Finding Sobriety Through Fellowship

But if you want to leave, a good time is next.

My name is David Martin, and I'm an alcoholic.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Thank Oscar for asking me to come out.

It's my second or third time here, and I'm thinking,

are these the right thing, or do they help me get it right?

And it really is.

I used to hear people say, it's such an honor to speak at an AA meeting.

And I was in the back of the room.

You were coming around.

I'm like, what's the honor?

What's the big deal?

That's because I had no intention of being sober.

And now that I'm sober a while, I realize that this really is.

Even though it's the least AA thing I do,

it really is an honor and privilege to be here.

And I owe that all to Alcoholics Anonymous.

I love Alcoholics Anonymous.

I'm not a big AA cheerleader.

I say a few things that might be controversial,

but it's just my experience.

I don't speak for AA.

I can tell you my journey.

I want to welcome the newcomers.

I'm glad you're here.

And I hope you get to the point where you're glad you're here.

Because if you're anything like me,

the last thing I wanted to do was be in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous.

This was not on my bucket list.

I thought it was.

I don't know why you did that.

David, we're wondering.

We're in a meeting and somebody comes in and goes,

alcohol and drugs works really good for me.

I've got no problems, but I thought I'd come here now.

Because that's not what we do.

I don't know.

There probably is one or two people.

But I don't know anybody in the middle of when it was fun,

thought they'd come to AA.

I just started thinking I might have a problem

until people kept saying, you've got a problem.

And the wonderful thing about those times is people would say,

what's wrong with you?

And I don't know what's wrong with me.

So I'd make something up.

And I go to a lot of meetings.

My sobriety day is January 6, 1996.

I don't say that for any other reason other than to let you know that I stayed sober a

lot longer than I intended.

I went to my very first meeting March 31, 1986.

And I spent 10 years in and out of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

And that's probably where my story begins.

Because people kept saying, you need to stop drinking.

Why do you drink so much?

And I'm like, why don't you?

And it just seemed to me it was the...

Our book talks about it.

It was your only normal life.

That's all I knew.

That's all I knew.

And I hear speakers all the time talk about how they felt when they were young.

I didn't know how I felt when I was young.

Being an Alcoholics Anonymous and learning to identify with you people,

I understand that I may have been a step behind or a step in front all my life.

I was so far behind everybody when I got here, I thought I was in first place.

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and it did and then she tells me I need to go to Alcoholics Anonymous and I don't want to lose

what she has to offer. I don't realize it at the time but my whole life has been spent looking for

something out here to fix something that's broken inside of me and it's not going to happen and what

I've learned just by hanging around you people is that if I'm not okay without it I'm never going

to be okay with it. Then I'll spend my life chasing something and I part of my perception part of

what's wrong with me is a perception that I need more and when I come to AA you think that when I

when I walk in that door and I see people and they're all talking about this wonderful life

and feeling better that I would want more but I want I can't wait to get away from people. So I

decided to go to a meeting and I live it out in the harbor and I had a dinghy with one oar and I

rode the shore in a circle. I'm wearing everything I own. I haven't had a shower in quite a long time.

The room's about this size. I walk in there's a bunch of people, a couple of movie stars, there's

an admiral.

I'm a USF aircraft carrier. My first thought is these people can't drink it and I sat down in

the chair and everybody moved to one side of the room. I'm sitting by the coffee pot. I'm drinking

coffee like I drink whiskey. They pass the basket. I steal some money. Wouldn't be the last one. Some

guy gives up and gives this horrendous story. I'm sitting there and I'm just sitting there and I go

wow what a story and somewhere in that talk I probably said maybe I'm an alcoholic but saying

I'm an alcoholic doesn't make me.

It took me 10 years to understand that fact. When they were done and stepped in line and went to shake his hand and I thanked him for his talk and I said something really stupid like I can't wait to have a story like that.

They laughed. He says son you probably already do. I left that meeting in the sea of alcoholics anonymous and I didn't know. Somewhere in that meeting or in the next few meetings I must have made the fatal mistake of asking God for help because he gave it in the form that I'm drinking.

