Brent's Journey: From Early Drinking to 30+ Years Sober

- Good evening, my name's Brent.

I'm an alcoholic.

Thank you for inviting me out here, man.

I always take it a huge honor and privilege

when anyone asks me to share my experience,

strength, and hope.

I have a sobriety date of August 27th, 1996.

I have a sponsor,

and I've been blessed to have him this entire road.

And to me, having a sponsor is extremely important

'cause for me, it doesn't matter whether I have six days,

six weeks, six months, six years.

I still got the committee that talks to me

up here in my head,

and I've gotta have somebody that I can bounce things off of

'cause if I start running the show myself again,

I'll run my life right off in the ditch.

I have a home group, which is extremely important,

a specific group in LA that holds me accountable

somewhere I have to be at least once a week and be there,

and people will hold me accountable.

I'll tell you a little bit about who I was,

what happened to me 'cause of the disease of alcoholism,

where I am today because of this program of AA

and the fellowship in these rooms.

I grew up in Southwest Missouri on an Angus beef farm

in the middle of nowhere.

And I'll tell you, I hated every minute of my childhood.

I had no brothers, no sisters.

Now, a lot of people's automatically gonna say

you're just the only child, you were spoiled,

you had everything, you didn't have any hand-me-downs.

That's probably true, but on the flip side,

when the chores didn't get done,

I didn't have a brother or sister to blame it on.

When something got broke,

I didn't have anybody else to blame it on,

so there's pros and cons to being the only child.

Growing up in my family, alcoholism ran pretty rampant.

Neither one of my grandfathers ever saw the age of 60,

and my uncle died at the age of 42.

Now, that's not the reason I'm an alcoholic,

but it was very rampant in my family.

I took my first drink when I was nine.

The reason I did that was real simple.

Even the first couple years I was in school,

I just never fit in.

I was at school, I couldn't talk to other kids,

I couldn't socialize with other kids,

I just felt so uncomfortable.

And I'd be around on the weekends or on the holidays,

and I'd see my uncles and my grandparents

and everyone sitting there drinking,

and I noticed after about two or three drinks,

they all started laughing, they all started carrying it on.

So that summer, I realized when I was told

to go get a beer or two and bring 'em back,

if there's anything left, I took a couple sips,

or I'd take a couple sips on the way back out there

to give it to 'em before that afternoon was over,

I realized that when I had that alcohol in me,

I felt different.

And that's what I wanted as a kid,

I wanted to feel different.

I didn't like being me, I didn't like being in my own skin.

I wanted to be someone different.

And I realized that that happened when I drank.

I didn't start drinking on a regular basis then,

but I knew then the seed was planted

that if I could put enough of that in my body,

I was a different person.

Growing up in a small town, didn't have a lot of friends,

didn't have a lot of things,

I idolized my father on that farm.

Everything I did, I did for my dad.

I want him to give me that pat on the back,

I want him to tell me that he loved me,

I want him to tell me that he was proud of me,

and that just really wasn't the type of man my dad was.

It was just one way to do things and you did it his way.

I'd bring a B home from school,

he wanted to know why it wasn't an A.

Brought an A home from school,

he said that's the reason you go to school.

Well in that small town, everything revolved around sports.

I guess maybe I was better than average

because they always moved me up to play with the older guys.

Well I didn't fit in with kids my own age,

I sure didn't fit in with older guys,

so their drinking was escalating more than mine was,

so I had to ramp it up and I had to start drinking

so I could fit in with them and be accepted.

By the time I was 16 years old,

my drinking was getting a little bit out of control

and there was five carloads of us

that came back from a float trip

and the lead car had a wreck

and one of the girls was killed.

Her parents and mine had known each other

before Joe was even born

and they asked me to be one of the pallbearers.

The morning of the funeral,

I did like I was doing most things in my life.

That time I got drunk if I was gonna do something.

In the day of the funeral I was drunk,

I stumbled carrying the casket

and I made a real fool out of myself.

And that was the first time

people really physically addressed me and said,

"You know Brent, you need to slow down on your drinking."

My attitude to them was just leave me alone,

I'm living life, I'm doing fine.

When I was a junior in high school,

that little town we probably had

one of the better ball teams we'd ever had.

We ended up going to the quarter finals of the state,

we ended up losing.

I played a really good game,

probably the best I'd ever played

in my entire high school career even to now.

