Dennis's Journey: From Childhood Chaos to Alcoholism and Hope

Got gavel working. Yeah, I'm going to gavel

Hi everybody i'm dennis i'm an alcoholic

Can you hear me now? Uh, let's see

I'm going to share my experience strength and hope with you and I will get sober and then i'll tell you how I did it

It was like

So, uh, I grew up in the valley. Um, I was like right on the borderline between east valley and west valley

You know when I was a little white bread kid and my mom was uh happily divorced from my dad who was an angry

German and they always drank at the cocktail hour at five o'clock and but uh, you know

if something went wrong potatoes and mashed potatoes and peas went flying forks were in the wall and uh,

and we called that home life, you know, and um, some of my first memories was my

Myself pushing a push lawnmower and they had driveways

they had incinerators in the back where they burned trash and in driveways where there was

Like stones up the middle and grass growing but uh, but we ended up getting uh, mom and mom and uh, dad got divorced

it wasn't a happy life and uh,

We ended up in a kind of a little ghetto apartment off of burbank and uh chandler, you know, and um, it's all drab

I think it's condos now

and uh

My mom worked for pac bell for a lot of years and went to san fernando valley state college for 12 years

And became a social worker so but my mom she gave good phone, you know, uh, so, you know

She couldn't be in the middle of screaming at us telling us to quit crying choking us out and when the phone rang

She'd pick it up and go hello. So, uh, you know, I was just missed

Uh, I was the baby and uh, you know, I got abused by my brother and sister because I deserved it

I remember I was not adjusted

I was waving a knife in front of my brother's face

I level and he told me to stop and he knocked me out and I couldn't tell if it was a right or left

But I woke up on the ground and I just struggled. Uh, my mom was uh,

Beautiful woman and had boyfriends all over the place and I don't tell this too much

but I would think that it had something to do with that I had a lot of nightmares and

My mom thought it was best when she went to go do her booty call that she took me

And she left me in the car in the driveway, you know, and of course I woke up and knocked on the door

And so I had issues I had mom issues and uh, I mean there was always like some some guys

Because she talked to everybody on the phone like they were like their new best friend and they'd come like knocking on their back door

you know barbara and uh, she'd go out with a guy that was like

Some kind of magnet for frozen food. I don't know if you promise frozen food

But she always my brother was telling me today. I don't know my brother my sister-in-law

She always had a dime up underneath her heels in case she needed to run for it

And make a phone call, but there was a drag drag driver. Tommy. Ivo and his sidekick was uh,

Robert recreary and she's running from this guy down

Sepulveda trying to take her to motel and then she'd up dating the guy he saved her life and a white charger

I think that's the true story part. So so that's the setup for for my life. And then my mom became a social worker

She was a very diverse person. She had a lot of friends

so I I I sat and hung out with some of her friends and poquima flats in the projects or

Or uh drink it. Yeah, I think the first thing I ever had was

Scotch and that was like just drinking medicine, you know, and somebody like gave that to me and uh, you know

There's no possible reason why I was going to be an alcoholic after drinking scotch, you know

But um, you know, I I made it through I made it through to high school

I went to monroe high school over here when it was a good school vikings of the valley and uh

Walked both ways and with the wind blowing, you know

And uh, it never got a car my sister got was the first one to get a car

it's my oldest sister and she wrecked it twice and

I didn't get to drive until I graduated high school and bought my own car and uh as a senior in high school

I found my first love I found marijuana and I could share about marijuana here because I didn't have a problem with it

The only thing it did was it made me thirsty when I had a really good buzz

So then I drank I got a little cotton and then what happened was I wanted to drink it for a lot longer

I found some things where you know

I could go for a few days in a row and there were shadow people involved and uh, and they were real, you know

And uh, you know, I did that and uh, I went in the military and uh, I thought that was a good idea

I I did three years. I did two and a half in germany

I learned how to drive a truck there truly. They put me in a jeep that had a

standard transmission which is a clutch and I didn't know what that was the first time I got in it and

They were laughing at me when they died at a stop sign

uh, I got a career out of it, but I was in germany for two and a half years and uh,

There was some there was a lot of hash and a lot of drinking. I really learned how to drink there. Um

New year's eve

Jaegermeister long before I even made it here

I said, yeah, you're my shit putting somebody down tonight and I was the one that went down

