Rich's Journey: From Early Alcohol Exposure to Sobriety

I'm Rich, I'm an alcoholic. Thank you Ben for the privilege of being here this evening to share my

experience, strength and hope for all of you. And I want to thank God for the gift of sobriety. I

forget, did you say anything? I want to thank him for my life today as well. And my life has changed

drastically the past couple weeks and I was sharing it with a few people. I think I was

supposed to be here last week or the week before, I don't remember. But I had a mild concern with my

heart, put it that way. And I ended up in a hospital so I couldn't come here that Saturday

night. And it has changed my life drastically the past couple weeks and what do I need to do

and to feel better as well. But I'm glad I'm here tonight. I have a good life still no matter what

happens. I want to thank my good friend Raymond for driving me this evening up here. It only took

us an hour and a half so we made good time. And we had our meeting before the meeting. We got to

share about a lot of things. My personal life, his personal life and the program of Alcoholics

Anonymous as well, you know. So we got that taken care of tonight. We'll have another meeting when

we leave here tonight telling how the speaker sucked, you know, basically. And we'll have that

talk on the way home as well. But you know what, I never got up one morning and say I'm going to

join Alcoholics Anonymous down the road. That wasn't on my plan of agenda that those years,

you know. I come from a good family, mom and dad were art workers and I'm the oldest of five

siblings in my family. And if I could do things differently today when I was out there drinking,

I would have done things a little. I would have taken the dick's block over or something,

you know. But it didn't happen that way for me. I always wanted to be a good kid. That was the

bottom line. I grew up in the neighborhood that wasn't very, very nice. I'll put it that way,

my elite. I saw a lot of things happen as a youngster. I saw a lot of shootings,

stabbings, robberies, rapes, you name it. Most of that stuff was done with people under the influence

of something, okay. It wasn't a normal reaction to do. I think I'll pull a 502 this. I mean,

what's an armed robbery code? I figure what it is. But I think I'll do this today. I wasn't

like that when I grew up, you know. But I try to stay out of trouble and do the things that was

right to make my family happy. I did well in school. I played a lot of sports. And I don't

know if I actually come from an alcoholic family, but alcoholism does run in my family of aunts and

uncles and cousins, okay. My dad was a normal social drinker. I didn't understand that.

And I lost an uncle on my mother's side from alcoholism and two cousins on my father's side.

And they both passed away the same way from cirrhosis in the liver. And, you know,

we had a lot of parties at our hospital. My dad was in a band at that time. And a lot of events

would happen at our home of people drinking and having a good time. That's what I saw. I thought

it was a good time. And I used to go with my father to these parties and weddings and so on

and so forth. And I'd be sitting against the wall at a table by myself. And I would watch everybody

in the dance floor having a good time, okay. They were all laughing. They had drinks in their hands.

And I thought this is what people do, okay. My dad was up there on stage performing, playing

the guitar. And I compared both sections, the stage and the floor. My dad would have a beer

Budweiser on his amplifier. He would finish that beer in one hour, 45 minutes to an hour to finish

that one beer. I'm watching these people here drink three or four or five beers in that hour.

And they seem to be having a better time. I wanted to be like them, okay. So as I got older,

you know, I started to go out and do different things. And I was down at my friend Ruben's house

one Friday night. What time do I stop? I was at my friend Ruben's house. And there was a party

going on across the street. And he says, "You want to go check out that party?" I go, "Sure,

sounds like a good idea," you know. So we went across the street and they had a gate on the left

and a gate on the right. So we went to the gate on the right. And at the gate, they handed me a

weapon and a cup of Budweiser and a big cup. So we took both. And Ruben did the same thing. He took

both things, the weapon and the drink. We went to the backyard and that's where everybody was

partying. And I started to hang by the keg of beer. And I made sure that my cup stayed full

every time I drank it, okay. It never went empty. And I liked the effect produced by alcohol. That

was my first drink ever. And I love the effect, like I said. And I didn't know where I was going

to go with that drink. I had no clue whatsoever. Would I be having more down the road or would it

be other parties? I wasn't thinking about that. I was just thinking about the effect that night.