I was going to be ruined for the rest of my life. I didn't know. I always caught a break. I either ran away or didn't get caught. So I go back and I tell my girl all about alcoholics anonymous and how wonderful it is and how my life is going to change. I didn't mean a word. I started going to meetings and the people in AA did what they don't do it as much anymore but they rallied around me and they got me a haircut. This one gave me some clothes, gave me some money because they were tired of me taking it out of the basket. They picked the hole in my boat. I got 30 days and I got a haircut. I got a haircut. I got a haircut. I got a haircut. I got a haircut. I got a haircut. I got a haircut. I got a haircut. I got a haircut. I got a haircut. I got a haircut. I got a

haircut. I got a haircut. I got a Grandpa's car. I was told something crazy overnight. It was every 30 days they gave me a chip and I'm feeling pretty good about myself. Landed up in a bar called The Green Parrot. I walk in I see a their looks and they didn'tgart me out of my hand. They say hey Dave where have you been?l I say I went to Alcoholics Anonymous. They told me they could fix my drinking. If you buy me a drink I'll tell you where it is. At that very moment, unbeknownst to me, I became a taker in a room full of givers and I would spend the next 10 years of my lifethin and out of alcoholics anonymous blowing my life up from the inside out but I didn't know I didn't know it when someone asked me if I wanted to do I said I'm powerless or I was powerless.

I don't know that I'm powerless, and I think, and I'm going to jump all over this place, but I've been going to a lot of meetings lately, and I know California is a big thing about crosstalks, but we say a lot of things in here that aren't true, and not drinking, no matter what, does not work for me. I'm powerless. If drinking, no matter what, worked for me, I wouldn't have to go to AA. I just say, I'm not going to drink anymore.

But there's something inside of me that I quit drinking, and the worst in me rises to the top. And if I don't do something about it, it's going to kill me. And I'm not going to be lucky enough to fall down dead. It's just going to continue to erode anything left of me that's any good.

The whole purpose of the first step of Alcoholics Anonymous, if you're new, is for us to convince you that your problem is worse than you think it is. And I didn't get that. And I would sit there, and they would be talking to me about the obsession and the craving, and I'm like, what the hell?

I need a drink.

I didn't understand that when I think about a drink, I take one. I sponsored a couple of guys in LA, and they're both in treatment centers, and I love these guys dearly. And I don't want to say anything bad about treatment centers, but the other day, I was down there, and I was a lot excited because they were sitting around in a circle, and they were talking about their feelings. And he goes, oh, they were talking about triggers. And he goes, what was your trigger? I said, I was awake. I was awake. My craving didn't start off.

I think if all of us could be acute alcoholics,

I'd take that first.

I'd take that first drink, and see our lives flash before our eyes, we might stop.

A few of us, like Oscar, would just continue.

And the really smart ones might stop.

But that doesn't work for us that way.

We develop that disease over a period of time.

And when that tries to stop,

it just gets worse.

I don't understand that.

But I'm living down in St. Thomas.

She's left by now.

I guess she didn't like me sober either.

I need a job.

I can have a license. I got a fake passport.

And so I meet a guy, and he says that

I'm a perfect candidate for the job.

For the non-invoiced import-export business.

And this sounds like a really good idea.

I said, what do you do?

He goes, you go there, you pick something up,

and bring it here.

Find out that you get killed along the way.

And I joke about it, and I got to tell you.

Drug smuggling was a lot of fun until it stopped being fun.

But it's a dirty, messy, nasty business.

There's things that happen, and there's things that I did,

or I'm sure I did, that I am not proud about.

And I won't talk about them from here.

And it's just part of the part of the business.

It's part of my life.

A life I wish I hadn't chosen.

And I'm going to tell you why.

Because I was going to AA meetings,

and I'm telling you what, I'm a businessman.

I think they all knew what I was doing.

And I'm drunk half the time.

And I meet these young guys about my age,

and we became kind of friends.

And I announced to the group I was going on a business trip.

And he says, well, I said, where are you going?

I said, I'm going with a friend of mine now.

I'm taking his boat.

And he goes, well, can I stay on your boat?

Can I watch your boat while you're gone?

And I said, sure.

And he says, is there anything I need to know?

