Finding Sobriety Through Connection

It is a pleasure to be with you.

I wanted to run a little for you.

It's a nice day.

She's a really, really, really kind person.

We've always had this kind of...

This is...

This is...

This is...

Thank you, Oscar.

Scott.

Thank you very much

for guiding me through all the steps

of what's going to happen in the future.

Thank you, Kim, for sharing

such a unique experience

right now.

It's an amazing, amazing situation.

The sobriety date is March 3, 2006.

Sponsored just on

the 30th of November

and I'm excited

because I think someone's going to come out

at 8.15 and say,

I've never seen it.

I think we're still in the steps,

in the 12 steps of our course

and I'm sure the guest speaker can share

more experience with this step, that perspective,

and the real question and answer period.

So, if you have

something for a freeway,

so I can, with a clock, take the passage

and turn left, turn right,

first opportunity,

when you come in,

it gets me focused

first thing in the week.

The steps of alcoholics

and the basics.

It shows my attention

is still sober.

I'm not on a plane,

but like I mentioned,

surfing and dancing,

because everything was fine,

you could control your energy

and I couldn't.

It started to seep into Thursday night

and it would start Thursday night

and it would start Wednesday night

and it would seep into Monday

and pretty soon, Tuesday was gone.

And so, it was a struggle

of knowing my tip-top journey

back in the Bible

and keeping the weekends

where it should be.

I don't know.

I'll give out this paper

and write down, you know,

here's my problem.

Here's some solutions.

And if I couldn't fix this,

what then?

If I couldn't come up with a solution,

I'd be driving home from there,

cooking a stew in the morning

and so it's not going to happen to me

if I don't try.

But if I have to lose my mind,

I can change the routine.

If I need to climb across the threshold

sometimes I don't want to work at home

because I'd say,

I'll just stop and see,

I'll stop and see if I was there.

Okay.

All right, so this is the moment.

I'm going to say that I was there

because once I was there,

I was going to be.

So, I'm struggling to figure it out

and I have a job I'm coming out of.

So, I'm struggling with this

because as much as I love the job,

I really love my boss.

How lucky was I to have a job that I enjoyed

and I had to make up those excuses

that I had to do it without running

because I know I'm going to be late

because I know I should be.

I don't seem to have some kind of

solid truth to it

because my boss and I had a relationship

where we were just honest with each other

and since we both had that solid truth

and if that's the only truth

in a cloth of rice,

then I wasn't telling really

as truthfully as I thought I was doing.

I had to,

because it seemed to me that I couldn't just

do it.

The problem was I got sick

and I'd had the flu

and I'd had the colds

and I'd had illnesses before

but kidney stones and the kidney infection

kind of knocked me down

and I was so, so bored

and the other end of it,

you know,

you go back to work and you die

and then you feel really bad

and then you feel good and you feel really good.

I was so happy to get back to work

and then I was so sad

and I was so angry

but at the time

I was just on my own

and I was just sitting there

at the office

in this other office

that has those hot, cold cups

that you can put coffee in

and she asked me what I wanted.

This wasn't the first time

that I'd said no

and it wasn't the first time

that she questioned me about this

I tried, the more focused she became, and she said, I tell you what's going on, and so I felt stopped from the boss at work about what I was going through, the desperation that I'd had for a few years, and that I was only sober long because I've been so sick, and she said to me, first of all, I want you to tell this to Patrick.

Well, Patrick was working right next door, you know, in the same apartment, and he knew me for moments. He was a big, happy, everyone had done an interesting piece of life for us, and the fact that he still was an alcoholic, you know, you can tell the department and so on, and he'd say, hey, I'm just a big alcoholic from the wild, and everyone just loved him.

Who accepted things in a drink? I mean, smoking outside on the patio was just him and me.

I mean, I was curious about

what I was doing.

I was curious about what I was doing.

I was curious about what I was doing.

I was going to take a few days off and go to Palm Springs for a convention, and this wasn't making sense to me.

I said, so, I'm going to Palm Springs for a convention, right? What are you going to do?

There's going to be a pool party, and we're going to go to the movies, and Charles is going to perform.