I was passed out in the hallway long before midnight and they drank ouzo a greek drink and you know

They cheer us, you know the germans and uh, but but getting there, uh, a buddy of mine

there was heroin there and a buddy of mine overdosed and died of black tar heroin and

I was doing that too and uh slamming it and uh, he died. I never did it again that really hurt my soul

And then I somehow at the very end. I got an honorable discharge by my seconds and minutes

Yeah, I I beat the drug testing and I came back here and you know

It's like the party is on uh, van ice boulevard was cruising and I hung out on van ice boulevard

I hung out at firestone across from the union bank and uh, we just had a good time

Drinking was good. I went to bourbon square. Oh, that was my home bar

So many other bars red onion tennessee gin and cod and you you know, I hit the circuit, you know

And I felt like when I drank I could dance and uh, you know what the worst thing they could say was no

I got a lot of nose

But I always had good dope

and uh, and I always drank because I was always thirsty and um, and we were like getting some really good pot and and and

i'm going to get this and and i'm driving down sepulveda boulevard right about rasco and uh,

And I have 68 mustang and the tires were just a little bald and it

It gave just that little bit of rain and it and so i'm jamming down

Sepulveda boulevard and I knew that I needed tires and I hit my brakes and I don't know if you ever seen something like this

But I did a 180 and I hit the car that was in front of me

I hit him head on and my best thinking was I better get out of here and I drove through the gas station

I went by gallop and ford. I drove down a side street. I hit the brakes. I had a parked car

Then I got home. I went back to my house and I go damn. I need new tires

Not once did I think there was a problem with it and I drinking and driving was my favorite outdoor sport because I was mobile

When stuff was going on, you know, I was drinking I was thirsty

and um and that worked a lot, you know, we got a lot of good dope and uh,

My main thing was that we drink

Birmingham square I drank a lot. I danced a lot. I was witty and uh, and the good times was on and uh,

You know more than once I you know

There was like some random signs like I pulled over to talk to somebody

Uh after the bar closed and let's park underneath the freeway. I don't know if you know, but that's against the law

So chp rolls around and made us walk the line and I passed summer, you know

And uh, and then another time eight years before I ended up in a a I uh was driving down

After a game at pierce. I went to valley college. I dropped out. That was one of my claims to fame

um, and uh, my buddy goes that's a police car let's wait till he goes by and

He didn't go by and he followed me and I had pot in the car and the law at that time was 0.10

And I had 0.08. So I got away with it got away with it

So, you know, I kept going down that road, you know

And and when I came back here, I found the future ex-wife at birmingham square

and I married her and and we had the house, um, really not too far from here off sherman way the next neighborhood over

Sherman way and hantola and then we had a picket fence and we knocked it down because it was falling apart

um had a stepson he was already four and then I had

three girls and um the last time we had twins and and the separate gave birth to puppies and you know,

We're always drinking and uh, so we moved there and then I got a new neighbor. I want some but now this is like about well about the

november of uh

1993

She was done with me. She was going out karaoke in and uh, she moved out

I mean, I would have killed her but uh, I wasn't good at that either

and then uh, we had a little thing that happened in february of 94 a pretty big earthquake and um,

So she was she moved out. I went and got all her stuff. It was insured on my insurance

I put it there. I got fema money. I got insurance money. It was a good time. Um, it was a good time

I'm hanging out with a guy that was with smoke crack down by the river eating government cheese

and me and him with a smoke crack and we're drinking and and uh,

um, and i'm a school bus driver for la unified at this time and and I go special ed so, uh, you know,

And i'm gonna honestly say that I never drank in a school bus, but i've smoked pot in the school bus

I mean, you know, you just leave all the doors open freeway sweep and you know

catch a little buzz and uh you get there and you pick them up and

You do your job and then the day before school started in 1994. It was september 11th and uh,

September 10th. I went to uh, see the raiders play they played seattle. They got their ass kicked

I mean, what's nothing's new lost 38 to 9 and we're not drinking. Uh, greyhounds in the parking lot and uh,

Made it back to the valley and my future ex-wife is at a party and i'm just like bouncing off the wall

They go. Oh, we were gonna take your keys. Well, they weren't fast enough. So, um, I dove in the pool