And I knew that my dad was gonna be proud of me,

even though we lost.

I got home and the only thing my dad could do

was tell me what I did wrong in the second half

and if I'd have done this and if I'd have done that,

we would have ended up winning.

So by the time I was a senior,

my drinking was escalating,

I was drinking pretty much any time

I could get a hold of anything.

And I figured I'd graduate high school

and be like everybody else in that little hometown.

You end up probably marrying your high school sweetheart,

you get a home, you get an apartment, you get a job,

you raise a family, you live there, you die there,

it's pretty much what everyone does.

Well, my dad had other plans,

he wanted me to go to college.

So that entire summer after high school,

I was stuck on the farm while all my buddies

were getting their own place,

living their lives, moving forward and I was stuck there.

I loaded up and I went to college that fall

and on day three, I realized I might have fell into paradise.

I joined a fraternity, alcohol flowing 24 hours a day,

seven days a week and I had found my people.

I mean, I was in heaven.

Everything I did revolved around drinking

and it just absolutely exploded.

I started drinking on a regular basis,

I drank every single day, I got drunk every single night,

but it was that same scenario with my dad.

I would bring a B home from school,

he wanted to know why it wasn't an A.

If I brought an A home, he said,

"That's the reason I sent you to college."

My drinking got so bad when I was in college

that I started losing friends.

People didn't wanna get in the car with me.

I drove too fast, I drove stupid,

no one wanted to hang around me.

My attitude with girls was real simple.

You like to drink, you like to party, we hung out.

You didn't, I found somebody else who did

and that's just how I cycled through college.

Don't know how I did it, somehow I made it through,

I graduated, I got my degree, I got a job,

I moved out my own place, I was living life,

I thought I was doing great,

but no one wanted to be around me.

I was losing friends, no one wanted to associate with me,

no one wanted to be there.

Couple years after I was out, my mom gave me a call

and said that dad's getting older,

having some issues on the farm,

is there any way you can come home and help out?

So I made arrangements at work, I took a week off,

came home on a Sunday afternoon, Monday morning,

one of the first things he wanted done

was he wanted part of the barn painted.

So I grabbed my six-pack of Budweiser,

I headed out Monday morning to paint that part of the barn.

He had all this paint lined up in the corner,

I said well that's absolutely ridiculous,

do not need all that paint to do the job,

I'll use part of the paint, get the job done,

save him some money and we'll get the week started off

on the right foot, so that's what I did.

He came out that afternoon, he said,

didn't tell me I did a good job,

he didn't say I did a bad job,

he just wanted to know why I didn't use all the paint

and there was some leftover in the corner.

I said I didn't need all the paint,

got the job done, saved you some money.

Said if I wanted to save the money, I wouldn't bought it.

You might save 25 years of me trying to get his approval,

trying to get that pat on the back,

all come to a head that day.

Now I'll be the first person to tell anyone,

for a long time in my life, alcohol worked.

It quieted the voices in there,

it filled up that hole I had in here,

it suppressed the fears, it suppressed everything

that I lived my whole life in fear,

worried about what everyone thought about me,

worried about what my dad was thinking about me,

that alcohol had quit working.

It was no longer quieting those voices

and it was no longer filling that hole up

and everything come to a head that day with my father.

We proceeded to get into a heated argument

and I murdered him that afternoon.

I'll never know what I did to my mother.

That lady stood beside me from day one,

hour one, second one.

She bailed me out and I've had people ask me over the years,

they said man, that must have been your rock bottom.

Well, unfortunately for this alcoholic, it wasn't.

I have a ways to go and for those next 10 months,

my life got real dark.

I drank in the morning, I drank in the afternoon,

I drank in the evening.

If I had waked up at 2 a.m., I would drink some more

so I could pass out and not have to listen

to the voices in my head and not have to deal

with any feelings that I had inside me.

If any of you know anything about a small town,

they talked about my mother immersively

for standing beside me and sometimes,

words can be worse than any action can be done

and she never wavered her love for me.

10 months later, I went to court.

I was convicted of second degree murder,

armed criminal action.

I was given two life sentences.

On October 3rd, 1987, I went to prison.

Took me exactly 13 days to learn how to make homemade wine

and this alcoholic proceeded to make homemade wine

and I drank because I had to try and quiet the voices

in there and I could not fill up enough

to where I could calm the feelings.

