From Feeling Not Enough to 31 Years Sober: Margo's Journey

Hi, Margo Alcoholics, and I really hate Nathan for doing this to me.

You know, I hate to share, I hate to lead, however, I know, but you know what, AA has

saved my life, you know, and I've been sober 31 years, which, you know, sometimes my behavior

doesn't show that.

And, you know, Greg, I really relate it to Greg, and this is what I thought was so fascinating

to me about AA is that even if I didn't relate to the drinking part, well, I relate to the

drinking, but the degree of drinking, or where they came from, or whatever it was, the feeling

inside, like, you know, what he felt like not enough, and I never felt like enough.

So I'm just going to share what it was like, what happened, and what I'm like today.

So I'm from Lexington, Kentucky, and, you know, I come from a, you know, pretty good

home.

I mean, you know, my mom and dad, you know, provided for us, and, you know, my father

was from New York, and my mom was from San Francisco, and I don't know how they ended

up in Kentucky, but, well, I do, because my dad was a ballroom dancer, right?

So he, Arthur Murray, had him open a franchise in Lexington, so he came to Lexington, and,

you know, he's Italian, he was Italian, and on my birth certificate, you know, my last,

real last name is Albolino, we were just talking about, I have so many name changes, as does

my husband, but my, so, the last name was Albolino, and his name was Luigi Tomas Albolino,

and he changed it to Ravel, because he went into the dance business, and he figured, because

no one would be able to pronounce his name, especially in Kentucky.

So I, I'm the youngest, my sister was born first, and I, you know, I never felt good

enough, she was always, you know, very peppy, very popular, you know, my dad, you know,

they would call her the real Italian, you know, so already I'm feeling like, you know,

I'm not good enough, and, you know, and I, I, so I did everything opposite her, you know,

she was a cheerleader, and I was like, I hate cheerleaders, I hate that, those people, I

don't want to be around them, so I started hanging out with, with my people, like what

Greg talked about, I found these people that I could skip school and drink, and I would

steal my mom's volumes, and in seventh grade, I remember, I stole a volume, and I took it

before class, and I kept dropping my pencil, and I kept falling, reaching over to get it,

and falling out of my chair, and, you know, they took me to the principal's office, and,

you know, again, it was, why can't you be like your sister?

So, you know, it just was, you know, that, and then my name, Margo, oh my god, I hated

my name, because people made fun of my name, so, because there was, I remember there's

a commercial, Margo the prime puppy, oh my god, I didn't even want to go to school, because

I had to hear that, and then there was a toy called Marvel the Mustang, oh my, you know,

so I tormented, I needed a drink, very, you know, just always tense, so, but what happened

is I started hanging out with this girl, and she had an older brother, and so that's how

we could get alcohol, and I remember I went to a party, and I drank vodka, and I probably

acted drunker than I was, but I wanted to fit in, but that's what happened, is it made

me feel a part of, and, you know, and I, you know, because I don't have much time, but

I, I, you know, obviously I didn't drink every day, because 13, but I went to school, and,

but I tried to drink as much as I could, and my mom had, my mom and dad had alcohol in

their cabinet, and so I would try to drink some of that, and, you know, and then smoke

a little pot, and, you know, and then by the time I was about 15 or 16, I, you know, before

I had glasses, well I have glasses now, because I'm old, but I had glasses, I had buck teeth,

I was made fun of, it was, it was, it was hard, y'all, school was hard, and then, but

then I, you know, then I, my glasses, I quit wearing glasses, I got braces, and by the

time I was 16, then I started hanging out with these, like, rednecks, I guess, it was

a friend that I used to go to, and, you know, they're all, well, redneck hippies, so I go

with them, and, you know, we drink, and, and then I met a guy, and he was married, and,

you know, so here's the thing is, I didn't care about anybody, pretty much, I mean, I

think, you know, that's kind of the way my personality was coming around, is I was like,

what, what, what's going to make me happy, what do I have, right, you know, what do you

have for me, you know, I was going to bars, using a fake ID, I met this guy, he would

pick me up on the corner, I was supposed to be waiting for the bus to go to school, and

he picked me up, and, and I didn't care, you know, and his, you know, his wife was pregnant,

and, you know, and they called the house, and my mom, you know, confronted me, and I

