Tricia’s 36‑Year Sobriety Journey & the Story‑Collector’s Tale

Hey everybody, I'm Tricia. I'm an alcoholic. Really happy to be here. Thanks for that awesome

qualification. That's great. Thank you, Nate, for inviting me to be here. Did you say I

was on a list? Like I'd come here before? Is that what happened? That's cool. I'm secretary

of, I've been secretary of some meetings and I've compiled a list. I used to go to a lot

of speaker meetings years and years and years ago. And I, this is kind of when I was new

to LA actually, like 20 years ago. And I, when I heard a good speaker, I'd put them

in my phone and I'd say, speaker. And, um, and eventually I became secretary of some

meetings. It's kind of prophetic, but I, I'm, I'm like, I'm going to call those people.

Um, but, and then I created a long list, like a spreadsheet of all these people, but the

longer it is, the more you don't quite know if they're going to be sober when you call

them. Right. I mean, you gotta take a risk and you don't want to say, are you still sober?

But, um, anyway, I'm glad I'm sober still. Thanks Nate. And Nate spoke for me at my zoom

meeting recently, which was awesome. Um, I want to thank, um, my partner Jerome for being

here with me and my friend Kim for being here with me as well for support. Um, yeah, so

I love just, so how long do I speak for? Eight 25. Okay. I like sharing what you're supposed

to share basically, or what I heard you're supposed to share, which is what it's like,

what happened or what it was like, what happened, what it's like now, you know? Um, I really

liked that format, uh, cause it's kind of like adult story time, you know, like I'm

just going to tell you story and I like it when speakers do that because you know, once

it, while you get somebody who just likes to come up and teach, you know, like teach

the book and I don't like those meetings so much. I don't, I don't want anybody wagging

their finger at me. And, and also I really, I really think there's a lot of value in the

story because I, and my story is not, you know, great. So lower your expectations please.

But, but the point is the story is nice cause it, I think as alcoholics, we need a break

from our minds, you know, like I need to be drawn into somebody else's drama and story

so that I'm not thinking about my own, you know? And to me that's, that's a good meeting

is when I lose myself in somebody else's story. Um, uh, so anyway, again, my, my story is

not dramatic. I, my sobriety date is, um, August 20th of 1988. So by God's love and

grace, you know, I've been sober 36 and a half years and I'm not going to say God willing,

I'll be 37 in August cause I know God's willing, you know, for me to be sober. So I don't think

there's any question about that. It's, am I willing? Trisha willing, I'll be sober,

you know, 37 years, but that's a long ways from now anyway. Um, but yeah, I get sober

when I was 21, I'm 57 now and um, I, I have an amazing life when I count alcoholics anonymous.

Like I came when I was 21 and honestly I go to a lot of meetings, um, and I have all the

way through, I've just come to a lot of meetings and um, I had one legal drink in my life,

so I had one legal drink in my life. I was at, my last drink was, I was at the gorge

at river George in Washington state. I was at a Bob Dylan and Tracy Chapman concert and

um, and I had been sober for about nine months, but not an AA. I was in another program and

I, you know, it was recommended I don't drink and so I didn't drink and then I went to this,

I was really, I was dry, I was dry and miserable. So I went to this concert, which took forever

to get to cause it's like in the middle of the state and um, I was late, you know, and,

and they were passing around a bottle of wine. I hadn't had a drink in about nine months,

but I wasn't like sober cause I hadn't really like officially gotten sober. Um, and they

were passing around a bottle and I took a couple chugs off the bottle and that's it.

Like that's how exciting my drunk was. My last drink. But, um, but that's okay with

me. Um, but I had many drinks before I got, uh, before I turned 21 and um, I grew up in

the Northeast in the Boston area. Um, which I, I had a good life. I had a good childhood.

Um, I don't know if that's good or bad with whatever that means, but, um, but I had really

good parents. Like I had good responsible parents who gave me a really good my life.