And then i'm now i'm a really wet drink

But it was september 11th really hot night and uh, then I went home and I I took my daughter home

I just put it home

I hung out with my brand new neighbor that saw a side of me that he never wanted to see

And uh, and then I decided to go back down to the party

So, uh, I'm over there sherman west sherman way and uh, the leaves and i'm jamming down

And i'm gonna make a left right where the 7-11 is on the corner and uh, it's 155

Remember looking at the uh, at the speedometer and I made a left and you know

I don't know about in reverse cambers

But the road dips down in a way and hit the brakes and then I hit that pole head on at the corner

right across the streets of paramedics and um

If I don't hit the pole, it's just it's right through 7-11 l.a.pds inside

They're getting slurpees for the night because it's a hot september 11th night and I I had my seat belt on a lot of times

I went without seat belts and I broke the windshield with the top of my head

And uh, I was picking class out of my head for a month

They gave me a little piece of paper called an admin per se which meant I had my license for 30 more days

And then and then my license went away and this was the day before school started for la unified

So this is not a good thing for my career. I was six years as a school bus driver

I used to work for calling in water before that as a truck driver

So, uh time came and went they go. We're not going to let you renew your license and

By my birthday of october 27

I didn't have a job and I went through the court system and the judge I thought I had a problem the judge concurred

He sentenced me to six meetings of aa and um, and and i'm a military guy

And I came into my purse and I was on I was on uh community service at the golf course

Um in balboa in cino golf course, and I don't know if anybody golfs here

But if you ever fire a ball or two and one of the workers on the course

It had that happen. That was real and I had a hard hat

but they never got me but uh

I had to go do 160 hours of community service and then I was in the uh, drunk driving class

If it was class, I could have taught it and um, and my mom's helping me out. I'm living alone. I don't have a job

She's paying my uh, my mortgage and she's like I started going to the drunk driving class and and uh,

She's like would take me because my car was totaled. My license was gone. My job was done

I thought I had a few problems, you know, I was on the uh, it was like a slow speed bronco chase

You know, I mean things were not I was not on a winning streak. It was definite losing streak and uh,

I walked in the first meeting at uh, sherman away and louise. It was a four o'clock meeting

And um, it was called a sober wheels meeting used to be a general motors meeting

And uh, there was another group that happened to be there for many more of the years that I attended that that meeting

I think they were called life's in session

and uh, I knew a lot of the guys at that time and you know, I never claimed that I was a member of that but

I would show up to the uh to the barn, you know with where there was no sponsors

And I was a soda guy. I don't know if anybody's had the soda commitment

So I had a soda coming in and then I didn't have enough hand

So I put my big book in this on top of the sodas and by the time came the following week

Obviously, I didn't look in there. I couldn't find my big book

So, uh, I I took it and I opened it and it fell in the water and it was like the chia pet big book

I mean, it was a really big book. So, um, I had to get another one

and so I was I was doing that and uh, you know, I think I let it I looked like like, uh, either angus from

Dirty deez done dirt cheap, but I I wore shorts

It was so hot in that freaking barn and I wore a tie, you know

a little bow tie and you know trying to try to be part of and uh,

I did other meetings beside license session and I really I really enjoyed the uh,

watch parties and um, that was like

It was I really thought that the uh, the the camaraderie the fellowship it was above and beyond

So so I that my first meeting was december 7th of 1994

And as I walked in there, uh, they told me that I never had to drink again if I didn't want to or if I wanted to

And that was news to me and I heard in the reading if you want we have and are willing to go to any link

To get it and I didn't know what anybody had. I did not want what I had anymore

It wasn't working and I read it a higher power of my own making not my own understanding

So I was a little befogged and uh, I smoked pot, you know, I was in the dope smokers union and uh, but

Somebody got promoted that day at the golf course and that was the summer seven and we went to uh, the el torito

It was no longer there on ventura boulevard and uh had a couple margaritas

I went home smoked a few bong loads and walked to that meeting. They said well how many days you had?

