400 And so we would have these plans to just party, right? So let's say New Year's, a group of us would go out. His wife at the time would make spreadsheets of who was responsible for what, breaking down the costs. We would have three hotel rooms side by side. The middle room was a party room. The other two rooms would drown out the noise so we could go until the next day and beyond. 16 00:05:51,400 --> 00:06:20,140 Someone needed to really pass out. They would just go to either one of the rooms, you know, and we would have party favors to make sure the party would keep going. The problem is, he's like me, we're high energy, so we need to eventually sleep. And so we're just drinking more, drinking more, drinking more. And at that point, you all know the story. Our bodies are just depleted. We have an eight. And so the solution to not eating, because of course, we're not going to want to sit down and have a meal, is someone would be in charge of getting insured, right? 17 00:06:20,140 --> 00:06:21,040 You're talking about like 20? 18 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:51,340 Late 20s to early 30 year old men and women partying and having insured to make sure they have enough nutrients to just party more, right? It's just the insanity of the disease. And, you know, I just thought I was going to party and have alcohol in my life for like, in perpetuity. And so I met a girl and I thought it was great. She's a partier too. But of course, like all the other women in my life, she was a hostage. And hostage by what I mean by is that like, I didn't know what I was doing. 19 00:06:51,340 --> 00:06:51,380 I didn't know what I was doing. 20 00:06:51,380 --> 00:07:18,820 I didn't know how to live life. I didn't know how to love a human being. I didn't know how to love myself. So there's no way I'm going to be in a marriage and know how to take care of somebody. And I had all the right intentions. I wasn't going to stop drinking, though. She didn't necessarily stop drinking either. But we had no business getting married. I had no business marrying anyone, let alone her. And that crash and burned very quickly in less than. So if we got married in October, by August, she had already filed for divorce. 21 00:07:18,820 --> 00:07:45,480 You know, and looking back, that was the greatest thing, gift she could have ever given me. Not only did she file, she wanted nothing to do with me. So I got sober on August 6th of 2014. Every once in a while, maybe for like the holidays or a birthday, I would send her like an email. She never responded. So when I got sober, it was just me. It was just me trying to stop drinking and figuring out what's going on. 22 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:48,800 I didn't have to worry about trying to save the marriage because she didn't. 23 00:07:48,820 --> 00:08:18,820 I didn't want anything to do with me. I didn't have a choice. And that was the greatest gift. And I say that because it was August 8th at this point. I'm sitting in an AA meeting and I hear the preamble. The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking. And I sat there and I thought to myself, I don't want to drink anymore. Prior to that, I had gone to AA maybe a few times just to appease her. I didn't really mesh with the group. Figuring out that later on, you know, I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm 24 00:08:18,820 --> 00:08:48,820 not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink 25 00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:52,860 app out. I'm out. That's what I was. That's just what I felt like. So I'm going to meetings and I'm 26 00:08:52,860 --> 00:08:58,780 feeling good. You know, I had previously because of work or because of school, I could go months 27 00:08:58,780 --> 00:09:04,460 without drinking, but it wasn't ever going to be a permanent thing. And so to not drink for, 28 00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:10,120 let's say, several weeks wasn't necessarily going to be an issue. But like I felt it around 29 00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:17,880 like 75 to 90 days where I was like, OK, I'm feeling good. I'm feeling good. Like, OK, 30 00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:24,220 