From Armenian School to Sobriety: Ara's Journey

My name's Ara, and I am an alcoholic. Alex, thank you for asking me to do this.

When you called me and asked me, I'm like, why?

And I actually spoke to David.

Sobriety date is July 29, 2002, and I haven't found it necessary to take a drink or use any drugs.

I smoked a little bit of PCP, a little bit of heroin, and a little bit of methamphetamine.

And I didn't think alcohol was a problem because I never had a problem getting alcohol.

So I came to Alcoholics Anonymous, and I caught alcoholism.

I have a sponsor that I call three, four times a week.

I talk to him. I'm current with him.

And I call him, and I'm current with him.

You know, a little bit of my background.

I'm from Venezuela, Armenian, the only son, and the youngest one.

So go figure.

I want to thank Robin and Greg for your 10-minute pitch.

Thank you for the language of the heart.

And that's why I'm here.

I'm here to share with you my experience, strength, and hope with you.

And, you know, I'm not, I don't like doing this, like I said.

I have, I struggle with it, but it's not about me.

It's about carrying the message, and hopefully that I can do that in the next 45 minutes.

Anyhow, so I'm from Venezuela, the youngest one.

Upper-middle-class family.

We moved to the U.S.

My parents put me into a private Armenian school.

I don't know the language.

I don't know English.

I don't know Armenian.

I only know Spanish.

So I'm getting picked on.

I'm being, they're making fun of me.

And, you know, and I became popular quickly because I started to become a little bad boy.

I started doing things that other people weren't doing.

And I became popular.

Seventh grade, my dad left.

My dad had a lot of money, and he left with all the money.

And I hated my dad growing up because that money belongs to me.

And he took all of it.

So growing up, I hated my father.

My mother was, you know, was working two jobs.

My sisters were working.

They were, you know, my uncles and my aunt and everybody was helping us out.

Here I am being a spoiled kid.

Everything is like, needs to be, they needed to make sure that we weren't spending money on things that weren't necessary.

But my mom still took care of me.

And, you know, I mean, I'm thinking about, I mean, in ninth grade, tenth grade, Fila came out at the time.

And the tennis shoes were like 180 bucks.

And I wanted those tennis shoes.

And my mom's like, we can't afford them.

I want those.

If you don't get those for me, I'm not going to, I'm going to give you a hard time.

And that's what I did.

Every time I didn't get something I wanted, I always gave her a hard time.

So, you know.

So I went from that private school job.

I went from that private school to a public high school.

I stayed there for two years.

I went to Montebello High School for two years.

And then my mom put me back into the private high school.

And then it just, like, the disease, it continued where I left off when I left this school.

I had the keys for all the classrooms.

I was stealing the tests.

I, you know, I was a really good soccer player.

So what the principal did, my grades were really bad.

Really bad.

Really bad.

And then I started doing all these things.

So my, what happened was that my grades were bad.

I started doing bad things.

I started stealing the tests.

They caught up on that.

So I would be getting A's in some classes.

I was getting bad grades in some other classes.

And he called me in one day and he said, look, he says, we're going to be playing CIF.

And he goes, your grades this semester did not, you didn't make it.

He goes, but I want you, if I speak, you know, talk to your parents.

I want you, if I speak, you know, talk to your teachers and they change your grade, would you be willing to do the work and do your part in it?

And I said, sure, I'll do my part.

And my part in that was play soccer.

I mean, that's what I got.

He basically was telling me at least, you know, show up to class.

Do your, you know, do some homework.

And, you know, and that's what it was.

And I didn't know that I was going to graduate.

And when I graduated, I was relieved.

All the three signatures were there.

The principal, the person that was in charge of the church, and some other guy that had to sign the diploma.

And that was it.

You know, being the only son, my mom did a pretty good job spoiling me.

And you know what?

I was a bad kid.

And growing up, I did worse things where, you know, here I am getting loaded, getting arrested, not being able to maintain a job.

You know, registering for school, having, you know, three, four classes.

And then by the third week, I was only, I only had one class.

And by the fourth week, I dropped out.

So that was my thing.

I started something and I could never finish it.

I would get a job.

And in three months, I wanted to make a lot of money.

And I would go ask for a raise.

And, you know, they would tell me, you're showing up late every day.

Why would we give you a raise?

Yeah, but I'm staying late and I'm working hard.

And there's no one like me.