I go what community service they meant sobriety not a clue and um, I haven't had a drink since that day

They I said i'll give it a chance and I smoked that bag up

In the union, I you know, i'm not giving it away. I'll smoke you up. I'm not

Flushing it. Yeah, I wasn't gonna do that. So, uh the bag

We ran out and uh, and I was a few years off a few days off on my sobriety

I thought it was 12 12 and then two years then I did the math and my last my sobriety date

Surgery 12 10 it became 12 12 of 1994. So I just celebrated 30 years sobriety one day at a time

That's the only thing i've done right. It's not take a drink not do a drug. I'm in a no matter what club and uh,

They said to get a sponsor and I was also I was also going to that sober wheels meeting on that wednesday at four o'clock

And um, I got somebody in uh, you know, the guy never called me number one. I didn't like that

That's a joke, but it's true. And then um, and then I was supposed to meet up with him and do some step work and uh,

There was always a problem

So I ended up with another guy that he reached out and and made me feel part of something

I got involved in alcoholics anonymous and we did we did a lot of step work and we um, we even did like the third legacy

You know, it kind of talks about where you're from, you know, henry tebow sister ignatia

You know, and it's all this all this stuff about where he came from

You know, I mean just some deep deep pull on where alcoholics anonymous came from and I became part of something because it

It says you're a member of alcoholics anonymous when you say you're a member and I can remember looking in my mirror, you know

And not everything was going great, but I stood there and something

Hey, you know and uh, but I wanted I wanted to have fun

And if I wasn't gonna have fun like the fun that I was having before

And so, uh, I got involved with inner group and I knew where because I always had to find it. Where's the dances?

went

just going to the dances and

And i'm staying sober one day at a time. It's really not that difficult. You know, i'm doing the work

I'm reading i'm reading, you know, and and then you know, I mean, you know if you're a newcomer, you know, uh,

You tend to whine a little bit anybody ever wanted when they were new. Okay. Yeah, i'm anybody honest here

And uh, and uh, I remember that uh, one guy he connected with me he goes, you know

You wouldn't be complaining you're just explaining so, you know, he wanted to listen, you know

And uh, and I was grateful for that and that was the sunday night meeting that was there and that was uh,

Expect a miracle and I don't know we tended to have potlucks and you know, somebody called expect a meal at one point

But uh, but you know, I stayed sober, you know, and I worked with my sponsor

And and there's really no no bad news there, you know

I've never had a problem where I thought that I could drink again

And that's all that is is a a good idea that I could drink again

And I became a grateful member of aa and then I got involved with the inner group

So I went to inner group for a lot of years. I was the inner group representative. I brought back the information

Um, and when I was about two years in I got involved with the san fernando valley aa convention

Somebody had me go over there. I got on that committee and then when I had about three years

I started going up to happy campers at lake pyro

It's a campfire meeting under the stars third Saturday of the month from march to october and we're currently doing that

And i've been the coffee guy for about the last six years

There's no spirit of rotation there and I handled the money and there's a reason why and it's just a great time

You know, we had 120 people there last time and we barbecued everybody ate bring your favorite side dish. It's a good time

you know, it's a little cold in the beginning gets a little warm in the middle and then cold at the end as far as

as the year goes so

i'm grateful member of that and uh some of my first miracles in aa

Because when I got here I the first person that I met is still a friend of mine and her husband

bernard b

He he they ended up getting married and I was the best man at their wedding

And that was a miracle that I could perform that duty and and you know be polite even do my job and not be yeah

Because I I failed that assignment on more than one occasion and um, you know

you make lifelong friends here and and i've got a lot of gratitude for that and and we're still all friends and

We all have more than 30 years sobriety and uh, I never saw that comment. I didn't come here for that

All I wanted was serenity when I got here and I would try to grab onto it, you know

sands of the

I got happily divorced. It's one of the first things that happened because you know

I hadn't married that future ex-wife that I met at bourbon square

And that's all she pretty much was and I had those kids and and I was a I was an absentee father inside the home

I laid on the couch and just did a shitty job and and then when I left there

The ex-wife she got another guy that was worse than me and and laid right on the same spot that I did and

Um, i'm glad you know, I in the beginning

I couldn't figure out why my mom had an ulcer when I was in the military. I tell her mom everybody's doing her

I kind of figured

And then uh, just the the ex-wife and you know everything that she went through with

With the next I think he was worse than me, you know, I mean

But you know my kids got bored of the brunt of that and i've been given an opportunity

They're all grown adults now with their own families and uh, I was able to come back and uh, make

living a mess and it's funny my daughter she just turned 40 and she's got her own kids and

