Tony's Journey: From a Chaotic Childhood to 23 Years of Sobriety

Tony alcoholic. Uh, sobriety date is June 2nd, 2003.

My sponsor is Michelle L and my home group is Bellflower big book group.

Um, it's an honor and a privilege to be asked. Thank you, Ben,

for asking me, texting me, reminding me all of it.

It was amazing. Um, and thank you Adam for your 10 minutes. Let's see. Um,

okay, so I'll start with, um, how I ended up getting here. Um, my dad, uh,

married a woman with 11 kids when I was nine and there was three of us,

my two oldest, older brother, younger brother, and,

and then he marries and he marries this family that has 11 kids.

So if that tells you anything, um,

most normal drinkers don't marry a woman with 11 kids.

So he obviously he had a heavy, heavy, heavy,

heavy drinking problem. And, um, I love that family. As a matter of fact,

um, I'm going to be going, um, back to New Mexico, um,

this Thursday to go help a nephew that's struggling from alcoholism.

So what happened is my dad married a woman with 11 kids.

That's resentment number one,

because he really loved that family and treated them like I got lost in the

midst. So in other words, I'm like third to the youngest. Um,

I lived with my grandmother most of, most of, um, my younger life.

And it wasn't until I was maybe, I don't know,

12 or 13 and I went to live with the Valdez family and

my dad and, um,

and my little brother stayed with them and my older brother had already been

living there. Um, so I live with this family. There's nine girls,

five boys. Um, we had one bathroom, um,

and we lived the railroad tracks was right behind our house. So I got,

I could sleep very well with a lot of noise if that tells you anything. Um,

so I'm back in New Mexico.

My dad kidnapped us from my mother, from my real mother.

And that's why the three of us ended up in New Mexico with my dad and

my mom lived here in California.

So I'm living with the Valdez family and my dad's crazy. Um,

he was a mailman and after he'd get off work at like three o'clock,

he would go directly to the bar drink till five o'clock and then he'd come

home and, um, have dinner and then he'd go lock himself in the bedroom.

Um, and my stepmother would go with him.

So we were kind of like free to do whatever we wanted. Um, I was the good kid,

got straight A's, would show my dad the report card, hated government by the way.

And so I got my very first D ever and I showed my dad my report card and he

says, why don't you just get some more of those? And then for them then on,

I never showed him my report card again and never cared about my grades again.

Because if he didn't care, why should I care? And, um,

although I did graduate from high school with very high scores,

I ran away when I was 15 from Albuquerque to here to my real mother.

And the reason for that is because we weren't allowed to have boyfriends till we

were 16. My sister Barbara was six months older than I was.

So she was 15. I was 15 and my dad pulled up next to the car.

She was in the car with the boy and I was with her and his friend,

but I didn't, I wasn't with the guy. I was just talking to him.

And my dad pulled up next to the car and he said, get out.

I took off running and he had a baseball bat and he hit that kid with a baseball

bat and broke his arm. And I said, that's it. He's crazy. I'm out of here.

And, um, I called my mom and my mom sent me an airplane ticket.

My dad took me to the airport and he said, um,

this is the best thing for you and I love you.

And that was the first time my dad ever said, I love you.

And I seek that validation until husband number three,

if that tells you anything. So I move out here.

My mom gave me permission to drink. She said, if you drink,

you drink in this house.

You don't drink outside this house until you're of age.

And that takes the fun out of it. I don't know about you,

but I like to be sneaky. So I was doing other, not drugs,

but I was doing other stuff other than like I was sneaking out boys mainly.

And, um, I got married, uh, let's see,

I got married when I was 20. I married, um,

I worked at a bank and I married the armor car driver. Um,

and he was one of us and he drank alcoholically and I didn't drink.

So I used to think, Oh, he loves me so much. He would stay,

he would sit out in the parking lot and wait for me to get off work,

drinking a six pack of beer. And I thought it's love. It's love.

He wanted to follow me home. No, he didn't trust me.

And he was worried because his other wife had cheated on him.

So he followed me like a crazy man. And, um,

that man hit me and I divorced him. I looked at him, I said,

no man will ever hit me. And I said, you signed your divorce papers.

And I left him and I meet husband number two and husband number two,

um, was, uh, number one in the nation,

jet ski racer traveled all over the place with him racing. Um,

he, I'll just say it. He, he was into cocaine.

I don't like sharing about that cause that wasn't my bottom,

but I got involved in that.