I thought he was asking me where the light switch is.

But I knew he was asking me.

I said, no, everything's fine.

So I go off with this guy to go make some money.

And a couple of guys I owed money to came looking for me.

And they chopped this guy to death on the back of my boat.

And I got to tell you, at the time, it didn't mean anything.

That's the cost of doing business.

And I tell you, since I've been sober, not a day goes by that I don't think about that kid.

And the depths of the selfishness and self-centeredness that makes up the alcohol.

And through this program,

I've been able to sit across the kitchen table from his parents,

who are both members of this fellowship,

and give them the explanation that they needed,

the explanation that they deserve.

I'm not sure they forgave me, but I got to make peace with that situation.

So my life's spinning out of control.

I'm going to AA.

I'm drinking a lot.

I'm doing an illegal activity.

And I'm a really bad accountant, which is not a good trait if you're in that kind of business.

So I'm always owing somebody money.

I'm always stealing from someone to pay for.

People are looking for me.

I go back to Las Vegas.

My parents are not too happy to see me.

They don't like the way my life turned out.

They keep asking me, what's wrong with you?

And I don't know.

I don't know to say I'm powerless.

I just make something up.

They won't let me stay at their house if they're not there.

So I end up at a place called Stairway One.

And I'm going to meetings, nine meetings a day,

because they won't let me in the house when they're not there.

And I'm learning everything there is about this book and about the disease of alcoholism and the steps.

Except I don't want to be sober.

I want to be drunk more than I want to be sober.

And when the heat's off, I'm drunk before the wheels of the plane leave the ground.

My life is spinning out of control, and I don't know what to do.

I go to these meetings, and what happens to me is when I try to quit drinking,

and that's the optimum word, when I try to quit drinking, something happens to me.

The worst in me rises to the very top.

And if I don't do something about it, it's going to kill me.

And I'm not going to be lucky enough to fall down dead.

It's going to continue to erode anything inside of me that's any good.

All these things you're talking about at these meetings.

They're talking like a foreign language to me.

Love, honesty, compassion, forgiveness, integrity, humility.

And I don't know what those things are, but they don't sound like I want it.

I can't stay undrunk long enough to get sober because I'm sitting in those chairs.

I'm about ready to explode.

What I found out later is I just was so afraid.

I couldn't talk to you.

I couldn't tell you what was wrong with me because I didn't know.

I was so afraid that you were going to look right through me and feel as bad about me

as I felt about myself, and that would kill me.

I go back to my life in St. Thomas, hoping that next time it'll be different.

You know, I don't tell a lot of stories, but I was thinking about this as I was asked,

what are you going to talk about?

And this story popped into my head.

So I'm back in the States, and I can't go home because I previously begged my own death

to get money from my parents.

So I need a place to go.

So I borrow a car from a car dealer, and I think I'm going to go to New Hampshire.

I don't know why New Hampshire.

I've never been.

So I'm up in New Hampshire.

And I'm still drinking.

I'm wanted by the FBI.

I'm wanted by the DEA.

And I've got now, I've got the vendors looking for me.

And I don't really see anything wrong.

And I end up in this small town in New Hampshire, and I go to a bar.

Well, where else would I go?

Because I like bars.

And I got a pocket full of cash, and I'm doing okay.

And I meet this girl, and the wedding ring on her fingers probably should have been a warning sign.

We end up going home, and it turns out that her husband is a sheriff in this small town.

So I leave my car at the bar, and I go,

I go home with her, which is, you know, probably wasn't the smartest idea, but, you know, that's who I am.

And anyway, he comes home.

And she goes, you need to get out of here.

So I grab my clothes, and I jump out the window, and I'm kind of running down in the yard trying to get dressed.

And I realize they don't have a car, but his car is in the driveway.

And he was out there running.

So it seemed like a really good idea.

I'll just hop in his car, go to the bar, get in my car, and go.

So anyway, so apparently he had a radio.

So I'm driving down this street.

And the other two police cars in this small town are parked.

And I end up in this motel parking lot, and I'm doing donuts in this parking lot.

And these guys are kind of out of their car.

They're yelling at me.

And they're saying, stop the car.