My dad worked really hard. Um, my mom was a stay at home mom. She baked toll house cookies

for reals. You know, like it was very ideal. I grew up in Concord, which was a, you know,

nice town, historic town. I went to good schools. I had everything I could want, honestly, any,

anything and everything. I was the youngest of three girls. I was spoiled rotten, you

know, and, um, and, and it was good. It was good. I didn't, I didn't really, I mean, there's

nothing to complain about. Um, but when I was in middle school, I, I remember being

at a party, we just went to a bar mitzvah today and it was all seventh graders, you

know, there are 13 year olds and it was so funny to see them cause that's about, I guess

I was, uh, I was still 13 when I took my first drink. I was, I was at a party and there was

a little bottle of Southern comfort and I drank the Southern comfort and it changed

my personality like this stupid little bottle, you know, it's amazing cause I was kind of

a chubby kid. I wasn't very attractive and I was always striving to be popular and I

remember being at this party, I was in eighth grade and I was at this party and like just

from that bottle of Southern comfort, I all of a sudden felt like I had a chance with

Jed Esty, you know, like I was like, like the most popular, cutest kid there and I did

not have a chance with that Jed Esty, but I thought I did. Right. Like it changed my

personality where I also had this confidence and I thought I was cool. Um, and that's kind

of how it was with alcohol and me. Like I really liked it. I really liked drinking.

Um, I liked the effect. I liked not having so much self concern, you know, when I drank,

I liked how relaxed I was and I liked having fun. Like I was kind of crazy when I drank.

Um, I went to, I went to a, uh, a prep school in Concord, um, uh, a boarding school, but

I wasn't a boarder, but um, for high school and I didn't go to the public school, which

all my friends went to and my sisters had gone to the other school. So I always did

what they did. And I went to the school and um, there was lots of, there were lots of kids

like drinking and doing drugs there. There are a lot of kind of rich kids from New York

City and they were just faster. They were just faster living, you know? And so I started

drinking, um, as a freshman in high school and I just like from the get go would black

out. I was a blackout drinker from age like 14 and I didn't know until I came to AA that

there was anything strange about that. Like I didn't, I didn't know what blacking out

even was until I came to AA at 21. Um, and for me, it's just the way it was. Like I,

I blacked out. I had a lot of fun, uh, I think because people would tell me the next day

what we did. Like I wouldn't even remember my night and it was since it was a boarding

school and I would be there a lot. So I'd, I'd spend the night in the dorms with kids

and then we'd go to breakfast and they would tell me what I did and who I did it with.

I didn't know. And I was like, laugh, like nervously laughing, you know, cause some of

the stories were not good stories. Um, like, like I had a lot of humiliation around some

of the things I did. Um, but it was incredible to me. Um, I mean looking back that I thought

everybody blacked out. Like I just thought that's how it was. And the only times I didn't

black out is when I would do drugs. Okay. So like I would do, some of these kids would

do acid and I really had no, I was, I was quite, I was kind of a country bumpkin so

I wasn't very knowledgeable about anything. But I was also, I was a risk taker. I'm like,

sure, give it to me. I'll try it, you know? And so when I would do acid, I wouldn't black

out. I don't know what, I don't know what that's about, but I wouldn't black out. And

then I hated those nights cause it was like I was stone cold sober no matter how much

I drank just because I was doing this acid. I didn't have a trip either. So it was really

a disappointment. Um, but anyway, uh, that's how my high school was. I, I was a fine, I

was good enough student. I was, I did sports, I did theater, I did everything, you know,

I was supposed to not supposed to do, I wanted to do those things, but I, um, you know, I

did what everybody else did. Um, and it never occurred to me that I was an alcoholic. Like

it didn't occur to me as an alcoholic. Um, I had a friend in my school who was an alcoholic

and she was in a lot of trouble with alcohol and my school sent her to AA meetings and

I was the only person she confided in about going to AA meetings. Again, without any,

and I didn't even phase me or I would consider, I didn't even consider, I didn't consider

I was an alcoholic, but she would tell me about her alcoholic, like, like about our

AA meetings. And what's funny is I'm going to see her in about a month. I'm going to

my 40th reunion. Um, and she's still drinking. I'm pretty sure she's been a treatment, she's

been an AA, she's been, she's done it all. Um, and I don't think she's sober. Um, so,

you know, there, but by the grace of God go I, uh, for sure. Um, but anyway, so that's

how it was for me. I blacked out, I passed out, I made passes of people. Um, I didn't,

I didn't get honest about my drinking till I was 21 years old and I was, I asked somebody

to help me, a man who, um, had been morbidly obese and lost a hundred pounds and I was

50 pounds overweight and I asked him to help me with my food problem. I'd been in 12 step

programs for food and none of them worked for me. So I asked him to help me and he started

taking me to AA meetings cause he was now recovering alcoholic. So I started going with

him to AA meetings while he was helping me with the other issue. And I just, you know,

I was sitting in meetings and I'd think, yeah, I did that. You know, I did that. And, um,

and they, it was interesting cause I was young and I wasn't a self professed alcoholic, but

they said that they weren't going to close up all the bars just cause I was in AA. And

so I thought, okay, you know, and I didn't drink, I did what you guys, I sort of, I really

felt like I was a stray, like I was a stray that you guys just pulled in off the street,

you know, and I didn't really belong, but he took me in anyway. So I didn't drink for

two years and I came to AA meetings and I was very active cause I was with this man

who was super, you know, into sobriety. And at two years sober, I was at the Preston group.

