Norway, Alcoholism, and a Turning Point

Hi, I'm Bob, and I'm an alcoholic. And I'm glad to be here tonight. And I'd like to first welcome those new fellows that raised their hands. You're in a good place. It's a warm, comfortable meeting. I don't think I've ever been here before, but I know a few people.

And yeah, so Linda and I went on a hike, which we like to do on Saturdays. And we ended up walking around that Woodland Hills Marriott. Some of you have been there over there for the convention in January.

But I said to her, brought back some memories. And we were talking. I said, I'll just share for a few minutes on the front end of this thing about Norway.

I'm going to want to hear about Norway.

Well, here's the deal. Norway, I'm going to say it and tell it anyway, it really did a lot to change my life and a lot of coincidences.

For instance, I'm half Norwegian.

The founder of my, when I came into the program of the Pacific,

the Pacific group is Norwegian.

My sponsor is Norwegian, Ken Jay.

I went to work for a Norwegian company that quartered in Oslo.

And a lot of the things that, as a matter of fact, one of the funny things is my sponsors, and he wouldn't care, identifies from the podium, Ken Jacobson.

I don't know if some of you know him, but the founder of the group that he, he was a name,

Jack Jacobson in, in Norway, he got a patent in 1932 and this little articulating arm that's on the lights and magnifiers and turned it into a multi-billion dollar conglomerate.

He is the nicest, most humble man, Jack Jacobson, no relation to Ken, but Norwegian.

So I will tell you that, that, that Woodland Hills Marriott, I had a, the, the, the chairman of the board of the, of the public company that I, that I ran was a guy named Steiner Schwanstrom.

And he was from Oslo and he'd come out once, once a year for board meeting.

And I'd go back to Oslo three times a year.

They'd all, he'd always like to come in the winter time.

I don't know why he wanted to do that, but he, he did.

And, um, we were drunks and I, we shared that in common.

He stayed at the Marriott over there and we'd close that place down.

And one night I'll remember this.

So that must've been about 25 years ago.

And we're sitting there closing the bar down.

And, um, he looks at me and he says, Bob, he says, you, you must know that there are four kinds.

He's always trying to lecture to me.

And I think this was his idea 25 years ago.

He came up with this.

I, he said, Bob, there's four kinds of people in this world.

There are those that make things happen.

There are those that watch things happen.

There are those that wonder what's happening.

And there are those that never knew anything ever happened at all.

So which one is it that you are?

And I said, oh, Steiner.

I says, Jesus, come on.

I'm an arrogant fool.

I'm a full blown alcoholic and, and, uh, there was just, you know, ego and pride and all this.

I says, Steiner, what do you think?

I'm make things happen.

Look at me.

I mean, I'm running a public company and I just started tap dancing my little braggadocious, you know, and I look back with 20, 20 hindsight back to that time.

And here's the truth.

I was just a, at that point in my life is just a pathetic drunk.

It's the truth.

And the only thing I was making happen on.

A day-to-day basis is I'd make a bottle of cheap vodka disappear every day.

That was the extent of what I made happen.

And most of the time, um, you know, you guys laugh, but most of the time I wondered what was happening.

I didn't, I didn't get it.

I truly didn't get, and on a good day, I would see the, and it was true.

My health was gone.

My life was coming out of my sleeves and I would, I would.

Yeah.

I would just, what's happening to me.

I won.

It was wondering what happened.

And, um, so there's my story of Norway.

And I'm grateful today, um, uh, that I don't have to think, behave, act, and live like that.

I'm just not the same person.

I'm just, I'm so grateful, but I have a, I have a talk here to, for, uh, 40 minutes, I guess, 40 more minutes.

And I will, uh, I'll do the format.

I'll go back to, uh, what I was like and what happened to me.

Um, uh, you know, most of the story, you can take a nap.

I, I grew up, my sister and I in the projects over on San Fernando road in the fifties.

Uh, and it was funny because back then my sister and I thought that, uh, uh, the salvation army was Santa Claus.

And, um, here's a vision.

My mom was a little, I'm half Norwegian.

My mom was a little Irish drunk.

Okay.

And here's the vision for you.

I can remember like it was yesterday being in the backseat of her old Mercury with my sister bouncing around in the back, the car filled with, um, smoke from, from her nonstop smoking.