I checked into my very first rehab when I was 24 years old,

weighing 79 pounds, completely addicted to cocaine.

And I didn't realize it at the time, but they took me to an AA meeting and much

like this. And the woman was up here and she was talking about doing drugs. And,

and I thought I'm nothing like her. And she was, had kids. I have no kids.

So I just couldn't relate because I'm not an alcoholic.

That's what I told myself. I'm not an alcoholic, but the truth is,

I didn't realize I was drinking every day to level out. Right. And so,

um, and at weighing 79 pounds, you know, one drink and I'm legally drunk. So I,

I didn't realize I was an alcoholic, but I left that rehab and I drank, um,

I left that husband, um, like almost immediately. And, um,

that man ended up committing suicide. Uh,

I met husband number three now, mind you, I'm going to share this. Like,

it sounds like I don't like him very much, but we've been married 32 years.

We've been together 36. We were calculating it the other day. I said,

we've been together a long time. And then I realized my son's 35.

And so we've been together 36 years. Um, but I meet husband number three,

we didn't get married right away.

We had kids first because I don't want to get married because of the kids.

And I'm still doing the drugs and drinking and he's a normie.

And I drug that man through the dirt. I mean,

I did stuff married women shouldn't do.

I would leave him with the kids and go on vacation to Hawaii with my

girlfriends. Um, I would, he was a good, I mean, I don't want to say was,

he is a good man and I couldn't see it. And so,

I'm, um, towards the end of my drinking. Um,

if you're alcoholic, like I am, I could quit doing the drugs,

but I could not quit drinking. And so towards the end of my drinking,

I'm getting up at seven o'clock in the morning because that's when the liquor

store is open. I'm telling my kids to get up, get ready for school. Um,

my oldest son was 14. My youngest was at 12.

Um, I'm telling them, get up, get ready for school.

I'm going to go get some, uh, change for your lunch and a Coke.

Cause I used to drink a Coke every day. Um,

and so I get in my car and I would only make right-hand turns.

Don't ask me why, but the liquor store was on outside my cul-de-sac.

And so I would go to the corner and make a right-hand turn,

get to the liquor store and make a right-hand turn, go in, get the alcohol.

I drive out the parking lot, make a right because I didn't want to make a left.

I was afraid I would kill, you know, getting an accident.

So I'd make a right-hand turn, go to the next corner, right-hand turn,

right-hand turn down my street. And then I pull in my driveway.

And I did this every day for two years, two years.

And I didn't just do that because I would get my kids in the car.

I would take them legally drunk to school. So I would open the, you know,

I'd go in, I'd get a Coke and,

and the liquor store owner knew me and he would put the bottle next to my,

my soda. And I couldn't, my head was saying, don't do it.

You don't want to drink today. Don't do it. Don't do it.

And I would watch my hand pay for it. And I had no clue why I was doing that.

And so I would go and I'd open the bottle on the way to make my right-hand turn

out the parking lot. And I would, I would down at the end of my drinking,

trying to enjoy and control my drinking. I was drinking miniatures.

So I would open one miniature, drink it, throw the bottle out the window,

drive out the parking lot and go home, pick up my kids,

have one in the center console. I drop off my kids at school.

And then I would open the other one and then drive home.

And now I'm legally really drunk. And so I would sit there and I'd start the,

I'd get out the vacuum and then I would say, well,

I can't really vacuum or clean without another bottle.

So I would get in my car again and go to the next liquor store because I didn't

want them to know I was drinking that way. I'd buy two more miniatures.

I would go home. I wouldn't touch them. I'd go home. I'd be in my house.

And then I couldn't remember if I vacuumed or if I didn't vacuum. So,

but it was in the living room. So then I would go lie down. I would watch TV and,

and I'd pass out, but I, you know, have another one before I'd pass out.

And then when I'd wake up, I'd go, Oh my God, did I forget the kids from school?

Did I need,

do I need to get the kids and then my kids would end up walking home and I

didn't want them to see me drunk. So I would get under my bed.

I have a lot of shoes, so I couldn't hide in my closet. And, um,

so I would, I would hide under my bed and they would say, well, where's mom?

I mean, her car's here, but maybe she's over at the neighbors or whatever.

And they were, they would quit looking for me. And then I would come out from it.

I would hear them go out to play with their friends and I'd come out from

underneath my bed and I would go to the next liquor store because I have to get,

you know, or I would go to the first liquor store because now with time's passed

and, and, you know, I know my husband's coming home and, and I'm thinking,

Oh my God, he's going to come home. And, and I'm, you know,

I'm already drunk and I thought, okay, if I make dinner, he won't notice.