And there's a big sign in the parking lot that says, no stopping in the parking area.

So I roll down the window and go, hey, no stopping in the parking area.

And they finally got me out of that car, and they throw me in the jail cell.

Well, apparently, it was a small town, and it was election time.

And the sheriff didn't really want to listen.

So in the morning, they just said, we're going to let you go.

But you've got X amount of hours to get to the Vermont border.

And I think, OK.

So I'm not looking pretty good.

And one eye's closed, and my chair's hanging off.

And so I get to the Vermont border, and I'm driving a stolen car.

I've got no ID.

I'm wanted by a couple of government agencies.

And I'm flying through Vermont.

And I get pulled over by a state troop.

And he looks at me, and he goes, what the hell happened to you?

So I told him the story.

And he says, I don't like that guy.

You can go.

And once again, it dawned on me that I'm

OK.

There's nothing wrong with what I'm doing, because I'm not getting caught.

And I can tell you, it was that time that I started getting caught.

After that day, I started getting caught.

And I had no idea that I was looking.

I should have gotten to jail or prison a dozen times.

But I didn't.

So by the time I got to St. Thomas, I just can't live there anymore.

I end up back in Las Vegas.

And I can't call my parents, because they think I'm dead.

I don't have any money.

I've got no driver's license.

I get a fake ID.

I join the union.

I'm making good money.

And I can't afford the $99 home.

I don't even want to have my living.

And you can't tell me that my life has become unmanageable.

I don't even know how.

Which really means I don't even know how I live.

I don't even know how I live.

It looks good inside.

I don't know.

And I just don't know what to do about it.

So I'm working with the union.

And I don't know why, but that's where I live.

I live in bars.

And I'm drinking.

And the strangest thing happened for me.

I couldn't get up.

I couldn't drink.

I was drinking.

And I remember, I don't try to jump down.

Because I might look down and complain.

Last time.

The first time.

I didn't like looking back.

I knew that I was in trouble.

Those things you guys have been saying and being about the fogs and mountains.

They go in my head.

And I knew that I needed them.

And I said those words that I never thought I would say to myself.

That I can't stop drinking and I need them.

That's why in the 12 in 12, it doesn't say it in the big movie.

In the 12 in 12, it asks just a question.

Why every alcoholics has to hit bars.

And I believe all of our bottoms are the same.

It's not what we lose out here.

It's what we lose.

And we've all said it in some sort of form or fashion with those words.

I can't stop drinking and I'm leaving.

I go to a meeting about Alcoholics Anonymous the next day.

And I walk in and I see all those people that I've been seeing all my time.

And they did what they've always did.

They sat me in the chair and gave me a half a cup of coffee.

And I sat in that chair and I finally understood what that line in the big book meant.

That we learned.

We learned.

I mean, the people that wrote that book.

The people that came before us.

We learned.

We had to concede to our innermost self.

That we were alcoholics.

That was the first step up the hill.

It flooded over me and I felt really good about myself.

Now you would think, having this great revelation about myself, that I would sit there and wrap

my arms around the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

But that's not my story.

I said, okay.

I get it.

I'm never going to drink again.

Let me get a sponsor.

Because they told me I got to have one.

So I get this guy.

I have this guy, Keith.

Meet my sponsor.

I have no intention of calling him.

I meet her.

She puts me out of the room to Alcoholics Anonymous.

Once again, no consequences.

I'm looking good.

I'm looking good out here.

She buys me a car.

She gives me a truck.

She says, all you have to do is register it and get it insured.

And I go, yes, honey.

I'm worse sober than I ever am.

I'm a fugitive from justice.

I can't get a driver's license.

I can't insure a car.

She moves me in.

Everything is great.

Except she wants to talk.

It's becoming a problem.

I decided that I'm going to become a tree tree.

I'm going to start this business.

I'm going to build.

I'm going to be a captain of an industry.

And it's all these palm trees in Vegas.

I'm just going to plant them.

I'm going to cut palm trees.

I'm going to be the palm tree cutting king of Vegas.

The only problem is I'm scared of heights when I'm sober.

The point I get, my sponsor corners me somewhere and he says, I want you to meet me at the

Thai club tomorrow.