I hadn't started the steps, but I hadn't I hadn't been dealing with the guilt of the 31 00:09:24,220 --> 00:09:29,100 debauchery of the night before or the weekend before, you know, like the countless times of 32 00:09:29,100 --> 00:09:35,400 waking up middle of the night, like panicked, like, how did I get home or where am I looking 33 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:39,840 back? I mean, now in the digital age, you could look at receipts or your credit card or your phone 34 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:47,860 transactions. So I could kind of start trying to piece that the night before and and thinking like, 35 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:52,920 God, I thought I wasn't going to drink more than just two drinks. And then thinking, like, did I 36 00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:59,000 like cheat on my wife? Like, did I like get into a fight? Did I embarrass myself if it was a work 37 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:05,700 function? You know, then coming day, it says only an alcoholic sends a text message. Good morning 38 00:10:05,700 --> 00:10:17,560 with the question mark, because we have no idea what happened. And so it's about like three, 39 00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:25,860 three and a half months. I got initially sober in Glendale, where my brother, who at this stage 40 00:10:25,860 --> 00:10:32,820 is working the steps, encourages me to consider getting a sponsor. And I was like, you know, 41 00:10:32,980 --> 00:10:38,280 I'm like, yeah, I kind of feel like I need to. I just don't know. Like, it just seems embarrassing. 42 00:10:38,540 --> 00:10:42,720 He goes, we'll go to your meeting. Just go a little earlier. Right. And if there's someone 43 00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:47,820 you kind of know that you've talked to here and there, why don't you ask him? It was immense. 44 00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:52,980 Meeting. What that like, hey, you know, you're thinking of getting a sponsor who we'd recommend. 45 00:10:53,500 --> 00:10:58,020 Right. And then maybe he'll introduce you, you know, just like let it unfold. I was like, OK, 46 00:10:58,020 --> 00:11:03,020 I could do that. So I go to the meeting and I sit relatively in the front. Not a lot of people have 47 00:11:03,020 --> 00:11:08,080 shown up. And this and Jamie shows up and he sits next to me. He's like, oh, look at you all about 48 00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:13,100 a getting here early, sitting in the front. I'm like, oh, yeah, you know, I'm just trying to take 49 00:11:13,100 --> 00:11:16,960 the next step. He's like, oh, what step are you on? I was like, oh, that wasn't a good choice of 50 00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:17,500 words. Yeah. 51 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:23,640 I was trying. I'm trying to progress and get a sponsor. I was like, oh, maybe you could help me 52 00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:30,560 out. Do you have someone in mind that you'd recommend to be my sponsor? And he goes, well, 53 00:11:30,560 --> 00:11:35,880 I know you're not asking me, but I could be your sponsor. And the weight of the world was lifted 54 00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:42,880 off my shoulders because whether he knew it or not, God did at that moment. Like I wasn't sure 55 00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:47,800 if I was even going to ask his recommendation, but I didn't need to. He took that task from me 56 00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:54,800 because I was willing. And, you know, he recently passed away. When I moved, I had switched 57 00:11:54,800 --> 00:12:01,800 sponsors. He didn't have the most like thorough understanding of the book or a very thorough 58 00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:07,400 understanding of or knowledge of the steps. But he was a kind man and he gave me his time. And 59 00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:13,180 because of my education and schooling, I didn't need someone to really like hammer how the book 60 00:12:13,180 --> 00:12:17,200 like to read the book or whatnot. I had read the book before coming into AA. 61 00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:23,080 You give me an assignment to this day. I'll do it. I'll put the time in. I'll do the research. 