So I would start dinner and sometimes I start dinner too early and it would be

burnt or I would, I couldn't even start it. It all depends.

It was like playing Russian roulette,

whether I was going to be upright when he came home.

And this is my drinking every day for two years.

And every day I would go to that liquor store and I'd wake up in the morning and

I go, okay, Joanie, you can't drink today. You just can't drink.

The jig is up because I started talking. Never do that. By the way,

I started talking to my husband and saying, I think I'm drinking too much.

And he said, no, you don't drink that much. And I go, you're right.

So he was kind of my codependent or my, yeah, he co-signed my crap.

And so what happened is he would say, you're right. And I'd say, okay, well,

maybe I need to cut back and then I could do it. And then I couldn't do it.

And then I called my mom and I said, mom,

I'm seriously thinking I have a drinking problem. She goes, Joanie,

you drive me to the Laker games, you know, we go and you only have one drink.

And I'm thinking she's right.

But I don't tell her that I'm drinking before I even get in my car before I even

get to her house. Then I sneak and I go in the,

in the forum club or the press press club and get drinks down there.

And cause I have to go to the restroom and then, you know,

so it's like the cycle that I was having telling myself I'm having a

problem, but not listening to it. And I heard Adam say it,

and I'm going to say this. Um,

I was trying to control and enjoy my drinking,

but there was no control and there was no enjoyment in the end.

And what happened is my sister-in-law put herself in, um,

nursing school and she came to me and she said, Joanie,

I think you have a problem with alcohol. We're studying about it.

And I thought you don't know anything about me. And now mind you, I mean,

my husband's talking to her, telling her what I'm doing. She's,

she's studying it.

So obviously she knows that I have a problem and I'm not telling her the

truth.

And what happened is I get a phone call from my brother and my dad's dying from

alcoholism on the streets of Albuquerque. And she's in the hospital.

He weighed 98 pounds and he had pneumonia and he was dying.

He was in like, what is it? Delirium tremors.

Like he did, like he couldn't even communicate when I got home.

I went, I walked into Alcoholics Anonymous myself. I had tripped,

I had tripped, uh, and I don't know, I had the keys to my car in my hand.

And I don't know if I was coming back or going,

but I tripped and I kept this eye open and, um,

I bled, I didn't go to the doctor. I didn't do anything.

I just lied in my blood.

And my husband came home and he was like, wow, this is bad.

And so I walked into Alcoholics Anonymous and it's funny cause it's this month,

October 7th, 2002. I walked in and I spoke to a woman.

I spoke, I said, I'm having trouble with drinking.

And this woman came up and gave me her number and I followed her for like two

weeks. She said, meet me at this meeting. So I'd meet her at the meeting.

And then, and then one meeting she didn't show up and on the way home I drank,

I thought she's just fooling me. She doesn't go to a meeting all the time.

You know, it was like my head was talking to me. And, um,

so I drank and so I struggled in and out, in and out,

but there was a couple of things I heard.

One was keep coming back until you hear what you need to hear.

And so I went over and over and over again. I mean,

I could go to a meeting every day, but here's the problem. When you do that,

if you're an alcoholic of my type, you have a bottle in your car,

you have a bottle in your boot and your cleavage.

You hide a bottle somewhere so that when you get out of the meeting,

you're going to drink,

but you go because you're waiting to hear something you need to hear.

That was my mentality then. And, um,

I couldn't hear because that alcohol was calling me.

It was louder than any of your voices. And so I kept drinking.

And what happened is I got that phone call from my brother that my dad was dying

and I got on the plane and I went to New Mexico and I was like,

I was still struggling, like not, not drinking,

but then I could go a couple of days and then I drank. And then I,

so when he was dying, I got there and I was sober. And, um,

my brother showed me where he had my dad's alcohol and I drank on my way home.

Um, but what happened is I'm in the hospital and my sister, Barbara,

the one that I was telling you about, we were the same age.

She came to see my dad with her new husband. And, um,

I said something about, I don't want to die like my dad. And she says, Joanie,

me and my husband are sober and Alcoholics Anonymous. And she said,

why don't we go to a meeting? And I said, okay. And I thought, man,

if she can do it, I can do it.

Now her sobriety date was 12 days before that

October 7th date that I walked into Alcoholics Anonymous.

