Steve's Journey: From Teen Drinking to Military Service and Sobriety

My name is Steve. I'm an alcoholic. Very glad to be here. Very glad to be anywhere alive

and sobering member of alcoholics anonymous and most particularly member of the USR group

of Northridge. That's my home group now. And when I sobered up that group didn't even exist

yet. My family drank whether or not they were alcoholics. I'm not so sure. But I'm never

going to a party one night and everybody's making jokes as my dad threw up his teeth

into the toilet. There's a good chance that maybe he was an alcoholic. But you know, I

was around people who drank all the time. And it looked pretty enjoyable to me. I just

couldn't wait. You know, I was about 12 years old when the first party that we went to that

everybody left the living room because the jam session was happening in the next room

and there's a couple of beers there. And also me and this other guy down some beers that

way. Oh, where's my beer? Where's my we don't know. That was part of the obsession. It's

like, in those days, it was like, what can you get away with? There's a lot of things

that had to get away with. And, you know, I was I was otherwise a good kid. I always

went to school and did my stuff at school. I got good grades until I was a teenager.

And now now I have some friends and we would ride our bicycles. We'd go by the railroad

tracks over here in Northridge and and we would smoke cigarettes and throw rocks and

stupid stuff like that. And that was just, you know, the very beginning of my rebellious

nature. And I just kept that kind of thing going. Eventually, I got a car 16 years old

when I went and got my driver's license. I already had a car ready for me. And all of

a sudden I had all the friends I can fit into it. And it was a kind of a big cars in 1961

Ford Fairland. Why? And it was fun. And then I wrecked it one month after I got my driver's

license. And I hadn't started drinking yet, but I was soon to. And, you know, my life

went on that way. My friends and I would get together, we would get some money together.

We asked somebody at the liquor store, go and get us some white port or if we had girls

with us, it was in the auto or something like that. And we would drink that stuff. One of

our favorites was Old English 800. It wasn't just beer. It was malt liquor, I think. Supposedly.

Anyway. And always the cheapest stuff, you know, because, you know, we weren't doing

any more bread share. And then a little later, one of our friends got a job at a liquor store.

And there's a nice way to get liquor delivered to you. All we had to do is have at least

a fake ID that somebody could show that there's a 21er there somewhere. And that's the way

we party. We, a friend of ours worked at the, one of our group, he had worked at the, what

used to be the Vons Market over, let's see where, oh, it's still there. It's still the

Vons Market. The one on Victory and Tampa. And we would go stand under the window on

the backside of the building and he would drop booze down to us and we'd catch bottles

of liquor and six packs of beer at a time and stuff. And got away with that for a while.

No job yet because nobody caught him. And, you know, we just kept, kept on that way.

When I was 17, I decided that, you know, I didn't need school anymore. I didn't do high

school. Dropped out of high school and I enlisted in the service. I went in the army and I really

wanted to go into the military. I really, I wanted to go, I really wanted to go to Vietnam

because I had talked my, my sister's first husband, he, he had been there and he had

been in the military. He's one of the guys that was, was signed up under a four year

commitment. Took him five years to do that time because he spent a lot of time in the

stockade and, and, uh, he would tell me about how, how cheap all the drugs were over there

and all the, um, the other things that soldiers do. And, um, I said, that's, that's, that's

my goal. That's what I want to do. I want to go with that. I want to get that. I want

to get all that stuff cheap and everything, you know? And, you know, my, my story is that

my alcohol is always my go to business, my staple item. And then the extracurricular

stuff was whatever you brought to the party. And that could be, you know, LSD or it could

be just some double-cross whites or, or any of that kind of stuff. I did a lot of it.

No, but that wasn't my primary problem. It was alcohol. I always had that. And, um, I

spent some time in the military. They didn't send me to Vietnam. Thank God. They sent me

to Germany. So, you know, there's just as much, there's a lot of beer there. And this

was in 1972 and there was, um, every town had its own beer and that's, that's what I

call the original craft beers, right? You know, nowadays we, every beer is a craft beer.

I'd never tasted one of them, but when I was in Germany, it was every, every town we went

to, or belonged to a team of soccer players. We pretended like we were soccer players.

And, uh, we, it was, uh, it was, uh, go around the German neighborhoods and, and get to play

soccer with the German people because, uh, you know, it's a community awareness community.

And I just couldn't believe how much those people could drink, you know, and it was fun.