The beer cans rattling on the front seat.

We're in the back seat.

She's drunk.

She's a skunk.

We're driving.

I think San Fernando road somewhere down there and she's crying and, uh, and bellowing at the people going by.

And, uh, I was just terrified.

I was terrified for myself and I was terrified for my sister.

And as the year started passing, I never, ever going to, to, to end up like her.

This is, this is terrible.

But as a lot of, you know, who are in here, I ended up just like her.

But more about that in a second.

So I, I, she was, I'll say this for her.

She was a hard, I had a love hate relationship.

You'll begin to figure out with her.

You know, I really did love her unconditionally, but I was terrified and hated her also.

And, uh, um, she, uh, was a hard worker though.

Back in the, in the early fifties when, when women were housewives and what have you, she, she worked.

My stepfather worked.

They raised themselves up, you know, the old middle class back when you could do that.

And they ended up saving.

Enough money.

And it changed my life because we got into a lower middle class neighborhood up in, uh, near Montrose, California.

And, uh, um, I'm a competitive little bastard.

So I would grow where you plant me.

If I had stayed down on those projects, I'd probably be dead today, whether I drank or I didn't drink.

But I ended up in a neighborhood where they valued, uh, the, the parents were growing their, raising their children to, um, to, um, you know, have values of going and going to school.

And playing sports and doing the stuff that, that, uh, uh, the kids in that neighborhood did.

And so I wanted to be like them.

And so I was in that, that environment as a consequence of that.

And then the other thing that I have to share with you, I, I didn't pick up a drink till I was 21, probably because I didn't want to be like my mom.

I would, I'm firmly convinced that I was an alcoholic from get go, but I just didn't have alcohol in me.

Uh, but I ended up, uh, going to school finishing.

I.

In those days, uh, you could, uh, you could get, uh, you could get an education without spending a number of a hundred thousand dollars.

And so I was able to get an education.

Um, I think I was the first one to ever, uh, in, on both sides of my family that ever went to on past the high school.

So I finished college and I didn't have any debt.

So, uh, I had a little VW and I went to, um, I went to Europe.

I sold the, the, uh, the little, uh, VW.

For $1,100.

I remember like it was yesterday.

And we, uh, my buddy and mine and I traveled Europe on that money for my side for about, uh, six months.

I could spend six months in those days.

They had a book out called, you've seen some of your old timers of Europe on $5 a day.

And, uh, decades later, my controllers was to say, Bob, you ought to write a book a year upon $5,000 a day.

But I, we did it five, $5 a day.

It was a dollar a night for the youth.

And we got a Eurail pass and we, we did, we went all over Europe.

And one of the reasons I'm bringing this up real quick is we ended up down in the Southern coast of Spain, which is a lot like Southern California.

And I didn't want to leave there.

I was an old surfer guy anyway.

And I just wanted to stay down there.

And, uh, Jerry says, no, we've, you know, we've got a treasure trove here.

We got to go and see Madrid and the art and the Paris and the blah, blah, blah.

And I said, no, no, no, we can stay down here.

The weather's great.

So we hooked up with some other Americans and they took us, uh, there was Southern coast of Spain across, uh, Algeciras and Gibraltar.

And we ended up down in Tangiers.

And in those days you could, um, smoke uncut hashish and it was legal.

This, this was 1966, but you know, it's legal now, but some places, but it, it was legal in, in Tangiers.

And as a consequence, uh, I had my first, I was a swimmer in college, so I, I didn't even smoke cigarettes.

I'd never smoked anything, but I smoked this, this hashish and I was screwed up for three days.

I was seeing, I'm terrified of snakes.

I was seeing cobras coming out of baskets and I'm seeing, I was hallucinating about everything.

But the bad news was, uh, Jerry and the two other Americans and I, we,

ended up getting Tomein poisoning in some Arab restaurant.

I don't, little dive that we ate at and we almost died today.

I would have, it would have killed me.

No question about it, but we were young and they took us over to, across to, to Algeciras in Spain, across Gibraltar.

And we spent over a week in the hospital trying to get this taken care of.

At the end of the week, I said, I'm never, ever having any drugs again.

And.