was, you know, said, oh, she's crazy, you know, I don't know what she's talking about,

so I was doing that, still hanging out with these hippies, and so my, my mom, we had,

we had this artist friend, my mom and dad collected art, and we had an artist friend,

and his name was Henry Faulkner, and he was very well known in Lexington, he was gay,

he was outrageous, he would walk around with his goats, or his dogs, or his ducks, or whatever

the heck he had, he would stop traffic, and he used to come to our house and paint, and,

you know, and through him, there were all these underground gay drag queens, so I went

from going out with these rednecks and doing that, and I came home one night, and there,

my mom was there, and there were, there was this guy, he was kind of cute, you know, I

thought he had blonde hair, and he was showing these photos, but there were photos of him

drenched in fake blood with baby dolls, you know, around him, and, you know, and, and

I was fascinated, I was fascinated by him, so I started hanging out, he had all these

other friends, and they would come to our house, and, you know, I remember I came home

one night, and, you know, we all snorted amyl nitrate, because the poppers held hands and

did poppers, so I, you know, I drank and did drugs with my mom, and, you know, and I, when

I got sober, I mean, when I got sober, and people said that wasn't right, I didn't think

it was a problem, so that's why it was hard for me, because I was so used, that is just

perspective, right, it's my, you know, my thinking, or distorted thinking, so during

all this, the, the one of the guys was a, had opened a bar called LMNOP, and he had

this band, it was a punk bar in Lexington, and they were always getting people driving

by and shooting out the windows, but he had a band, and it was called, the band was called

The Thrusters, and my husband was the drummer, and I would see him at school at, when I,

this was, I was going to, to the University of Kentucky, and he was too, and I would see

him there, and then there was a theater in Lexington, and it was the Kentucky theater,

and one side they showed art, they would show art films, on the other side they would show

porn films, which we could have both, but I met him, you know, I used to see him, you

know, and he looked, you know, like a nice guy, and then the next time I saw him, he

had, you know, shaved his eyebrows, dyed his hair blue black, and he was playing the drums,

wearing a, wearing a chalk strap, and I was like, I'm in love, so, you know, but that,

you know, so it was great, because we both drank, we were both using, we were both kind

of on this path, right, and, you know, he, he was a little ahead of me there, but we

decided to go to move to my, my parents had sold their house, and they moved to California,

to Santa Barbara, my mom wanted to, my dad wanted to retire there, and so we decided

to get out, we wanted to get out of Lexington, I wanted to be a writer, he wanted to be a

rock star, and we were going to go to New York, and then LA seemed easier, because my

mom and dad were there, and so that's what we did, we, you know, we literally loaded

up the truck and moved to Beverly, well we had the, you know, the dogs, and we, and we

moved, and we started, you know, we just, I mean, it's, it's that geographic, you know,

you think things are going to be different, but it's the same, so now we just had more

opportunities to drink, because now the bars are open all hours, and then we had friends

there, and, you know, and then we did a lot of coke, and a lot of crystal meth, and, you

know, it's like what Greg said, it was more just to help me keep drinking, and my older

sister had come out here, and then I had another sister from my mom's first marriage, and she

lived out here with her husband, and we, they became, he became our coke deal, because he's,

he had coke, you know, I mean, it was just a family affair, you know, but I, you know,

and I got a job, and, you know, and I, so my thinking, you know, there was no, you know,

being in Lexington too, you know, going back a little bit, you know, the Bible felt, you

know, my, my family, they were not religious, so God was not in my vision, it wasn't part

of my life, and, you know, and when you don't have God, you know, you know, you end up in

bad places, I mean, and that was a big deal when we got sober, you know, I, I really had

a hard time with God, because I had, you know, my mom was like, no, no, no, right, you know,

it's patriarchy, and, you know, and, and, you know, we just didn't do that, anyway,

so we're out here doing our thing, you know, drinking, you know, and I got a job, and,

you know, and I, I don't know how to work for people, I mean, I don't want to, you know,

it's like, I know better, you know, I have that ego, and it's like, you know, I, I don't

want to do what you want me to do, and, you know, and I was fired, you know, and so, you

know, what, you know, when you get fired, at least I, I walked home, it was a long walk,

and then we, you know, partied, and, and that kind of seemed to be our life, and, and while