62 00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:28,980 I enjoy it. I just needed a man to give me his time with no strings attached. And I didn't know 63 00:12:28,980 --> 00:12:34,240 that's what I needed, but he gave me that. And so as we continued working, as he continued to 64 00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:38,940 invite me into his home, as we continued to have book studies and bring other people in, you know, 65 00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:45,440 I saw how you love another human being. I saw especially how another man can love another man 66 00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:47,780 without any compensation. Just care. 67 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:56,700 I saw how a group comes together to not only carry the message, but to also, you know, really root for 68 00:12:56,700 --> 00:13:01,460 me. And I saw how I could root for someone I don't even know. I could even root for someone who I 69 00:13:01,460 --> 00:13:06,540 don't even care for their shares. I could pray for someone I do not like. You know, those things 70 00:13:06,540 --> 00:13:13,620 aren't mutually exclusive. I started learning how to live in God's path. I believe it's what 71 00:13:13,620 --> 00:13:16,980 God has intended for us. And I'll get to the higher power. 72 00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:23,280 You know, when I was starting the steps, you know, I didn't grow up with religion. I didn't grow up with 73 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:28,180 this notion of a higher power. But I knew there was something in the rooms. I knew there was 74 00:13:28,180 --> 00:13:34,140 something going on. And I knew that there was something that was not only keeping me sober, 75 00:13:34,140 --> 00:13:41,580 but was helping me be a better human being. And so being able to latch on to the term God or 76 00:13:41,580 --> 00:13:46,200 understanding of a higher power wasn't as challenging for me because I didn't have 77 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:47,540 a frame of reference. 78 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:56,560 You know, I was kind of like a blank piece of paper. And, you know, I remember like going 79 00:13:56,560 --> 00:14:02,440 through the steps. I took my time because I was feeling well. And like many of us, you know, like 80 00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:07,680 we start resting on our laurels and getting comfortable. I'm getting comfortable because 81 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:14,240 I'm not making a fool of myself. I'm getting comfortable because, you know, I'm building back 82 00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:16,800 the relationships that I may have. 83 00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:21,140 I'm making sure that I'm good, you know? And I thought to myself, you know, I'm not 84 00:14:21,140 --> 00:14:25,660 going to make a fool of myself, you know? And then I went through it. I'm like, I mean 85 00:14:25,660 --> 00:14:28,960 I'm a good person, you know? And so I was like, you know, I'm really good. You know, 86 00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:32,800 comfort me a little bit. I don't mind being a fool. I don't mind that I'm afraid. You 87 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:35,860 know, I'm out there with my friends. I'm afraid that I'm going to look for someone 88 00:14:35,860 --> 00:14:39,420 that is not safe. And then I'm like, all right, I'm like, you know what? All right, I'm not 89 00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:43,160 my life partner. I don't care. I just want to make it work. I want to make it pretty. 