27 Years Sober: Amy’s Journey from Barely Surviving to Service

My name's Amy and I'm an alcoholic, and thank you so much for having me here.

I'm packing my Halloween costume tonight.

I got a mask and cape out in the car and, you know, fun night ahead.

You know, my sobriety day is October 11th, 1995.

I got sober when I was 24 years old, and I just celebrated 27 years of sobriety this

month, and I'm so grateful that I got sober when I did.

You know, I've always had this thought that, in hindsight, I was so young when I got sobered

up and, you know, I've had this thought for a long time that if I didn't get sober when

I did, I probably would have had a whole different life, a not so good life, or I may have died

out there.

And, you know, making that decision at 24 was a turning point in my entire life, you

know, because I went in a different direction.

I pretty much grew up in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, and I'm so grateful for that experience

today because, you know, I don't come from an educated family, and, you know, it's because

of the people in Alcoholics Anonymous that I have the life that I have today.

You know, I was told by our old timers where I had sobered up, my home group is the Pacific

group, but I sobered up in a little club in Covina called the 502 Club, and, you know,

a lot of good old timers around me all the time, and, you know, they would say things

to me like, "Amy, I think you need to register for school," or, you know, "Amy, did you fill

out those forms?"

And because that's how irresponsible and unthinking I was back then, you know, I had

to be constantly followed up on, and I'm so grateful that, you know, for their patience

and their kindness and have so much gratitude for the result of their suggestions, and because

I have this amazing wife today, you know, I don't talk about drinking a lot because

my thought is that, well, we all know how to drink and we know how to do other things

too, and we know how to get in trouble, and, you know, we need to learn how to stay sober

in Alcoholics Anonymous and live that life, but I could tell you what my bottom was like.

I weighed 90 pounds, 24 years old, and I weighed 90 pounds, and I was not a vision for you,

and I was doing a lot of other things out there.

I was doing drugs, obviously, because I was so skinny, and I was, you know, I was going

through the motions of getting drunk and high one night, and it stopped working for me.

I couldn't get drunk and I couldn't get high, and I've heard this just a few times in the

rooms over the last 27 years because it just stopped working, I didn't get high, and I

didn't get drunk.

You know, the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous talks about this.

It's called "The Jumping Off Place."

We can't imagine life with alcohol, and we can't imagine life without alcohol, and that's

where I was at 24 years old, and at 24 years old, I was married, and my husband and I were

doing the same thing, and well, needless to say, we didn't have a really good marriage

either, and it was a totally alcoholic marriage, and that marriage didn't last because of alcohol,

and I was watching my friends at that time go off and have these amazing lives.

They would get married, and they would have kids, and they would buy a house, and I just

didn't know how to get there, and I knew something was wrong with me because I couldn't achieve

normal things like that.

I couldn't even achieve going to school, and so, full flight from reality, full flight

from reality, right?

As it says in the doc, full flight, and I remember making the decision to use drugs

and alcohol because I didn't want to feel a single feeling, and I drank for so long

just not wanting to feel, and today, I feel just about everything, and I'm so grateful,

good or bad, I'm grateful for that, and when I was newly sober, I was a very inquisitive

kid at 24, I would ask the old-timers around me, I said, "How does this thing work?"

I thought there was some cliff notes to this program or some shortcut that I can get from

A to B and get sober and be happy, and it just didn't work like that, but I asked them,

"How does this thing work?"

They would tell me things like I needed to get a sponsor, and I needed to work the steps,

and I needed to do certain things to obtain emotional sobriety, and at that point in my

life, I was just at my wits end, and the day I got, I haven't relapsed since then, and I

really don't know what that feels like, and I don't want to find out because at 24 years

old and weighing 90 pounds, I was knocking on a desk door at 24, and I didn't even know

I was dying.

That's full flight from reality.

I didn't even know that that wasn't normal to weigh 90 pounds, and it wasn't healthy

either, and so I just stayed in Alcoholics Anonymous, and I got to do Life on Life's

Term in Alcoholics Anonymous with the help of a lot of people in my life, and I've done

pretty much everything sober, just a couple things.

