Claudia's 22-Year Journey: From Toxic Childhood to Sober Life

Now, I'd like to introduce our main speaker, Claudia.

Hi, Claudia, alcoholic. I want to thank Alex for asking me to participate in my sobriety.

Let's see, Monday, I celebrated 22 years and it's not my first sobriety, but I'm hoping it's my last.

I remember babysitting Alex at Life's In Session, him and his sister. Remember that?

How old are you? I mean, I didn't know Alex then. No, I'm just kidding.

Wow. This meeting, well, not this meeting, the other meeting, Life's In Session,

what is that? List, okay, has a very special place in my heart. A lot of people in this meeting

were there back then when I got sober in 1992. Clearly, that didn't take, but so there's a lot

of people here that have helped me along the way, and I'm just going to share in a general way what

it was like, what happened, and what it's like today. Can I tell you guys a secret? Your bathroom

smells like weed. I love that. It's probably why I wasn't in there 10 times. I'm like, "Oh, my."

I'm all, "It almost smells so good." Anyway, I am 22 years sober. Pacific Group is my home group,

yeah, and Sharon is my sponsor. For those things, I'm forever, ever grateful, and definitely

overpaid. I am a completely different person than when I walked into Alcoholics Anonymous,

even this last time 22 years ago. That was on, what was that? Yeah, Louise at Life's In Session.

We'll get there. I'm just going to share in a general way what it was like, and what happened,

and what it's like today. I grew up in the valley, and usually people go, "I'm a valley girl," still

am. I grew up privileged, and so I had every opportunity that you could have. I did not have

parents like Greg, so my dad didn't tell me to go punch people and do that. Thank you, Greg and

Veronica for 10 minutes, and welcome you if you're new. My parents immigrated here from Chile when

they were really young. My father's sole purpose in life was to make money and provide a good life

for his family. He was very strict, and he was very verbal. He was verbally abusive. He would

call us stupid, and do that right. I have always been the type of person that was, "No, you're

stupid, and you shut up." My older brother just would take it, and take it, and take it, and I

just never took it. I did every single thing in my life to annoy that man, from the minute I woke up

in the morning until when I would go to sleep. I definitely brought my parents to their knees.

My father, again, was really strict, so there wasn't a lot of ... I never saw drinking and

drugs, not like Veronica's story. We were a pretty normal family. We would eat dinner together every

night, and we would go on a lot of family trips. I have a lot of cousins. We're Latina, so

my cousins are more like my siblings, wasn't like regular cousins. We did everything together.

I thought I had such a crappy childhood until I came to AA, and realized it was not that bad,

actually. Then you come here, and you're like, "Wow." I could never listen. I remember being

really young, probably in the second grade, and my teacher saying to me, "You do realize there's

other people in the universe, right?" I'm like, "I really was like, "I don't get what you're saying."

Very self-obsessed. I never drank because I wanted to have friends. I always had a whole bunch of

friends. I had a very social life. I was just very disrespectful, entitled, and I did not like

authority. We lived in a really nice neighborhood, and I was constantly sneaking out of my house.

By the time I was 13 years old, I was smoking weed on a regular basis. We were getting drunk

every weekend. It wasn't like you can get just drunk every single day when you're 13, but we

did manage to smoke weed every single day. I know this is an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, but

drugs are a little bit part of my story, so we'll get into that. We would drink, and my parents

would go out, and they would leave me in charge of my younger brother with my friends, and then

we would get into their alcohol. I have stories like that for days and days and days, and by the

time I'm 14 years old, I've crashed two of my parents' cars. I'm a thief. Stealing is my most

favorite thing to do ever, and I love it. If I could steal today and be sober, I would totally

do it. I loved it. It's like the thrill. I don't even know where I learned that because I did not

grow up like that, but I loved it. We lived in a really nice neighborhood, and I was constantly

sneaking out of my house every single day. My dad put bars on my windows, but you couldn't

really put bars up because we lived in a nice neighborhood, and it wouldn't look good. He had

a carpenter come and build these wood shutter things, so it would look good. I saw them out,

and I would sneak in and out, and I would get caught with mud coming into my house, and my

dad would say, "What's wrong with you?" It wasn't me. I didn't do that, and I was just out of

control. By the time I was 15 years old, my parents put me in a rehab, my first rehab,

but by this time I had gone to shrinks. By the time I was 10, a little bit of a crazy person.