Uh, not to realize that alcohol obviously is a drug and I was to drink for 34 more years, but I didn't, I didn't smoke anything.

I didn't use anything as Linda will attest.

I don't even like to take aspirin if I can avoid it, that I, some, this thing that pushed me away.

So that had a big effect on me, but I was an alcoholic.

And when I picked up a drink over there in Europe, I was off to the races.

I was just off to the races.

I mean, it didn't, didn't start slow.

And so.

I said 34 years, I drank alcoholically and some of you have heard this, but I'll say it because it was my story.

It's a progressive disease.

The first 10 years, um, believe it or not, I, it was fun.

I had a good time.

I had fun.

Second 10 years, it was a fun laced with some problems, the divorce and some things that were not pleasurable with my little kids and what have you.

And then the last part of it was just problems.

I mean, I was, I was.

I was really messed up and I will tell you that the last couple of years of my drinking, I never want to forget, and I can summarize those fairly quickly with, with you because it was the same damn thing over and over and over.

I would, um, I would get up in the morning, um, we lived out past West Hills and I'd get up in the morning.

I had made promises then I have totally drunk and messed up.

I'd made promises the night before.

It's going to be different.

It's going to be different today.

I'd get up in the morning and that car 8, 8 30 in the morning would head towards, uh, the first liquor store that I could get when I got out of the canyon and I'd head in there and the, and the little lady that worked there, uh, behind the liquor store counter already had my half pint of vodka out for me.

And I'm dressed like this.

My face is bloated and I'm fat and liver distended, but I'm basically, you know, dressed and she has this half bottle of vodka ready for me.

And I didn't give a shit, you know, I, I.

I just wanted, I wanted to get to get my, what I called my attitude adjustment going and so I got that and I'd put that bottle in my briefcase and, and, uh, I would drink it on the way to work and, uh, and it was gone by the time I got to work and I worked over in, um, um, Chatsworth and I had an office that, uh, had, the good news was it had a door and it had a bar and it had a bathroom.

So I could do what I like to do.

I could drink and isolate.

My problem was I started to figure out, you know, I'm trying to run a company and I'll tell you a funny story.

And this, this is the truth.

Uh, this is what I did.

Um, for you horror buffs, maybe some of you have heard of the Wolfman and Lon Chaney Jr.

Well, he was an alcoholic practicing alcoholic till the day he died.

Like, like, like we were not practicing, but he, like all of us and I read his obituary and I was.

Of course I wasn't drinking, you know, when I read this obituary and it said that Lon Chaney Jr, um, told his agents and this, his, his people that worked with him, that he never wanted to make a decision after 10 AM.

And I read that.

Now I thought, Jesus, that's a good idea.

And I, and I'm trying to run a company and I get there at about nine o'clock.

So I, this window of opportunity.

Oh.

So, Jesus.

race. Anyway, this, I would, my problem would be trying to control, as we say, control and enjoy

my drinking. And if I was really enjoying it, I'd be under the desk by 11 o'clock. There's no

question. But I would try to control it. I would go over to the valleys and try to dry out over

there at noon and come back. And then I would somehow get home. And that's when the, when the

problems would start. On a good night, my wife would, would see me passed out pretty early.

On a bad night, my behavior was awful. I didn't do any physical abuse, but you know, the tongue is

bad. And I would rage and rant until mercifully I would pass out. And that,

wasn't good. And this went on until we had a little boy. And it was my second

marriage. And we had this little boy. And my, my wife, after a couple of years, when he was about

three years old, she said, I've had it. And she looked into it and tried to find an Al-Anon meeting.

So she goes up to this place to do Mets. Some of you know where that is over at Canoga Park. And

she went there. And she said, I've had it. And she went there. And she said, I've had it. And

she went there to find out how she could get me to stop drink. And they, they explained to her,

well, you know, he's on his path. You're going to have to let him run his course, but we can help

you work on yourself in the meantime. So she went, she became a black belt Al-Anon. And she was,

for two years, she was doing the deal. And I was so resentful and angry. Why do you have to go to

all these GD meetings? You could be home with me. Watch me pass out or rage or whatever I would do.

So she was just biding her time. And after two years, a confluence of events happened. And

I got, my sponsor and I were joking about this the other day, Ken and I talk to him every day.