I haven't gotten married sober yet, but the old timers, they still say, "You need to

just stay single," but I don't know, whatever.

It's just not God's will for me right now, and I get that question, "How does this

thing work?"

And I got to do a lot of service in Alcoholics Anonymous through the years, lots of service,

and I think that's what I'm going to talk about a little bit tonight because I kept

asking that question for years.

How does this thing work?

And it's just kind of a baffling question in my mind, and how does this thing work?

I take direction from people that I was told to go to school.

Alcoholics Anonymous gave me two business degrees.

I think I might be doing something right.

Alcoholics Anonymous gave me a business.

I think I might be doing something right, but I learned how to do these things.

I've learned how to follow direction in Alcoholics Anonymous by the commitments I hope held in

Alcoholics Anonymous.

Every time I wanted a new commitment, I would ask how that works, and it just kind of became

an ongoing joke where I got sober because I wanted to know how it works.

That means I wanted the commitment, and so whenever they would just railroad me into

some commitment, but I had no idea what I was doing, and I learned a lot of life skills

doing that.

I mean, in a secretary's position, you learn how to manage people and have relationships

with people and different personalities, and I learned that stuff here in Alcoholics Anonymous

in the rooms, and I learned how to pay my bills here.

When I got sober, I had no money, and I slept on my mom's couch while I sobered up, and

I graduated from my mom's couch to my own place eventually, and that's part of having

a life beyond my wildest dreams right there, having my own place.

I got really involved in general service some years ago, and I'm not going to talk about

that because it bores a lot of people, but I'm going to tell you how it affected my life.

Because I've asked how it works so many times, and I got railroaded into so many commitments,

so I've gone a long way in general service, and I keep asking, "How does this thing work?"

And a couple years before the pandemic, I was traveling a lot, and in Alcoholics Anonymous,

I traveled the whole state of California in general service, and I got to meet our staff

in New York, which was totally amazing to me because they told me how it worked in three

days.

It took them three days to fully explain how this thing worked, which was a total epiphany

to me, and I'm like, "Okay."

And so what I take from what I learned in Alcoholics Anonymous, and I implement it in

my life.

I'm an adult in Alcoholics Anonymous, and I've spent my whole adult life sober.

And so I take the skills that I learned in the rooms, and I put it in my life.

And today I currently serve as an Area 5 officer, and that just happened this month, too.

And it's just something I worked myself into, and it's a gift, and I'm very grateful for

that because I'm going to learn something new now.

I also asked a lot of people when they go out, I asked them why they go out.

It's been a 27-year investigation for me because I asked that to everyone who goes out, and

no one's had a good enough reason for me to go out.

I mean, they say I went out because my girlfriend dumped me or my boyfriend dumped me, or the

bottom line is we went out because you were an alcoholic, and that's the only reason why

we drink is because we're alcoholics.

And I got a girl that I was sponsoring that has no time right now, and we had an epiphany

about a week ago together on the phone, and we found out that even though it's legally

sold over the counter, like alcohol, it doesn't make it safe.

Just because it's legal, it doesn't make it healthy or natural.

That was her reasoning for drinking is that it's legal, and we're addicts and alcoholics

here, and I can tell you, I could abuse the crap out of a coupon at a store because I'm

an alcoholic.

And I still have some of that ism in me that's part of my addiction.

And even stopping smoking sober, I stopped smoking about eight years ago, and that was

the biggest turning point in my sobriety, because it was probably the most mature thing

I could have done for myself, because out in the world, it's not acceptable to smoke

in most places anymore.

And well, here's me when I'm going out to lunch with the CFO of the company, I'm thinking

about where I could have my next smoke.

I mean, that's addictive thinking.

Rather than enjoying her lunch with Ed Lynch, I want to know where I could have a smoke.

I mean, that's just, you know, you know, addictive thinking right there, sober, you know, sober.