I go to this rehab, and my boyfriend at the time that I met when I was 14, which turned out to be

my husband, Matt, as some of you remember, and tried to break me out of this rehab. I mean,

it was just a whole thing. In that rehab, I was there for two months. It's a 30-day program,

but I'm in there for two months. In a structured environment, I do really well. I do well in a

structured environment, just like this is really a structured group. This is awesome. We went to

your guys' marathon meeting at the convention, me and a couple of girlfriends from PG. If you don't

know PG, it's also a cult, but not like you guys. You guys are gnarly. When we left, my friends were

like, "Oh, my God. That's crazy how they are." I said, "You have no idea." You guys have a rep

now for being very strict. I thought it was pretty funny. Anyway, I don't even know why I just said

that. He tried to break me out. I was doing really well in a structured environment. The minute I get

out, I'm out drinking with my friends. For me, my drinking wasn't ... I mean, I didn't think it was

bad. I thought it was we just go out with your friends, and you get drunk, and you get high,

and everything's fine. I could have qualified to come to Alcoholics Anonymous at 15, for sure.

By the time I'm 17, my father didn't really know what to do with me, so I left home because he had

way too many expectations. He wanted me to go to school and clean my room. I left home, but this

time I have a different boyfriend that my father hates because he doesn't have the right family.

I left, and he was a really good kid. I mean, he's a good man to this day. He just came from

just not the right person, he thought. We were off on this little ... We got an apartment. I'm

17 years old. I really don't know how to do anything. I mean, I've had my mom and house

keepers doing everything for me my whole entire life, so I don't even know how to boil water,

really. I didn't. I still don't, kind of, really. My mom would get mad at me or something,

and she'll all say to her, "I didn't come out domestic." She's crazy. Anyway, so I get pregnant

young. I'm 18 years old. All my friends are going away to school, what you're supposed to be doing

at 18. Here, I get pregnant with my son, Anthony. I had him when I was 19, and I really ... I didn't

drink while I was pregnant, thank God. I didn't do any drugs, and I tried to be a good parent,

but my friends started coming back home from school, and it was on. It was fake IDs and going

to this club and that club. That's when everything was really fun. Alcohol, we had a really good

relationship then. We were having fun. Alcohol was my friend, and it didn't get bad until after,

but we're doing all this stuff, and I grew tired of him. I'm at a party or at some club,

I can't remember, and I run into my 14-year-old boyfriend, Matt. I ran into him, and we picked

up right where we left off, right where we left off. We were infatuated with each other, and I

loved him with my whole entire heart. He was beautiful, and I thought, "Oh, this is it."

But he drank different. He was doing things that I'd never seen before. He would go out

and stay out for two or three days. We don't live together at this time, so I don't really know

the depth of his alcoholism at that point. I get pregnant with my son, Matthew, and we move in

together. I always do everything backwards. I never do anything like you get married,

and then you have a baby, and then you buy a hat. I don't do anything. I always do it backwards.

He would do things like, "I'm going out for a pack of smokes," and end up in Guadalajara,

Mexico for three months. I'm serious. You can't get back if you lose your passport,

and whatever. It's a lot of drama. He comes back. My son's born, and he's about nine months old.

I told him, "You're out of control." I'm out of control, but he's out of control worse than me.

I said, "You have to go to AA." We ended up at Life's in Session. That's so weird.