And, you know, and that was it.

Every six months, I was changing jobs and trying to figure out why I wasn't getting ahead.

And, you know, I started calling bingo numbers at the Armenian Center four nights a week.

And I was getting loaded.

I was getting loaded every time I was there.

I was getting loaded.

I was drinking a lot of cognac.

And drinking was okay with these guys that belonged to the Center.

And, you know, but I was doing other stuff.

So, back then.

Back then, they would let you smoke in the halls.

So, I'm up there tweaked out of my mind.

And I'm calling bingo numbers.

With a cigarette in one hand and drinking the Armenian coffee with the other hand.

And then, you know, once I was done, I would go down, take a couple of shots, and then go back up.

And that was my routine every day.

You know, I got arrested for being under the influence of a controlled substance.

And, you know, my mom didn't know what was really going on with me.

She just thought that, you know.

Something's going on with my son.

But I don't know exactly what it is.

And, you know, my only fear was back then was that if my mom finds out.

Because I didn't care about anybody else.

It was just my mom.

If my mom finds out that her son's a loser and an alcoholic and all the other stuff, then my life's over.

So, I would call my mom on a daily basis and check in with her when I wasn't going to show up.

And just let her know I'm at Danielle's house or I'm at my girlfriend's house.

Or I'm, you know, with whomever.

But I would check in with her just to hear her voice.

That was my thing.

It was just to hear her voice.

And, you know, and I get arrested this one night.

I'm trying to go get some stuff.

And they raided the place.

They raided the place.

And I got arrested for being under the influence of a controlled substance.

So, I spent the night at the Pico Rivera Sheriff's Station.

You know, they let us out in the morning with a ticket.

And, you know, the people that I got arrested with, they take me to the house.

I get in my car.

As soon as I get home, the garage door opens.

I run out of gas.

And I didn't care because I had what I needed with me.

And, you know, my mom was waiting.

I didn't call her.

And she was waiting for me.

And she said, where were you last night?

And I told her I got arrested.

And she didn't believe me.

I'm like, oh, well, whatever, you know.

So, here I am, you know, filling up my backpack with my tools and my clothes and taking off again.

And this is like three, four weeks passed by.

And one of these days that I call her, she says, hey, your brother-in-law wants to talk to you.

And so, I call my brother-in-law.

And he goes, hey, Ara, I asked you to call me because we have a problem here.

And I'm like, what seems to be the problem?

He goes, well, he goes, I have a letter here that states that you've been arrested for being under the influence of a controlled substance.

So, the first thing that I'm thinking is that this guy opened up my mail without my permission.

That's against the law.

And, you know, and I didn't say anything to him.

That's what went through my mind.

And I said, that's a mistake.

And he goes, no, dude.

He goes, there's no mistake.

My brother-in-law is a public defender for the LA County.

So, he checked out everything.

So, he goes, unless there's someone with your license number and your birth date, he goes, there's no mistake.

He goes, look, he goes, I didn't ask you to call me so I can tell you that you're in trouble.

I asked you to call me so we can help you.

And when he said help, I saw dollar signs.

And I said, sure, I need to register for this.

Alcohol diversion class and it's going to cost this much.

And I need a money order for this much.

And then it's going to be $45 or $35 a class.

I don't remember exactly what the number was, but it was around there.

And they were giving me, I registered for this class.

They were giving me money orders to attend these classes.

And I was using that money to go get the other stuff.

And again, I didn't have any problems getting alcohol.

I did have alcohol at home.

We had cases and cases of cognac.

My uncles imported alcohol from Armenia and Europe, so there was no problem getting that.

You know, there would be times where I'd wake up in the, my mom would wake me up in the morning and there's bottles there.

And she goes, what is this?

And I look at her, what does it look like?

They're bottles.

It's alcohol.

She goes, you're drinking our expensive cognac.

If I'm not going to drink it, who's going to drink it, you know?

So she hid those, she hid those cases from me.

She put it in her closet.

She put a lock on her door.

I knew how to get in.

I knew, I found out where it was.

I started taking it from there.

She noticed that I was taking the alcohol from there.

This woman was driving around in her car with her, in her trunk with the cases of alcohol.

So I am an alcoholic.

I am an alcoholic.

Alcohol makes things better.

So, you know, so I, it's time for me to go to these, to go to court and, you know, to give the judge a progress report.