We had never won a game. Matter of fact, that we, if we ever scored, I don't remember, um,

but we, uh, they threw parties afterwards. After the game was done, we'd go have a party

with them and they'd have keggers all over the place. All this time, I'm just, I'm just

building up my, uh, I don't want to say my war stories. And then all the things that

we did had, um, at one time I decided that I wanted to, I wanted to deal some drugs because

I wanted to be able to fund my, uh, activities. And, um, and I used to deal hash and the soldiers

would buy it for me till later. I found out that the same guy that was selling me, the,

the wholesale was, um, selling it cheaper to somebody else. So they get, they were making

more money than me. That's what kind of businessmen and, and, um, and there was, there was trouble.

We had, uh, occasionally there was blacks versus whites because, uh, they've just was

that way in the seventies, you know? And, um, only that never really lasted very long

cause we all party together. Yeah. And, uh, no, when I met back, uh, back home, I, uh,

just picked up where I left off. You know, I would get drunk and I would drink so much

that I would pass out and throw up at the same time. So that was a mess quite often.

And that went on for a few more years, another dozen years, maybe, you know, actually it's

probably less than that. But anyway, oh, there's one thing I did when I was 16 years old. Now

the first time I ever went to an AME it was, uh, I believe by mistake. A friend of mine

and I were walking around the beautiful downtown Reseda right down here, the corner of, uh,

Reseda Boulevard and, and, uh, Shimmer Way where the Pat's store used to be, where the

Alanis Club used to be at the top. Only I didn't know it was the Alanis Club. All I

knew was that my buddy and I were looking to steal a battery out of a car somewhere

because my battery was dead. And we, uh, we, we heard this applause and laughter and we,

we went and checked it out and they gave us some copy and we sat down and the room was

a little dark. There was a guy giving a drunk a while, like, I'm doing that. And he said,

no, it's not for us. We left. And there's, there's a whole lot of trouble that I nearly

got into. Me and that same guy, we tried to rob two pharmacies, or actually two of them.

The first one, it worked out fine. We, we busted the glass door. We went and hid and

looked over the hill, you know, see if anybody was going to come and they didn't. They said,

all right, there's no alarm. We went in and stole some drugs. And another time we, we

tried to do that. And instead of just him and me, it was four of us. And we busted the

door open a little differently, but we busted it open. And, uh, and we went and hid somewhere.

We didn't hide very well. And when the cops came around to check out the store, they saw

us in a car. We were pretending like we were sleeping and they were threatening us. They

compared the crowbar in the, in the trunk to the scratches on the door. And I don't think

they had anything going on there, but you know, I spent a weekend in jail at that time

and, uh, you know, it was just story after story like that. And, uh, you know, I, I was

doing, um, doing heroin for a while because one of those, uh, one of those pharmacies

had a good supply of needles, you know, outfits, you know, all nine others. I partook in that

with my buddy. Cause you know, we had it there. It's what we were going to do. And I showed

it to this girl. I started dating and she freaked out. I just said, you know, maybe

I shouldn't do that kind of stuff. And then somebody quit poking needles in my arm, but

they didn't stop me from drinking. They didn't stop me from doing a lot of other drugs. Um,

and uh, you know, eventually we got married. Now this girl saw me at my worst. She married

me anyway, you know, and her parents were lovely people. And I think I fell in love

more with her parents than I did with her, but, um, they were Italian and her mother

was the best cook as ever existed. And, um, and she probably still is. She's really old

now though. And, uh, man, we got married and she just started my beers. We really need

that so much beer or whatever it is we're drinking. One year on an Easter Sunday, we

went to a family event, um, her family or her cousin who made his own wine, big old

wine vat in the backyard, you know, and, and, uh, and he would fill up a one gallon jug

and he had them out on the tables outside. And most of them spoke Italian to each other.

So I didn't get into that crowd too much, but I I'd like to be in there with one of

the bottles of wine next to me. And, and I would pour some in the glass and I'd drink

it down or a little more in my glass. And my wife said, I don't know how you did it

because your glass was never full. It's never going to leave my quest. Uh, anyway, I drank

too much. And there were, there were many people that hung around with a party with

that, that I would look at and say, man, if I ever got that as him, I'd have to do something

about my drinking. You know, I was in control. And when the wife started getting that, she

says, you know, you drank too much. I think we should separate. Oh, we separated. And

I moved and moved in with my mom, lived with her. I think we did that for about a month,

maybe, maybe two. And, uh, and my mom said, look, you're not moving with me forever. So