this was going on, Lydian, you know, he was doing his, he started a band, and he was,

you know, trying to make music, it was, you know, he was playing, and he's a good musician,

so he was trying to do his thing, but he, he decided to do this, this act where he would

wear a paper dress, and strip and do a flame dance, now the flame dance was, I don't want

to tell his story, but you got to see what I was around here, so he, we had learned,

we had, there was a black drag queen in Lexington called Toni La Flame, I kid you not, and she

did a flame dance, and so, you know, I mean, it was a good act, it didn't go too far, but,

so he was doing that, so he was doing his thing, and getting, you know, and getting

deeper and deeper into, into drugs, and, and, you know, and I was with him, you know, but

of course I was, you know, by then I had a job, a pretty good job, and he was doing,

he was doing deliveries, and he was, you know, using my car, you know, and getting tickets,

and, and, you know, and so what ended up happening is I, you know, I got pregnant, and, you know,

and I, you know, drinking, still drinking, or whatever, but, and I was probably about

maybe two or three months, and I went to do a checkup, and, you know, and Lydian was out,

like doing whatever, right, it was like in the morning, and the baby had died, so, you

know, I, you know, went searching for him, and I remember like the coke dealer that we

used to use, he lived up in the, up in the hills, and I, and like this garage, or like

a room, had no electricity, no running water, you know, and I went up there, kicked the

door, kicked it open, you know, looking for him, because I wanted him to be with me, right,

and I didn't know where he was, so I, you know, I had to, you know, have the baby taken

out, and, you know, and I had, I had terminated a couple of pregnancies, you know, when I

was in Lexington, and I really thought I was being punished, you know, I thought I, God

was punishing me, that this was, this was, I deserve this, this is what was going to

happen to me, and, you know, and they, you know, I went, I actually had a bottle of wine

with me, I don't know how the doctor gave me a Valium, and I remember I, you know, they

did the procedure, and then, you know, I went with, to my sisters and drank, you know, and

I think Lydia came back the next morning, and, you know, and I told him, you, you have,

you have to get sober, and, you know, it wasn't of course me, because, you know, I'm perfectly

fine, and I said, or, you know, I'm leaving you, or whatever, right, so, you know, and

then I went and met my friend at a bar and drank, but, so, you know, so what basically

happened is, he, he went to a meeting, and I remember he came back, and I was like, well,

how was it, and he said, well, they talked a lot about God, and I was like, yeah, no,

not for me, you know, I don't, we don't want to do that, but we were, you know, I mean,

there was no choices, there was no choices for us, so he, we had a friend who had gotten

sober, and he was from Lexington, and he, he took, lit, he, you know, started taking

him to meetings, and he was doing his thing, so in the meantime, you know, the car gets

booted, you know, and we can't drive it, and I'm just out of my mind, you know, and now

I'm, you know, I'm not, he's getting sober, and good for him, right, so, but I'm still

hanging with my friends and drinking any chance I could, because I didn't want to, what, didn't

have a problem, didn't think it was my, my problem, but what happened was, he, he wouldn't

fight with me anymore, you know, he, he would go to a, he was getting better, he would go

to a meeting, and I would be sitting on the couch just out of my mind, and he would get

up and go to a meeting, and so he told me I had to go to Al-Anon, well he didn't say

you had to, he suggested it, and, you know, I, I just, I'm just always fighting, you know,

and I always have my fist up, and always, you know, and I was like, I'm, no, but, but

I was so miserable inside, because I had nothing, I was so empty, you know, that I, something,

I needed something, so I went to, I started going to Al-Anon, and oh my god, I hated it,

everybody cried, it seemed like, and they were so loving, and you know, I think, you

know, Greg talked, I didn't, I didn't want anyone to talk to me, I didn't want to know,

I didn't want to share anything with you people, I had my, you know, my arms up, and, and I,

you know, I think God put somebody in my life, he put this woman in my life who was so tough,

you know, she said, I remember, I was like complaining about Lydie, and he's like, oh,

in the car, and you know, she goes, well, why did you keep giving him the car to use?