And, and I said, I have to come clean.

I have to come clean with my sister.

I have to come clean with my, with my brother-in-law.

And, and I called my sister and I said, look, I said, the last three months I've been, I said, the money you've been giving me, I've been using it for other stuff.

And my sister, she said, you know, that money that we're giving you, that's the money you're taking away from our kids.

We could be buying our kids stuff that they need.

She said, that being said, she says, don't, she says, don't, don't, don't call us.

Then we don't, we, we're not going to help you with anything.

We're not going to help you with anything anymore.

So that being said, I didn't stop, but I went to court and I, and, you know, I went to court and, you know, and I like to pick.

So I was a picker.

I like to pick my face.

I like to, I like to cut.

I have tattoos.

I, I didn't like my tattoos.

So I was cutting my tattoos off.

They came back.

And, and, you know, and I went to court with, with all these scabs on my face.

And, and I told the judge, I can't do this by myself.

So she, she said, okay.

She says, what do you want to do?

And I said, I need help.

I need to go to a program where I'm under 24 hour, you know, supervision.

Cause I can't do this by myself.

So she said, okay.

She gave me a month.

I partied like a rock star for a month.

I went to the Salvation Army in Carpinteria.

That's where I met all of you.

And I went, this isn't for me.

No, I'll stay here for six months.

Do it.

And then I'm back at it.

I would take a 24 hour pass.

I would get drunk because alcohol wasn't the problem.

When you go back, it doesn't.

I mean, I wouldn't recommend this, but this is what I did.

I would get drunk.

I would go back 24 hours later.

It doesn't show.

It didn't show in the system.

So I was doing that.

I thought my problem was the other stuff.

You know, so I was there for four months.

They told me to get a sponsor.

They told me to work these steps.

They, they, they wanted me to call my sponsor and read this book and work these steps and find a higher power of your own understanding.

And I looked at them and I'm like, what are they talking about?

There's no way I'm going to tell that man my deepest, darkest secret.

It's none of his business, you know?

And I didn't.

I worked the steps by myself.

And one day I had that imaginary sponsor.

I gave him a name.

They called that sponsor.

You know, they called me and they said, we called your sponsor.

You haven't been working the steps.

You're going to stay here for another month and you're going to be on restriction.

So I said, you know what?

I'm done.

I don't need you guys anymore.

Give me my two.

They gave me two bags, trash bags of clothes.

I wanted that.

I said, give me my clothes.

I'm out of here.

So I left.

I called my brother-in-law and I said, come and pick me up.

These guys, they want me to do this and this and this.

So he came and picked me up and it took two weeks.

I started smoking PCP with the alcohol.

I had a girlfriend at the time that she was my, you know, she was partying with me and she wouldn't let me do anything.

I thought that was pretty selfish.

So it took two years.

Two years I became homeless.

Two years I, you know, I started losing my teeth.

In two years, my sisters, both of them said, we don't want our kids to know that they have an uncle like you.

You're a loser.

And they called me some other stuff too.

And I'm not going to, I'm not going to say it.

I'm cleaning the language.

My mom told me, I wish you were never born.

She says, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I wish you were never born.

And again, I didn't stop.

I didn't stop.

I continued doing it.

And, you know, I finally, I finally, finally had a moment of hope.

Had a moment of clearance in, in the back of my car in front of someone's house that my car wasn't running anymore.

And here I have my 99 cent cologne deodorant.

I had it going on by the way, you know, and, and this man would come in and knock, knock on the door on my, on my window and say, dude, you're scaring my family.

You gotta go.

You gotta go, man.

I'm like, well, I, I can't, my car doesn't start.

You know, and, and I called my mom the next day.

I called my mom the next day and I said, come and pick me up.

I'm done.

Um, so she came and picked me up.

No, actually she came and picked me up.

I went to my ex-girlfriend's house and, uh, I gave her, she gave her money.

She said, let him stay here for one night.

Um, so her and her friends went out to party.

I stayed there before they left.

She, uh, they gave me a Corona and a line.

I did that Corona.

I smoked.

I mean, I, I, I did that line and I, and I, and I drank the Corona and I went to sleep and I called my mom in the morning and I told her, come and pick me up.

I'm done.

So living in Chatsworth with my mom's, with my sister, um, we lost the house and she, from Chatsworth, she drove all the way down to Rosemead, picked me up.

I called my sister.