I had moved to Texas and I was at the Preston group, um, in Dallas, Texas. And I actually

heard Clancy speak at there. It was like 1997 or something. Is that right? No, it was like

1980, if I got sober in 88, it was like around 1990 actually, um, that I was living there.

And I, I heard Clancy come and speak there, um, at that time, Clancy I from up in the

sky, which of course he now is. But, um, but anyway, so at two years sober, I was at this

one meeting, um, that was, it was a discussion meeting. It was a non-smoking, they had a

smoking room and a non-smoking room back in the day. And, um, I was at this meeting and,

um, whenever there was a newcomer at the meeting, they would make it automatically a first step

meeting. Like they were trying to help the newcomer. And so they would, the topic was

always boom, like first step, let's help the newcomer, which is as it should be. Right.

So, so that was the topic of the meeting and, and everybody would share in hopes of reaching

the new person. Like let's, what can I say that can get through to that guy who's new

and doesn't think they're an alcoholic, right? Man or woman. And guess who they were 12 step

in that day, you know? And so it was, you know, I was two years sober, but I had reservations.

Like I was two years sober. I wasn't drinking cause they told me, you know, they always

refund my misery. And so, um, but at that, but, but, but I had had a reservation. The

reservation was like, I, I liked the steps. Like I liked the God part. Like I really don't

have any issues with anything, but the not drinking part, you know? And so that was a

little bit of a problem for me, you know, cause I'm like, I'm not going to not drink

the rest of my life guys. Like I'm 21. Right. And so, and I had this fantasy of being able

to drink wine with dinner. I loved white wine and I'm like, I could, I'm going to have a

glass of wine at some point, you know, I'll postpone it now, but at some point I'm going

to have wine, you know? So that was my reservation, but I did everything else. Like I tried to

work the steps. I tried to do everything. I just hadn't fully accepted the first step,

you know, and in the book, you know, it says, well go out and try some more controlled drinking,

right? More than once. But thankfully I didn't do that. Um, I kept coming and at that particular

meeting that day at 5 PM meeting at the Preston group discussion meeting, the nonsmoking room,

you guys got through to me and all the clues started adding up like, like the blackouts,

like I'm bodily, mentally different from my fellows. Like I got it. Like I'm Bob, I'm

different. I black out. You had an alcohol. I have no control over that. Like I can't

talk my way out of that. I can't cutesy my way out of that. Like my cells are alcoholic.

When I take a drink, I want more alcohol. That's just how, it's what I do. I didn't

have a craving. I think I was too young and hadn't progressed to the point of craving.

I didn't, I didn't sit around like Jones and be Jonesing for a drink. But once I drank,

I just over drank. It's just how it was. I didn't have an off button, you know, and then

the blacking out thing, I get no control over that. So there was that clue. And then in

that meeting, people are sharing about their drinking because it was a first step meeting

and somebody shared about peeing on themselves in a blackout. And I'm like, Oh my God, like

I forgot about that. You know, like I would pee on myself in a blackout. And I was usually,

cause I was under age, I was usually at somebody's house at a party, which is incredibly embarrassing,

like an overnight party, you know? And so very tricky. So anyway, I had done that. And

then the idea of drinking to do things you're afraid to do. And I would drink to like try

out for plays cause I would feel more courageous or I would, I drank to ski, to go skiing because

I was terrified. I was afraid of everything. I was such a scaredy cat. And so skiing made

me scared, but if I drank, then I could just barrel ass down the hill and it was no problem.

So, so these clues do, you know, using alcohol, do things I was afraid to do, blacking out,

you know, passing out. Certainly I was very promiscuous when I drank. I mean the whole

thing around, you know, peeing on myself, like it all added up in that one meeting.

