From Addiction to Sobriety: Lisa's Journey

Hi guys. Hi everybody. I'm Lisa. I'm an alcoholic. I'm really happy to be here tonight. I feel like I know everybody now. So, yeah, I'm not nervous at all, but I am concerned about filling 35 minutes. So we make it out of here early tonight.

I have my sobriety date is 7-29-17. I do have a sponsor. I won't give away her, but she is supporting me here online. Lucky me. And yeah, I came into this program. Well, let me just start off with, you know, I came from an alcoholic home. I didn't know you couldn't drink and drive until I read the driver's manual because my father always had a can of beer in his hand.

And so it was just a way of life in our household. I started thinking about when was the first time, you know, a lot of people always remember their first drunk or their first drink. And I can't remember my first drink. I do remember my first drunk. I've been spending time trying to remember that. And it was with my mother and stepfather. And they were living in Singapore at the time. And we went to this very fancy hotel and they ordered up a drink for me. And it had dry ice and, you know, it was

quite fancy. And I had a couple of those. And I don't even know how many my stepfather had. But my mother, you know, at the end of the evening piled us both in the back of the car. And that's when I remember being sort of my first drunk. And I was about 16. From there, I didn't really like the taste of alcohol. It was not something that I felt like I needed. I did smoke a lot of pot and I used a lot of drugs. And I can say that in here because Bill had his own experience with that.

So when I went off to college, I drank a whole pitcher of beer by myself. And I remember lying down on the campus somewhere throwing it. And that's what alcohol did to me. I was always in a dress and face down in the ground. And so I, you know, would feel sick for about a week. And I would swear off a bit and I wouldn't drink for a couple of years. But I definitely did a lot. I did my share of drugs. Because I didn't wind up face down. You know, I wound up other ways.

It wasn't the humiliation of, you know, lying and throw up on the ground somewhere in a dress that I always had. And it wasn't until I wound up doing my first step that I could look back and saw that I it was never one drink for me ever, ever, ever, ever. It was I drank until I was face down in a dress. You know, it just was not there was no socially, you know, etiquette that nothing was was elegant about what I did.

It was Yeah, it was pretty brutal. So I didn't drink for many, many years. But I used every day. And that was sort of how I got through life. And I, I didn't have any really repercussions for using it was where I was surrounded by it all the time my boss was using. So it was just sort of accepted everywhere I went. And then I got

married for the first time at 49 to a man with a vineyard. And I thought crazy thinking I need to learn how to drink. And so I, you know, I worked really hard at it. I took it seriously. And I continued for about seven years there where my life became so small. I wasn't working. I moved to the valley. I was spent my whole life on the west side until I got married. And then I married a man over here.

with the vineyard. And I didn't make any new friends. And it was really hard. It was very, I mean, it's hard. I never left the house because I didn't have to go anywhere because we had wine in the basement. Always. I slept every night on six 800 bottles of wine, even though I was going through it pretty quick. And I would start, you know, from the morning I got up until I passed out. And then as soon as I woke up from that nap, I would drink again until I took another nap. And that was my life. And then

after about seven years of having that life where it was very small, I really never left the bedroom to be honest with you. I went to my husband's Christmas party. And his name was the first name on the door. So it was his Christmas party when I say that very much so and all these people had shown up that worked for him. It was at the alley and Wesley, so you guys are familiar with that parking lot. So I've been drinking all day. And

I sat I by the time I got there, I was really pretty drunk. I was lit because we sat down ordered

appetizers and the appetizers hadn't even come when I accused my husband of having an affair

with a woman across the table. And she had her 10 year old son sitting next to her. And I was so

you know, I was conscious of what I was saying, but but not you know, and and I yet I was horrified

that she had she couldn't get a babysitter. So she brought her son to the Christmas party. And

my husband looked at me and he said, That's it, we're going. So we didn't even have appetizers. We

wound up he escorted me to the car in the parking lot where I laid down again, like face down. That's

what I my mo and he was so humiliated. And I had waited so long to get married, you know, and I

really loved my husband. And by the time we got home, I was laying out in our driveway again.