Um, I actually called my brother-in-law and I said, look, I said, I'm done.

I'll do whatever it is that you want me to do.

And he goes, look, dude, he goes, your, your sister doesn't, not only doesn't want you here, she doesn't want you in this neighborhood.

So if you're going to pull one of your tricks, it's, it's not going to happen.

I said, no, no, I'm ready.

Um, so I, uh, I went over there.

He talked to me for a couple of minutes.

Um, so I'm not from the Valley.

I didn't know what Sepulveda Boulevard is or was.

Um, so he put me in a hotel and motel on Sepulveda Boulevard.

Thank God I didn't know what Sepulveda was.

I went downstairs and I, and I called my ex-girlfriend and I told her that, um, I said, I am, uh, I'm going into the Salvation Army tomorrow morning and I'm going to get sober.

And she had this awful laugh.

And she said, you're the devil.

She says, you're not going to get sober.

And that's my first resentment.

Um.

So July 29, 2002, I walked into the Salvation Army over here in Canoga Park, weighed 143 pounds, a vision for you.

Um, I hadn't shaved for God knows how many months I shaved and I had scabs all over my face.

Um, you know, um, I, um, I was in that program for seven and a half months.

The only thing that I did right that seven and a half months, I, I didn't drink and I didn't use.

Um, I sold from the Salvation Army.

Why?

Because they owed me.

Um, you know, and, and, um.

And, um, and, and, you know, and, and I did, and I, and I still had that stinking thinking.

And that stinking thinking, I reacted to it.

Um, so they told me that I needed to get a sponsor.

They told me that I needed to work the steps.

They told me that I needed to get a higher power of my understanding.

Um, and this time I did it.

This time I did it.

Um, I was kind of, I was kind of like doing it, but not doing it.

And Alan remembers.

Um, you know, I would go to a meeting every three, four weeks and, and say, hey, check it out.

I'm not really doing anything.

But I'm still sober.

Uh, you guys are fools.

Um, but I wanted what you guys had.

And in order for me to get what you guys had, I needed to do what you guys were doing.

Um, so I got into service.

I started going to meetings an hour early.

I started hanging out with my sponsor.

I started calling him at the time he wanted me to call him, not 10 minutes later so I

can leave him a voicemail.

Um, I started working the steps.

I started working the steps.

And, uh, you know, and, and, uh, here I am doing all these things and, and, you know,

and, and like life's getting busy and, and I have this big smile on my face and I'm glowing

and I don't know what's going on.

I'm just following the guys.

I'm following the guys.

I'm doing what they're asking me to do.

No questions asked.

I'm just doing it.

I'm just doing it.

I'm doing it.

I'm just doing it.

I'm just doing it.

I'm just doing it.

I'm just doing it. I'll figure it out later. I was railroaded into becoming a GSR and, you know,

I had about a year and a half at this time and I'm calling my sponsor. I'm like, I don't want

to do this commitment. I really don't. It's two years. I don't know if I want to stay sober that

long. And every day I would call him and I would talk to him about this. I was like spinning on it.

And he goes, Ara, he goes, if you don't want to do it, all you need to let, you just need to let

the guys know that you don't want to do it. And I said, okay, I think I can do that. He goes,

give it a month, give it a couple of months, and then you can tell them. That's if your ego lets

you. I'm like, what is that supposed to mean? He goes, you'll figure it out. It was the best

commitment I've ever had at the GSR. You know, so I went to PRASA, you know, Pacific Region

Alcoholics Anonymous Service Assembly. I went twice and I had a blast and I had a blast and

I understood how the wheel of Alcoholics Anonymous turns. You know, the wheel keeps on turning.

Long meetings.

I enjoyed it. I didn't have anything else to do but to go to meetings. And there was a time where

my sponsor was telling me, he goes, this is very rare of me. He says, I don't say this to anybody.

He goes, but he goes, you're doing a lot. You're doing a lot more than what I've seen other people

do. He goes, I don't want you to get burned out. I don't want you to get burned out. And I told him,

I said, Eric, and I said, I don't have anything else going on with me. And I said, I have a lot

of friends in AA. I'm having a lot of fun. He goes, okay.