That's as far as I went with it. And I got up the next day with my hangover. And I loved the effect

of a hangover. And I said, "What's the cure for an hangover?" And someone handed me a beer at the

house where I was staying at. And that would lead to other drinking and other parties, so on and so

forth, down the road. And I started to go with guys that my parents didn't want me to be with,

okay. I thought they were social guys. They have a different classification for them, okay. And

most of them, these guys were all gangbangers. And I started hanging out with these guys, you know,

and my life changed. I started to do some things that I would normally never would have done sober,

okay. And I got into a lot of fights down there. And people got hurt. And I got hurt one night. I

almost got shot one night, you know. That was the lifestyle that I was starting to lead towards,

okay. And instead of walking away from those individuals, I stuck with them. And I happened

to be at a high school back in 1972. And we were confronted by five other individuals from a

different area. And a fight broke up between five of them and three of us. And one of them died,

okay. And, you know, I went home thinking I wouldn't get arrested. And I got picked up

that night. And I was charged with 187 with the other guys, eight of them. And that really changed

my life, you know. I ended up going to LA County. I was telling her I went to LA County for almost

a year fighting the case, you know. And what happened was I was finally committed to the

California Youth Authority. And that was my first arrest. And I was under the influence of alcohol

all day long. And I don't remember exactly what happened that day. I don't know if it was a

blackout, what they call it now. But I was lost for words. And they ended up sending me to the

Youth Authority for my first offense. And I ended up doing four years. And actually, I've done more

time for that crime as well, mentally. And I tried to drink it away when I got out. I tried to drink

it away of the guilt, the pain, whatever it was. I wanted it to just walk away. But it's never been

that way, okay. And while confined, I did drink in there. We used to pay counselors to bring us in

booths. And they did, you know. So we drank there every week just about. Like we didn't miss a party,

you know. Drugs in there were a lot of drugs in there. Better stuff in there than they are here,

you know. But we did all that stuff, you know. And eventually when I left, you know, I went back

home and tried to make up for my lost drink in the years I was confined. And alcohol left me off my

next drunk where I left off that drunk when I got arrested, you know. The time factor was four years

plus. But it felt like the party was just there last week with an effect of produced by alcohol,

you know. And I drank a lot and I drank hard. And I started mixing my drinks with hard liquor and

beer and things of that nature, you know. I wasn't into drugs at that time. And what happened was,

you know, I moved back to Northern California because I knew somebody up there that lived up

there was a young lady I was dating at the time. And she tried to control my drinking. And I don't

like control factors in my life, okay. I had enough of it for four years. And I wasn't going

to let somebody outside control my life. And she tried to do that, you know. And we were married

at the time. And I didn't feel comfortable in that relationship at all. And what happened was

one night I was drinking and she called me an alcoholic. And I took offense to that. I never

heard of the word alcoholic anyway. And I took offense to that. So we ended up getting divorced

down the road, okay. By now she was right. And as time went on, you know, I went to a lot of

nightclubs, so on and so forth. Disco was in at the time. And I used to go to the clubs Thursday,

Friday, and Saturday, you know, and booze it up. And I had a great time. I had a great time,

you know. And that's where I was introduced to Coke at those clubs. And I started doing that

stuff. And, you know, that really changed my life. It really took me downhill faster than the booze

did. And, you know, and I got to the point where I was involved in a relationship with another

young lady. And we had a kid in that relationship, a little boy. And my life was really spiraling

downhill quite fast. And she thought it by my parents that I was doing drugs, you know. And I

came home loaded from work one Friday night. And I was at the time my Duke, my condo, and they showed

up. Mom and Dad showed up. And I was trying to explain to them the effect produced by cocaine.

It didn't work. It didn't work. I was so loaded and drunk, you know. And you're trying to make

them feel at ease with this stuff. And it's not working. And my mother said, "Maybe you need to

go to a treatment facility." And I said, "Okay, I'll give it a shot." So a week later, I'm in a

treatment facility up in Stockton, a 28-day program. And I went in there not knowing what

to expect. I thought they were going to show me how to drink, basically, you know. And I was

totally wrong. And they gave me a lady counselor. Her name was Kathy Norman. And Kathy actually saved

my life, you know. And I wasn't going to give in to them anything about myself, what I thought,

what I felt, what was my thinking. I wasn't going to give them anything, no info. But Kathy took me

in an office by her name, one by one, and she tore me to pieces, okay. She broke me. It felt like

the walls fell. Finally, that's what I was looking for to do when I was out there drinking and using.

And she did one heck of a job on me that I started to listen to the people from Alcoholics Anonymous

when they used to bring those panels into that facility. And I could identify with these guys,

but I wouldn't tell you that I was like you. No, I held on to that. So when I left that place,

after 28 days, I went to meetings. And if you're new, don't do what I did. I went to meetings. I

did not participate in meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous. I had the book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

I never read it. I had a 12-in-12, but I never opened it up. And what good is that if you're not

going to work the program? And I went to meetings for three and a half years, and I was dry. I was

miserable. And I had that reservation in my head that I had another drunk in me. I held on to that

reservation to the end. And I was at a meeting on a Friday night, listening to a lady speak.