I went, because he needed it, you know, it just was like, she was trying to help me see

my part in things, and so she told me, she goes, I want you to get a piece of paper and

write, God's responsibilities, your responsibilities, and Lydiean's responsibilities, and she goes,

now keep your eyes on your own column, you know, and she took me to meetings, and what

the one thing is, she took me, we would go to open AA meetings, and she told me that

she wanted the girls that she sponsored to not drink for a year while they did the steps,

and I remember thinking, no, you know, I just thought, I was like, I just remember, you

know, thinking, okay, first of all, it's none of your business what I do, you know, whatever,

you know, I just, so, I mean, I kept drinking, and I kept trying to find Al-Anon, my Al-Anon

girls to drink with me, and no one, you know, and by this time, you know, I had a baby,

had a baby girl, and you know, and my, one of our really close friends was dying of AIDS,

he was dying, but I remember, I had an opportunity to go out and drink free, I mean, come on,

so I asked, I remember calling him and asking if he would babysit, and he just said, Margot,

I can't, you know, I mean, I, you know, I just, it was like, I didn't even think, you

know, my head was so crazy, you know, I just was like, but, but out, you know, and so I

got my Al-Anon sister to do it, and I went out and drank, so the problem is, is that,

you know, I, my drinking started getting less and less, because I'm surrounded by these

people, alcoholics, and you know, and then going to the meeting, the open AA meeting,

I found I was like laughing, you know, and I was kind of relating to what they were saying,

and you know, then I, I had, I got pregnant again, and God, I'm gonna start crying when

Greg was talking about his baby being premature, because Dalen was premature, my baby, he was,

but he was a little, he was a hefty two pounds, 15 ounces, and that was hard, he was in the

knee queue for, you know, for a couple of months, and I remember, you know, you know,

you have my head, just all the stuff going on in my head, and I can't drink like I want

to, and I'm going to Al-Anon, and they're feeding me this, I'm going to open AA meetings,

and I'm just insane, so when he came out, he was on an apnea monitor, and we had to,

you know, just watch him, and I immediately went to my mom's house in Santa Barbara, so

I could drink, because I couldn't drink at home, it was, you know, so I went up there,

I remember I had, you know, my daughter and my son, and you know, I'm supposed to stay

relatively alert, you know, at night, and I remember both, I was there for the weekend,

and both nights I drank till I passed out, I said fall asleep, but passed out, you know,

and you know, I'm lucky nothing happened to him, you know, and that's, so I, my Al-Anon

sponsor was good friends with Dr. Paul, and so we used to go and hear him talking, I could

always relate to him talking about the committee in your head, you know, and I would, you know,

because I would have, you know, I'd be asleep, and I'd wake up, and the committee, well,

the committee would be like, hey, you know, wake up, we've been talking about you, you

know, remember that, you know, that mistake you made at work, yeah, they're probably gonna

fire you, you're really, you know, you don't, you know, and you know, you know, let's talk

about your mother, you being a mother, you really suck, you know, I had that, that committee,

and so when we would meet with him, I, we went to lunch once with him and his wife Max,

and I remember she said, she was talking about when he got sober, and they said to her, you

know, you need, you should probably not drink to support your husband, and she said okay,

and I don't know why I heard, it was like, it was no big deal to her, like stopping drinking

was like, like okay, like no big deal, and I, and all I could think is like, oh my God,

it was like, that was meant, alcohol meant so much to me, it was such, you know, that

I was like, I, how did she do that, you know, what, how, I don't understand, so I talked

to Dr. Paul, and he, you know, I mean, he 12-stepped me pretty much, and he told me,

go to, he goes, go to some open AA meetings and see if they kick you out, he goes, raise

your hand and see if they kick you out, and, and at that time too, I'd done another inventory,

my Al-Anon sponsor said, you need to read to an alcoholic, and so I, I did, I read it,

and you know, and it's so funny, of all the stuff that I did, and I did some really awful

stuff, the thing I didn't want to tell her, is that I had been borrowing money from Al-Anon,