90 00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:48,780 we're having our conversation you know and like i still feel anxious right and i'm going through it 91 00:14:48,780 --> 00:14:54,260 and then i'm just sharing with them we're just we're it's still a very comfortable setting it's 92 00:14:54,260 --> 00:15:00,580 a safe setting for me still and as i as i as i just talk about myself as i like in my head think 93 00:15:00,580 --> 00:15:06,820 that i'm sharing how i'm less than the average human being like the nothing faces him he shares 94 00:15:06,820 --> 00:15:16,040 his experiences and he shares his own story um in relation to what i'm sharing and that night like 95 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:23,380 there was a weight of like i felt for the first time i was a part of the human race you know and 96 00:15:23,380 --> 00:15:28,880 i knew it like i knew it right when it happened like i held on to all of this you didn't my ex 97 00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:35,380 wife didn't no one did i in my head have perceived myself and everything that i've done as me being a 98 00:15:35,380 --> 00:15:36,780 and i drank 99 00:15:36,780 --> 00:15:41,660 and not knowing at the time when i was drinking that i just kept feeling less than and i didn't 100 00:15:41,660 --> 00:15:47,040 want to keep feeling less than i kept thinking in my mind right like it's just exhausting being me 101 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:53,440 it's exhausting trying to make sense of this world trying to make things work and and and reality is 102 00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:58,560 trying to control and not knowing manipulate situations to come out the way i think they need 103 00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:05,070 to and um i just remember after doing the fifth step we're going through the character defects 104 00:16:05,070 --> 00:16:06,470 and 105 00:16:06,470 --> 00:16:12,250 i write down my list on the eighth step and then and now we're getting into the ninth step and i'm 106 00:16:12,250 --> 00:16:17,830 meeting people at this stage you know like i though i was a little anxious to do some of the 107 00:16:17,830 --> 00:16:23,110 nine step amends unlike many people that i've i've heard share in the past like i wanted to 108 00:16:23,110 --> 00:16:31,470 make amends i i wanted to make things right and so i started off with the easy ones there wasn't 109 00:16:31,470 --> 00:16:35,910 much pushback um and i'm going through the amends i 110 00:16:36,470 --> 00:16:41,850 in my profession i'm a public speaker so i prepare when i write and i've 111 00:16:41,850 --> 00:16:49,070 done a lot of speaking arrangements i speak daily in court and i still practice a lot and so um every 112 00:16:49,070 --> 00:16:55,550 day i had a nine step prayer and every day that i was going to make the amends i i kind of wrote out 113 00:16:55,550 --> 00:17:00,510 some notes and ideas and i just practiced just the the first part of what i would say 114 00:17:00,510 --> 00:17:06,310 um especially if i hadn't talked to the individual for quite some time um it wasn't fully 115 00:17:06,310 --> 00:17:13,450 I was prepared. That would make me feel comfortable and ultimately that's what helped make the amends actually go smoother. 116 00:17:13,450 --> 00:17:31,280 So I'm going through the list and there's two on the list that are the most damaging. One is my soon-to-be ex-wife and the other one was that college girlfriend. Her name was Melissa that I dated that completely broke her heart. 117 00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:45,370 So I reached out to Melissa and the timing was actually pretty good. Her birthday was February 13th so I emailed her happy birthday. She responded thank you right away. 118 00:17:45,370 --> 00:17:57,910 And so a few days later I called her. I left a message about being able to meet up and just knowing her personality she called me back right away and said yeah I could meet. 119 00:17:58,070 --> 00:18:01,550 She's the type of person that just wants to get it over with. She's not going to try to like. 120 00:18:01,590 --> 00:18:17,410 Push it off. She's not one who holds a grudge that way. And so we meet like two days later. And later on I find out she was like yeah I was thinking like is he calling me? Is he doing like that call? 121 00:18:17,410 --> 00:18:27,750 Because she like someone was like oh he probably has an STD and he has to call everyone who's a little bit past or some ridiculous thing right? And I was like oh that's pretty funny. 