I was like, who am I kidding? Like, I'm an alcoholic. I'm not gonna, you know, once an

alcoholic, always an alcoholic. And at that meeting, it's like, I finally joined AA, but

I was two years sober, you know? And so I just always tell people like, you don't have

to go out and try it. Like it's, it's, it's pretty cushy to hit bottom sitting in an AA

meeting much better than down at the County jail, you know? And so anyway, that's what

happened for me again, very uneventful, but that was the day that I threw in the towel

and I thought I can't, I can't drink. Like, I mean, it's, it's not going to get any better,

but thank God I gave myself those two years, you know, of just sitting in meetings and

I'll tell you, there's not like people who are 21 here, many young people, of course,

but not anyone who is 21, it looks like, but maybe online, but they told me some really

good things because we have lots of young people coming into the meetings now. They

told me not only that they weren't going to close up all the bars just because of an AA,

but they also told me if you've had enough to get you to one AA meeting, you've had enough.

One AA meeting. If you, if you darken the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous, it might be

time to quit. You know, they also told me that there's no degrees of alcoholism. There's

just degrees of trouble, you know, which is true for me. Cause I remember I was sitting

in cause I was, you know, I was sober all through my twenties and it was, and I was

hanging out. So I ended up hanging out with that guy for a long time. And he was, he was

helping me, he helped me. And then we just banged around together and try to help other

people. We were kind of vigilantes, but, um, took ourselves a little too seriously and,

um, but for good reason, right. We've been really passionate about recovery. Um, but

anyway, where was I going with that? Um, not sure, but, um, let me see. Anyway, I've just

had a, I've had a really good life of sobriety is the, is the point. I, um, went back to

school. I had taken time off from college. I went back to school and finished school

like in my mid twenties. Um, that was great. Um, I mean to finish my college degree, that

was great. Um, I worked, I failed at the things I worked at. I tried to be an entrepreneur.

Um, you know, but I stayed, everything I did, I stayed in touch with AA. Like I was coming

to meetings all the, like all the time and it really served me well. Um, and so, um,

I'll just share a little bit about my life all, all throughout. I mean, it's been 36

years. I won't share it all 36 years, but for anybody's benefit, um, all those years

weren't great. You know, I had times when I was really down, I struggled. I used to

struggle with depression, actually, um, undiagnosed depression. And you know, I was my, my, uh,

the guidance I got was pretty, probably pretty aligned with what a lot of people here might

have gotten super like, um, purist, you know, like nothing from the neck up kind of, kind

of sponsorship and, and I never, I would get depressed. Um, but I never really went to

a doctor about it or anything, but I'll just share my experience and I don't have an opinion

about what people should do. I'm just going to share my experience. Um, my experience

was even though that was really hard for me, that those bouts of depression, um, if I would

lean into a, and kind of depend more on the program, I would come out of it. And I also

discovered things about myself and what I discovered about myself was that, and I only

discovered this, you guys like, I don't know, nine years, eight years, maybe seven or eight

years ago, seven or eight years ago, I started a business because I always had the entrepreneurial

spirit and I really enjoyed helping people with food issues because I had been 50 pounds

overweight and I'd used spiritual principles to heal with the help that I gotten. And so

I basically, uh, started a business and I don't know if it's cause I help people with

a problem I used to have or if it's cause I'm super creative in my, I mean, my business

gives me opportunity to be creative in lots of different ways. You know, I have a podcast,

I wrote a book, I coach, I'm very extroverted in the work that I do and creative. Um, but

the point is I learned about myself that I need to be creative when I'm creative. I don't,

I'm not depressed. Bottom line when I'm creative, I'm not depressed. I've not been depressed

for eight years or so, you know, and what I also learned is at the times I was depressed,

the way I got out of it is, um, is action. Surprise, surprise. Um, partly, uh, physical

activity, like I would play tennis or I do something physical that helped me being physically

active helps me keep my mind, um, in a good place and all this is all in addition to AA,

you know, never as a substitute. Like I, I need AA for mental, the best mental health

I can have is when I'm, you know, in AA meetings. That's why I go to a lot of meetings. I go

to morning zoom meeting the one Nate's spoke at. I go daily, you know, or at least five

days a week I go to a morning zoom meeting. I love zoom. I was so happy to see all these

people here when I walked in, you know, I'm like, Oh my God, it's a hybrid meeting. So

I feel right at home with zoom. Um, you know, thank God you guys are holding the doors open

for us to be here physically. Um, but I think, I think, you know, the, the, the real gift

of the pandemic was alcoholics anonymous on zoom. It's incredible to me, you know, we

list our morning meeting on, um, on the online international online directory and we get

people, we usually get around 50 or 60 people at our meetings, but newcomers, lots of new,

I would never see as many newcomers as I see on zoom at my, at my normal breakfast or morning

meeting. We never had that many new people, but people are hanging on by a thread in this

morning meeting. And I need that. Like I need to see the newcomers like counting days, right?