We're going to do the third step.

And we've done the first zone.

Thai is over.

My life has become unmanageable.

There is no question.

100% conceded to inner myself.

I'm not going to drink anymore.

I'm happy being miserable.

Really, just leave me alone, Keith.

And he explained the second step to me.

He said, we're not crazy.

We're not insane.

Except when it comes to the idea that a drink will fix what I perceive to be wrong with

me.

But all the evidence point to the fact that it won't.

I'll do it anyway.

That's the insanity.

And all I had to do was believe.

I could believe in this plastic rat.

It was greater than me.

I needed to take it.

I needed to take it.

I needed to take it.

I needed to take it.

I needed something outside of me.

I could, I just, just to calm me down.

If I could look inside of me to find the solution to what's wrong, there's always been maybe

it is the only ... solution to what was wrong with me.

And that solution won't be such a problem when it doesn't ... I can't walk in and tell

you that I kill myself with a problem.

It doesn't work.

He said, meet me at the Thai Club tomorrow and we're going to do the third step.

I ran home and I protested with him.

I'm going to be in the AA now.

I got the book and I'm trying to find it.

And I get a highlighter and I drive across the town in my unregistered, uninsured truck.

And I get to the Thai Club early and I get that highlighter.

And I just start highlighting the book in case he wants to see it.

I get in the media and Keith explains the third step to me.

I knew what my will was.

I said, well, since you bought me a Ferrari, what's your life?

I said, let's try this.

Let's pretend that your will is your thinking and your life is your actions.

And just for the rest of the day, can you turn your thinking and your actions over to the care of God as we understand?

And I said, yeah.

So we got on the floor and we did that third step prayer.

I don't have it memorized, but I know the good stuff.

And I did.

I offered myself to God to build with me.

I think I said build for me.

Build with me.

To relieve me of the body itself.

To take away my difficulties.

So victory over them would bear witness.

To those I would help.

So I had no intention of helping anybody.

But by power and the love of that way of life, I really felt pretty good for about a minute.

Because I can't change my thinking by reading a book.

I can't change my thinking by my thinking.

I got to change my thinking by my actions.

And I hop in that truck and I head across town.

And I'm coming up on 9th and I thought I'd be going out to the world.

I did the third step prayer and I feel good.

I end up in this good old sterile room and I don't like the looks of the people.

So I decide to go home.

And I say, get on.

Decatur Boulevard.

And I take a left on Washington.

And the red and blue lights light up.

All of a sudden, AA doesn't work.

The next thing you know, I'm being extradited to the state of Texas.

So I call my parents who are kind of surprised I'm here.

Yeah, I'm sober.

And locked up in Clark County.

So they give me a divorce attorney for a criminal case.

My dad just passed away.

I think some of you remember when I was here before.

I was thinking of going away here today.

All the trouble I got.

The trouble I picked up.

My dad never gave up.

And despite.

All the things that I did.

He never gave up.

And the problems that it caused.

And that's bad.

It was my mom and my sister.

And how beautiful it was.

And I had to spend the last couple of years laying on the bed.

And I began to know what it was.

And what it was.

And that we were not even.

But I knew there was nothing left unsaid.

That I was this side.

I never thanked Alcoholics Anonymous for anything.

Thank you for giving me a ride.

By empowering me to stick around in here.

You know, somewhere.

Stay somewhere.

You know, walk up the steps.

And take out the truck.

All that stuff.

I mean, it was.

It was me and you.

Because Alcoholics Anonymous doesn't give me.

It doesn't give me a 50.

But it allows me to get rid of so much.

And when I first got here, I didn't want to get rid of that.

I was just happy to be invisible.

I'm not going to drink anymore.

Everyone's telling me that drinking is my problem.

I wasn't thinking about my solution.

When that solution stopped, I was in trouble.

I didn't know.

So I ended up in Dallas, Texas.

And I had this little divorce attorney for a criminal case.

And this gigantic DA.

And there's this judge sitting up there.

And he's got this folder.

And he's going through this folder.

And I'm trying to get my attorney's attention to tell him that there's a bit of a mistake.