122 00:18:30,230 --> 00:18:31,230 And so. 123 00:18:31,570 --> 00:18:43,940 Melissa's Catholic. She grew up going to Catholic school. Her parents are devout Catholics baptized in the Catholic Church. 124 00:18:43,980 --> 00:18:51,420 The reason I say this is so the talk of God to her wasn't very hard to hear and it was actually comforting. 125 00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:59,780 So I go we meet we talk for several hours and I explained to her that I'm an alcoholic. 126 00:18:59,780 --> 00:19:01,940 I explained to her that like you know. 127 00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:15,080 I can't change the past but you know I'm here to make it right you know I'm not that person I don't live that life and she felt it you know she felt it because she knew that like she always saw like the potential in me. 128 00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:31,260 We were in college and in grad school so that point like we're not living together so certain things we may overlook but but deep down she always thought I was a good person you know she always just thought I needed to get my act together with the drinking she didn't understand fully what an alcoholic was. 129 00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:52,840 So she embraced that aspect and I share this and I spent all this time telling the story is because she texts me that night and from the text and prior to even making the call to the men's I knew that this wasn't an opportunity to try to get back with her because I would really just screw up the whole men's process. 130 00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:59,960 This was a prop the opportunity to actually make amends from her text I can tell that she. 131 00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:01,940 She says I had closure on a month. 132 00:20:01,940 --> 00:20:04,700 She says I had closure on a lot of things but she still left the door open. 133 00:20:05,470 --> 00:20:06,510 On other things. 134 00:20:07,410 --> 00:20:29,030 And so for the next month I'm over analyzing the text and obsessing like we do as our cause but more importantly I'm actually praying and talking to people about it and I say this because I knew that the next time I reached out to her and if I were to ever reach out to her in a way to make it potentially go to the next level I have to be ready be willing to marry her. 135 00:20:29,490 --> 00:20:31,870 Now what I mean by that is this if we are. 136 00:20:31,970 --> 00:20:34,650 Compatible I've already known her for seven years. 137 00:20:35,210 --> 00:20:39,330 If we are compatible I'm not here to just figure things out anymore. 138 00:20:39,770 --> 00:20:59,730 She's not either she's a woman in her thirties who was going to marry me and so if I'm going to go out on a date again with her it's not to try to figure things out if I'm serious and she's serious I have to be willing to marry her and so I go through it and I am I always just thought she was the one that got away so we go on a date we don't know what to date. 139 00:20:59,950 --> 00:21:01,950 So on the second date we find out it. 140 00:21:02,170 --> 00:21:03,290 Is a date and. 141 00:21:04,150 --> 00:21:05,250 Fast forward. 142 00:21:05,830 --> 00:21:09,510 In September 9th of 2017 we got married and. 143 00:21:11,070 --> 00:21:11,970 She's like. 144 00:21:12,750 --> 00:21:23,070 I never thought I'd get married again I never thought it not because I didn't care for companionship or what not I was just in my happy being sober happy being an. 145 00:21:23,650 --> 00:21:30,850 Uncle to my nephew taking care of my family and like I just didn't want that I didn't want to try to have children. 146 00:21:30,850 --> 00:21:32,850 I didn't think I'd be a good father. 147 00:21:33,350 --> 00:21:42,350 I didn't want to have the risk of hurting someone else again because I was worried if we'd be compatible I always just thought Melissa was the one that got away but she did it. 148 00:21:43,050 --> 00:21:43,550 You know. 149 00:21:44,090 --> 00:21:46,090 God had something else in store. 