Scott's Military Journey to Sobriety: From Correctional Custody to Recovery

Hi everybody. Can anybody hear me? Okay. My name is Scott. I'm an alcoholic and I live in Las Vegas.

I want to thank Nate for asking me to and setting all this up and asking me. I don't know if Nate

is in the audience but anyway I was always taught to never say no and I have something to offer no

matter how much I feel like I don't. I was taught to say yes and to step up when the time comes if

anybody anywhere reaches out for the help of AA I want I want to be there and try to help okay. So

um zoom is very foreign to me. I feel very very out of my element like a fish out of water. I had

trouble setting this up and uh anyway I had uh yeah go ahead cry me tear a river of tears Tommy.

Um Sean had uh Sean had called uh just in time to help me get this thing set up. I thought I could

click and log on real fast but uh here we go. Um yeah I live in Las Vegas. Uh I spent uh eight

years in the Air Force. I was in I was in the Air Force when I got sober in 1989. My sobriety day

is February 14th and um I was a raging alcoholic at the age of 21 when I got sober. I mean I was

out of control and it just happened to be that I was in the Air Force while that was going on.

Um and you know uh just like uh the previous uh speaker uh that the military is a fantastic place

to begin your alcoholism your alcohol career whatever you want to call it. There's tons of

that going on and there's a lot of normal people that drink a lot. Uh there happens to be people

like me that are alcoholics that drink a lot also and I fell into that category of uh just uh

circling the drain just like uh just like a water current circling the drain. I was almost getting

sucked down and I hit my bottom and just in time I got struck sober. Um I was getting myself in

trouble uh way more than I even knew. Uh I just thought it was isolated incidents. I just thought

it was just normal stuff and everybody was overreacting and you know when you're in the

service you gotta be where you're supposed to be. You gotta be ready when they say be ready and I

wasn't. Uh and I was getting found out and uh next thing you know I was in front of my commander uh

and I didn't even know who he was. He was so far up the chain as a commander I didn't even know who

he was. My commander my immediate commander took me to his commander because I was causing so much

chaos and they were having to explain why Scott was doing what Scott was doing and he looked at

me he says he says you gotta change your ways or you're gonna get kicked out and I looked at that

as a gut punch which it was because my my pride and my honor and this and that was all on the line

right I was a brand new guy in the air force and I was getting in trouble before I was even in for

a year I was in trouble and being that low on the totem pole and getting in trouble was a no-go and

so I got sentenced to what they call social actions which is where they introduce AA to you

or introduce you to AA introduce you to possibly something that is a is a problem in your life and

have your eyes open to it and I thought nope it's not for me and that program ended and I went right

back out started right back where I left off quickly got in trouble again got locked up in

correctional custody that's where they take you out of your work environment and they insert you

into this little mini prison all right had a fence it had a locked door you couldn't go in or out

unless they told you come with me we're leaving and we're going in or out whatever we marched in

formation went to the dining hall every morning every lunch every dinner and marching in formation

on base where I know people knew me when they drove by but I didn't get a chance to look in

the car windows because we're always eyes forward it was pretty humiliating and that's exactly what

I needed I needed to be humiliated I needed a wake-up call and I stayed in correctional custody

for 30 days and that was me completely being out of my element I was using their bars of soap I was

using their beds I was using their pillows and I was I was do I did exactly what was told that I

needed to do every minute of every day now on the flip side I felt like I belonged in there a lot of

guys were like me we bonded we played cards we played volleyball we hung out together we didn't

have a choice we had to hang out I learned a lot inwardly I found out a lot about myself

that program ended on the 31st day I was let out and went back to work on the flight line

on my job was f-15 weapon systems I was on the flight line every minute of every day

and it was a gung-ho job it was a perfect job for a young dude like me you know and it wasn't more

than a few weeks later that I got myself in trouble again and this time I decided you know

what they took my they took my driver's license I couldn't drive on base so I parked my truck

outside the main gate and I would ride my bicycle from that point into work every day and just like

being in correctional custody everybody knows when you see that guy riding a bicycle you know

why he's riding a freaking bicycle it's not because he likes pedaling it's because he got in trouble

and just like me marching in formation they see that guy marching in formation and they know that

he got in trouble um I made a decision you know we come in here with uh with with our best decisions

got us here right and I made a decision I was working swing shift in the air force and I decided