At one point, it got so bad that when I would go

to the canteen, I bought the six ounce bottle

of Aftershave back in those days.

It still had the alcohol in it.

I would cook it down to where you get just

about a shot glass and I would drink it.

I would do anything to quiet those voices.

Now, my mother and my grandmother come

to visit me every Thursday, never missed.

In August when it was 106 or in January

and there was eight or nine inches of snow on the ground,

they drove two and a half hours to come visit me.

When I had that hooch and that homemade wine

or something inside me when they walked in the door,

I told them how much I loved them.

I hugged them, I thanked them for coming to visit me

and we spent five hours of this

and something happened on January the 1st, 1992.

I woke up in my cell floor in my own blood, my own puke.

That hooch and that Aftershave and everything

that I was trying to put inside my system

was literally eating my stomach lining up.

But once again, I still was not to the point

that I would admit that I was an alcoholic.

So once again, I did things like I always do.

I take things in my own hands, I'm just not gonna drink.

And for the next four years, I really believe

I might've been one of the most miserable

dry drunks there was.

And the reason I tell you that is when my mother

and my grandmother come into the visiting room,

this was my attitude toward them

when I didn't have anything in my system.

I'd look at them, I'd be like visiting room open

nine minutes ago, where the hell have you been?

I've been waiting.

I'm sure there was times I didn't thank them

for driving two and a half hours to come visit me.

And I know every time I complained

because that bag didn't have more quarters in it

where I could get two sandwiches

out of the vending machine instead of one.

And there's probably a few times

I didn't even tell them that I loved them.

And that's who I was as an alcoholic.

And there was a couple guys I had a job with in there.

We worked out, they'd been on me for a long time

saying that I was an alcoholic.

And I said, I am so sick and tired of you two on my case.

And at this point in time, I was done.

I was miserable, I was broken.

I had no values left.

I had nothing left inside me.

I said, what do I have to do

to get you two guys off my case?

They said, you go to an AA meeting, we'll leave you alone.

I said, seriously, I go to one meeting,

you two will never say another word to me.

They said, yeah.

So I signed up, takes a couple of weeks to get called out.

That Sunday night, I got called out.

I went to the room, it was a little narrow room.

I sat in the very back corner over there

and I stared down at the floor.

I didn't say a single word.

I wondered when the 60 minutes was gonna be up.

When they got done, I sure didn't admit who I was.

They didn't say my name

and I was not gonna agree to anything in there.

And I walked out of that room,

probably pushed a couple chairs out of the way

to get out the door.

And I will say this, those two guys honored their word.

They never asked me one thing about the meeting.

They didn't say anything Monday morning to me.

They didn't say anything Tuesday.

Wednesday, the rest of the week,

they didn't say one word to me.

But the only thing I can tell anybody

who will listen to me for the rest of my life

is something happened to me that night.

Because that following Sunday when I was out on the yard

and they called over the PA system for AA meeting,

I went back to that room.

And I sat in that same chair in the corner

and I stared down at the floor

and I talked to myself for the entire 60 minutes

and I asked myself, why am I back here?

What am I doing?

And I did that for three months

before I ever said a single word.

And finally, I raised my head up one night

and I said, these guys are talking about,

they're talking about this hole inside their chest,

their heart that they can't feel.

They're talking about that they are the most

uncomfortable human being inside their own skin.

They're talking about how they didn't fit in

and how they lived their life in fear

of what other people thought of them.

And that was me.

So I started paying attention.

I grabbed a big book that night

and I took it back to myself.

And I'd read a couple paragraphs

and I'd be like, this ain't too bad.

Then I'd read a few more paragraphs and it hit home

and I didn't want to deal with it.

And I'd throw that book over on the bunk

and I wouldn't pick it up for two or three days.

And that's how I cycled through AA for my first year.

And then the three men who came in off the streets

for us to have that meeting put on

what they call the big book workshop.

And I figured what else have I got to lose?

I signed up for it and I went through it.

And those 15 weeks changed who I am.

For the first time in my life at the age of 34 years old,

I admitted I was an alcoholic.

I quit blaming the sheriff for arresting me.

I quit blaming the prosecutor for bringing the charges

against me and I quit blaming the judge

in court to sentence me to prison.

And most importantly, I quit blaming my father

for everything that I thought I needed

when I was growing up as a kid.

Now I tried to, if you ever go to prison,

which I hope nobody ever does, but if you do,

you try to drag every human being in the world into it.