150 00:21:46,670 --> 00:21:57,790 And I will tell you I wrote letters to all of her family members because her mom wasn't very happy that I was back in her life. 151 00:21:58,370 --> 00:22:00,630 Her mom quotes. 152 00:22:00,850 --> 00:22:01,850 She said. 153 00:22:01,850 --> 00:22:03,850 He's just playing you. 154 00:22:03,850 --> 00:22:05,850 Like you'll see. 155 00:22:05,850 --> 00:22:07,850 I'm not wrong on these things. 156 00:22:07,850 --> 00:22:09,850 That was September of 2016. 157 00:22:09,850 --> 00:22:11,850 December. 158 00:22:11,850 --> 00:22:13,850 2nd of 2016. 159 00:22:13,850 --> 00:22:15,850 I'm kind of old school. 160 00:22:15,850 --> 00:22:17,850 My parents showed up. 161 00:22:17,850 --> 00:22:19,850 Me and my dad in suits. 162 00:22:19,850 --> 00:22:21,850 My mom's dressed very nice to their house. 163 00:22:21,850 --> 00:22:23,850 It was planned where I asked her mom and dad for her blessing. 164 00:22:23,850 --> 00:22:25,850 To marry their daughter. 165 00:22:25,850 --> 00:22:27,850 He has three daughters. 166 00:22:27,850 --> 00:22:29,850 I'd like to believe I'm the favorite son-in-law since I'm the only one who actually did that. 167 00:22:29,850 --> 00:22:30,850 Yeah. 168 00:22:30,850 --> 00:22:33,850 The other two son-in-laws didn't. 169 00:22:33,850 --> 00:22:36,850 But that's not me. 170 00:22:36,850 --> 00:22:37,850 You know. 171 00:22:37,850 --> 00:22:40,850 That's me and my connection with my higher power. 172 00:22:40,850 --> 00:22:44,850 Allow me to be present and do what needs to be done. 173 00:22:44,850 --> 00:22:47,850 And fast forward. 174 00:22:47,850 --> 00:22:48,850 You know. 175 00:22:48,850 --> 00:22:50,850 I have a home group. 176 00:22:50,850 --> 00:22:51,850 It's in Pacoima. 177 00:22:51,850 --> 00:22:53,850 I love the men there. 178 00:22:53,850 --> 00:22:55,850 I love the women there. 179 00:22:55,850 --> 00:22:58,850 The Sunday meeting is a great meeting. 180 00:22:58,850 --> 00:22:59,850 It's a participation meeting. 181 00:22:59,850 --> 00:23:05,850 But the Thursday night men's stag is my meat and potatoes. 182 00:23:05,850 --> 00:23:09,850 It's a meeting where I always tell the men there. 183 00:23:09,850 --> 00:23:15,850 If you consider a place your home group, then treat it like you want your home to be treated. 184 00:23:15,850 --> 00:23:16,850 You know. 185 00:23:16,850 --> 00:23:18,850 You take care of your home. 186 00:23:18,850 --> 00:23:20,850 If you need to contribute, you contribute. 187 00:23:20,850 --> 00:23:25,850 If someone comes in who's not familiar, you lend out a hand. 188 00:23:25,850 --> 00:23:26,850 You know. 189 00:23:26,850 --> 00:23:27,850 You take a commitment. 190 00:23:27,850 --> 00:23:29,850 Act of service wasn't hard for me. 191 00:23:29,850 --> 00:23:35,850 And I know at times it may be for some individuals if they don't have the reps of doing it. 192 00:23:35,850 --> 00:23:37,850 But it's a big deal. 193 00:23:37,850 --> 00:23:40,850 Because my home group, no matter how bad I feel. 194 00:23:40,850 --> 00:23:42,850 It's not just limited to my home group. 195 00:23:42,850 --> 00:23:44,850 But especially my home group. 196 00:23:44,850 --> 00:23:47,850 I always feel better when I leave an AA meeting. 197 00:23:47,850 --> 00:23:52,850 I have yet to go to an AA meeting where I felt like that was a waste of an hour. 198 00:23:52,850 --> 00:23:53,850 You know. 199 00:23:53,850 --> 00:23:55,850 And it's not like, oh, just very fortunate that that's never happened to me. 200 00:23:55,850 --> 00:24:00,850 In these meetings, it's the presence of God. 201 00:24:00,850 --> 00:24:01,850 You know. 202 00:24:01,850 --> 00:24:02,850 It's a spiritual program. 203 00:24:02,850 --> 00:24:04,850 I have no problem talking about God. 204 00:24:04,850 --> 00:24:06,850 And I also say I didn't find him right away. 205 00:24:06,850 --> 00:24:07,850 You know. 206 00:24:07,850 --> 00:24:08,850 Like the seeking. 207 00:24:08,850 --> 00:24:10,850 And now I'm playing a little bit of semantics. 208 00:24:10,850 --> 00:24:11,850 But I was the one that was lost. 209 00:24:11,850 --> 00:24:13,850 I was the one that needed to be found. 