He's in Las Vegas now. He lives in Las Vegas too. But we talk every day. And, and the funny thing

is I, I was, I had a little noontime nap, but I had, I had a, like a 0.2 alcohol,

level at noon. I was over in Glendale and the cops got me and I had, and I wasn't driving.

And they said, well, how do you think your car got here, sir? Cause I was taking a nap in the car.

Anyway, I, I got, I got a DUI and they threw me in the, in the jail over there in Glendale. And,

and then I got out. And when I got home, you know, the Al-Anons for you that had any experience

with Al-Anon, they have a term, detachment with love. And Julie,

you know, she got out of that house. She threw me out. She tried to do it with love,

but it happened. So there I was, no car and over at the Motel 8, somehow, and that's another

time for another story. How in the hell I still hung on to that job. I had the job,

but I had to get to it. And my health was shot. And, uh, she said, you know, here's a card. If

you, if you think you might want to get some help here, you could call this number. This guy could

help you out. And I said, yeah, I can help you out. And she said, yeah, I can help you out. And I

said, yeah, I can help you out. And she said, yeah, I can help you out. And she said, yeah,

I don't need any help. I was still arrogant. So, but I did want to be back in the house. I did want

to be back with my son. And I did, you know, I had all these wants, but I didn't want to do,

do anything about it. Here's the truth about AA for me back then. I had nothing, no knowledge of AA.

And I shared this Friday night, right? Saturday, last night, I had no knowledge of AA and I didn't

believe in God. I'd never believed in God. And I'd heard somewhere that this AA business has

something to do with God. And I said, well, I don't believe in God. I don't believe in God.

And if it does, I'm screwed. You know, that's just, that's, so I stayed away. I didn't want to,

um, after a while I'm thinking, you know what, I'll just stroke Julie and I'll go and I'll

call this guy and, and maybe, you know, I can get back in the house with that. Well,

that wasn't to happen. A guy named Bob Z and we talked about, about him, you know him.

And, uh, he was waiting for me and his, his wife, uh, Betty Ann was, uh, was Julie's grand sponsor.

And, uh, in Al-Anon. And at that time I thought they had a million years sober, but I think they

had 20 or 22 years. And, um, I went to my first meeting and I says, I don't believe in God. I

don't want to use, no, no, it's okay. You don't have to worry about that. And that Tuesday meeting

on subject was God of our understanding. And I'm thinking, well, at any rate, the bottom line was

he made a deal with, I liked deals back in those days, you know, I'll make a deal.

And he said,

listen, try this thing for 90 days. You've heard it. If, if, if at the end of 90 days, you're,

you're, uh, you're not happy, we'll refund your misery. So I, I, you know, I, I committed to 90

days and, and then it got, you know, more, uh, that specific group, they wanted, uh, commitments

at all the meetings. And I'm living, I, I am living in, at this motel eight and I've got to

try and I'm not whining, but I had a full-time job and I'm trying to do my laundry and do all

this stuff, but no sniveling or whining. Um,

somehow, some way, you know, I, I got, I got some dispensation. I got Thursday off and I was able to

do all the little, uh, tidbits with the laundry and all the other stuff. But by God, I did that

90 and 90. And I, in the meantime, I was going to the yard and going to the, uh, these, um,

they call them watches. I'm not going to get into that time-wise, but they, they, they last

to past midnight, 1231. And I have to go to work the next morning. So, uh, but I did it for 90 days.

And at the end of 90 days, I was exhausted, but I thought this, this is a pretty good deal. You know,

this is a pretty good, so I asked Bob to sponsor me. And, uh, for a while, the guy would say,

you know, you're doing really good, but what about this God thing? How are you doing with that?

Oh, Bob, you know, the group, I was on step two, you know, the group is, it can be my higher power.

So, um, um, he said, after a while, and I've shared this with Linda before, he said,

after a while, he said, after a while, he said, after a while, he said, after a while, he said,

he says, Bob, he says, maybe the closest to God you're ever going to get is in the seeking. Yeah.