You got a dog, you're trying to bring the dog through there.

You got a cat, you want the cat in there with you.

You want everybody in there with you.

Tried to drag a woman and two girls in there.

She lasted 18 months where she said she had to go.

I'll give her credit, I probably wouldn't last 18 days

'cause I was a selfish SOB and that was just the way it was.

I got a letter one night, mail call,

had her return address on it.

Not that all of the days come.

She gonna tell me everything that I did in her life

and how I ruined everything.

I couldn't open it for about three days

'cause I'm an alcoholic.

I have to come up with scenarios of what's in that letter.

And I had about 3,247 of them

what she had written in there.

And after I drove myself crazy for three days,

I finally read the letter and it was real simple.

She said, here's my phone number, will you give me a call?

Well, I knew I couldn't wait three more days

before I made a phone call 'cause I had to been crazy

and could be.

So I got down, got in line and gave her a call.

I said, hello?

She says, am I still on your visiting list?

And I said, yeah.

And she goes, I'd like to come visit you.

Now let's get real.

Any human being who has two life sentences

and anybody wants to come visit them,

you're gonna say, absolutely, here's the days,

here's the hours, when can you come?

Everything, not this guy.

I said, why?

She said, I've been talking to your mom.

She said, you've been making some changes in your life.

I wanna come visit you.

So she come to visit me.

And we visit for about 10 months.

Now during this period, my grandmother,

one day in the visitor room came when I was in there,

she told me, she says, so good to see my grandson again.

I'm like, grandma, you see me every Thursday.

I don't know what you mean.

She said, no.

She said, my grandson has light behind his eyes.

It talks about in the big book,

how others will see changes in ourself

before we see it in us.

And she was seeing a change in me

that I didn't even know was taking place.

And I'm so grateful for that

because about six months later, she ended up passing away.

And I am so glad that I was able to make amends

and be a grandson to her again.

Well, this lady came back and visited me and we visited.

And for the first time in my mid thirties,

I'm carrying on a conversation with the woman.

There's no ulterior motives.

I'm not worried about what restaurant

I gotta take her to to make her happy.

We're not having sex.

Missouri doesn't have conjugal visits.

Don't have to worry about what restaurant,

what movie I gotta step through so she'll be happy

so we can go home and everybody's on the same page.

But we just sit and talk.

And for whatever reason, this lady wanted to stick with me.

We got married in the visiting room at prison

and she stuck with me for over a decade till I got out.

I became a husband, I became a father.

Even in the state of Missouri, two life sentences,

you still get to go up and see the parole board.

Well, at this point in time,

I'm going up for my first time.

I'm like, the minute I see an alcoholic

that everyone told me about,

I've got my family back, I'm making amends.

I was like, they're gonna see I'm a new person.

They're gonna give me a chance to live again.

I went in that parole hearing, lasted six minutes,

and they said, "Mr. Huff, we'll see you in five years."

And I walked out of that room and I cussed God.

I cussed AA, I got on the phone.

I told her to file for divorce.

I am never coming home.

This is the stupidest thing in the world.

And after I whined and cried for a couple days,

she cut me off and she said, "Are you done?"

Heard that voice before, so I knew the next answer

had better be a right one.

I said, "Yes," and she said, "Good, I'm not going anywhere.

We're gonna get through this and let's move on."

If you haven't figured out,

she was in Al-Anon at this point in time

and she just called it the way it was.

So I got through the next five years

and I started doing things a little bit different.

I woke up 15 minutes early in my cell

and I'd read out of the daily reflections.

I'd say a prayer for the first time,

not praying for myself, but for other people,

and I'd read a little bit.

And I did that every single day.

Got through those five years, went up for parole again.

This time lasted a little bit longer than six minutes,

maybe about 15.

They said, "We'll see you in two years."

And my pity party only lasted one day

because I knew it was coming on

the other end of the phone call.

So then I changed my routine and I got up 30 minutes early.

And whatever month it was, and that was the step,

I read that step each morning.

I read out of the daily reflections.

I said a prayer and I started reading the big book

every single day.

And I'm so glad that I was able to make amends

because my mother passed away.

She never got to see me come home, but I'm so grateful

that she knew that I was changing.

And I proceeded to go through this scenario a couple times.

I went up from parole that third time.

Parole hearing lasted about 57 minutes.