I'll pay you to have to go to the marriage council. So my first, uh, contact with a mental

health professional and, uh, I would go there and, uh, get a cup of coffee before I go into

the session. And, and I was putting some sugar in my coffee. I usually just drank it regular

black and I started putting sugar in my coffee. And she made that statement where, you know,

when alcoholics stop drinking, they, they have to replace some of the sugar, but they,

they lose by not drinking. So I stopped putting sugar in my coffee and, uh, went to the therapist

for a while. And I was, I was beginning, I was beginning to see a beginning to feel that

I was beginning to know that I was that guy that's getting too bad. And, uh, finally,

uh, we had had this marriage counselor when we were separated and, uh, I had gone to a

friend's house and she was best friends with his wife. So I went there and I got drunk

that night and I was going to stay on their couch. So I wasn't trying to control. I was

just on it. And, uh, and then he got drunk and they got the arguing over, um, him commenting

about my marriage, you know, cause I was there cause I've separated and all that. And, um,

so I decided because they were in a real argument and then went home and on the way home, I

totaled my family car. It was a 1975 Grand Prix, a nice car only lasted a few months

for me. And, uh, it had a few of those. And, uh, so I was at this, I was at my in-law's

house one day and I was putting a new starter in the car in, um, my mother-in-law's car.

This guy comes over, he says, his name is Ralph and he's an alcoholic and he has seven

drunk driving arrests in the state of Colorado. He doesn't drink anymore because he goes,

Hey, and okay. I know he talked to me. I don't know for how long. And I sure think he said

a lot more than that, but that was what I heard. And that's what I needed to hear. And,

uh, it didn't happen right away. A couple of weeks later, maybe I called him up and

he started taking meetings. He took me to a meeting where, where the USR group meets

now in the same room. And on a Tuesday night at that time, it was a little bit different

kind of meeting and it was a mixed meeting. And, uh, and that first night I was introduced

to this young lady. She was, I think they said she was 21 years old and she had four

years of sobriety. And I said, well, if she can do those, I can, you know, maybe this,

this is going to happen. You know, I still kept coming around. I kept listening to make

sure I listened and I heard my story. Even in the guy that was in the front of the room

with a dent in his forehead. I think his name was Earl and he, uh, I always studied then

in a bar fight or something, got that thing. And I found out later that, um, actually it

was his wife that gave that, uh, anyway. Uh, and he had spent half his life in prison behind

bars and not all at once. I mean, you know, a little here, a little there, a few years

there, um, just kept going back. He finally sobered up, but, um, and identified with him

because of how this insidious disease takes over everything, you know, and we have no

defense. The compulsion to do stupid stuff is, is as part of that, uh, alcoholism. And,

um, when I knew that if I had stayed drunk, I'd have, I'd have really gotten stupid. I'd

have, I'd have been behind bars eventually. I'd spent some, you know, overnight, a weekend

in a holding cell before I was never really, uh, the only thing I ever really got booked

for was possession of marijuana. And it was about a gram. I had, you know, just about

enough for a joint. And, uh, initially it was a felon. They dropped the charges to,

uh, the serving the piece. I was good. I got it expunged and that all cleared up. I think

that puts me in the category of one of those that says he stopped in time, you know, and

I just can't think of any other way to put that. Um, and in some of it, I was afraid

to drink. I was afraid to go farther down. And, um, I, uh, started going to meetings

on a regular basis. One night, this, uh, this woman heard me talk from that meeting I was

going to in the beginning was, uh, it was a podium participation, a problem discussion

meeting. And, uh, and that, what that meant was if you got something to get off your chest,

you got to raise your hand, you got to get up there right away because otherwise, you

know, you won't get the opportunity. And, uh, so I would get up there just about every

week and I'd have something that's usually about my wife, but then we, uh, we did get

back together when I sobered up. And, uh, the people in that room were the ones that

I remember giving me the foundation of alcohol somehow. Um, and one of them, uh, was a guy

by the name of Bill Smith. Now, um, Ralph was my first sponsor. He was the guy that

first took me to meetings, but I decided I needed this guy that was big and loud and

sounded tough. I needed somebody like that. So I asked him to be my sponsor and, um, he

told me you got to go to these meetings here, you know, and, and I didn't go into those

meetings that way. I don't know if that's why he fired me later or not. 30 days he fired

me. So you're not willing to work a program. I did not get drunk. I, uh, I wasn't gonna

let that interrupt my sobriety. Um, you know, a year later when I took a cake, um, I asked

him to give me a cake at one of the meetings so that he knew that he had that impact on

me. And, um, I have a wedge, uh, a few sponsors. My sobriety date is July 3rd of 1981. So,

um, there's been a lot of time there and, um, except for the sponsor I have currently,

um, they've all passed away. Not necessarily while they weren't my sponsor, but, you know,

they've gone to that big meeting in this, um, and I'm grateful to every single one of

them and the other people that went in that meeting and other meetings that were influential

in my sobriety. Usually I like to drop names and show me wherever they know me. Ziggy was

one, a few others. And now, um, with the first wife and I, after five years of sobriety,

it was five years drunk and five years of sober. And we still didn't like each other.