I need to take care of this extra time on my hands and I will eliminate the possibility of me getting

in trouble so I got a second job at sonic drive-in which is outside the main gate and I was working

the lunch rush every day and uh wasn't very long after I got the job that I started uh you know

getting high and all that stuff during the lunch rush and if any of you've worked in the fast food

environment it's fast pace I mean fast like you got to whip it in wipe it out and get it out get

the orders out like get them out and I didn't think there was so much of a problem but my boss did and

after the lunch rush one day she got in my face and she said I got a question for you she looked

me right in the eye and I was stood up straight and she was just a few feet from my face and her

hands were on her hips and she said do you have a drinking or drug problem and there was this pause

and I didn't break eye contact with her and I said yeah I do and what she said next was nothing short

of a miracle and God being right in front of me God was two feet away from me she put her hands

down and she looked down at the floor and then she looked back up at me and she says I'm getting

ready to go to an AA meeting do you want to go and I said yes I'd like to go to an AA meeting and so

we went to my very very first AA meeting that I wanted to go to and during that very first AA

meeting I said that my name is Scott and I'm an alcoholic and I'd never said that before and that

was the point of my sobriety that started this whole journey for the rest of my life that was

my freedom that was the the edge of the diving board that I jumped off of not knowing if the

water was deep enough to hold me if I jumped not knowing if there was even water at all I just took

a step off and trusted that this way of life is the way that God wants to take me now I didn't know

any of this when I first was asked that question do I want to go to an AA meeting I just knew that

that was the end of my rope and I was struck sober on that day February 14 1989 it it was amazing

because I had nothing to do with it other than saying yes and and that's how I look at it because

I couldn't think straight I didn't know anything God took care of me God led me and you know my

first six months were real foggy I was real foggy headed I was really just doing what you guys did

which is go to meetings and continue to try to go to work and try not to drink of course I didn't

have too much of a problem not drinking I just knew that I needed to go to meetings to continue

to not drink and I didn't know anything about wine I didn't know anything about the program I'm kind

of hard-headed I'm I'm not stubborn but I'm just a little bit on the dumb side when it comes to

learning I think and I just couldn't see everything that was around me in these meetings I could just

tell that y'all were laughing and you had what I wanted which is a sense of ease and comfort and

your sobriety has transformed your life right and I wanted that I realized you know what there's a

whole new language in this room and I didn't know the language and I'm sure some of you are like me

I want to know it all right now like I just want to speed read through all of it and know it and

I had to learn a lesson in patience I had to learn a lesson in growing up I had to learn a lesson in

just staying alive and just continuing to do the same thing over and over that y'all were doing

right so the reality was that God got me sober God struck me sober on that day and he kept me sober

for that first year and a half because to be honest I don't really remember the first six months

eight months I don't think I just started kind of coming to after that once I realized okay you

read chapter five every meeting you have a certain set of things that you do every meeting every

meeting's different and so that same year that first year I got sober I went to Alaska on a

remote assignment and if anybody knows anything about a remote assignment that means remote that

means no family members no cars no dogs no nothing you go up there and you're in a small at a small

base and yeah it's Alaska it's beautiful but boy I tell you it was isolated I mean isolated all

capital letters I didn't know it was going to be like that and you know I got up there and there

was no AA meeting and there was only like I think there was about 160 of us up there I can't remember

the exact number the whole reason we were up there is to support two F-15s that were on alert status

to protect that part of North America from incoming and there was no AA meetings there now

fast forward five years from then I realized you know what there's no possible way I could have

been the only sober alcoholic up there out of that many people there was at least one other sober

person and I know today how I can find those people at the time I was newly sober and I didn't know

that I could just put a sign on my dormitory door and say I'm a friend of Bill and Bob and somebody

would understand that and and contact me or something like that you know we know how to find

sober alcoholics when we're around for a little bit now right so if I had a do-over I would do

that one over and and solicit or seek sober alcoholics that I know were up there however

I stayed sober because of the satellite phones that we had it was a little bit difficult talking

on a satellite phone if any of you have ever done that back in the day there's a big long pause and

you can't have a conversation you can just have a walkie-talkie conversation kind of you know you

can't have a real-time conversation but the point is is I made phone calls from Alaska to Las Vegas

regularly and I stayed sober from calling people and talking to people every day and little did I

know that that was helping me and them I just knew it was helping me but I didn't know how the

program really worked with one alcoholic helping another so to speak I hadn't started working my

steps then I was just white knuckling it just trying to go you know one day at a time and try

to understand that I can't drink and during that time when I was in Alaska I realized that I am

different all right that's when it finally it really really hit me that I am different than my

normal drinking of fellow employees I watch them drink with impunity just like the literature says

and I can't drink that way I became very aware of what was in the literature when I was up there I

began doing a lot of reading and I realized that one drop of alcohol will set me off possibly now