They talked about everything I'd done in my life,

things that I didn't even know they knew about

that was never brought up.

They threw pictures of what I'd done to my dad on the table.

And I walked out of there

and I didn't even feel like a human being.

But I can tell you this, I got that two-year setback.

And over those next two years, I was good with it

because I got to where I would wake up in the morning

and I looked in the mirror in that cell

and I started liking that guy I saw again.

And for the first time in my life,

I was freer in a maximum security prison

than I'd ever been out on the streets

drinking and using and running my life.

Ended up going up for parole, I got out.

October 3rd, 2008, I spent 21 years to the day in prison.

Now when I walked into prison in '87 and you got out in '08,

let me tell you, the world had changed

and I did not fit in.

First off, these things didn't exist.

There wasn't the internet, there wasn't Google, Siri,

or none of that other stuff.

Cars still had two keys, one to start, one to lock it.

Now you're walking around in the lots

beeping and buzzing things.

I didn't fit in.

But I can tell you this, I came home on a Friday afternoon,

Saturday morning, 10 a.m., there's a knock on the door.

First, it scared the living hell out of me

because I wasn't sure who was already knocking on my door.

I just got out of prison.

But there was two men and they said, "Are you Brent?"

I said, "Yes."

I said, "Herald L." said, "Take you to an a.m. meeting."

I went to my first a.m. meeting less than 24 hours

out of prison.

That Monday, 72 hours later, a man invited me to his home.

He cooked me a steak dinner and took me to an a.m. meeting.

Now what was so weird about that was

he had a six-month-old baby child in his home

and I knew right then that everyone out there

in the free world was crazier than I was.

Because who invites a convicted murderer

who's been out three days into their home with their family?

And I asked him, I said, "Why would you do that?"

He said, "Because the people in your life are in my life."

And they told me,

"You're doing what you're supposed to be doing

and I'm just giving back what was given to me."

And you all started teaching me

and showing me what friendship was, what fellowship was,

which I had never known in my entire life.

I couldn't get a job.

I couldn't get hired.

Nobody would give me a chance.

About six months later, I shared my story one night

and a man came up to me, he said,

"Do you really need a job?"

And I said, "Yes, I do."

He handed me his card and he said,

"Give me a call in the morning."

Gave him a call, went out to the meeting,

he hired me on the spot.

AA doing for me what I can't do for myself.

Worked for the man for a little over a year,

about a year and a half, ended up getting hurt.

They ended up having to put a plate in my neck.

Couldn't really do the lifting, everything.

So we ended up parting ways,

but I'm forever grateful that man gave me a job.

Let me tell you a couple of other things

that happened when I got out.

That first weekend when I got home,

my wife told me to go downstairs,

said there was a couple boxes that I need to go through.

I thought there was stuff on my mom's, my grandma's.

And I was like, "I'm not ready for that."

I said, "No, I can't do that."

Said, "No."

Said, "You need to go down there and go through them."

So I go downstairs in the basement

and there's these two literally huge shipping boxes

down there and they have gifts in them.

And I started looking at them and said,

"Happy birthday, Dad, 2004.

"Merry Christmas, Dad, 1999.

"Happy Father's Day, 2001."

The reason I share this with you is

there was not one gift in there listed with the date

for 1996 when I went to my first AA meeting.

And that told me volumes of how powerful this program is.

Like, after I lost that job, I couldn't get a job.

After I recovered from surgery,

it was right around Thanksgiving

and I ended up going out to dinner with about 20 other AAs.

And one of the guys who had brought the beating into prison

had moved away, was living in Wisconsin.

He was back home for Thanksgiving to visit with his family.

Asked me how things are going,

how's life doing, this and that.

And I said, "Well, it's doing good, but I don't have a job."

He said, "I thought you had one."

So I explained to him what happened.

He said, "Don't worry."

He wrote down the gentleman's name, phone number.

He said, "When the holidays are over,

"give this man a call."

So I waited till Thanksgiving weekend was over.

I called him on Monday.

I set up an interview.

I went out to visit him.

I walked into his office and before I even sat down,

I said, "Mr. Shanks."

I said, "My name's Brent Huff."

I said, "I'm a convicted felon.

"I've never sold a car before in my life,

"so if this is gonna waste your time by,

"I don't wanna do that."

He looked at me dead in the eyes and he said,

"George told me you was gonna be honest."