So, uh, I started hitting my knees morning and night seeking. And it's funny. The book talks

about, uh, spirituality of the learned and experienced variety. And that's what happened

to me. I don't know when it happened, but I, after, uh, after six months to a year in that

range, I started really believing and the obsession was removed. And I was off to the

races and, and, and doing, and doing the deal. And, uh, that was, uh, God willing, um, two,

two and a half weeks from now, it'll be 20 years. I've been in the, in the program and it's,

it's the best thing. AA is the best thing that ever happened to me. Truly. I mean, it saved my

life. Uh, I got back into the, uh, into the house and, uh, you know, it, it, um,

we had our ups and downs. I mean, I've had, uh, uh, I've had cancer twice and haven't had to pick

up a drink. Thank God. I've lost Julie. She died 10 years ago. And, um, I've had, uh, you know,

bumps along the way. It hasn't, it hasn't been easy, but you know what? We'd keep doing the

deal. Right. And it's, it's, it, it works. And one of the things that I found that, that for me,

that works is, uh, getting out of self, you know, thinking about somebody else when things were,

when things were really bad in that cancer business, two things that I did is, uh, I was

really busy working with others and that saved my bacon. And they also, they made me secretary of

that Sunday morning meeting. It made me, because then we had to hunt for a meeting place too. So

a whole bunch of stuff happened, but God saw a way to get me out of self. And, uh, and then 10

years later, I got cancer again.

The market went down to nothing. 2009, the, uh, um, a number of, of my lost my wife and a whole

bunch of stuff. I was really down, but guess what? I had a son that was 14 years old, lost his

mother. So I threw myself into trying to, to raise a boy and, uh, and still work the program. And,

uh, today he's up there in Menlo park. Uh, he's, he's got a good job.

He's,

and more.

Bob C.: Well, I'll finish college.

He's just a wonderful, not like I was when I was his age, he's 25.

He's a humble, nice kid.

He really is.

And I don't know where he got that because when I was his age, not only couldn't I grab

my rear end with both hands, but I was just a piece of work back then.

And so let me ask you, what time do I, 5-2?

Okay.

Well, I'll talk a little bit about the rest of my family and spirituality and then I'll

sit down.

I'm grateful today.

I have a wonderful lady in my life.

We've been going together four years and we have a really good AA spiritual family.

And I think it's my other family.

They've all grown.

Bob C.: Yeah.

Bob C.: And left.

My oldest daughter, I can't believe this.

She's going to be 50.

She's going to be 50.

And she is living up in, I want to say Northridge.

What is, what's the ranch?

Porter Ranch.

Yeah, yeah.

She's living up in Porter Ranch and she and I have two beautiful grandkids as a result.

They were eight and 10.

And then I have my second daughter.

My second daughter is 47 and she's one of us.

Oh boy, we've gone through hell with her.

Really?

That's another, I could spend the next 10 minutes on that.

But thank God she's got four years to knit today.

Yeah.

How about that?

God bless her.

And she lives up in Cambria with her mom and I owe it to this program and I never thought

that I'd ever say this 20 years ago.

But I owe it to a loving God.

I owe it to a loving God.

And I am so grateful that I have a spiritual program and that I have God in my life and

it's seen me through thick and thin.

Today, you know what, we have a great life.

You know, we were going to celebrate four years on May 8th and we're both, and I think

I hit my knees every day.

I don't have cancer.

You know, I'm healthy.

I have cancer.

I have a heart attack.

I'm sober which is I probably should say sober first to God because if I wasn't sober I wouldn't

be healthy that's for darn sure and I'm alive you know and uh what a blessing and I truly truly owe

it to to uh this program um our life is really good you know we have we have things we look

forward to just what a blessing I have to I talk to my sponsor every day go to my the lady that

that shared for the 10 minutes I go to three meetings a week as well and and that seems to

center me a little less and I'm squirrely a little more I'll do more like it's four this week you

know so but um uh I I really believe that this program not only saved my life but will do the

same if we're willing to get to work it and to do it you know and people share that uh

oh AA is for those who need it you know or those who want it but it's been my experience AA is for

those who do it yes and I was I was fortunate enough to be thrown into a a group and a program

of action and uh that's that's what happened for me and before I knew it uh I was I was doing the

deal and um um

it's it's kept me in good stead and I'm just truly blessed and I'm going to finish it with that so

thank you very much