And just because we're sober doesn't mean we're well people either.

You know, and, you know, I've had so many companies sober, you know, I could totally

see myself and feel every just about anything today.

You know, I know when my mom's upset before she even calls me and because that's how well

I know my mom today, you know, and I'm like, I would, you know, I talked to her this morning,

I says, I know you're upset.

And that's why I'm calling.

And so how do you know this?

And I just know today when you know, intuitive, intuitive thoughts, you know, intuitive thoughts

for granted with intuitive thoughts today.

And and but so you know, it's been a long journey growing up in alcohol synonymous and

you know, I've gotten I got divorced sober, I didn't have to drink over that my my husband

who I drank with, he, you know, six years of sobriety, when I was six years sober, he

thought it was okay to drink near beer.

And what says right on the bottle, it's clear as day, it says non alcoholic beer.

Okay, we are alcoholics.

So that beer is not for us.

And that's that is, that is the way I read that when I saw that in my refrigerator.

And I'm so glad I read it that way because he wanted me to drink with him again, you

know, but at six years of sobriety, you know, I was, you know, wanting to wanting to live

a different way, you know, I had a different program enough recovering me to know that

non alcoholic beer means that it's not for me, it's for non alcoholic, you know, not

an alcoholic like myself, you know, and that's just, you know, the thinking I had at that

period in my sobriety.

And so I'm so glad I thought that way, because I could tell you now that my my ex husband

who we are, you know, we divorce am equally and alcoholics anonymous, no lawyers, we just

signed some papers and split, you know, what belongings we had and and but we are friends

today.

And I could tell you that he is on his fourth marriage right now.

And he only has 10 years of sobriety and we got sober at the same time.

And I have 27 years of sobriety now because I knew at six years of sobriety that near

beer that said non alcoholic beer on it was not for me.

And so you know, I saved myself years of drinking years of pain being married to him and and

because I read it that way and but we are friends today because of this program and

you know, I he he reached out to me not too long ago and you know, he told me I him and

his wife came back to me and and thank me because I saved their marriage because you

know, he was having the same problems with her that he had with me and like, this is

why we didn't get along and this is the why we have to remain friends and this is why

we cannot communicate as long as you're married and because I was hurting his wife by even,

you know, talking with him, you know, and so, you know, I'm glad that I could, you know,

see those things today and have relationships, you know, in uncomfortable situations with

people and I'm calling, you know, he had calling him a friend from afar because even though

we're friends, I've asked him not to communicate and just so he can have a happy marriage.

So it's all good to me, you know, and so I get to learn these lessons and alcoholics

anonymous because I listened to your stories and I've learned from you and you know, I

could tell a couple years my dad couple years ago, my dad passed away and that was, you

know, a big aha moment for me because, you know, my parents are divorced and I had to

figure that thing out.

I had to plan his funeral and well, my dad was a Vietnam vet and so I called somebody

in the program that was a Vietnam vet and I got to give him the burial that he wanted

because I didn't know how to, you know, access that and you know, it's because, you know,

and so now my dad got to have, you know, his funeral the way he wanted because of alcoholics

anonymous, you know, and because I called somebody and, you know, you know, here I am,

you know, two, three years later and my mom is terminal right now and I'm about to become

an orphan and I'm okay with that because I have you guys and I've accepted that and she

hasn't really accepted her death yet but I have, you know, and, you know, it probably

happened within the next, you know, six months to a year and I get to be a good daughter

today.

I travel so much that, you know, I cannot take her to her appointments with her doctor

but I can call her, you know, as often as I can and, you know, try to make her feel

good about herself and, you know, I told her, you know, I keep repeating myself to her the

same things that you guys have told me but I tell her that she doesn't have to worry

about me today because I have you guys and she doesn't owe me anything and just think

about herself and not to buy me anything on my birthday or on Christmas because she needs

to take care of herself, you know, she's given me her whole life, you know, she owes me nothing

and, you know, and I owe it to her to be available to her, you know, and, you know, tables have

turned in my family, you know, where I'm, you know, making these decisions for my parents,

my mom, you know, she has, you know, old age elements and her memory is not the greatest

and so now I'm making decisions for her, you know, and she trusts me to do that and it's

because of you guys and Alcoholics Anonymous.