I hadn't experienced that personally but I use other people's experience to know that I'm just

like you one drop might set me off and therefore I don't want one drop not one I don't want it one

day we were all in the club they had a club right just everywhere everybody drinks and they served

pizza and whatever else in there you know but there's a lot of drink and I went to the club

after work one day and you know they had the music playing and everybody's in there drinking and

there's food and I showed up and I'd learned how to I'd learned how to be around people that were

drinking at this point and not feeling like I had to drink at all but one guy's wife had sent up

some fudge she had made some homemade fudge and there was two tens of it in the on top of the bar

and I walked in and the lids were off and I saw the both of them were homemade look like brownies

but it was fudge and so I got one out and I started eating it and I'm walking around talking

to a few people and I found out who made the fudge I'm like man this is good and everybody pointed to

this guy and said his wife made it so I went over to him and I said like man this fudge is

really good he says you like that he says yeah my wife made that he said that's jack daniels fudge

and I said hang on what he said yeah it's made with jack daniels he says can you believe it can

you can you taste it and I said no I can't taste it and I realized right then all right this is not

good I've already eaten like three pieces right and and I I went I made a b-line for the bathroom

and I put my finger down my throat and I got rid of that and I could not believe it I was doing that

one but number two is I can't believe that I've ate some jack daniels fudge that was the second

thing like what in the world but it was a true testament what God was doing in my life and how

my mind had changed right uh maybe six months prior to that right before I got sober or right

after I got sober I might not have thought to get rid of that out of my stomach right I might not

have thought that it was that important I might not have thought hey one drop won't hurt and I'm

just so thankful that I did what I did right because it was a mental thing it was a mental

it was uh it was it was God doing for me right he showed me and uh and I went in and I took the

action and right after that I felt so proud I felt so accomplished that I did something for my

sobriety that was very concrete and very much uh in line with what we teach in AA which is not one

single drop and I can't just have one beer ever anymore ever and I realized that that was part of

my life right you know in that time frame of the calendar year when that happened and that was a

very very uh just a very instrumental part of me growing up in the program in other words that was

a very very big moment in my sobriety um so here I am in Alaska I'm sober I'm kind of white knuckling

it I'm kind of not I'm kind of trying to figure it out and um I have my follow-on orders to go to

Europe I went I went to the Netherlands after that uh after my tour in Alaska and uh when I got to

the Netherlands is when I really started working AA because AA was there waiting for me and I

dove in I drove to meetings in Amsterdam I drove to meetings in other uh towns and realized you

know what we might need a meeting on our base because there was no AA meetings on the base I

was at uh uh Schusterberg air base which used to be called Camp New Amsterdam uh but it's

outside of uh Amherst Fort uh Seust Holland if anybody knows where that's at but ended up

contacting central office getting some packages learned how to start meetings started about four

meetings uh over the course of the next three years and the very very first meeting I started

or that we started uh a group of us was at a monastery that was in Amherst Fort and the

monastery was so old I don't know nothing about it but you look at the stones and how it's built

it's like man this thing is crazy old but we had an AA meeting there they just opened their doors

to us and said yeah do whatever you want to do if it helps people that's what we want and they

didn't know anything about AA and we were trying to provide a meeting for those that won't help

anyway it helped us uh once a week we went there and then we ended up starting another meeting on

base and then starting another meeting on base anyway the magic of the program was alive and well

in Holland and um ended up serving eight years in the air force and I got out of the air force in