She gave a hell of a talk. And I says, "You know what? Let's find out if I am real alcoholic." So

I left that meeting. We had spirits whatsoever. I went to a liquor store, bought me a fifth,

if I ever will, and a small pack of butt. And I said, "Let's get it on." And that's what I did,

okay? And my son, I had gotten custody of him because his mom did some bad things,

so they gave me custody of him. The court system did. And he was disappointed that I had gotten

drunk that night. Very disappointed. And I've never forgotten that look. I'm a little rich.

I've never forgotten it, you know? And I drank, and I gave away all that dead time. And I stayed

out for about a little over two years of drinking every day. I was a daily drunk. And it was getting

to the point where I couldn't even get drunk anymore. That's how bad it was for me. And it

talks about in Chapter 3 more about alcoholism, the effect produced by alcohol. Not only that,

but it says I got to that stage of my drinking career that I had no other drunks in me, you know?

And I knew that I had made it myself that I was an alcoholic. And that was my first step of recovery,

making that admission. And what happened, how I got back to the program, I come home on a

Saturday night from a bachelor party. And we did a number out there, you know? And Sunday morning,

I am so drunk, sitting on my recliner drinking a beer. And he comes in with the babysitter that

morning. And I see the look on his face and her face. And it was like a face of not anger,

but they were disappointed, put it that way. And my son walks into his bedroom, and he comes back

out. And he throws my one-year medallion, and it hits me in the forehead. This is a little

six-year-old doing this. And he says, "Dad, why don't you try the program of alcoholics one more

time at my work this time?" And that was my breaking point. And that was my surrender that

morning on that Sunday. And it was February 29th that year, it was a leap year. And that was my

last drink. And I said, "What did this little boy know that I didn't know? What was he trying to

tell his dad? Who is the parent in this relationship? You know, where did he hear this

from?" Well, I had been taking them for meetings with me when he was a little boy, a little guy.

And he heard all this stuff in meetings, okay? And I came into my sobriety's March 1st of '92.

And I've been back ever since, and I haven't been necessary for me to leave these rooms.

And I am so totally grateful that Junior was there that morning. For some reason,

there was a rude awakening that I needed to hear. And I don't know if it was a spiritual awakening

or what, but it worked. And so blessed, you know. And I came into a place called License Session on

a Monday night in the valley, Dallas. And I walked in in that meeting that Monday night. And I know

what I was going to expect to hear that night. And there was a lot of laughter in that meeting.

It was a big meeting. There was a lot of conversations going on that made sense.

And I haven't heard a conversation in a long time to me that made sense. But I heard it that night.

I heard a lot of recovery that evening. I heard the good speaker that night as well.

And I decided to give that group a chance of me being there with them. And they let me stay.

That was the most important part. They let me stay. And I used to go to meetings back then.

I didn't have a sponsor. Sponsorship is very important if you don't have a gift.

And I'll never forget this one guy. He would always ask me, "You got a sponsor yet? You got

a sponsor yet?" And it was really getting on my nerves. And that was Steven Al. Okay. And Fufu

would bring these words out, you know, and he would stutter. But I understood what he was saying

about sponsorship, you know. And he bugged me for two weeks. Just to shut him up, I got a sponsor.

Okay. I didn't want to hear it anymore. So I got Steve Lowe as my sponsor. He was my first sponsor.

And Steve gave me some direction, put it that way. He gave me a foundation as well. And one thing I'll

never forget what Steve Lowe told me that night, that Saturday night when I asked him to be my

sponsor, he took me out to the parking lot and he says, "I got two things to ask you. Are you

willing to go to any length to stay sober this time?" And I said, "Yes, sir, I am." And he says,

"Do you believe in God?" I said, "Well, you know, Steve," I said, "I know there's something up there.

I just don't know what it is or where it's at. But I believe that something happens for a reason.

I don't know if it's God's willing or what. But to answer your question, yes, I do." Okay. He says,

"Okay, I want you to do those two things with me and call me every day and go to a meeting every

night with the group, either an hour before the meeting." And I said, "What an order." But I was

willing. I was willing to do all that stuff. And he says, "Get a commitment." What's a commitment,

you know? The only commitments I knew was relationships. But I would screw those up as

well. But he told me, "Get a job at the meeting and be a service." That's what he told me. And

my first commitment was watching the asterisks at the Monday night meeting. And I loved that

commitment. Okay. I took it so seriously. I would basically buff the asterisks out, you know. And

there were six of them, six big red ones. And that was a smoking meeting back then and we smoked it.