Um, so, you know, I, I, um, you know, I'm working these steps with, with my sponsor and, and

and, you know, life's getting good. It's getting busy. Um, you know, I, I, I completed that program

weighing 224 pounds, happy, joyous, and chunky. Um, you know, I, I quit smoking and, um, and I

had to do, I had to make those amends. And on top of that list, it was me on top of that list was my

mom, my dad, my sisters, my uncles, my ex-girlfriends. So when it came time to do my

dad, I didn't really want to do it. And we kind of, not kind of, we went back and forth a little

bit and he's done with me. He was done. He goes, look, dude, he goes, when you asked me to sponsor

you, I asked you if you're willing to go to any length for your sobriety. And he goes, and this

is one of the things that you need to do. And I said, oh, he goes to you. He hung up the phone

on me. He says he didn't, but I know that he hung up the phone on me. So he goes, you call me

when you're ready. And boom. So I'm renting a room in Reseda. I spin around the room for about

five minutes and I call him back and I'm like, okay, what do you want me to do? How do you want

me to do this? And by this time, he goes, you have a pen and paper? And I said, yes. Wrote down

everything he wanted, you know, he asked me to do. So I called my dad. I haven't seen my dad or

spoken to my dad for years, for years. And again, I want this man to die. I want his money. It's my

money. That's my money.

And that's why I didn't want to make that amends because it's my money, you know? So I call him

and I call him and, hi dad, this is Ara and hi. And, you know, I'm sober now. I'm working at the

Salvation Army. I'm making minimum wage. I'm trying to, again, I'm trying to whizzle my way

out of this. And I'm making minimum wage. And, you know, if I owe you any money, I can pay you

$50 a month. And, you know, I, I went on a trip to Venezuela in three weeks. I,

I spent like 10, $15,000. I don't know. I was trying to catch up on that money that he owed me.

So that was one of the things that came up when I was writing, you know, the amends. And he goes,

oh, you're working. Yes. Oh, you're, you're, you're happy, right? And I'm like, yeah. And he hung up

the phone. I'm like, oh my God. So I called my sponsor and I said, I did exactly what you asked

me to do. And I said, he didn't say come over here. Everything's yours. And, you know, my sponsor

laughed and he goes, all right. He goes, we never spoke about that. What we spoke about was you

clearing your side of the street.

That's what we're doing here. Not him telling you come over here. Everything's yours.

So he goes, just consider yourself lucky that he didn't ask you to pay that money back. You know,

and I, and I, and I, I was pissed. I was upset. I caught another resentment and I said the hell

with him. He goes, pray for him. I said, there's no way I'm going to pray for him. He goes, well,

let me know how that goes. The pain became really bad that I started praying for him,

for me to, not for him, for me to let go of that resentment. And it went away three,

months later, my sister calls in and says, look, dad's, dad's having some issues. We're married.

You're not married. You have time. Go check it out. See what's going on with him. And, and I said,

before I make it that decision, I need to talk to my sponsor. So here I am calling my sponsors

thinking that he's going to say, you've made your amends. You've cleared your side of the street.

You don't need to do anything. I tell him what's going on. He goes, you call him, get his address

and go over there. And I said, there's no way I'm doing that. There's no way. Hung up the phone

again, spun around the room for five minutes, called them back, had a pen and paper ready.

Step-by-step, get his address, go over there, got his address, went over there,

knock on the door. And here's this cute little old man that I fell in love with.

And all those years I've hated him. He lived in Pacoima in a single apartment, did not have

money. He had Alzheimer's. He didn't even remember that, that, that I called him that day.

He hadn't taken a shower in months. He didn't have any food in the refrigerator. The person

that was taking care of him, stole everything that he had and was stealing everything that,

you know, whatever money he was getting.

From the government was taking that from him. She was just paying the rent and the electricity.

So the last eight months of my father's life, I was able to make a real amends and I saw him

take his last breath. And it wasn't, if it wasn't for me taking sponsor direction, I wouldn't have

been able to do that. So now when my sponsor asks me to do something, I give him a hard time,

but I do it. No, I don't give him a hard time. I just like to, I just like to argue a little bit,

but I do it because I know that, I know that the reason that I got a sponsor is to take direction.

The reason that I have friends in Alcoholics Anonymous is, is because I need to bounce these

things off my friends. You know, that's, that's one amends I made that, you know, and, and, and when

my father passed away, I thought that no one was going to be there. Here's my AA family and their

wives, the Al-Anons, they're, they're, they were there. And I was blown away by the support. And

that just took me to a different level in my program where I said, this is my family. This

is where I belong. This is what I need to do for the rest of my life. One day at a time.