Lies? What is it? Lies in Session. Not really. We go to Life's in Session. I remember the first

night we went there, it was Nolan's watch. I thought these people were so bizarre. I thought,

"What are they doing?" I remember Steve Sterling was the secretary at a meeting. He looked like

Alex a little bit with the suit and the tie. I thought, "Oh, he must be the president of AA."

I literally had no idea. None. I knew nothing about Alcoholics Anonymous,

even though the seed had been planted when I was 15 years old. I was so clueless.

I became an alcoholic. I really wasn't going to Life's in Session because I wanted to be sober.

I really didn't believe that I had a problem. I really didn't. I was really sick. People would

call me Typhoon Mary because I would tell newcomers, "You don't have to do that. You don't have to go

to 90 meetings in 90 days." They would go out and drink. Bad crap would happen to them. I'm like,

"Do do do do do do." It was ugly. I'm basically there because Matt's there. I want to make sure

that he stays sober. A lot of you have been to Life's in Session. It's very active. They do the

watches and the parties and camping and softball and all this stuff. Matt really got into that.

I think his first sponsor might have been Bruce. Maybe it was Sterling, Steve Sterling.

He's doing what he's supposed to be doing. He has a sponsor. He's working the steps.

I have a sponsor that I never talked to ever because she was annoying. She told me a bunch

of stupid shit. I'm like, "No, I'm not doing that. No, no, no." I was just not listening to her.

I got sicker and sicker and sicker. If you're an alcoholic of my type and you're going to meetings,

you're not drinking, you're not working a step, you have absolutely no connection with God or any

spiritual program, I commit felonies. That's what I was doing. I was robbing people's mailboxes.

I know. It's so crazy. I was doing a lot of credit card forgery. I was straight up robbing

people at the stores. I would go to the mall. I would wait for someone to try on a pair of shoes

or something. I'd just walk away with their purse. Then I'd go and use the credit card.

I don't even know where actually I learned any of that because my father was pretty straight. He

worked really hard. He had a really good work ethic. My mom was a stay-at-home mom. I was doing

all kinds of crazy stuff. I would go to Target. Nobody knew. None of you guys knew what I was

doing because I had a lot of secrets. A lot of secrets. I would go to Target. I would fill my

card up with VCRs and boomboxes. That's a radio you used to keep up here. A lot of Legos. I don't

know what that was about. I really don't. I have a daughter. I got pregnant at license

session while I was sober. We had built this nice little life. Matt, my husband at the time,

was in the movie business. He had a really good living. It was nepotism. His dad was an

Emmy-winning sound mixer. He had a lot of roads that were open to him that most people wouldn't

have. He had a lot of advantages. He was making a lot of money. Life was good except for I had

this whole secret life. I get busted a couple times. This is like in a three and a half year

period. I get busted a couple times. The last time, I was on my way to take the kids to Chile.

We had our passports and our tickets. We were ready to go. I decided I was going to go do one

last robbery. I went to and I got in trouble. This time, I got in trouble with a bunch of different

IDs and credit cards and evidence. That's what they call it. Evidence. I had to go to court.

It was like this whole thing. It was funny too. I was thinking back of how the judge would look

at the paper. He would look at me. He would look at the paper. He would look at me. I didn't fit

the profile, I think, because I didn't really look like a criminal. It was being charged with seven

felony counts. Oh my goodness. I had a really good lawyer. They decided it would be a good idea if I

went to the mental institution so that my case would look good, even though I was definitely

mental. I go to the mental hospital. I was there for two days. Then I thought to myself,

this was a bad idea. People are just being way too dramatic. It's not that serious. I need to go home.

I checked myself out, but they had run all these tests on me. I was diagnosed with being bipolar

and blah, blah, blah, and something else. Then I decided to go home. In that period of two days,

Matt has decided, my husband at the time, had decided to go out and use and drink. He was gone.