Because that's not me.

I didn't get caught that much.

And before I know it, that judge says, Mr. Martin, do you have anything to say for yourself?

And I said, I'm sorry for not showing up in 1984.

That's all I can think to say.

And I've got to tell you, when I look back at it now, as shocking as it was at the time,

I look back at it as if God had to just show up.

I remember Keith saying, take God in the courtroom.

And that folder that he was looking at was not my criminal history.

It was letters from people in Alcoholics Anonymous saying how I might turn out if I stuck around.

And you've got to remember, these are people that knew me for 10 years coming in and out.

Saw me.

Badly, I acted in rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Listened to the garbage coming out of my mouth.

Watched me blowing up my life from the inside out.

And just had to be spectators because I wouldn't listen to them.

And yet, because they'd been sober.

And stayed sober and helped other alcoholics, they knew the miracle of this program might

work for me if I wanted it.

And that's why I go to meetings and I do this and I talk to newcomers.

Because I've seen it work in other people and I've felt it work in me.

That maybe somebody will come up to me and just say, hey, can you help me?

So the judge says, Mr. Martin, I'm going to do something I haven't done on the bench in

22 years.

I'm going to give you a second chance.

I mean, there's a lot of things that happen with those agencies, but at the end of the

day.

People at Alcoholics Anonymous, I wouldn't rap, I wouldn't talk to anybody.

And then I got to go back to Las Vegas.

Now you would think, catching this break, facing 25 years in prison, that I would wrap

myself around the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

That's not my story.

I caught a break.

And the worst thing you can give to an alcoholic of my type is a break.

So I go back to Las Vegas.

I'm now a big shot in their union.

I meet another her.

Everything's fine.

Well, she wants to talk.

Because what I don't understand.

And I don't know.

I don't understand.

And you're explaining it to me, to me as an Alcoholics Anonymous, that I'm sober or alcohol

free, but every area of my life I'm entering into is my character defect.

And though I don't drink anymore, I am not changing.

In fact, everything inside of me now is more magnified.

Instead of, and I just don't know what to do about it.

And I find out later in life, later, just because of good sponsorship, that I held on

to all that stuff, because that's all I knew.

Because it would keep you away, because I was so afraid that you would see right through

me.

Because you were as bad about me as I thought about myself.

And that would kill me.

Finally, she's had enough.

I'm living on the man-eating couch.

We have a dog.

We have a fish tank.

She decided to leave.

The fish are trying to get out.

I am going crazy.

I'm so dry.

I'm a firehose.

People talk about that being untreated with alcoholism.

I don't know if it is, but I don't want to drink.

I don't want to die.

And I'm just stuck in that part of the book that I'm sitting there facing the gates of

insanity.

I don't want to drink.

I don't want to die.

I don't want to drink and I don't want to die.

And I'm just stuck in that part of the book that I'm sitting there facing the gates of

insanity or death.

And these are ones that I've got a better choice than the one I'm sitting in.

And I go back to Alcoholics Anonymous.

I've been doing the meeting point so long.

And when I go back, then I just kind of threw my hands up.

And I surrender.

What is that called?

And I started to accept the program of Alcoholics Anonymous as outlined in the book.

I started to accept the program of Alcoholics Anonymous as outlined in the book.

And I started to accept it.

I started to accept the book.

And I started to accept it.

part of Alcoholics Anonymous is outlined in our book as a way of life. People started to explain

the book to me. And I know we read how it works all the time. And I think if you read how it

works, that's not how it works. Honesty, open-mindedness, willingness, it works. And I

had none of those. I was willing to not drink and go crazy because of this fear. My whole story,

my whole life in Alcoholics Anonymous is simply this. When the pain of not believing in you

outweighed the fear of doing what you were telling me to do, I would do something about it.

And I spent 10 years in Alcoholics Anonymous like that. And I had, if you're new, do not do that.

Because I caused more damage to my parents sober than I probably ever did when I was drinking.

Because I gave them hope. And then I would blow up in their face. And I would still take money

from them. And I didn't understand why I was doing it. And thank God for sponsorship. And a

couple of guys just sat down with me. And I got busy in the barn while I was alone. And I

had a lot of fun. And I had a lot of fun. And I had a lot of fun. And I had a lot of fun.