He goes, "Let's talk."

He ended up sitting in his office for an hour and 20 minutes

and he said, "You know what?

"I gotta run this past the owner."

He said, "I've never dealt with anything like this before."

About four days later, he gave me a call and he said,

"When can you start work?

"I can be there in 15 minutes."

He said, "Well, that's right 'til next week."

So I started working at the dealership.

I started out as a porter.

I worked my way up to a salesman.

I worked my way up to finance manager.

I worked my way up to sales manager

and I ended up being the general sales manager

of car dealership and that's what I did for 15 years.

Now, I'm not telling anybody

and I don't want anyone to think

that I'm gonna tell you if you get sober,

life is gonna be perfect because it's not.

There's gonna be some phenomenal times in life

and then you have to deal with life

because life throws you some curve balls.

That lady I told you about that came back to my life,

married me and stuck with me

until over a decade 'til I got out.

She ended up being in an accident

and she ended up spending nine months in the hospital

and it was right at the very end when COVID came out

and I couldn't get to the hospital to visit her

and she was freaking out

and I finally raised so much heck one night

that administrator told me to gown up, suit up,

all this kind of stuff.

I got in to visit her.

She says, "I cannot stay in here by myself."

She goes, "Take me home."

So I called the girls and I told them what I was gonna do.

We ended up signing more paperwork than you do

when you buy a home 'cause they told me I was taking her out

against all medical advice and everything.

I brought her home.

We set up hospice.

The girls moved back home and we were all together

for the last 19 days 'til she passed away.

Now, that was a tough time for me

but AA showed up to me more than they ever had

in my entire life.

That afternoon that she passed away on a Monday

around 10 o'clock in the morning,

that afternoon my phone went off

and I hadn't noticed I was gonna be speaking on Zoom

in two hours in Baltimore, Maryland

and I said, "There is no way I'm doing that."

The girls said, "Oh no, you definitely will do it."

Says, "You're back in our life because of AA.

Mom took you back because of AA.

And if you're supposed to do something

then you're gonna do it."

So I ended up sharing my story that night.

I have no clue what I said but I know that.

There are two gentleman's names that are in my phone

from that night and they call me every day

on the night that I spoke that Debbie passed away.

They check in with me another time throughout the year.

And once again, you all started showing me

what real friendship was.

During her visitation, you all showed up like you all do.

There was just people wall to wall.

You brought drinks, you brought sodas,

you brought sandwiches, you brought food.

You gave me space and you was around me when I needed it.

And my two brother-in-law said, "Who are these people?"

Her sister did not have this many friends.

I said, "It's my other family, it's my AA family."

And they was totally blown away and they did not understand.

And I'll be honest with you, I really thought

that I would probably spend the rest of my life

in St. Louis, Missouri.

I figured that I would work in that dealership

till I was 70 years old, live there, die there,

go to my meetings around St. Louis,

go to a few conferences here and there,

and that was gonna be my life.

Well, God has different plans.

So let me explain to you when I stay out of the way

what God's plan was for me.

I was supposed to speak in Dallas, Texas.

I was asked about a year prior and I was supposed to speak

in the summer of when COVID hit.

Well, when COVID hit, shut everything down,

couldn't get to the conference.

So first off, I was supposed to be there two years

before I went.

Shut the conference down, COVID came back,

released everything, people started having meetings

and conferences again.

Stu called me back and he said, "Brent,

"let's try this again."

He goes, "Can you come this summer?"

I said, "Absolutely, I'll be down there."

He said, "Matter of fact, won't you take off

"a couple of days, come in on a Wednesday,

"we'll play golf Wednesday, Thursday, Friday,

"and then we'll get to the conference for the weekend."

I said, "That even sounds better."

Well, then there's another twist.

The hotel down there at double booked,

so they had to move the AA conference two weeks later.

Well, Stu had other plans and he couldn't be there then,

but he said, "I'll have one of my sponsees

"pick you up at the airport."

So he had a sponsee pick me up at the airport.

Now all of you have sponsees,

you know how they work sometimes.

Did what they were supposed to do, pick me up,

just took me to the hotel, dropped me off and boom, gone.

Well, what am I supposed to do?

So I'm wandering around the lobby that evening

and the lady, I think she was the chair of the conference

and she came up to me and she said, "What are you doing?"

She goes, "Where's your host?"

And I said, "Well, Stu's gone."