Sometimes one second at a time. And, you know, and I do have that higher power of my own

understanding, which I choose to call God. And, and, you know, and, and my wife and I, we, we pray,

we pray, we hit our knees every morning and, you know, she says her prayer. I say my, my prayer.

And every night I hit my knees and I thank God for giving me another day sober. The only thing

that I wanted to do in my life is to stop drinking. That's what I wanted to do. And I got a lot more,

a lot more. I got my teeth cut. I got my teeth cut. I got my teeth cut. I got my teeth cut. I got my teeth cut.

Um, I got my teeth back. Um, you know, I, I, I'm making a living amends to my mom,

to my sisters. You know, they, they, uh, you know, my grandmother passed away. There's,

we're, we're 12 cousins from my mom's side and, you know, and who do they call? They call,

they call the alcoholic. They call me until, you know, the coroner comes and picks up, you know,

I went, I went over there and sat down with my aunt, my, and my mom. I'm like, what's going on

over here? How come, you know, how come I'm here? Um, you know, the other day, my sister, my, my

something, she says, you know, she says, if my parents die, if something happens to them,

she says, you're going to be in charge of all, all the stuff that we own. And I went, ha, you know,

and, and, um, that, that, that only happens here in AA. Um, I've, uh, you know, I went to Canada,

my wife and I went to Canada, she's in Al-Anon and we were invited to go speak over there.

And I haven't left the country since I've gotten sober. And, um, and man, I'm, I'm excited. I'm

going to go speak, you know, blah, blah, blah in Canada.

How cool is that? They wouldn't let me in the country. You know, they wouldn't let me in the

country. They said, ma'am, you can go, but he needs to stay. And I'm like, I started shaking.

I'm like, what, what's, what's going on? You know, the officer asked me, have you been arrested

once? And I said, yes. And she's looking at my record. She says, you've been arrested more than

once. And I said, you asked me once. I told you, yes. Um, so she started reading out the things

that I got arrested for. And, and, uh, I said, look, and I said, we were invited here from

your AA group here in Canada. Um, and luckily we had something,

on our phone, which had my name on it. You know, she went, came back. She said, sit there for two

hours. We'll, we'll, we'll let you in, but you have 72 hours. Um, the reason I'm sharing this

with you is because I thought that everything was taken care of. I came back and, you know,

I have, I have family that, that are lawyers and judges and stuff. And, you know, back in the day

before I got sober, if I would have asked them to do something for me, they wouldn't have done it

because I'm not working. Um, uh, I, I wasn't being a productive member of society. You know,

when I came back and they found out that this had happened, Marbella and La pulled me aside and said,

we're going to help you clear up all that stuff. And, uh, and they did that. And, and I usually

don't share about this because I don't want people coming up to me after and saying, Hey,

can you do this? I'm not going to do it. No. Um, you know, there was, you know, I, uh,

that day that I went to go see my dad, um, it was, it was, uh, it was humbling because

he opens the door and he's looking at me and, and, uh, and I go, hi. And he, I knew some

thing wasn't right. And he's looking at me and, and, and I go, um, I go, I'm your son, Ara.

And he takes his glasses off and he looks at me and he goes, my, my son has hair. You don't have

hair. Um, so, um, you know, I made another amends to a close friend of mine and he doesn't want

anything to do with me, nothing. Um, but I'm glad that he gave me after like the third,

third approach, like years later, he gave me that one minute. I said, just give me one minute. And,

uh, and I made that amends. And I said, look, I said,

I know it's not gonna, it's not gonna change anything, but I want you to know that I'm sorry

for all my actions. And he told me, he goes, you were like my brother and you disappeared. And I

said, I know, I'm sorry. And I walked away and I walked away and I was like, wow, I didn't know

that I could hurt people that bad. Um, you know, my, my, uh, my life is full now. I'm married. I

have a beautiful wife. While you were doing the readings, she said her primary problem is me. Um,

we have a, we have, we have a, we have a good life.

I believe it's normal because I mean, I tell her that. And she says, what do you mean normal?

And, and all the relationships that I've been before getting sober, I was getting arrested.