But I enjoyed that commitment. It made me feel a part of it. And I would get other commitments

as well down the road and be a service to you, license session. I have never been a prime example

of Alcoholics Anonymous. I'll be honest with you on that. I've always stayed in the middle,

like was mentioned by Nate, you know, stay in the middle of Alcoholics Anonymous. I've always done

that. And Steve told me, he says, "You know, if you can do this for a year, you'll have a

watch and a party at the end of the year." He says, "But I'll guarantee you one thing." I said,

"What's that, Steve?" He says, "Your life will be different." And I go, "Really?" And at the end of

one year, my life was different. It was totally different, you know. He got me involved in the

steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. I admitted to myself that I was alcoholic, you know, and I knew

I had surrendered at that time. And the steps that I really wanted to get to was the fourth and fifth

step, you know, because those are the ones that were really eating at me. I knew there was a God

out there and I wasn't it. But when I did that list of all my defects that I had caused out there,

I put it down in paper and I got to share a fifth step with Steve, okay. And that's when I felt part

of Alcoholics Anonymous. That's actually when I felt part of license session, when I completed

that fifth step, you know, and I felt part of the group, you know. And over the years,

I found many members that I consider them my friends and good standing as well. And I got a

watch a year later with Steve M. We had the same sobriety date and year and we had a double watch

and we had a double party as well. And, you know, I stayed with the group for five and a half years

until I moved on to another group. And I've always been an answer seeker. I'm always searching for

answers, you know, from you and everybody else in the group. You know, if I would have read this

book more often, I would have found my answers. I really would have, okay. Because everything I've

heard to the speaker from the podiums has been from out of the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous,

you know. And I'm not a rocket scientist in this program. I'm not after 32 years of sobriety. I

still make mistakes, you know. I don't want to use a face that because I'm human, I make mistakes,

you know. No, I'm idiot, you know, basically, you know. And if that's where all the answers are in

the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, you know. And when it came to the reading the doctor's

opinion, you know, about alcoholism and why I crave alcohol, you know, I found all that in that

book. I am moving over to the Pacific group back in '97, I believe it was. And it had to do with a

speaker one night that came to license session, the speaker that was Sharon Cena. And she mentioned

about answers, okay. I go, oh, that's where you have to go to the date group to get the answers.

That's why I left, you know, had nothing to do with any resentments or I wasn't getting

along with my sponsor back then, which was David F. And, and he did a great job with me, you know.

But I went into PG and he got me a sponsor over there by the name of Pete L. And he was my

sponsor for almost five years, I guess. And he decided to leave Alcoholics Anonymous, you know,

he made that decision that he was an alcoholic after all. And so I had to find another sponsor

right away. And I got my sponsor, Tom, who's my sponsor these days as well. And I got him that

Wednesday night. And Tom and I have tried this thing for the past 18 to 20 years, something like

that. Okay. And he, he, he heard my fist step one more time, I gave it to him. And Tom has guided me

in the right direction for all these years. He listens to all my crap. Okay. Every Monday,

Wednesday, and Friday at 830, find out what's going on with me, you know, and my life is totally

different just by hanging around him and the members of Alcoholics Anonymous at the Pacific

group. You know, I have a lot of examples, many examples. Before COVID, our average attendance,

there was about 850 members at the Wednesday night meeting. And it shrunk down quite a bit,

we're down to about maybe 600. And the rest are on Zoom. And then I saw the Zoom total the other

night was 300 something. And you know, I've done a lot of things in sobriety. I've done a lot of

things. Don't ask me about relationships. Okay. As I suck, basically, I've had three divorces,

okay. One of them I really ruined. I was with Caroline. She used to go with me to license

session. And she was a very dedicated lady to that program as well, you know, and I took an

action where it was all totally my fault. I realize that today now, you know, and I broke that lady's

heart. I really did. I had to make an immense to her. She forgave me for what I did, you know,

verbally put it that way. And she has forgiven me, you know, and she's a good friend to this

day. Still, how far she's not doing very well. I put it that way. She was much older than me. And

she's in a private hospital right now. And I owe a lot to her because she sat there every Saturday

night with me at license session every Saturday. She never complained. She felt a part of the group

itself. She loved the people there, the guys and the girls, you know, and, you know, I moved on,

you know, I'm single still, and I've got my own place in Whittier. And I've been able to be a

service for my parents before they passed on, you know, mom died real fast from a heart attack,

and my dad died from dementia. And that was really hard to watch over him. Very difficult. I don't

know anything about watching other people like that, you know, and no experience whatsoever.

I was always making phone calls to Thomas and my dad's doing this, my dad's doing that, you know,

just stick with him, Richie would always tell me just be part of it with him, you know, and

watch what he does. And that's what I did, you know, and my relationship with my son today is

totally different, you know, I'm very proud of him that he hasn't become like me. Okay.