And so if I would have stayed sober, we would have been 12 days apart,

but I didn't, I, she had kept her sobriety date.

I kept drinking until June 2nd, 2003. But here's the thing.

I went to a meeting with her and I said, I don't want to,

I don't want to die like my dad.

And I was able to stay sober until my brother showed me the alcohol.

And then I drank and I came home and then I was in and out, in and out,

in and out and until June 2nd. But here's the deal.

That sister called me every day from Albuquerque, saying, Joanie,

just go to a meeting. And I said, I know Barbara, I know,

but I couldn't tell her the truth. I can't get home out of my bedroom.

I'm afraid to drive drunk. I'm afraid to go to a meeting.

I couldn't just be honest with her. And she kept calling me every day,

every day. And as a matter of fact,

when my sister-in-law walked into my house on May 29th, she said,

I'm taking you to the hospital. I was on the phone with my sister, Barbara.

And I said, she's going to take me to the hospital. And she said, okay, call me.

And so I went to the hospital and went to the hospital and she had

called around and got a phone number to a treatment center that would accept me.

Because she took me to a chemical dependency doctor that said,

if I can't spring 30 days together, then I need to be locked in like a lock

facility, which there is no such thing unless you're imprisoned.

Cause there is one program that it's a lockdown program, but this one, you know,

you have the freedom to go and come if you want, you don't have to stay there.

But, um, I called the place and I said, I can't stay 90 days. I can stay 60.

That's what I committed to. And, um, I, uh, she took me to the hospital.

It wasn't my first trip to the hospital. It was my second first one. I,

they overmedicated me when I, when I got out, I was still loaded and I got drunk.

And so the second trip was this last trip that I went on May

29th.

I didn't pick May 29th as my sobriety date because they gave me medic medication

to detox. So when I got out, it was June 2nd and they, she,

my husband picked me up, drove me to the treatment center and on the way,

I kept telling him to take me home because there was a bottle in my house and

he said, I'm not taking you home. They told me to take you straight there.

And so I proceeded to tell him, um,

basically what I thought of him and, um,

I told him that if he didn't change by the time I got out,

that his gut was out. Now, mind you, I had no job.

We had a mortgage payment and no job. I hadn't worked in a long time.

And I'm telling him basically that he's, he's the problem. And he said, Joni,

I just want the woman I married back. And I'll tell you that today,

he has the best woman today.

So I go to this recovery home and my first day they said,

want me to go home? My first day I was a piece of work. So she said,

come sit over here, darling. And I said, no. And she said, go home.

And I thought, who are you talking to me that way? And, um, but I did it.

And the next, um,

the next thing that happened is I got up in the morning. I had traumatic,

um, uh, injury to my back and I'm not going to go through what,

what I stupid thing I did to get that, but I could, I had trouble breathing.

So I'm in, I'm trying to sleep and I get up in the morning. Somebody said,

so how are you doing? And I said, Oh, I didn't sleep last night.

I hadn't having trouble breathing. And they came out and they go, you,

you're on hell silence. What does that mean? And they go, anybody talks to you,

you go like this, you're not allowed to talk. And I thought, what did I do?

But I didn't say anything. So I did it. I stayed on hell silence.

I didn't realize that all I was doing was complaining. So they must've,

I must've complained more than just that. I didn't sleep well.

So they put me on hell silence and day three, um, they took a girl,

came downstairs and I was in the kitchen cooking and she said, um, I said,

how are you doing? I'm not supposed to be talking, but I said, how are you doing?

And she said, I'm going to leave. I can't do this. I'm going to leave.

And I said, Oh my God, you can't leave. If anybody's going to get this,

it's going to be you. You have to stay. I said, it's very important.

Even the director said that you're going to get,

you're the one that's going to get this program.

And they heard me trying to talk her into staying.

They came out and they go, you're all hell silence. And I thought, okay,

I don't know what I did for that, but okay. And, um,

the third day if they said my name, I was going to leave and I didn't leave.

And so at day two, I was helping a newcomer.

I didn't even realize that was what we need to do to stay sober. But day five,

a woman came in and she came in from the hospital just like me and she was

scared. And I said, you're scared, aren't you? And she said, yes. And I said,

tell me your story. And I made a friend. And then, um,

day 10 was father's day. Um,

I had bought my husband matchbox 20 concert tickets, my favorite band.

So I'm self-seeking even when trying to be kind,

I buy him tickets for father's day to my favorite band.