So, um, we got divorced and, um, she kept the house. It was over here on Sherman Way.

We lived there for a long time and, uh, and she kept the house for a long time. We bought

it at, at $37,900 in 1977. And, uh, and, uh, she sold it for over half a million about

five years ago. So I don't know what it's worth now, but, um, anyways, I, uh, I started

going to meetings on a regular basis. Uh, some of it was because this guy by the name

of Bill Smith, that loud guy, uh, always said he had the first name of one co-founder in

the last name of the other. And, uh, he was destined to be here and I'll call it smiles.

And, uh, I, uh, I asked this other guy to be my sponsors and it was Bill Pippen. And,

uh, he was a great guy. He was a part of the Burghay. So a lot of times in the east part

of the valley, it was kind of far away from that. We went to him and he was kind of a

circuit speaker, so he was kind of busy a lot and I never knew where he was. And that's

because I never called him. Um, so that sponsorship is allowed, especially after we started doing

my fifth step. And then I've got to look at that fourth category there, you know, what,

what's the driving force behind life. So then I found this other guy, Doug, and, uh, another

great man. He was my sponsor for approximately 20 years, maybe a little more before he passed

away. And he did pass away while he was my sponsor. And, and I didn't know how to react

to that. It took me a while before I started looking for somebody else to be my sponsor.

And I had that in mind, I don't know how big of a sponsor Mike Kerry, I don't know if you

know him, but he was, he was not a great guy, but he passed away before he became my sponsor.

You can't stop it. Um, I found that it stays sober for a long time. People start dying

that, you know, and sometimes a little more unexpected than otherwise. After I had separated

from my first wife, I was, I started hanging around a group of guys, we started to get

together and have a poker game once a week. We did it on Friday night, and it was a lot

of fun to get together and play a little poker, you know, nothing big, you know, nobody was

losing their shirt. And we just had fun together. And I moved in with this guy. He was kind

of new, and he asked me to come live with him in this house. And we started a meeting

there on that Friday night. We, we would play poker and then have a meeting. And then one

night, we got a few calls about people trying to find out where the house was where we had

because we were in the house. And I said, Mark, we got to get more chairs. We had about

30 people coming in one night, you know, and that went on for a while. We called it the

Westhale spiritual, and we read the appendix in the back of the book on spiritual experience.

And my spiritual experience is one of those that's an educational variety, because I've

been sober a long time because all these things that I have in my life that are good because

I'm sober, you know, I know that they're all from God. And we used to call them God shots.

Anyway, getting here, I guess I've talked a little too much on the first part. I have

been sober a long time. And I had a period of sobriety where I had docked off from meetings

for a little while I go into one a month for maybe about a year. And I said, I got to change

something again. And I started looking for a new home group because my work schedule

changed and I couldn't go to the one I was going to at the time on Monday nights. I went

back Tuesday night to the same place that I started at that meeting that was there was

not there anymore. And it was this book study group. Then after and I finally found a sponsor

that I can talk to and listen to. And I was Bob Fisher, I actually knew him since we were

both new. He had just a little over 60 days more than me. And so he was my sponsor until

he passed away two years ago. And now David is my is my sponsor. I love Alcoholics Phenomenonist.

The USR group is a group of men that get together, they help each other. And we also do a lot

of activities. Last night we were at the convention at midnight for a marathon meeting. And we

do that every year. And we do aquathons. And I need that. I was lucky enough to be secretary

of that meeting for a while. And they made me work for it. Come on, I've been sober a

long time. And isn't supposed to go one minute. Anyway, it's all about service. And I've been

to H&I. Matter of fact, I got to serve as the director of H&I for a year, way back when.

And Bob Fisher is the one that kind of shuffled me in there long before he ever became my

sponsor. And I'm really enjoying life. I did marry again. And we have a 20, he's 23 now,

next month to be 23. And he, he's a great kid. I'm just going to say when, when my first

wife and I were separated, we went to the convention at the same time, she took the

kids to Alateen. And for a while I was bringing them to this, I guess it's not this room another

room like it. And I was bringing them to Alateen meetings. And that's it. Thank you very much.