She goes, "Well, yeah, I know,

"but he's having somebody work with you."

And I said, "Well, they're gone too."

She goes, "We'll come with."

Says, "I'm taking a couple of other people out to dinner,

"so I went to dinner."

Well, there was a lady there who had dinner with us.

She was one of the other speakers.

Now she wasn't supposed to be there either

because the lady who was supposed to have been there

ended up getting sick and couldn't make it

and she was a last minute fill-in.

Well, we ended up meeting, having dinner that night

and throughout the weekend, some people call it flirting,

some people call it sparking.

Anyway, we hit it off

and we dated long distance for about a year.

And then it came to the point,

what are we gonna do with life?

What are we gonna do?

Couldn't really ask her to give up her job.

She had made partner in a law firm.

I couldn't ask her to come out to the Midwest.

And I mean, seriously, I'm in the car business,

so I mean, you could really do whatever you wanna do.

So I figured that I'll end up figuring out what to do

and flew out, met her daughter.

She flew into Kansas City, met my daughter and grandson,

flew into Denver, met my other daughter.

Of course, we had to run everything past sponsors.

You know how them sponsors are.

AA has another little twist.

Her sponsor in California and my sponsor in Missouri

had known each other for over a decade.

They already had talked to each other.

They'd been at conferences together, workshops together,

so they already knew what was going on.

So we got everybody on board.

So it came to the time that I just had to decide

whether I wanted to get up and move.

So I put my house up for sale

and I figured I'd see what would happen.

I had four offers in less than nine hours.

Sold my house, walked into the dealership,

gave my 30-day notice.

Everybody in the state of Missouri, well, not everybody,

majority of the people in the state of Missouri

thought that I'd lost my mind moving out to California.

I had no job prospect.

I had no idea what I was gonna do.

But for the first time in my life, I had no fear.

My heart was full and I had lived my entire life

in fear of what other people thought about me

and what I was gonna do and whether I would fail

and whether anyone else would make fun of me.

And I had no fear.

And I ended up leaving and I came out here

and this lovely lady sitting right there

has decided that she will marry me.

I came out here with no job, no opportunity, nothing.

And I figured whatever was meant to be will happen.

Ended up having lunch with the president and CEO

of the Midnight Mission.

He hired me on the spot.

I worked down at the mission.

I've been there for about 10 months now.

Absolutely loved my life.

I love my job.

My sponsor told me you need to always do two things,

work with newcomers and go somewhere once a week

that you do not wanna end up.

He brings the message into prison.

For me, I go down to the heart of Skid Row

five days a week and try to help people out

because I sure don't wanna end up there.

I still have some sponsees in Missouri

and I've actually got a couple sponsees

now that I've moved out here.

Everything I have in my life is because of AA.

The life I have is blessed

because of AA and the fellowships.

The steps are not hard, but you have to work 'em.

And I had to work them.

When I was in that prison cell,

I would get up in the mornings

and I would work steps one, two, three, six, seven, 11

before I walked out of my cell.

I still get up early in the morning.

You can ask her and I will go away and I'll get my coffee

and I do my readings every morning.

I still keep the same routine

because it starts my day off right.

It gets me level with God

and thank Him for what He has blessed me with.

That way I can have my day

and hopefully I can help someone else out.

If I can sum it up and just a little bit of how it happens,

the best way I can tell it is this.

If I'm in a car and I let my higher power drive

and I stay in the passenger seat,

we get down the road in between the lines

at 55 miles an hour now, I'm an alcoholic.

I still want things now.

I don't want to wait for them.

I want instant gratification.

So sometimes in my life, I grab that steering wheel

and I'll put my foot on the gas lead

and we're going down the road

and we're hitting 80 miles an hour

'cause I want to get down there.

And the next thing you know,

that car starts veering off in the ditch

'cause I'm running my life in a wreck.

As soon as I let go of that steering wheel

and I take my foot off that gas, car slows down,

gets back in the middle of the road

'cause I'm surrendering and letting my higher power drive.

We don't get there when I want to.

We get there when I'm supposed to.

If I went to Dallas, Texas two years earlier

and I never met this lady,

but God had me go to Dallas, Texas

when I was supposed to go to Dallas, Texas.

He had me come out here and I'm living a life

that he wants me to live.

I have a glorious life.

I have a blessed life.

I want to thank you all for listening to me.