Um, there was furniture flying around. Um, you know, and, and, and I'm ashamed to share this

with you, but I, I, I like to choke, you know, I, I'd like to, I like to, I like to put knives to,

I, I like to put knives to people's throats and, and, and do all that stuff. You know,

it's like, you pissed me off and, and I'm going to,

I'm going to do this. Um, and, and, you know, and, and, and I'm not that guy anymore. And,

and, you know, she looks at me, she says, you're like one of the sweetest guys I've met. And I

said, yeah. And I said, I'm making my amends to all the women I hurt through you. And, and that's

the honest truth. Um, you know, we, we, we have a really good relationship and, and, you know,

she accepts me for who I am. Um, I don't have to, I don't have to show some kind of front or

something and pretend that I'm someone else, even with you guys. Um,

this is who I am. I'm a little bit crazy. Um, I realize it, it doesn't make it okay. If I,

if I do crazy stuff, um, you know, my sponsor says we're all here because we're not all there.

Um, and, um, you know, Bruce, Bruce and Eldad are good friends of mine. Bruce is one of those guys

that, that, that, you know, and, and I, and I say this with love, not with, with, with thing. He's

like a, he's like a fly on, he won't let, he won't leave you alone. Just like someone,

someone came up to you and said, you know, yelled out, you need a sponsor. This guy came

after me. He's like, what are you doing after? What are you doing tomorrow? What are you going

to do? You know? So I call him every day. He calls me, we talk to each other every day. I give him a

hard time. And, and, um, you know, I have friends like that where I can call in and, and come clean

with if my sponsor's not around, I can call people and I can talk to them and I can become current

with them because if I keep those thoughts in my head and I have some really crazy thoughts,

I will go crazier. You know, um, I've this past year, I've been, you know, I opened up my own

business. I, I, I left my career and I, and I started to do something on my own with, with a

business partner. And this is territories where I haven't touched. And, uh, you know, I thought that

if you want to know what your character defects are, get into a relationship. If you want to know

what your character defects are, have a partner in business and all these things are sneaking up.

No, these things are sneaking up and, and, and, uh, you know,

and, and, and sometimes I act on them and sometimes I don't, um, you know, and, and I talk

everything, I, everything, everything that, that I do, I, I, I talk to my sponsor about,

and, uh, you know, and, and, and I'm blessed that, that we are blessed that we have a program that

where we can go talk to people and, and, and bounce things off. Um, you know, um, and I,

and I've been struggling with it and, you know, and, and, uh, I always tell Jodi and I said,

you know, when something's going on with her and I said, where's God?

And all this, and, and she threw that back at me. She goes, where's God in all this?

And thank you. Um, you know, where's God in fear, fear, insecure. I'm being insecure. I'm thinking

that I'm, I mean, I don't want to share with you what, what's going through my head, but, but, you

know, you know, my business partner is family and, and he goes, it's, it's okay, dude. We're okay.

It's not, it's not, we're, we're good. Don't worry about it. Um, and, uh, you know, I was reminded

that both of us got into the business to have a successful business, not to, not to screw each

other up. Um, you know, and, and, um, you know, I go to, I go to three meetings, three to four

meetings regularly. Um, I go to two men's stag meetings. Uh, my Thursday night meeting is,

has been my home group for the last 17 years. Um, that's unity service and recovery. Uh, Friday

night, I go to a men's stag in Woodland Hills. It started by the guys from the Pacific group.

Monday night, I go to another meeting. That's an offshoot from the Pacific group, uh, Encino Hills

speaker meeting.

And sometimes on Wednesdays, when I have the opportunity, I go over the hill and I go to that

meeting. Um, I love meetings that have structure. This is Alcoholics Anonymous. It's not anything

else. It's Alcoholics Anonymous. Um, I want to welcome all the newcomers. Um, you know,

if you didn't hear anything that I had to say today, this is the only thing that's important.

Don't drink no matter what. Don't drink no matter what. Um, you know, there's this guy that a friend

of ours that Bruce is sponsoring. He went out, he calls me, he goes, Hey dude,

can you save me a seat? So I text them back and I said, I'm not saving you a seat. You need to get

a commitment. I said, come and save your own seat. Um, and, uh, I called him today and he went out.

He goes, I went out last night. I said, okay, I guess, uh, your desire to drink is a lot stronger

for your desire to stay sober. And, uh, I think I have a pretty good chance if my desire to stay

sober is a lot stronger than to go out, drink. I have a pretty good chance to stay sober tonight.

Thanks.