Okay, Charles, they can't do that. That's pretty good.

So, everybody go into this, you know, they're going to be sober.

And so, well, I can't speak for anyone else, but I know I'm going to be sober.

But do I have fair, reasonable expectations that people only know they're going to be there, can be sober?

I don't certainly know.

And so, I said, so, somebody's concerned about drugs.

And she said, no, generalist, no, we won't take anything that affects us from the neck up.

And that ended one question we had about how she was staying sober, because I knew there could be any way I could envision myself existing without one of these substances.

We're not going to happen.

So, when...

When my boss told me I was going to have to tell Patrick, there was a lot of shame involved, and I had to meet Patrick first thing in the morning.

And so, he came with me, and we went out to the picnic table outside.

He said, well, I just told you to tell you, I told you last night, and that is that I have a drinking problem, and I can't stop, and I'm only sober now because I've been sick.

And he proceeded to tell me, I told him in desperation, although, and he looked at me, and he said, Richard, I love you, and I want you to know I'm sober.

And there's some other girls.

I said, I know, in my circle, and I think that they would like to reach out and be supportive, too.

What would it be like to be with you?

And I gave them the one thing that I was feeling involved with, talked about, and they can reach out and talk to you as well.

And they said, okay.

And my phone began ringing, and it was...

Circles and the magic of alcoholics anonymous began, and...

And Jeffrey, and they'd say, Richard, I'm just joking, man.

How's it going?

How's it going?

You know, there's a meeting tonight at Sunset in Vermont.

I'll save you a seat.

It gets really busy.

And so I feel glad that I'll have a seat there for you.

But I said, hey, there's a meeting at Burbank, and they're going to be meeting again.

And they're going to be meeting, so I'm going to introduce myself.

If you're going to be there, I'll come and say hello.

And actually, my first meeting I went to was the lovely meeting on the effects and marketing.

And I went to the meeting to expect, and to have a meeting that was noticeable.

And so I noticed if there was a little thing going on in the crowd, it was a trick.

So...

So...

So I stayed away from this, and I thought, no, but I'm not going to do it.

That was not what I was going to do.

I was going to do it.

And I was going to pay them all.

I mean, it's true.

I mean, it's personal people.

And so I saw grandmothers and grandfathers, and just regular, the cross-section of America was in that meeting.

And I was waiting to check out that literature table, and I didn't, because I was just, I was too fearful.

I was afraid that was a trap.

But I started going to meetings.

So I went to check who saved me a seat when I was going to the meetings.

I was kind of feeling a bit divided, and then I suddenly realized that, you know, I had to figure it out.

So I called Patrick, and I said, Patrick, can I go to pick that kid up?

And so we came out, and sort of, I couldn't turn.

So I just went to the meeting and said, we don't go to meetings.

On that day, I went to the meeting, and I went to the special meeting on the weekends.

And I didn't know what I was going to do.

I was like, oh, that's Michael.

I mean, I don't have to do anything with the men.

And then one day, yeah, I went back to the meetings again.

And that's what's all sobered down.

It's a little yes.

And I said, oh, and I didn't know, but it says it won't here.

Sometimes we'll have to check it out.

We have to go find out what's the future zone.

Is this really a problem?

It was a Thursday night.

So I decided to go to a men's style.

I could sound like a filming camera reel.

I got there, and I got seated on my seat.

And it was the first time I'd ever been in a speaker.

Shows for a little bit, and then he calls on people in the audience to come up and speak.

And that's, like, the most terrifying thing I can think of.

So I slouched down in my seat.

And he knew.

But he couldn't call on me.

But the first person that he did call on came up to the podium.

And he goes, guys, got a new sponsor.

She has a plan.

He's going to go to meetings.

He has it.

And that's how he's going to stay sober.

But the weekends, not so sure about it.

And he suddenly went back and said, hey, that's my plan.

I'm going to speak to my team.

And then for the reaction, a lot of men in the room couldn't hold it.

This was not the first time that plan had been proposed.

And also, they didn't know that that plan probably didn't work.

So that was their problem.