That just started a whole mess of problems. I knew my mother-in-law was coming over. I took all these

pills that the doctor has prescribed me. I really didn't want to die. I just wanted to create my own

drama. I put all the pills out so that she would definitely call 911 because I really don't want

to die. I'm such an ass. But she doesn't call 911. She calls my family. Bad idea. A bunch of

chilanes, all dramatic. It was not pretty. My aunt's slapping me. My uncle's trying to walk me.

Matt just happened to roll in at that exact minute and said, "We got to get her to the hospital."

Had they waited a little bit longer, you'd have a different speaker here tonight because what I took

makes your heart stop. I got my stomach pumped. I was very familiar with getting your stomach

pumped. I got my stomach pumped when I was 13 years old for alcohol poisoning. Normal people

don't get their stomachs pumped at 13 years old for alcohol poisoning. It just doesn't happen.

They were just about ready to release me after they pumped my stomach. My mom says to the doctor,

"You cannot release her. She's dangerous. She's hurting herself." She was scared.

He's like, "Well, I can't keep her." She says, "Well, she did it with the kids at home."

Done. Locked down. Off I go. This time, I can't check myself out because clearly I'm insane.

I'm in the hospital for 45 days. I get out at three o'clock. At seven o'clock, I was drunk.

Just like that. Just like that. This time, my alcoholism was a different animal.

It was no longer about just having fun and getting dressed up and looking cute. This was straight up

drinking seven days a week, 24 hours a day. I was doing a lot of smoking crack. I know. I'm sorry.

Not sorry because it just got me here faster. I was doing things that I don't even know how

I would do them. Veronica parked her car at Wendy's because she didn't realize you had to

pull in all over here. I was horrified. I thought, "That looks so dangerous. I'm afraid to go walk

around my neighborhood at night even though I live in a nice neighborhood." By this point,

and why I tell you that story is because of how different it was back then. I would go

to Sepulveda in the middle of the night at three or four o'clock in the morning by myself to go

score drugs. I sold all my jewelry. I sold all my stuff. I only had one thing to sell left. Thank

God I didn't sell my ass, but that was coming. I have TVs that I would haul down to Sepulveda

to go get what I needed to get. This is pre-flat screen. We're talking regular, regular TV. Who

does that? Now, I can't even imagine doing that. My kids suffered a lot. It was crazy,

crazy times. We're both doing all this stuff, and it's going back and forth. I tried to get sober.

I tried to go back to Alcoholics Anonymous, but I could not stay sober for longer than

20 days. I just couldn't do it. I had taken all the mirrors out of my house. I woke up one day,

and I thought, "You know, I got to go back to Life's In Session because that's the only place

that I think can help me because I couldn't get sober." I came back to Life's In Session,

and somebody would walk up to me because clearly I looked new. They'd say, "Hi. I'm so-and-so."

I'd say, "Hi. I'm Claudia." They'd say, "Oh, my God." They were really mean.

I don't know who it was, but it was one of you guys. One of you guys said, "We should take a

picture of before and after. What happens when you go out and put Claudia's picture up there?"

So funny. I'm like, "How rude." I was, let's see, a whopping 200 pounds.

Yep. I was yellow. I had sores all over my face. I was completely 100% unrecognizable. My family

members, if I would run into them, would not recognize me. I came back to Life's In Session,

and I was sober for six months. Every single day, I wanted to drink and use. Every single day,

I had this big hole in my gut. But this time, it was different. I had made friends. I got a sponsor

that I was actually working with, but I still wanted to drink and use. Matt was working on a

show, and he would stay sober during the week, and then he would drink on the weekends. I had somebody

from Alcoholics Anonymous sleep at my house every single weekend, all weekend, for six months

straight. That's the love that that group gave me because I needed it. I was in really bad shape,

and my kids suffered, and everything was just crazy. So I drank one last time, and I remember

calling my friend, Susan Martinez, and I said, "Can you cover my cake? Because I'm a cake

commitment person at the Monday night meeting." She said, "Why? Why can't you go?" I said, "Because I

drank, and I just can't do it." She says, "Well, I'm not going to cover your commitment, and I'm

going to make sure nobody else covers your commitment." God, I mean, wow. I thought,

"What a bitch." But at my ego, of course, I'm like, "No, it has to be cake there. I mean, hello."