And I mean, there's been so much that has happened since to me. And I think what probably

the, when I look back at it, God has really taken good care of it. A lot of times I thought it was

something that I was doing. And it wasn't. It was just that he looked at me. He looked after me.

And I remember this old timer. And I was in a meeting one day. And I pronounced that I don't

believe in God. And he said, son, it doesn't matter. He believes in you. It doesn't matter

if you're new or if you're one of those people that's on the fence about God. It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter that you don't believe. Because I believe he believes in you. And I believe that

if you can just stick around Alcoholics Anonymous long enough that God will find you. And how it

works is that God couldn't win if you were sought. I think sometimes that seeking just come into

enough meaning. You're just sitting in this chair long enough for the light to go on and say, hey,

maybe I want to display the light to you. And I'll end with a couple of stories. But I think it was

right after the Hurricane Katrina hit. I was working. I got a call. It was like 12 hours

after that. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine.

I got a call from this guy. And he says, hey, Dave, I need your help. Can you come down and do some

search and rescue? And I said, sure. So I got on a plane to a military base. And they put me on a

helicopter. And I went to New Orleans. And it was terrible. And we're doing a search and rescue. And

people were screaming for help. And it's just good. I spent days awake just trying to begin

the devastation of the storm. And then the water kind of receded a little bit. And I was looking

for an AA meeting. And there was a sign on the door that said AA that way. I went down to the

beach. There was a bunch of guys standing around a trash can. And there was this big fire going

because there was mosquito clouds. I mean, if you didn't, they would just eat you alive. So I go down

there and I have a meeting. And I'm looking at this guy. And he's kind of sitting on the left

of his house. And I went over and talked to him. And he's looking at this notice. And it was from

FEMA. And he says, you got to get out of here. Your house is condemned. And he said, I can't go.

My wife is missing. I got to be here when she comes back. And I said, look,

I don't want you. If you leave, I promise you I'll find your wife. I promise you I'll find your

wife. You promise. And he gave me a picture of her. And she struggled. She was wearing this

locket. And so he moved. And every day after work, I would drive another 120 miles to where

they were taking all the bodies. And I would go through these. And they were sometimes in

warehouses and sometimes refrigerated containers. And I kept doing this. And I'm calling my sponsor

every day. And I said, I don't know what to tell this guy. I promised him I'd find his wife. I can't

do this anymore.

I can't do this anymore. And I'm clamoring. I'm just clamoring these bodies. And he said,

well, why don't you invite God to go with you? I've never told him this story. I haven't told

him today. And he said, why don't you ask God to go with you? So I made this decision. I said,

if I can't find this guy's wife tonight, I'm going to have to go tell him I just can't do this

anymore. It was killing me. Well, I go to this place where they're doing all the trailers. I

walk around. I've got a checklist. And I'm going on each one of these trailers I had been on

before. And I'm sitting there. And I'm just saying, God, tell me what to do. Tell me,

what to do. And in the corner, I just see the part of the trailer. And on that trailer

was four numbers, 1696, which is my sobriety. And I was in that trailer. And I had my flashlight.

And I'm following over unfortunate courses. Just as I was getting ready to leave, I turned

my flashlight. I had to sign up. And I put the picture out of my pocket. And there was

that ladies medallion. And I drove back. And I saw that guy. And then other ravens. He

got to bury his wife. And the reason I tell you that, why I was thinking about it today,

I sometimes forget how wonderful God is when I ask him what to do. I mean, so for coming

up on 23 years, I've sometimes forgotten about that in the last few months, I think, especially

since my dad died. I'm really getting busy. And I've done the steps. And I've sponsored

people. And I speak. And really, I don't do any of that. The moment I say I, there is

no humility. The moment I say I, there is no God. And I was just thinking about that

when I was driving around a day that I just, all my life, I've quit right before the

miracle. All my life, I quit right before the miracle. Except in Alcoholics Anonymous.

I stayed. And every fiber of my body stayed. I stayed. I didn't keep coming back. I just

stayed. Thank you, Randall.