I'd always told her that my kids were always going to love me and remember me

If only in therapy and uh, and she had been in a lot of therapy so she cried she cried over that

So recently she's in another thing

And um, she I was getting good grades for me

And and i'm grateful for that because she knows what she's going through as a parent and uh, so i'm grateful for my kids

and uh

My uh, my dad he ended up dying about 24 years ago. Oh, yeah yesterday another another day

It was d-day. I mean you guys know what that means 81 years ago. We invaded normandy and

you know all the names of the peaches and uh, you know started the drive to end the

World war ii and uh and recently i'm a veteran

So, uh, and I I don't have a pedal campaign that I was involved in I was in the war on drugs. I'm selling alex

He's got way more time. I did three years and two and a half was in germany and and I survived it, you know

But there's no war it was right after vietnam and and so my buddy he's sober

He plays at the bfw's everyone last night and uh, um

And I want to be a member of vfw and I have to like do some footwork and make sure you treat your dd2

214 like uh

I don't know where mine is in a mine is in a box somewhere

So i'm working on it and i'm trying to be of service to any vet that might need it

And my dad was a korean war veteran that never said a word about it and uh, there's a book and he's in there

And it was like a vignette. He was a squad leader and he was never afraid

His he was there every day as a platoon leader and uh, i'm sad that I never got to talk to him about it

But my stepmother's still around 89

She was always my other mother my regular mother my real mother

She passed away about eight years ago or came up on that she got alzheimer's and uh, I was never going to be able to

Help her and she died of a heart attack. God had a plan. So that's all in sobriety. That's all in sobriety and uh,

You know what?

There was never any idea that I needed to drink again, uh that I needed to uh,

Have an adult beverage and I don't know if anybody's gone across any things

Where you felt like you needed a drink and uh, you know talk to somebody if you come up with something like that

You know because because we've learned that we never have to do anything alone here

In an army as we talk about being a family of understanding. I mean like you guys should should know that being quality of life

you know and then it's just you know, you go through stuff and you've got people that know what you're going through and uh,

It's not going to bring us about some of the people we lost and you know throwing names out here

I probably heard 20 years and but I was a friend to be a member and I don't know I got away with it

You know, I got to enjoy uh, the the fellowship that you guys had and not be a real true member of us

But I was a member of aa so I I got him where I fit in

That's the kind of sobriety that I have and uh, i'm a grateful member of aa and what do we got going on now?

If you guys you know, uh, there's there's plenty of service opportunities if you want to do something above the meeting level and uh,

You know, there's intergroup

You know and you bring back the information, uh from uh from central office from actually from new york

Um, there's a convention planning meeting. We just got started up again

Anybody ever been to our convention out in san fernando valley, you know, there's there's stuff to do there

I mean, it's low low maintenance kind of stuff and you meet other people and um, and you know

You're growing sobriety and i've definitely grown in sobriety

so this is the only coat that fits anymore and uh, I uh, I was uh, I got

I became uh, I lost the bus driver gig and I ended up going back to culligan water and uh,

I I did that for 29 more years and uh, 30 years sobriety and and uh, and actually that week that uh,

My I had a worker's comp case that it came through. I had my birthday

and it was all came together one time and the my whole thing was I didn't make it all the way till my

30th anniversary, but uh, you know i've stayed sober I hit that mark and um,

You know, uh, it's a journey. It's not a destination if you're new here if you're old here

Um, I look at my life and I and I look at all the miles that my body has traveled

Not the time, um, you know

My body has moved across this planet for 30 plus years and I was a truck driver and I thought it was some big stuff

But you know, I was local for culligan water and I you know, I told somebody down in mexico

Because I would go on vacation down there and I was like one of the only ones that didn't drink

So I was an individual but I told some over the road trucker, you know, so my driver I go

Yeah, i've driven a million miles and then he goes two and I go I got rice, you know, it wasn't something that uh

that I needed to uh, um be that proud of you know, so i'm just a proud member of

I call it synonymous and uh, you know, I so big I kind of got involved with this veterans group that they have up in this

Up in santa carita and uh, um, I don't have my dv2 14

So, uh, I got somebody like helped me immediately and called like a number above the president and they called me the next day

And they said i'm eligible and let's i'm the gatekeeper or you know, i'm the keymaster. I don't know