210 00:24:13,850 --> 00:24:18,850 And I didn't know that I was seeking or needing God in my life. 211 00:24:18,850 --> 00:24:23,850 For us alcoholics, we unfortunately have. 212 00:24:23,850 --> 00:24:24,850 You know. 213 00:24:24,850 --> 00:24:27,850 We're very resourceful. 214 00:24:27,850 --> 00:24:33,850 However, when that resourcefulness turns into an obsession where we're trying to control how things go. 215 00:24:33,850 --> 00:24:34,850 It's deadly. 216 00:24:34,850 --> 00:24:35,850 It's deadly. 217 00:24:35,850 --> 00:24:38,850 And it doesn't need to be limited to alcohol or drugs. 218 00:24:38,850 --> 00:24:41,850 We can take a thought or an idea, obsess over it. 219 00:24:41,850 --> 00:24:49,850 And that discomfort will lead us to do very, very ridiculous and out of character things. 220 00:24:49,850 --> 00:24:52,850 And from those things, we hurt people. 221 00:24:52,850 --> 00:24:57,850 And it's just such a blessing. 222 00:24:57,850 --> 00:24:58,850 You know. 223 00:24:58,850 --> 00:25:02,850 Like my whole life, me, my existence right now is because of AA. 224 00:25:02,850 --> 00:25:03,850 You know. 225 00:25:03,850 --> 00:25:05,850 I was 32, almost 33 when I got sober. 226 00:25:05,850 --> 00:25:09,850 Without a doubt, I would have either died or been imprisoned by now. 227 00:25:09,850 --> 00:25:11,850 Like there's no question in my mind. 228 00:25:11,850 --> 00:25:12,850 Even though I never had a DUI. 229 00:25:12,850 --> 00:25:15,850 Even though I never had been arrested. 230 00:25:15,850 --> 00:25:19,850 There is no way with the way I was drinking something crazy wasn't going to happen. 231 00:25:19,850 --> 00:25:20,850 You know. 232 00:25:20,850 --> 00:25:23,850 The fact that I'm just alive and nothing happened is a miracle. 233 00:25:23,850 --> 00:25:30,850 Then you take the next miracle that I stopped drinking and I've maintained that for 12 years. 234 00:25:30,850 --> 00:25:31,850 That's another miracle. 235 00:25:31,850 --> 00:25:38,850 And then the fact that I'm able to then, to the best of my ability, try to carry this message and help other people. 236 00:25:38,850 --> 00:25:40,850 That's another miracle. 237 00:25:40,850 --> 00:25:41,850 You know. 238 00:25:41,850 --> 00:25:50,850 The reason AA is so, so successful is because nothing we do here is mimicked in the other. 239 00:25:50,850 --> 00:25:51,850 The outside world. 240 00:25:51,850 --> 00:25:54,850 And I say the outside world but it really is. 241 00:25:54,850 --> 00:25:55,850 You know. 242 00:25:55,850 --> 00:26:03,850 Like sometimes I like to imagine like if God's just, you know, like let's say every city is a channel. 243 00:26:03,850 --> 00:26:04,850 He just flips through. 244 00:26:04,850 --> 00:26:05,850 Right. 245 00:26:05,850 --> 00:26:06,850 He just flips through this channel. 246 00:26:06,850 --> 00:26:08,850 He's like look at these hodgepodge of people. 247 00:26:08,850 --> 00:26:13,850 This motley crew that gets together on a Saturday night to help one another. 248 00:26:13,850 --> 00:26:14,850 Right. 249 00:26:14,850 --> 00:26:15,850 Like hey. 250 00:26:15,850 --> 00:26:16,850 This works. 251 00:26:16,850 --> 00:26:17,850 This works. 252 00:26:17,850 --> 00:26:18,850 And. 253 00:26:18,850 --> 00:26:19,850 And. 254 00:26:19,850 --> 00:26:25,950 And I would have never, never thought that this would be my life. 255 00:26:25,950 --> 00:26:26,950 You know. 256 00:26:26,950 --> 00:26:31,950 And I would, when I first came in I would hear like a life beyond my wildest dreams. 257 00:26:31,950 --> 00:26:32,950 And I'm not trying to brag. 258 00:26:32,950 --> 00:26:33,950 I've partied in Ibiza. 259 00:26:33,950 --> 00:26:39,950 So when I'm thinking of a life beyond my wildest dreams I'm not thinking of coming to AA on a Saturday night. 260 00:26:39,950 --> 00:26:40,950 Right. 261 00:26:40,950 --> 00:26:47,950 But that life is the connections I can have with another human being. 262 00:26:47,950 --> 00:26:48,950 Right. 263 00:26:48,950 --> 00:26:50,950 And my wife have a very, very strong connection. 264 00:26:50,950 --> 00:26:53,950 I thought I was going to be a horrible daughter. 265 00:26:53,950 --> 00:26:58,950 Me and my daughter was, coincidentally, her birthday is on your sobriety day just one year before. 266 00:26:58,950 --> 00:27:00,950 She's turning five. 267 00:27:00,950 --> 00:27:02,950 Everything she does I adore. 