So I do life today, I'm life's terms in Alcoholics Anonymous, I get to travel a lot because of

me having my own business and my business was a result of working the concepts in my

life and that's through, you know, if you go through those concepts on the wall, that

is exactly how our, how Alcoholics Anonymous runs on a business level and not too many

people, they're kind of like, you have to have a sponsor to help you through that, you

really do and so, you know, that is how a business runs on a business level and when

I started my business, I did it very alcoholically, I had no business plan, I had no budget, I

had, you know, money to start a business, I started overnight and it was just an idea

I had and but, you know, as I was going along with my business, I'm like, I need a business

plan, you know, and I went, I have two degrees in business and I know this, you know, but

I did it alcoholically and so that, you know, I put that as my business plan in my business

until I figured, you know, one out and I have one now and, you know, and but, you know,

the point is, I'm living those concepts today in Alcoholics Anonymous in general service

and I'm living those concepts in my life today and the results of that is a business love

and I would say a new perspective on Alcoholics Anonymous, I have a sponsor and a grand sponsor,

my sponsor is Pala Partin and my grand sponsor is Polypistol and they're both in another

state and so I use a lot of people around me in Alcoholics Anonymous for the day to

day stuff, I will not call my sponsor, like people in my home group know more about me,

I think, than my sponsor now, you know, and which is okay and, you know, and so I get,

you know, I learned from a lot of you in Alcoholics Anonymous because my sponsors are in a, my

sponsors are in a different state, I don't get to go hang out with her in a meeting ever,

you know, I get to see her in about a couple of weeks, I get to see her two or three times

a year but, you know, I don't get to, you know, I have to use my friends in Alcoholics

Anonymous, they used to use fellowship and I can tell you my phone rings all day long

with you guys calling me and I love that because I'm going crazy in my business most days and

if I stop for five to ten minutes and I talk to somebody in Alcoholics Anonymous, I come

back down to earth where I belong, you know, it's just kind of mellow and, and, you know,

I like, I like that and so, you know, there's another thing that's really in the background

in my life and I like to share about this because it is a message, it's my brother's

story, my brother was diagnosed a couple years ago with about 20% of his heart left and that's

because he's active and out in his disease today and, you know, today sober I'm watching

my brother die of alcoholism and I watched, I used to drink with my brother when we were,

you know, teenagers, we did the teenage thing together and, you know, and he never stopped,

he never stopped and he never grew up either, he, I could say he, you know, he trusts me,

you know, my mom but, you know, I, he used to be a really smart guy, you know, back in

the day and now most of his brain is gone and he's just kind of there and he has 20%

of his heart left and, and I have to watch that today and he, you know, he's, he's just

a couple years older than I am, I'm 53 years old, I'm 52 and he's 54 and he's dying of

alcoholism and that's what, um, the drugs and the alcohol does to your body over a long

period of time, they disintegrate your organs and, you know, and if he, I don't expect him,

you know, I expect him to expect to be alone in my family, you know, very soon and I have

to accept that today but I'm okay with that today because I have alcohol, it's anonymous

in my life, I have a lot of people around me, I have, even when I walk into a room like

this, you know, I, it's like you have instant friends, I've never been to this meeting but

I feel like I belong here and I'm so grateful that that's in my life today, um, you know,

I got, uh, I don't know, I've just, uh, I, I've, I've had a, a big financial lesson over

the last year and I got into, um, a timeshare, um, situation thinking that I could afford

that and it turns out that I can afford that and, you know, now I'm selling that timeshare

and I'm going, you know, crazy because it's in another country and so, you know, even

sober, you know, these are the decisions I make, you know, but, you know, you could always

sell it and that's okay, it's all, you know, it's a lot of, I don't, I don't make any decisions

that aren't reversible right now and because I have so much going on in my life and, and

that's what I've been taught too, if you're making decisions, you know, make them so they're

not reversible, you know, I can get a, I can move out of my place anytime I want, I rent,