1993 and I was about four year five years sober then and moved to Las Vegas and started my

electrical career here and I've been an electrician for past 31 years and uh you know life has been

good God has been good to me and I feel like as a result of being sober wanting seeking to do God's

will and wanting to find other alcoholics to help I've been granted this beautiful life as a result

okay and I can't even explain it other than I feel like you know this these past two years I got a

divorce two years ago and these past two years since my divorce I feel like this is God's show

and I'm just here to help right this is God's show and I'm just here to help all I have to do is look

around and find someone that I could be helpful to whether it's an alcoholic that's great in an AA

meeting or a newcomer or it could be a total stranger at the grocery store or driving in

traffic that seems to be my Achilles heel is driving in traffic uh you know I'll tell you

when I'm driving everybody in front of me is not driving right and they don't drive fast enough

they don't use their blinker they don't stay in their lane they don't uh you name it they're not

doing it right and it's a frustration challenge for me um and I've learned a couple of tips about

how to drive better and how to be a better person on the road one is I leave my house earlier okay

all right so I'm not pressed for time but what I'm finding out is even though I'm not pressed for

time I'm still driving my car like I ride my dirt bike which is either on the gas or on the brakes

and it's a race and I want to get in front and I want to lead and I want to I want to pass you

in the corner I want to pass you on the straight I want to get you in my rear view mirror I don't

want to look at you anymore I want to get past you so that's one thing that I'm having to work

on lately and this is as a result of being 36 years sober people I'm having to work on my

patience and my driving and my uh being polite uh people that don't know me where you know they

might recognize me the next week I want them to know hey that's the guy instead of that that guy's

the guy that cut me off I want them to think maybe that's the guy that let me in when I have my turn

signal right we all like that person we've all been there when we need to get in and we need to

change lanes and you got your signal on and you know that car right there is not giving you the

room on purpose right we've all been there well I want to be that person that gives you the room

on purpose now to get on all right I just want to have more grace and I want to be able to look at

other people as God's children and we're all in this thing together this is God's show and I'm

just here to help um you know I uh I started working the steps uh when I moved to Holland

when I when I moved to Holland it was in 1990 and uh I had or 91 is when I got my orders to Holland

and that's when I started working the steps for the first time so it was about a year and a half

that I was sober that I didn't work the steps I don't recommend that to anybody listen to me work

the steps right when you become sober all right keep your momentum generate momentum and try to

keep it simple listen to your sponsor work the steps get through it our whole goal here

in AAA as individuals is to number one uh get we want to we want to become sober of course right

we want to stop drink but then we want to work the steps because right after step nine is 10 11

and 12 and that's where you start living your life and helping other people right so you got to get

rid of the baggage that I had to get rid of the baggage that I was carrying around and the only

way to do that was to work steps four through nine and once I did that the miracle of AA truly started

to happen the promises started coming true we've all heard the promises of lunch and we all know

what some of them are as they apply to us the promises started coming true in my life as a

result of working the steps and then once I get out on to step 10 11 and 12 then it was like every

the heavens opened up I was able to see and hear and be who God wanted me to be all right I truly

believe that I have a special gift just like every one of you to be able to help another new alcoholic

and it might not even be a new alcoholic it might be somebody with the same amount of sobriety as

you have that's having a hard time because of a divorce or because of a child that they just

lost or whatever you know it might be somebody that needs help that you don't even know you know

that you can help them we all know that we can help a newcomer we're totally qualified to help

a newcomer every one of us we have that special gift we've been there and done that the trick with

helping newcomers is getting them to understand that we've been there and done that that way they

start to trust us and maybe they can hear us a little bit I know when I first came into AA I

can only imagine what I was like because I don't remember I just don't I don't remember what it was

like the first six months I just don't I know one thing is that I want to be able to be of service

anytime any place whenever somebody asks for help or whenever the opportunity exists to help someone

you know I've made a lot of really good friends here in AA I've made a lot of I've made a lot

of acquaintances at work of people that joined AA and I only say that because sometimes I like to

think of it as casting a wide net you know that term hoping to catch one by slinging your net out

and opening it wide and hoping to catch one and I've caught probably a total of six in my sober

career at work and I have caught them in in many ways one is is I'm very sometimes I'm very crafty

with how I say words at work and I say these key words about man drinking or what you do this

weekend and if somebody says something that they drank too much I might say something about that

um this one guy uh that I was given a ride to his name was Neil I had a back before the internet we

had AA schedules on paper right we all know that we're all folded up I had one on the on the dash

in my car and Neil got in my car we were going to lunch and he he pulled this paper and he looked

at it and he goes I knew it and I said knew what he says I knew you were in AA I said how he says

uh some things that you said I can't remember the details but I just remember the smile on his face

right and so we made a connection I don't ever know what happened at Neil but he knew I was in