That's what keeps it real for me. So anyway, I'm grateful for zoom. Um, and, uh, in that

aspect of AA, cause I think it really helps a lot of people. Um, but obviously it's not

a reputation for this. This is powerful to be here in this room. I love this room. It's

sweet. Um, but anyway, so, uh, that being physically active, leaning into the program,

doing more, there's always more you can do in AA. In my experience, you can't really

max it out here. Obviously you might need extra help or outside help, whatever. Do,

do what you need to do, right? Do whatever it takes. That's my model. Like do whatever

it takes. Right. Um, but my experience is there's always more for me to do here and

I need to, I need to be honest with myself. Like, am I doing enough? Am I doing all that

there is to do? Cause the more I do, the better I feel. It's just the way it is. Like it's

not rocket science. You know, the more service I do, I do a lot of service at my zoom meeting

and I, I have to work on my attitude sometimes cause it's, it's, it's left up to like a very

small few people and it's a fricking zoom meeting. It's not like service there is that

hard. Okay. I mean you guys are like dressed up, you know, Nate's on the corner like waving

me down. You're like, there's, there's, there's a lot more real service going on here and

assuming like you had to like turn on your computer, you know, it's not that hard and

yet still people are reticent at times, you know, and um, and so I get kind of bitchy

like I'm like in my head, you know, everybody's depending on me to do stuff, you know, so

I have to like talk myself and I'm like, now Trisha, you know, who's the one who benefits

the most? Oh yes, that's me. Okay, fine. You know, but I have to have those conversations

with myself at times. Um, but I do, I do enjoy the meetings and I, and it does benefit me.

I get, when I show up and I have a service commitment, I pay closer attention and it's

easy to not pay attention at a zoom meeting. You know, God knows. So, um, so I am the one

who benefits, but anyway, so that was my little thing about depression in case it's helpful

to anybody. Like there's, there's like this program gives you the tools to learn about

yourself and to be able to help yourself. You know, that's a beautiful thing and it's

always grace. Like anytime I ever came out of those dark spots, um, you know, it was

the grace of God, but I'm grateful to have been here long enough to kind of found and

it's, it's always a day at a time, but I do feel like I found my way with that stuff,

you know, on account of sobriety and just keeping at it, you know, keeping at it. Um,

I do so much of what you guys tell me to do. I, I start my day on my knees. I have a pillow

by my bed and I, I kneel on the pillow first thing. Well before I go to bed, I hit my knees.

You know, um, when we are tired at night, we constructively review our day. So I, I

do that in a very short abbreviated way. And then I say the seventh step prayer, um, on

my knees to finish out my day. And I have the pillow there to remind me first thing

in the morning to slide out of bed onto my knees. I hit my knees and I asked God for

a sober good day. You know, I do also prayer, like I like to walk and pray as well. Um,

kind of helps me stay connected. Um, I read some things. I used to read pages 86 to 88

in the big book. I haven't done that in a long time, but I like to read a page out of

Emmett Fox who was a friend of Alcoholics Anonymous in the early days. So I read that

around the year of them at Fox page. I read some other spiritual stuffs a little bit out

of the Bible, um, just to help me get centered. You know, I, I've, it's vital for me to get

my head right. You know, in and of myself, I'm worrying and fretting and taking charge,

you know, so I have to be reminded that I'm not in charge, um, that God's in charge. And

so just some readings that helped me do that is super helpful. And then I go to a morning

meeting, which I find super helpful as well. Um, and then I sponsor people, you know, when

asked and try to be as available as I can and share my experience, strength and hope,

you know, and I just have like an amazing life. I do love being an entrepreneur. I love

having a business. It does keep me challenged. It keeps me creative. It keeps me, you know,

out of trouble, I think, um, keeps me in service. Um, so I appreciate that opportunity. I, um,

I had married that man who 12 stepped me. I had married him and was married to him for

10 years. Um, and he was quite a bit older than me. And then, um, and then I, uh, left

him, you know, it wasn't, it was not working for me. Uh, you know, and we remained very

good friends. Um, and he died a year, a little over a year ago, sadly died at 79. And, um,

I think about him every single day. Like he really, he was like, he, he changed my life.