It was so, oh, I think I better take this a little more seriously.

He was going to meetings.

Still kind of, you know, he was getting tough.

Because it's a subtle fall.

And I was watching in some of my meetings these pillars of sobriety that had fallen far below what I did.

I was starting to relapse.

And he had shook me.

And not for the picnic table, but for a couple of minutes.

How lucky was I?

I had a right-hand stroll.

And the right-hand stroll, the whole time in, the weekend, there was a lot of scuttling.

It was a picnic table.

I said, okay.

I'm a doofus.

I'm not going to be a doofus.

I can't.

I can't make a picture.

I'm not going to let anybody change my journey.

Don't do it.

I can't do this.

I'm not going to make it.

Instead of sobriety, I thought, well, I'll eat this.

And he said, can we get through today?

So I said, it's a little early.

I can only do that through the morning.

He said, that's all it is.

That's all I do.

Let's just get through the morning together.

Let's put one thing in front of the other.

And let's act as youth.

And we're just going to get through the morning.

And we'll let the afternoon take care of itself.

We're not going to full plan this.

We're just going to do it one day at a time, one step at a time.

We're not concealing it again.

It's a miracle that these circumstances in my life are taking place.

And one of the problems that I had earlier was the God thing.

And we call it higher power.

And I need to say God.

And he was like, I don't know.

He says, I'm from a small town in the middle of Idaho.

And everybody in my neighborhood, it's the same religion, included me.

And I deeply respect the people of that religion.

And I respect the religion itself.

But higher powers, I understood it in my religion.

I didn't like smoking and drinking.

I didn't even like coffee drinkers.

I didn't like gay people.

And that was a problem.

So I was in a world, showing hands at the end of the meeting.

It's sort of a large prayer.

There was some noise I was willing to.

I couldn't be all day about that.

And while I was being told that my life could be better if I killed morning and night,

I was in another town.

I was a little zoned for the night.

I was a little zoned for the night.

I was having a very low higher power that didn't really come right into my thing.

It wasn't important for me.

And I didn't feel anything.

I was in front of him, hanging out.

And he was so involved in this comfortable silence.

And he said, out of the blue, almost like he was talking to himself,

I think I'm going to have higher power to be good.

And it was like a light bulb went off over my head.

Because I realized then that I'm not going to have power to be evolved into some higher power that I'm loving,

that I'm forgiving.

So I really recognized it.

So I was just trying to be the best I could be.

I was just trying to get sober, still sober, one night, one drink at a time,

and want to help somebody else.

And you know, that's the difference.

Because I was there, I wasn't going to pray morning and night.

And I was a lot scowling when we held hands and said the Lord's Prayer.

You know, as we all know, there is a time when it's just down in your higher power

that's going to keep you from your dream.

Because you're reaching out to others who are going to be helpful.

They might not be reachable.

And I have higher power because I have a connection there.

So I'm very lucky because as much as Patrick helped me get sober,

it was on my 90th day that he was there for my story of work.

Because as good as he was at his job,

he didn't like it, he didn't like the deliberate structure,

he wanted to be independent again.

And so he saw me next door in the office next door,

go through those 90 days, and then he was on his own.

This is my sponsor now.

And the new boss who celebrated every milestone with me,

for 30 days, 60 days, 90 days,

she's on the top and moved to the state of Maine

and came out to give me my final cake at my Sunday morning meeting.

And we were still very much in touch and close to each other.

And I could not put together those circumstances again.

I couldn't guarantee that that was ever going to happen.

So when I was studying so much, I realized I had to be in all of that.

Because it just wasn't going to work any other way.

Because those days were desperate.

And things passed.

Oh, I can't remember.

Before I got sober, I was running.

I was running around.

I was running around.

And someone was in the cleaning room trying to figure this out.

And I'm like, I'm in this office, and who else is going to have to quit that job that I love?

I was going to have to live outside, because it was a pretty long evening, March 3rd.

And I thought, I can live outside.

I'll leave some cash for my rooming, and maybe I'll use the shower.

And by the way, the tracks are just down the street.

So there's a margin between the business and the tracks.