AA there was another uh there was another time this guy Luke this was recently uh he got himself

in trouble uh got put in jail didn't make it to work that day no call no show the next day no

call no show the third day no call no show nobody knew what happened to Luke well uh on the fourth

day my boss told me Luke got put in jail and that's all I needed to hear so when Luke finally

did show up I said uh said put me with put me with him I want to work with him and we were working

shoulder to shoulder in a piece of equipment and I had him captive for the whole day and I just

started talking AA to him and he ended up getting it and he's still sober today he's got like three

years right so what a blessing you know to be able to talk freely and possibly get the attention of

somebody who needs to hear the message uh maybe Luke in his case was the same as me I didn't know

that I needed to hear the message until the message was brought up uh I just really don't

know I just know that God has a special way of working in everybody's life and that I can be of

use to God right to God's plan I uh I'm a firm believer in that um you know I I tend to worry

a lot and sometimes I have to remind myself that worry doesn't produce anything good and I need to

just relax and tell myself how important is it when I get upset or when I get you know bounced

around I recently lost my job this past January uh January this year and I thought it was the

absolute worst thing ever I mean the worst worse than anything ever that happened in my life I

wasn't prepared for it just bought a new car I was just newly divorced and I had these bills and

you know and I was a foreman and I thought I was locked in and lo and behold I got laid off man

that was the absolute darkest point of my life I think in the past five or eight years it was bad

um and then a few days after that I got a phone call out of the blue company wanted to hire me

and I didn't solicit them and I have that job today and I have to say that this job is 10 times

better than the best job I've ever had and I look back at how much I was worrying and how much I was

upset and I have a job better now I just think God took care of me really uh you know being an

electrician is physically kind of demanding and I'm 58 I'm not young anymore I can't carry stuff

I can't walk that like I used to I mean I'm still in good shape don't get me wrong but you know the

body starts slowing down and breaking down so to speak and God took care of me in the area of that

and I'm now working for an engineering firm as a consultant um you know they hired they hired me as

someone that they just they just wanted me for my experience hallelujah what a blessing I feel like

that's a direct result of me being sober I feel like that's a direct result of me living my life

the best way I know how to help other people and to carry this message and to just be a sober

alcoholic um Tommy and Adam and Sean are good friends of mine we go to meetings regularly and

see each other regularly into that meeting room that you're sitting in uh last time I was there

I rode my motorcycle and I was sitting in there and little did I know that I would be in a zoom

meeting talking to the same meeting like I just didn't even know at the time when I was there in

person that's even how it worked I just had no clue sometimes I just need to even look around

a little bit more and realize you know I can be of service right this is another time I'm being

of service and you know I was always taught to never say no I was always taught to be of service

when I can um and you know one thing I've realized this last year and a half is that somebody said

that we alcoholics we sober alcoholics are the world's leading expert on alcohol is all of us

together collectively we know everything about how to get sober and we know everything about

alcoholism every single thing we know collectively together and that's way more than any physician or

any doctor or any psychiatrist or psychologist or any anybody has we have all the information so as

individuals we have to make a choice okay what am I good at what can I do to benefit this group what

can I do to benefit the carrying of the message whether it's taking it into jails or institutions

or whether it's being on a hi committee whether it's being a chairperson at a meeting being the

speaker getter whatever it is everybody's good at something you know we have to make individual

choices as to what we're good at I've done every position possible with the exception of the higher

up positions past GSR and all that but you know I used to regularly go to uh I was an inner group

rep uh in this country and in Europe right I've been I've been those positions and some of them

I've realized that I'm not that good at uh one thing I'm not real good at is being a uh the

treasurer I'm not I'm not dishonest with money but I'm not really that good about keeping good

records with money so I learn as a result of just stuffing the money in the envelope week after week

after week and not paying attention to it and then when somebody calls and asks how much money we got

and how much we're doing with it and what are we doing that's when I realize oh man I might not be

the best guy for this job you know I could probably do better if I made a conscious decision but I'm

not trained to do that and my point is is I'm really really good at other things to facilitate

an AA meeting or to create a way for other alcoholics to get to a meeting anyway uh I see

that my time is up and I want to thank Nate for asking me to share and uh thank Sean for helping

me get the zoom going and uh yeah it's been great uh I appreciate everybody and uh yeah looking

forward to being in another zoom meeting with you thank you it's good Adam Marissa Tommy hey thanks

thanks hey you're welcome it's my pleasure guys thank you