Um, I spent some time out there. And then by the time I was

able to get inside of our house, I was able to look at my husband and I said, I'm done. You are

too. I could tell he was upset. And I said, This is not worth my marriage. I want I waited my whole

life for you. And I don't want to be this person anymore. It's not who I am. I don't like it. And

I spent a lot of time in Al-Anon in my early 30s and 40s. I went to Al-Anon. So I knew where to go

the next day. And

I found a meeting that was pretty close to me. It was a nighttime meeting, which I'm not a night owl.

And it was very similar to this format. It had a speaker for 10 minutes. And I've come a long way.

It was a coed meeting. And it really scared the crap out of me. So we're not supposed to I'm doing

I'm doing well. No swearing. I am. But it did. It really did that the speaker was a guy who had been

in a gang and been shot and like I just couldn't find anything to hold on to. And then they did the

10 minute break. And that just like I did not know how to talk to anybody. I didn't know how to so

I got in my car and left. And then I did highlight that about not swearing. Because I do have. So yeah,

so remind myself. Anyway, um, that being said, I went home. And the next day I found all the

women's meetings that I could go to that were in, you know, close to me. And so it was all about how

we talked about how we were like, that we were in contact, but I just wanted to have a talking about

to home. And I started going to women's meetings. And I didn't get sober right away. I read the book

and they said, go out and try. So I did. And that's when I really realized I could not have

just one drink. You know, it was never one anything. So I was in the program for a good

six months. I had a lot of different sobriety dates. And then I'd given up the booze, but I

was still smoking pot. I was still getting high because, you know, California, we had that script.

And I had a migraine. And I went to meet my sponsor. And she said, you're stoned, aren't you?

And I was like, well, yeah, because I didn't know that you couldn't get high. It's Alcoholics

Anonymous. So she said, well, welcome to your new sobriety date. And that is the sobriety date I

have now. And I went home and I told my husband, I said, look, you know, my sponsor's asking me to

like, give up the pot. He goes, you don't have to do that. And he doesn't smoke pot at all. But he,

you know, knew how much I

was, you know, into it. And I said, no, you know, I really would like to, I'd like to give it a try.

I'd like to see what my life is like without it. And I gotta tell you, my life got so grand.

It got so big. You know, I started going to speaker meetings. And I went to, I didn't do 90

and 90. Like I've heard a few of you say in here, but I did, I did really throw myself into the

program. And I found this program so much more inspiring because everybody in here was heroes.

You know, they had to do, they had to work the program. AA, they have to, or they die. It's just

that simple, right? As, as alcoholics, we need to. So I really find everybody in here a hero who,

who, who shows up, suits up, works the steps, helps the newcomers, you know, but I do know

personally for myself, I've had a much better life because of being in here. I love the quality of

life because, okay.

I do love, I do love that. I think AA has given me a life beyond my wildest dreams. And I started

to think about, I was a film editor for 25 years. So one of the reasons that I worried about being

able to fill 35 minutes is that I worked mostly in advertising, which is 30, 30 seconds. So if,

you know, you can't tell someone something in 30 seconds, why bother, right? So that was my life.

And, and I didn't have a life outside of work.

It's all I did. And so when, like I said, I got married, I didn't have a job. And then,

but I'd always, you know, from the time I can remember, wanted to be a writer. And so I worked

the program really hard for four years. And I had been writing, I'd written a bunch of stuff

before I got sober. And I thought, oh my God, I'll never be able to write Hemingway,

all these great writers, you know, I could just justify myself, right? Into, you know,

how am I?

And I'm going to just going to, it's going to be awful. It's just going to be dribble. And

four years into being sober, a woman I had met in AA said, you know, there's this conference

going on in Santa Fe. You know, if I could, I'd go, I think you should go. And because of that

suggestion from someone, because I've learned in here, you do what someone tells you to do.

That changed my whole life. I met my editor, I met my publisher, I met everybody who just opened up

another whole world. And I was like, I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this.

And I just turned in my second book, went to the printer this past week, comes out September 22nd.