And I was in lockdown.

So I got on my knees for the first time because I wondered why everybody was so

happy. And I wasn't. And, um,

I got on my knees for the first time because I thought, well,

maybe they're praying and I'm not. And I said, um, God,

watch over my kids for me, make sure that they're safe. I said, um,

still manipulating. I said, uh,

I hope my husband has a good time at the matchbox 20 concert.

I hope he doesn't take Craig because I don't like Craig very much. And, um,

and I said, and send me a sign that my stepdad is with you.

Send me a sign. Like I know you do it. I did this with my hand and I got him,

uh, up in bed and I slept like a baby.

And my stepdad died of a massive heart attack in Kauai.

And he's one of those dads that everybody hopes for, you know,

one that comes up to you and says, how are you doing? Do you need some money?

You know, have you eaten? Let's go have lunch. One of those good guys.

And he passed away. And I thought that was a dad I should have had, right.

It cursed me later. So I, I come outside, the house manager goes,

good morning ladies.

She turns her back and she has a hang loose Kauai shirt on and that's where my

stepdad died. And that was my sign. And I started crying. I said, Oh my God,

there is a God. And he wants this for me. And the obsession to drink was gone.

Like I haven't had that obsession since I got sober. I mean, I've got,

you know, like I've had like, Oh my God,

I think I'm going to drink and then I don't drink cause I call my sponsor,

but it's never been like intense. Like it was before I said that prayer.

So, so the, this is treatment for me, 30 days, first seven days,

you don't really know you don't really know anybody. So you're uncomfortable,

you're afraid. And somebody walks in and you recognize them about day seven.

And you go, Oh my God, that's, that's the yoga lady.

And so you remember somebody and then day 15 through 17 and sometimes quickly,

sometimes slowly you go, I don't need this. I can,

I could go home and do this on my own. Well, let me tell you, if you could,

you wouldn't be in treatment, right? You wouldn't be in treatment.

So I was talking to myself and I finally told myself to shut up and a day 28 I

said, you know what? I'm only going to stay 30 days.

I'm just going to do the 30 days I'm going to go home and I'm going to go to my

own meetings and I'm going to call that lady that I never called, right?

Sponsor in name only.

And I said it out loud and the director said, ladies, talk to her.

And if somebody said, Joni, you made a commitment to stay 60 days.

Why are you going back on your own commitment to yourself for your own sobriety?

And I thought, Oh my God, they're right.

So I made a commitment to stay 60 days on day 60 when I was going home.

Cause then it got easy. Like I was on a pink cloud. I was being of service.

I was helping talking to the new girls helping out and day 60 I'm ready to go

home and this girl pulls me aside and she was a volunteer and she said,

you don't got it. And I thought, what do you mean I don't got it?

I'm going to go home and I'm going to come back and I'm going to volunteer every

day. And she said, you don't got it. You think you got it,

but you don't have it.

You have no fear about going home where you used to drink. And I was like, Oh,

she's right. And so she goes open the big book to page 24 and at the top of

page 24, it says at a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic,

he passes into the state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of

absolutely no avail.

This tragic situation has arrived long before it is suspected.

We are without defense against the first drink. And she goes, I go, okay.

And she goes, read it again. And I read it again. And I looked at her and I go,

Oh my God, I can't ever drink again. Like I, today I have the power of choice.

And I said, but if I drink even one drink,

I will no longer have the power of choice. I will lose that.

And she said, you're right.

And then the next paragraph talks about there's a solution and we could,

we forget about the humiliation and of even a week or

a month ago. And I was like, Oh my God,

I don't want to ever forget what brought me here. And so I did, I went home. Uh,

I, there was no contact with your male contacts. So I went home,

my husband hadn't seen me for 60 days. And, um, I, he,

when he came home from work, I was in the living room and he was like, amazed,

like he brought tears to his eyes and he called all his friends,

come over and see Joni. You're not going to believe this.

And they'd come over like every now and then. And I was like, stop calling them.

They're looking at me like I'm a new puppy, you know?

And so I started going to meetings and I started going to Bellflower

and that meeting was so instrumental in my sobriety because it was such

a huge fellowship.

There's 400 people in this meeting that sit pretty much in the same seat every

Monday night. And, um, I started going there. Um, I got it,

I got a sponsor at six weeks sober,

not the same woman that I said I was going to go home to. Um,

I got a sponsor at Bellflower sponsor and she was very instrumental in my

sobriety. I'm going to go really fast right now cause I'm almost out of time,

but I went home, that sister was sober. She called me,

asked me to come and speak at her home group. I'm making arrangements with her.