I didn't even have 11 hours of sobriety. The whole meeting, she kept nudging me like, "You better

start telling people. You better start telling people, because you got to raise your hand."

Anyway, when it came time to newcomers, I raised my hand with 11 hours of sobriety, and then the

next day is February 24th, 1998, and I have not found it necessary to drink in you since then.

The desire, the obsession was lifted that day. That day was lifted when I raised my hand with

11 hours of sobriety, and it's a lot easier to stay sober if that's been lifted. It's really hard.

I mean, you can do it, but it sucks. I just did everything that I was supposed to do here, but

what happened for me is that I needed to go somewhere where there was a lot of women with

a lot of sobriety, and we really didn't have a lot of that license session at that time.

I still kept my commitments that I had here, like I was the secretary of Friday night meeting,

and so I was part-time license session, and so I went to Pacific Group, and I got Sharon to be my

sponsor, and I'm doing the deal over there, and they're just like you guys. They do the same,

except for they don't write it down, but whatever, but they do the same stuff that you guys do here

at Quality of Life, which- Quaff.

Quaff, yes. If you're new here, you're in a really, really, really good place. This is an awesome

group of people that you should be lucky to be around. I'm doing the whole Pacific Group thing,

and I'm Little Miss PG, and I'm going to all my meetings in the yard and doing all this stuff,

and no, we don't have to pick up dog poo or horse poo. That's a lie. It doesn't even exist.

He didn't even have any horses, okay? No pony. I never saw no pony at the yard. It's funny.

I was doing all this stuff. Meanwhile, Matt, when I got sober that second time after I went

out after having six months, I needed to go. I needed to leave that relationship because I knew

that I would not stay sober in that environment, and a lot of members from this group helped me

move. I got my own little apartment, and it was really hard because, again, I love that man.

You guys were here. I love that man. I got an apartment. I went to the welfare department to

try to get food stamps, and then the line was too long, so I thought, "I'm just going to get a job

because it's got to be easier than that." I was like, "Oh, that's a lot." I got a job at the

grocery store in the flower department because I knew that they paid well, and they had good

medical benefits. I needed that for my children. At this point, it's all about my kids. I'm doing

the flower thing. I have a little side hustle. I always have a side hustle on all kinds of stuff.

I still have a side hustle. I'm in sales today, so I do a lot of hustling. It's a perfect job if

you're an ex-thief. Go into sales. So good. You can literally steal for legal stuff. Not really,

but you know. I had this flower business side hustle, and I'm able to provide for my children.

I never got any child support. I didn't really do it all by myself, like Eddie told me when I

walked in here. I had a lot of help from a lot of people throughout. I always used to say I was

a single mom, but I have never had to do anything by myself as long as I've been an Alcoholics

Anonymous with this group, with License Session, with Pacific Group. I was doing that, and I'm

again four years sober. Matt was in and out doing whatever he was doing. I think he might have been

locked up a couple times. I'm not really sure. He had resurfaced, and he had moved in with his

parents. I thought it was good for the first few months, and then he went into a drunken stupor,

and he shot and killed his father. When you think that you're only affecting yourself,

you're affecting a lot of other people around you. My kids are a victim of a violent crime.

Before he shot and killed his father, he had strangled his girlfriend.

We're talking about a person who's just like me. He was never a career criminal. He was funny

and cute, and he was smart, but alcohol took him. I'm pretty sure, and he loved his father. He loved

him. I'm pretty sure he didn't wake up that day and think, "I'm going to drink today. I'm going

to use today, and I'm going to kill my dad." He's never going to be able to come to a meeting

and listen to the 12 traditions and the steps and Chapter 5 and listen to somebody stay sober. He's

done. He got two lifetime terms with no possibility of parole. His life is over, over. He's not going

to walk his daughter down the aisle. He didn't get to see his kids graduate from any school. Done.