He hardly ever drinks. I think I ruin his drinking. I really do. I've never seen my son

all these years drunk, not one time. And I blame myself for that, which I'll take credit,

you know, but you know, I've always watched him what he has one or two drinks, and that's it.

I don't understand that kind of drinking. I don't. I've never had a social drink in my life. I drank

like a pig for one, you know, I was obnoxious a lot of times. But that's the way alcohol affected

me. You know, I, I got to do a little bit of traveling as well in sobriety, gone to places

that I thought I'd never go. Then the meetings in Hawaii, which I really like the meetings, they're

a little different as well. But I've been there five times, and I never thought I'd ever make it

one time, you know, and then back east in New York, Manhattan twice. And, you know, I've got

to do other things besides meetings, you know, I want to share this one story with you that I

got to do in Manhattan. And a lot of it happened with all my ego. And Carolyn says, let's get on

that little buggy with the horse. I said guys from Norwalk don't get on buggies with a horse.

First of all, you know, she goes, you know how many miles you're away from Norwalk? I had no

idea it was over 3000 or something, you know, and she goes, Come on, I want to get on that. I don't

want to get on that. Okay, let's get on it. So I asked the guy with the little hat, how much does

it cost? You know, so he tells me, we get on the little buggy, and I have no idea where we're

going. And he's going down this one street. I don't know if it's an avenue or street,

when I start to enjoy a little bit of it, you know, maybe makes a left turn, and we're going

down this other street, and he comes to a stop. And I happened to turn to my right, and there's

a guy there on the sidewalk with a brown paper bag drinking a bottle of wine, and he's barfing

at the same time. And I looked and I told her, there I am right there. I had to come all the way

to New York to see that, you know, and what crossed my mind was after when we took off again,

I felt for that man that was drinking that bottle of wine. And I said, I wonder if he ever got sober,

you know, I'll never know if he ever got sober, you know, but it was that effect that night that

brought a tear to my eye of seeing that because I used to walk around with a brown paper bag and a

bottle of wine, you know, and I knew I was no different than that man. You know, I was just

lucky to find the meanings of alcoholics anonymous. I was very, very lucky, you know,

and we went through the whole course, you know, when we started and I really enjoyed it. I really

enjoyed it. I had a good time there, you know, I went up to the Twin Towers to the 116th floor,

I think it was, and looked down and that was an amazing view. I would have missed all that if I

had been drinking. I know I would have missed it. And, you know, I come home and I go to a specific

group and get involved in that group and start doing the things that they do there. Not be very

judgmental, but I still am okay. They're not doing it right, you know, they've been doing it

right for since 1962, I think it is, you know, Clancy started the group and got to spend time

with him one-on-one of my mistakes and bringing them up to his attention and listen to his

direction as well, besides my sponsors. You know, I always wanted to compare my sponsor with Clancy's

direction to see if they're on the same scale and they are. Okay, there's no different change

and it was blessed to be part of his group as well that he started this group, you know, because not

only do they have a lot of structure like quality of life does or license session as well, but I've

held on to the ideas that the sponsorship has given me. I have never discarded anything that

I've done since day one. I'm still doing the same crap every week, every night, calling my sponsor

when I need to, going to the meetings, have a commitment as well and listen to other alcoholics

if they need some type of help, especially the newcomers, you know. I am so blessed to be sober

today all this time, you know, and my life is good. My life is good no matter what I'm going

through. I want to share real fast about my relationship with Chris. I met Chris online on

Facebook on a dating website. I'm sharing this with Raymond and she says if you want to meet me,

meet me at this church on Sunday morning at nine o'clock and I showed up and I don't know what to

expect. There was a Christian church and I sat there and I listened to the pastor give a sermon

and I've been going back ever since for over a year and a half now and that has changed my life

as well, okay. I don't understand a lot of stuff in that Bible. I'm always asking a lot of questions,

just like I do with the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. I still ask questions, you know. I'm

not an expert on alcoholism. I'm not an expert of being a some type of pastor. I'm not in that

stuff, you know, and Chris knows I always humbled myself by asking her questions because she's been

doing this for 16 years, you know, and I feel out of place at times, but she tells me to hang in

there. You'll pick up the word of God. You'll pick up the word of Alcoholics Anonymous one day at a

time, you know. She goes, I'm blessed to have met you as well because you're different. That's what

she tells me that I'm different, you know, and she's different to me, very different, you know,

and I'm so blessed to have her in my life, had the members of Alcoholics Anonymous in my life,

and hopefully they'll be back for another gig next year. Thanks.