Like he saved me. Like he saved me. He raised me, you know, I was, I was not easy, you know,

so he really helped me, um, and gave me so much wisdom. He died with like close to 50

years of sobriety, you know, so I'm eternally grateful to him. Had a lot of grief this past

year about that, you know, just missing him. It was a tricky dynamic cause we remained

really close friends and I was, he was older, so I was family to him, you know, he, he wanted

to stay in close touch. I was family to him, but then I had to like have boundaries, you

know, I have a beautiful man in my life that we've been together for four years. So it

was just, it was, I was walking a tight rope. It was tricky, you know, and I have regrets

often. Like I didn't do it right. You know, I didn't do it right. I wasn't as nice to

him as I wish I had been. You know, my, the boundaries I set were kind of harsh for him

and it just, uh, I have a lot of sadness, you know, um, but I, you know, there's nothing

I can do about it except keep on keeping on really, you know, and I do talk to him, I

pray to him, you know, and, and just feel like his spirit is somewhere, somehow, somehow

we're good. You know, I do feel like we're good. Um, thank you. Um, uh, but that's part

of life, right? That, you know, death is part of life. Death is part of life. My mom was

diagnosed with Alzheimer's, uh, this year or the end of last year. Um, my sisters and

my mom and I just took a trip to Mexico. The four of us do that every year. Um, we're going

to keep doing it as long as we can. She's with it for the most part, but she's losing

her short term memory. But we, you know, my sisters are in 12 step programs as well. So

the 12 steps have been really good to my family and we, we care for her and, and, um, you

know, we just love her to pieces. She's 88. My stepdad's 90, 90 years old. They just came

to visit us and we got to be of service to them in LA. Uh, so, you know, life's in session.

Life's life's amazing. Um, you know, it is. And, um, and this program gives me the tools

I need to be able to deal with life on life's terms without checking out, you know, there's

no reason to check out, you know, and my feeling is the past several years, my feeling is that

like really the only problem I have is just being able to like my job and what makes everything

easier for me is realizing they're just feelings like all we're talking about are like anything

that happens in life. It's not the thing, it's the feelings and feelings aren't easy,

but feelings are what I medicated with alcohol and food and other things. But if I'm willing

to just kind of be with my feelings, you know, obviously get support from others, from God

and do the work, like the writing, I need to write out my feelings when I'm really jammed

up, write about it, talk about it, pray about it. That's kind of my short, my shorthand

of working the steps, write about it, talk about it, pray about it. You know, when I

do that, I can deal with it. Like it's, I can, I can handle it, you know, but if I didn't

have this program and I didn't, didn't do the things that I do on a daily basis, I wouldn't

be able to handle things. I just know that it would get overwhelming and I never felt

like I never have felt like I would, if I drank again, I've never felt like I would

drink because I wanted to drink. I don't think alcoholics and recovery want to drink. I think

alcoholics and recovery might want relief from their feelings, you know, and my experiences,

the further I get away from, you know, my daily practices and from AA, the harder it

is to deal with life. And I've experienced this. If I don't go to, you know, if I'm traveling

or whatever, you know, I don't go to meetings for, you know, six, seven, eight days, life

feels heavier to like problems feel heavier to me. Something in my business just feels

harder, like harder to deal with. And the more meetings I go to, the more I'm like,

Oh, okay, we're just going to do this. And I deal with it and then I'm onto the next

problem. And it just kind of, it's just like going up to bat and hitting, you know, hitting

the ball. I just, I get, I go to bat and hit the ball and it's like, okay, now we're going

to hit the next ball. But when I'm away from AA, everything's harder for me. And then the

feelings can get overwhelming. And so if I ever took a drink, I think it's just cause

I didn't have, you know, not profit, but I just, it seems like what happens and you know,

when you go to meetings, you do find out what happens to people don't go to meetings. It

seems like people get away from the meetings and they get away from the solution that enables

them to deal with the problems, you know? And so I'm, you know, by the grace of God,

I'm here. I want to stay here. I hope you stay here. It's just a day at a time, but

don't stray because there's such a solution here, you know, and it's a small price to

pay, you know, an hour a day is a small price to pay for an incredible life. So thank you

all for my life. Thank you.

Alright.

My home

[inaudible]

Everybody.

See you soon.

Thank you.

Great day.