I call her, I say, let me know when I can come out.

And then I get a phone call from my little sister and she goes, Joni, uh,

I need you to go on the news. Um,

they found Barbara's car on fire and they think she's in the trunk. And I said,

what do you mean? And she's, she's had just sent me her 90 day chip. Now,

mind you 21 years ago, I was talking to my sister 21 years ago.

She died when I was not quite a year, two years sober.

She sent me her 18 month chip and they've killed, she was, uh,

killed November 4th, 2005 and she saved my life.

She saved my life. And, um, you know, so here's what happened at a year sober.

I broke my foot. Didn't take anything for pain. Not one thing.

I took aspirin. Then my husband gambled our house into foreclosure.

Our cars were being repossessed. Life is, I was going to be homeless.

And you know what? I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to get drunk.

And I put it out there to a group of drunks, G O D.

Um, and I told the group and the group started giving me solution like here,

this is what you can do here. Call this person here, do this. And my sponsor,

I said, I don't know what I need to do.

I need to go get a job and I need cause I make good money when I work. And, um,

my sponsor goes, really, is that what you need to do? And I said, thank you.

And I said, um, I said, no, you know what I need to do?

I need to sit back and let my husband fix it himself.

And what happened is still I'm in fix it mode. I called,

I called my sugar daddy and asked him if he could give us the money to get our

house out of foreclosure. And we're talking like $10,000. And he said, sure,

come over and get it tonight. And so he called me and said, don't come over.

I'm not feeling well. And I said, okay. He said,

just come get the money tomorrow. And I said, okay, God must have known.

I wouldn't be able to live a sober woman if I had that bad behavior.

And what happened is he died that night.

And what happened is my mom ended up helping us get out of

foreclosure. And, um, that sister was, was killed then.

And I've been able to stay sober. My dad died from alcoholism.

My little brother died from a motorcycle accident. Um,

he was a heroin addict and they couldn't find a vein in his body to give him the

antibiotics. And he got gangrene in his legs and he died from the infection.

And, um, let's see what else is my oldest son, uh,

tried to commit suicide.

He was hurt in the military and was off for three years.

My youngest son made me a grandmother when he was 16.

And that little girl is 16 years old today. And she, or yeah, today.

And she's never seen her grandma drunk. And, um,

she was at my house today and we were watching K dramas and we spent the whole

day just lying in bed, her and I laughing and joking.

And then she had her first kiss last weekend and she got,

she told me about it and I cried because she trusts me enough to tell

me what's going on with her life. I have a total of six grandkids. Um,

let's see what else. Oh, the husband that I married,

I never knew there could be a love so great and I could have missed it all.

If I would have continued drinking and continued with bad behavior,

I could have missed it all.

I love that man more than the day I married him and I'm truly blessed.

Um, let's see. Um, I work in recovery. Um,

I work with the prison population because that was my little brother's story.

And since he's gone, I now get to help people that are coming out of prison,

that may or may not want recovery. But that doesn't matter.

What matters is I'm there to plant a seed.

And that's something that was taught to me by you guys. You know,

it's my job isn't to do it for them, you know? And I,

I have a tendency, like I'll, I'll go to bat with your disease, you know,

hand in hand. But the moment I figure I'm not getting anywhere, I surrender.

I'm not going to fight harder than you are. And, um,

what happened is one of the gentlemen that I was fighting hard for, uh,

ended up going home and died within two days. And it happens, it happens. Um,

but I love being sober. There's,

there's no amount of money I can pay for the life I have today. Good, bad,

or indifferent. I'm carrying a message because that sister I'm flying home.

I'm going home on Thursday because my nephew is suffering from alcoholism and he

called me and he said, auntie, I need help when you come in.

Can you take me to a meeting? I said, I'll be there in two weeks.

And you know why it was two weeks? Cause I had this commitment.

So I've been talking to him every day,

telling him you need to cut back because he can't,

he's not going to stop without somebody physically helping him or being there.

So I said, I'll be there on Thursday.

I get there on Friday and first thing we're going to do is go to a meeting.

He's going to go to work on Saturday and Sunday, but I'll be there until,

you know,

and I'll get him connected with AA cause that's what my sister did for me and

what you guys do for me all the time. Thank you so much.

Thank you. Thank you, Adam. That's a great share.