And I have another, another career and it would not have happened. Mainly I think because step

three is, is something I really want to like share with you guys. Because I don't think I

really worked step three until around that time. I think I was four years in, I kept saying, well,

I know what's best. I know how to deal with this. I didn't. And I had no idea, but I thought I did.

Right. And it wasn't until I was like, God, look, if you really want me to do this,

show me because I, I, you know, or show me what you want me to do. And so I think sort of after

that, that I really not. And every day, you know, I may have to work step three,

7,500 times a day, because I'll see myself trying to drive the bus.

And I just have no business doing that. And much better, you know, being a passenger and having

somebody, you know, having a higher power, it was life changing to me, because I thought I was also

powerful, the great wizard, right. And I just have found that that did not work at all. And coming to

meetings and having a great sponsor, who shares her wisdom with me regularly, changes everything.

And I just cannot imagine my life without this program. It's the coolest club in the whole world.

It really is.

And I meet such heroes in here, people who are really, really living their lives in a grand way.

And they may seem like, you know, they're not the partiers. But the truth of the matter is,

I've never laughed so hard and had more fun than when I've been sober. I just think this

sobriety is my all my feelings. Now I know how to deal with I'm not so busy shoving them down,

like I did for so long. I may not always know what feeling I'm having. But I do notice,

stop. And I do know that, that now, whenever I feel something, it has something to do with me,

you know, I'm still judgmental. I work on that. That's one of my character defects.

Along with thinking I know something. I'm not really sure what we call that character defect.

But I do think I know probably more than I do. And when I sit down and go, you know what,

I really don't know what to do in this situation. And I ask for God's help. I get it. I do. And

I don't know what more I can share to you.

I don't know what I can say to you about my life and AA. I know I have another like 15 or 20

minutes, but I've done pretty well so far. Except that, you know, I'm really glad you guys asked me

here tonight. And then I got this opportunity to talk to you about how AA has given me a life

beyond my wildest dreams. And that I only wish that for everybody. And whenever I hear a newcomer

coming in, I always give them my phone number. I always give them my number. And I always give them

my number. I always give them my phone number. I always give them my phone number. I always give

them my phone number. I always give them my phone number. I always give them my phone number. I always give

them my phone number. I always give them my phone number. I always give them my phone number. I always

give them my phone number. I always give them my phone number. I always give them my phone number.

I love it when somebody calls me. I think that is such a gift. Because I've learned too,

that I don't have to be perfect in this program. I just have to show up. And, you know, I've been

on phone calls where we just, you know, we're breathing, just to know that there was somebody

else on the line and that we weren't alone. Because I know living with alcoholism, I felt so alone.

I felt so alone. And my father died of this disease. And he died 10 days,

before I hit a year of sobriety. And when I first came into this program, I would sit in these chairs

and I'd hear people say, oh, you know, my spouse died, my mother died, my husband died, and my dad

died. And I'd be like, oh my God, my dad was my drinking buddy for a long time. And I thought,

God, if that happens, I'm going to drink. I'm just going to drink. And I didn't, you know,

I got through it. I got through being with my siblings who were all drinking and using for

those 10 days that I went home to bury them. And it's amazing what you can get through.

I have a friend in one of, another meeting that I go to regularly. I've been going to,

I don't know, pretty much since I got sober and she lost her son to this disease. He was 23 years

old. And I've watched her over the last eight months, you know, show up in ways that just

were mind blowing to me, you know, so inspiring. This program, if you just stay in the middle and

you just stay in the middle and you just stay in the middle and you just stay in the middle,

you know, you just stay in the middle and you just stay in the middle and you just stay in the middle.

Show up. You know, you can get through anything here without picking up. I am going to be done

now. I won't get to see the light boards light up. Thank you. Time's up. Thank you for doing this.

Thank you for having me here. And that made my night. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Oh, do I read something here? Nope. Oh, good. Someone else does. Okay.

Thank you. It's lovely to meet you. All right. Good night, everybody.

Take good care. Thank you. Good night. Thank you, Lisa.

Oh, John came from the house.

What the hell?