It's like uh, you know, and i've got like a caseworker and I really have no needs, you know

They first they want to go right to mental health and I go

I mean when you start talking like the insurance companies go well, you know, we can deliver meds

No, uh, we can have somebody come into your home

No, I said, you know, I live alone, but i'm not lonely. I've got thousands of friends

That's what I see it being a member of alcoholics anonymous and um, and they are like people are intrigued by that

But I got to stand up and tell people where I was at 370 danger battalion

Uh, 75 76 to 78 total 75 78 and uh, and then I I took a leap of faith because maybe I could help somebody

I have my own anonymity, but I chose to to give it away. So

Um, I told him and i'm sober 30 years in alcoholics anonymous and if I wasn't I wouldn't be here today

So I hope to be able to help some people out

I mean they're you know, and I don't really want to go to the va

They got a bad rap, but uh, I think they're doing a lot better and they're trying to do better. So

Um, I have some people that are advocating and I just want to be helpful

And uh, and I want to be a member of vfw

Because I would be probably the only guy that doesn't drink there. That's all

Uh, but my buddy's band plays there. He just played at the granada hills one and I live up in santa carita

So, uh, I just think I could be of help. I got retired in december and uh,

If anything i've ramped up my meetings, you know, I say yes all the time, you know, uh to nate i'm doing i'm doing a meeting on

monday night at the uh

Stepping stones and then I come to my regular meeting on monday night on rinaldi and I did a three o'clock zoom meeting

I'm doing a zoom meeting in ireland and i'm the one with the accent and they'll say they'll say shit like

And then they'll go, uh, you know, it's like a commercial it's like and then they go, uh awareness without action is bullshit

You know, it's like and they got people that kind of just took a 50-year cake, you know

And chuck c came out there with and did a talk a new pair of glasses and that was like like, you know

A hundred years ago. So, uh, they got some damn good sobriety and people that are really doing the deal and

So that's an important part. We started that in the pandemic and uh, i'm still doing like a thursday pandemic meeting

You know because other people don't want to get out their ass and and i've been I don't mind sitting on my ass every now

and then it's like

being being uh

I went to the dodger game on thursday and uh, you know

Got a ticket and parking for 50 bucks apiece and just just trying to do stuff and uh, you know

And I didn't have a drink, you know and laughed at everybody that did you know, what's this shit with mitchell?

Hey, i'm building it all but you know, I've become a grateful member of aa and my stepmother's still alive and i've been in service

To her and I called her the day before. Uh,

The day before mother's day and I go yeah, I didn't get your card. Yeah, there's not gonna be any flowers

You know, she wasn't happy. So I mean I had a plan and so I showed up on mo on sunday

And then she got that book where it talked about my dad's service in the military and just talked about stuff and she's not remembered

Stuff at 89, but i'm a member and I got to go hang out my brother my my favorite brother

I call him because he's my only brother and I have one sister that's older and my favorite sister-in-law

And they invited me to uh, the orpheum and it's almost 100 years old

We saw a silent movie in the world

All the music that they play in a silent movie and so it was a good time and i'm the only thing I got

Enough time to do this. So, uh, it makes me a grateful member of alcoholic synonymous

I'm glad you're all here tonight and being part of my sobriety and i'm sure you'll see me

You'll probably hear me because i'm a guy that has a face for radio in a voice for radio

And you'll probably hear me before you see me. So, uh, i'm really glad to be here tonight. And uh,

thank you nate for having me out and uh,

He called me in a and invited me and I really didn't know who it was. I didn't have him in my phone

He's in my phone now and I go yeah, i'll do it. Uh, let's talk later

And then I said who exactly is this, you know, you say no, you know, it's like, uh, you know, I love nate's a great guy

So, uh, I just wish you guys all the best one day at a time. Hopefully you're doing the deal

Hopefully you uh have a big book about college synonymous. I can go steady on you and do it in one breath

No, I can't and uh, just do the deal and uh, you know work with a sponsor and uh, you know

Don't use your big book as a coaster if you got a coaster ring on there. You're doing something wrong

So get a different coaster get a classroom. So, uh, i'm gonna stay sober one day at a time

If I keep doing what i'm doing and thinking the way i'm thinking i'll never drink it again at least till midnight

So y'all keep coming back. Thank you so much for having me out great group. Love you guys