I was pissed. I was really angry. That happened on a Sunday. On Tuesday, I was at my regular Tuesday

night Ohio Street meeting. Thank God for strong sponsorship. Thank God for strong sponsorship

because my sponsor didn't let me change anything. I'd walk around the meetings crying, and I was

angry. You see people get sober, and then their families get back together, and everything's happy.

That just wasn't my plan. That just wasn't what happened for us. Again, thank God for Alcoholics

Anonymous because I was able to just work through that with the grace of God. God has always given

me every single thing that I've needed. Had I not left that relationship, I probably would have been

the one that got killed. That's clear. I probably would have because I have a big mouth. It would

have been me. It's gnarly. When you think this is a revolving door, guess what? It ain't. It's not a

revolving door. How many people have we seen come in here and then die because they go back out

thinking it's going to be different? It's never going to be different. It's never going to be

different. It's going to get worse. I did that flower thing for a while, and then little by

little, I would just get better jobs. I met a man in Alcoholics Anonymous 18 years ago, and we're

still together to this day, which is so crazy. Other than being sober, I really don't do things

for that long period of time. I'm super ADD, so I go to the next thing real quick. He was able to

be a father to my kids, and they love him. They call him dad. Little by little, my kids never

walked around here acting like they were victims. I didn't walk around here like I was a victim

because I wasn't. I was a willing participant in every single thing that I've ever done.

I had a lot of different sales jobs. I left the flower business because my partner

his house burnt down, and he died in the fire. God, my life is so tragic.

It's not really. I have a really good life today, but that just happens. I'm life's in session,

right? Things happen. Just because you're sober doesn't mean it's always going to be the sunny

side of the street. Just things happen. I decided that was a lot of work, and it was a backbreaker,

and I never had any holidays. I was always working, working, working. I started working

at this company, and I really didn't want to start working there, but my sponsor, thank God,

she's smarter than I am, and she said, "We'll just do it." I was there for almost 12 years.

I was the number one rep in the whole entire country out of thousands and thousands of

employees. Why? Not because I'm so great, because I would suit up and I would show up.

It's everything that I've learned here, commitments. Everything that I've learned

in Alcoholics Anonymous, I've been able to take it out into the real world, because we can all

act nice when we're in here, but it's how you act when you're out there that really counts.

I tried to do that today. The owner of the company, about three, almost four years ago,

decided to sell that company. My boss retired, and then we got some douchebag new manager.

Because I'm the queen, so I think that I can do whatever I want, I reported him, and it was a

whole thing. Three months later, my contract was terminated. Because I was an independent contractor,

they can do that, and it's not a regular job. I was really running on a lot of fear. I'm like,

"What am I going to do? I'm going to sell my house. I'm going to have to do this."

You know how we get. Everything is going to just go down the toilet. I might as well drink.

About a week, maybe a week and a half after that, the old owner of that company had bought a

different company. He's like, "Oh my God, it's awesome that you got let go, because now you can

come work for me." That's a God shot, not because I had this new job. There's millions of jobs, but

because the quality of my life and my old company. The quality of my life was really not that good,

because I was working a minimum on a slow week, 80 hours a week. I got to my meetings and I did

all that, but I was work, work, work, work, work, work, work. I was like a fiend. This new job has

able to give me a different outlook. I can be home for dinner and I can go to my regular meetings and

not have to be running on fumes. God did that for me, because left to my own devices, I would

have never done that on my own, for sure, 100%. Again, God has always provided for me for everything

that I've done. I'll talk a little bit about my kids and then I'm pretty much done, but my oldest

son, my kids have grown up in Alcoholics Anonymous. We had childcare at Life's In Session. We had

childcare at Way of Life, which is our Saturday night meeting. I have a lot of family, so I've

always been able to go to all my meetings. I'm lucky like that, again, God. They've grown up in