268 00:27:02,950 --> 00:27:03,950 You know. 269 00:27:03,950 --> 00:27:11,950 I went from like Tuesdays calling in sick from work to Tuesday while dropping her off at school and waiting outside. 270 00:27:11,950 --> 00:27:13,950 Right now it's the decade of the rosary. 271 00:27:13,950 --> 00:27:17,950 So they pray the rosary while I'm outside in my shirt and tie. 272 00:27:17,950 --> 00:27:25,950 And she's waving because she's made it very clear that I have to wait and I can't leave before morning assembly is over. 273 00:27:25,950 --> 00:27:33,950 And as she's walking back to her class she starts motioning me to walk with her and then gives me a hug and then blows me a kiss. 274 00:27:33,950 --> 00:27:34,950 And then I say I love you. 275 00:27:34,950 --> 00:27:36,950 That is a life beyond my wildest dreams. 276 00:27:36,950 --> 00:27:41,950 You know, having the responsibility of being her father is the greatest privilege. 277 00:27:41,950 --> 00:27:42,950 The greatest privilege. 278 00:27:42,950 --> 00:27:45,950 And just to think like that. 279 00:27:45,950 --> 00:27:46,950 Trust me. 280 00:27:46,950 --> 00:27:50,950 There are times where I'm not the greatest father to her and she'll tell you that. 281 00:27:50,950 --> 00:27:53,950 But it's okay. 282 00:27:53,950 --> 00:27:56,950 We don't become sober where we don't make mistakes. 283 00:27:56,950 --> 00:28:02,950 We become sober where the mistakes we make are much less and we know what to do to make it right. 284 00:28:02,950 --> 00:28:03,950 And the other day I yelled at her. 285 00:28:03,950 --> 00:28:04,950 She didn't like it. 286 00:28:04,950 --> 00:28:05,950 Of course she wouldn't. 287 00:28:05,950 --> 00:28:06,950 I didn't like it. 288 00:28:06,950 --> 00:28:11,950 And I just closed my eyes and I went up to her and I said, I'm sorry, Shayla. 289 00:28:11,950 --> 00:28:13,950 That is not right for me to yell at you. 290 00:28:13,950 --> 00:28:14,950 Daddy was upset. 291 00:28:14,950 --> 00:28:15,950 But it's not okay to yell at you. 292 00:28:15,950 --> 00:28:17,950 I'm very sorry. 293 00:28:17,950 --> 00:28:18,950 I gave her a hug. 294 00:28:18,950 --> 00:28:19,950 I was like, well, what can I do? 295 00:28:19,950 --> 00:28:22,950 She goes, well, can I have some bubble siren? 296 00:28:22,950 --> 00:28:24,950 That's what she calls apple cider. 297 00:28:24,950 --> 00:28:25,950 She calls it bubble siren. 298 00:28:25,950 --> 00:28:27,950 Instead of cider, she says siren. 299 00:28:27,950 --> 00:28:28,950 I love it. 300 00:28:28,950 --> 00:28:29,950 I don't even want to correct her. 301 00:28:29,950 --> 00:28:34,080 And that's our household. 302 00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:35,080 That's our life. 303 00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:44,080 And, you know, I would have never, ever thought I would be here saying this is a dream life that I'm living. 304 00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:45,080 You know? 305 00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:56,080 But everything she does, like everything like that me and my wife experience together as her parents and together as husband and wife is a blessing, is a blessing. 306 00:28:56,080 --> 00:29:03,080 You know, and the connections that I have with the men in these rooms, with the women in these rooms, the ability for Abraham to send me a text. 307 00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:05,080 I've never met him. 308 00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:11,170 But to, hey, you know, I heard if she can come speak at a meeting. 309 00:29:11,170 --> 00:29:14,170 And we just quickly texted back and forth and got a date. 310 00:29:14,170 --> 00:29:16,170 You know? 311 00:29:16,170 --> 00:29:18,170 It's a beautiful thing to be responsible. 312 00:29:18,170 --> 00:29:21,170 And it's a beautiful thing to be wanted. 313 00:29:21,170 --> 00:29:25,170 AA will help you become responsible if you're not. 314 00:29:25,170 --> 00:29:28,170 And it will enhance your responsibility if you are. 315 00:29:28,170 --> 00:29:32,170 And it will make you feel wanted and really, really part of. 316 00:29:32,170 --> 00:29:35,170 And I really thank you guys for allowing me to share. 317 00:29:35,170 --> 00:29:36,170 Thank you, Joe.