And I thought, I'll just pick it up.

But it's not going to bother anybody.

It's not going to bother me.

And yes.

That's going to be my solution.

So, thankfully, that didn't happen.

But I was going to be drunk, which was the notion of what was going on.

And so I went to the doctor for a consultation for some situation I was feeling.

And the doctor kept on describing.

And my third day, it turned upside down.

I was spying on the bed.

And he was in the wheelchair.

And he sat me down in the wheelchair.

And I thought, OK.

I'm fairly good on hand.

I bought a stick shift comb.

And he said, you've got a stick shift.

And I thought, I'll take the car back home.

And I said, no.

I'll go right back.

And he said, no.

It's yours.

And I was like, oh, my gosh.

And I decided to go get out and surrender.

And I was supposed to do it here.

And he said, you're out of control.

Surrender to this.

And I don't think that I was going to live on money, too.

I was going to go buy the wrong tracks.

I've been friends for 30 years.

And he was with me in the hospital.

And the doctor came in and introduced himself.

And I was still out of control.

And I was told a bit about what was going to happen.

And this isn't what he said.

This is what I figured.

I knew this right back there.

But if I'm going to tell you what's going to happen, we're going to have a whole year

and do some surgery on your heart.

And what can I get at this?

We do this all the time.

Every day.

Sometimes things happen.

But not everyone's going to make it.

And he was not quite that thought about.

But that's like, oh, my gosh.

And Roger, who's now in the program, like Will, is coming on board.

And he's telling me, oh, what is this?

Wait.

What's going on?

I don't understand.

I don't know.

What does it feel like for you?

And I've been surrendering through the day.

And I said to him, you know, you've been working with me for quite a bit these past

years.

And I thought, people that I am a friend of, I don't have to make any quick phone calls

to make amends to people, because I'm taking care of that.

And so what is going to happen is, you know, the campaign goes a few miles on the other

side.

And so I had to call Rogers for a fellow appointment.

This is a fellow that recognized my symptoms.

And he had done a lot of reading on this.

And he was looking at the chart.

And he saw that it was on the computer.

And he was looking at the surveyed top of the blind man.

And he said, see here?

That you don't drink alcohol or do drugs.

And I said, that's right.

It's May 3, 2006.

And she said, how did you do that?

I said, well, I have to show it to all the people I know.

And so I said, Paul Ricardo, in the building, in the drawing.

And he closed the door.

And he explained to me how all of the bonus cards had been given to my team.

And I made a big point over there, too.

And I said, well, you know what?

You know what?

You know what?

This was all about.

And he had some questions.

What does it mean?

What is it?

What are the 12 steps he's going to take with his wife to the meetings?

And it made some of the words that were making sense.

So we talked about it.

The stats and the traditions and what the sponsor is.

I told her a little bit about it.

And he said, well, I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Meant to say, the live-in was to me, to be sober, and the through it was about, it's

about alcoholics reaching out to a mother.

It's the purpose of sobriety.

And I've been so grateful to be on the opportunity on the other side of that call.

Someone's called and said, Richard has met somebody that I have seen both of these would

do.

Here's their name and phone number.

Can you reach out to them and to them?

and I'm grateful for my dear, dear friends that I've met and some of the closest friendships

of people that I've met here.

I mean, there was a cell phone and substitute con pick-up in the parking lot and the person

who's doing it was ill that day, so she called me last Sunday and she said, can you pick

up the con for me?

And I said, of course.

And so sitting in front of me, I got the one that was visiting with the one that was behind

me, because one of those had not been here before.

And I recognized that she was, this was her first time at the meeting.

So we're chatting and I said, George, do you want to help me pick up con's after the

meeting?

And we will get in line and thank the speaker.

And she did.

And while we were picking up con's, I went online to thank the speaker.

We talked about all the situation and shared some information so that we can see each other

again.

And I think that she's going to be there tomorrow morning.

And it's just, it's a lot of work to be doing.

And I think I knew when she popped up in the room, it was a lot of work.

Thank you so much for having me.

I'm sure it was a lot of fun.

And let's move into the air shine.

I was.