Alcoholics Anonymous. My older son just won an Emmy at Fox Sports in the editing department,

and his team, I know, so happy. He might be the only one in our entire family that actually loves

to go to work, because he loves his job. My job is okay, but I don't love it. I wish I would win

the lottery and not have to go there ever again, but that's not going to happen. My kids are all

happy, healthy citizens. They're not stealing my cars. They're not stealing my stuff. I'm not

picking them up from the police station, which is really crazy because their gene pool is not that

great, especially my ... No, it's not good. My middle son, Matthew, he could probably come

into these rooms. He does drink a lot, but his life, he hasn't gotten to the point where it's

affected his life yet. I'm going to say yet. He went to U of A. He graduated with a biochemist,

and that's kind of hard to do, and now he does home loans. I don't know why I paid for all that

school, but yay, Matthew. He's like me. He's a hustler, and he works. I can't really figure out

what his deal is, but he knows where ... He'll joke and say, "Don't worry. If I need to go there,

I'll get Clancy to be my sponsor." Stupid. Then I have my daughter who is ... She's a millennial.

Well, they're all millennials. Millennials are very rough, and it's like, "Where can I make

a million dollars without having to do anything?" Yeah, but she's still in school, and she is

hopefully going to graduate at some point and leave my house. She's 24 years old, and she's

never ... I mean, I got 22 years, so she really has no idea of how it used to be like. She really

doesn't. Matthew a little bit, and Anthony a little bit more because he's a little older,

but anybody who knows me today knows that I live for my children. Every single thing that I've done

has been for them because they had it the worst, and I'm at the point now where I'm sober longer

than I ever drink, so they tried to use that guilt thing on me at first, but that doesn't work

anymore. Bob, I'll just talk about my husband a little bit because it's hilarious. He's a really

good man, and if you know Bob, he is literally the most conservative human on the planet,

like really conservative, and more than Bruce-y. He's very conservative, and a banker. He's a

financee guy, and about a year ago, he decided that he was done with corporate life and that

he was going to become a bodyguard for a rapper. Yeah, bodyguard for a rapper. He has no experience

being a bodyguard. I don't even know if he knows how to fight. Nothing, but the reason he got that

job is because he's 6'5". He's a big dude, and when you meet people in AA, you know this guy,

this guy does this. There's always the guy. You always know a guy, and so I told my sponsor,

"This is definitely not going to work out." We're talking midlife crisis, but like old

midlife crisis. Usually, you get that at 40, not 50, and so I'm like, "Dude." So bad, but I had

to keep my mouth shut and mind my own business and do what I needed to do, keep my side of the

street clean, and it turned out really, really well for him. He is doing really good, and he

is traveling super, super first class. Not like regular people first class, but rapper people

first class, and he's going to Italy and Paris and all these fabulous places. Meanwhile, my job,

I get to go to Beaumont and Victorville and Paris, California. How does that even happen? It's like

it should be reversed. I should be going to these fabulous places, but how it happens is by being

sober. If you're new today, I really welcome you, and I hope that you stay here. Not everyone's

story is so crazy like mine, but if you stay here long enough, then it'll just happen for you.

Remember, this is not a revolving door, and I really hope that you get some friends because

sometimes, for me anyway, it's hard for me to go and tell myself I'm my sponsor. I got to tell

them a couple of my friends first, and then they're like, "You're an idiot, so you should

do that." I get that a lot. I'm sober, but it doesn't mean I'm not ... I'm always trying to

hustle. That's my thing. If I can hustle you, I'm going to try to do it because that's just my

nature. I can't help it, but the things that I do today are different. How I talk to people are

different. How I treat people are different. Again, if you're new, I hope that you find

some friends here and find a sponsor and stick around and stay a while. Thanks.