I can move out, you know, I could sell that timeshare, I could, you know, do, you know,

because it's, I make reversible decisions today and, and which keeps me very safe. Um,

and so, so much gratitude this month. Um, I've been, um, going, I've been on the birthday

train all month. Um, I've been going everywhere in Alcoholics Anonymous and, um, I've had,

um, so much love and so much, um, affection around me, um, this month that I am overwhelmed

with gratitude. Um, I, uh, I don't know, I think I'm just getting a loss for words here

too. And, and I've, I've shared, I've shared a great deal about it. You know, I want to

tell you the reason why I don't share a lot about my drinking is because I had a head

injury when I was at my disease. And I don't remember most of it. I really don't. And,

you know, um, and that's why I need to go to a lot of meetings, um, because every once

in a while, some newcomers will get up here and they will say something, just something

they did, you know, and, and, um, and it brings back that little part of my memory. And cause

there's a lot of it. I don't remember. And, and that's, you know, I only have sober memories

today, which I just totally baffles me, you know, because, you know, I listened to a lot

of people's drunk logs and, and I can't do that up here. I have to talk about recovery.

I have to talk about service. I have to talk about what's going on in my life today. Um,

just because I had a head injury when I was in my disease and I don't remember any of

it. I mean, that's 24 years of my life that I don't remember. And so, you know, alcohol

and drugs took 24 years of my life away from me that I have no memory of. I remember I

was, you know, standing in the park with my family this last Easter Easter. And my, my

little cousin had this little car and it brought back a memory of my brother when I was small.

This little car did, cause it was the same kind of car and things like that, um, get,

get, you know, get my memory moving today. But, um, what happened, my head, how my head

injury happened was, um, I, uh, I decided to move in with a person, a man that was not

so nice to me and he hit me and he hit me in my head so hard that I lost my hearing

and my right ear. And that's where my alcoholism takes me as places.

And you know, because of that decision in my drinking, I don't have a memory of most

of my life. And, you know, I was there too, you know, I, I made the decision to stay there,

you know, that's my part in it, but you know, I didn't know what I was moving into at that

age. You know, I was pretty young when I did that. And so that's why, um, that happened

in my drinking. And, you know, I, I'm always there for, um, women that are, are, are suffering

from domestic abuse today, because that is a part of my life today. And, um, I'm, I remembered

that happening, but I don't remember anything else. And, um, you know, I had this experience

a few years ago and it's something that happens when you're in general service, you get a

good look back on your past. And that was one of the things that was shown to me, um,

because this person that hit me, um, passed away and I was contacted, um, by my old drinking

friends invited to his funeral and I didn't go and I'm like, that would not have been

a good choice. You know, my drug dealer contacted me. Yeah. And so I'm like, you know, I'm a

sober woman in alcohol synonymous today, and I don't need to go there today, you know,

but just that phone conversation and a few of my people in my past, um, came back into

my life and, um, I got a good look back on certain things that happened in my past, even

though I don't remember, you know, I had, you know, you know, there is only one person

from my past that's in my life today is, um, another man has as much stuff as right as

I do. We drank together and I could tell you, um, in that experience, he was there and he

was telling me the truth about what's going on with this group of people. And I walked

away and, um, I'm so grateful that, you know, he was in my, my life before that happened.

And so, um, anyways, I'm so grateful to be sober today. I'm so grateful for my life today.

I'm grateful for all the service that I get to do in alcohol synonymous. Cause you know,

I've, you pray for God's will and eventually you get there. I think that's God's will for

me today. And, um, thank you so much for having me.

Goodnight. Goodnight. Goodnight. Goodnight. Goodnight. Goodnight. Goodnight. Goodnight.