I was the treasurer, and I meant to pay it back, but then I was like, oh, whatever, I

mean, I can't keep track, so, you know, and I, and I was almost out the door, I'll never

forget, I just, you know, because I've done things, you know, I read things that, you

know, that I had done, and, and, you know, and, and that's so, what's so wonderful about

the four-step, you know, and then she shared with me, and, you know, and, and, you know,

and I felt like I wasn't such a dirty person, right, and then, you know, and learning to

trust in God, but I was walking out the door, and I was not, that of all things, I was not

going to tell that, it was so, and I stopped at the door, and I went, okay, there's one

more thing, and I told her, because I knew I was going to have to go back to the, my

home, used to be my home meeting, and stand up, and say what I did, and I did have to

do that, and it was, and they all laughed at me, and that, you know, that's what, you

know, that's what I, you know, this, this program, as much as I've, I've bought it,

and, you know, and, you know, this and that, it has saved my life, you know, and I'm so

happy that I've had sponsors that are louder than my head, and, you know, I mean, my first

sponsor, she would just tell me nice things like, go to a meeting, take the cotton out

of your ears, and put it in your mouth, you know, and no one wants to hear what you have

to say, which I was really insulted, because I was like, I'm a college graduate, and she's

like, yeah, nobody wants to hear what you have to say, you know, and, and I needed that,

because I'm not, you know, I'm not like, light candles, and take a bath, and feel, you know,

comfortable about myself.

I need, I need that strong sponsorship, and I need, and the, the people I related to were

these really gruff, mean guys that would say things, and I was like, oh my god, I relate

to that, that, that anger, you know, and that feeling, and, you know, but again, I had to

go through the steps, you know, because if I hadn't gone through the steps, I would be

drinking again, and going through the steps and having those character defects, because,

you know, that, that was really hard, because, you know, I would just think, you know, people

wouldn't annoy me, I wouldn't have to say these things, you know, this person hadn't,

you know, cut me off in traffic, you know, then I wouldn't have to flip them off, but

they need to be, you know, so changing that behavior, you know, and, and doing, you know,

I remember I went to my, the job I was at, and I asked for a raise, and they said no,

and my immediate reaction was, well, I'm going to quit, right, and so, of course, I called

my sponsor, and she said, no, no, you're not going to quit, you're actually going to now

give 120%, you're going to give more, so it's that kind of, that opposite thinking of absolutely

not what I would be, my first thing, is do the opposite, act better than you feel, you

know, be kind to others, you know, because I, you know, my husband knows I have a really

sharp tongue, and, you know, a strain of tongue and pen, and, you know, and those twisted

personal relationships that I had, that I had to make amends, you know, for, even though

I thought they deserved it, you know, I remember I went to, I was going to the Pacific group,

and I pulled up in the parking lot, and I was like, there's no parking, and the girl

goes, well, if you got here earlier, and I flipped her off and said, F you, you know,

and I knew right away, as soon as I did that, I was like, God, you know, I knew I was going

to, you know, make amends, and that's growth for me, because you should be like, I don't

care, but, you know, but I knew, I don't like, I can't feel like, I can't do that anymore,

I am not that person, I've got to, you know, act better than I feel, and do the opposite

of what I'm going to do, so I had to freaking make amends, so I went in and confessed to

my sponsor, and she told me, and I did, and so it's really hard, because she, I was waiting

for her to go, no, I probably shouldn't have said that, and she didn't say that, she just

said, that was a really annoying, but, you know, I mean, my, you know, my mom was super

disappointed that we were sober, that we got sober, really disappointed, I'm not kidding,

so this, you know, I mean, and she, because all the people that I hung out with, all these,

all my little gay friends and drag queens, they're all sober, you know, and we, they,

you know, and it, and that is a miracle from what we came from, and, you know, and I, you

know, right now, you know, I mean, we, we have a great life, I have a really good life,

and the only reason I have it is because of AA, it's because of the steps, and because

I listen, and grudgingly sometimes, not with a good attitude, I'm getting better, but I

do, you know, what I'm supposed to do, and because now when I'm mean to somebody, or

if I say something, you know, that tense step, it's like, I don't feel good, I used to like

it, you know, it's like, oh, you want to give me that, I'll give you, I'll give it right

back to you, I don't do that anymore, it's just, I'm not that person, I try not to be,

and you know, and, you know, right now I'm dealing with my, my sister is drinking, she's

drinking herself to death, you know, and I think, I'm supposed to be an example, why

aren't I an example to her, that, you know, she's sitting in Santa Barbara, just drinking,

just sitting and drinking, and, you know, calling me, and, and, you know, she called

me the other day, and she, when she starts feeling bad, and she said, I need help, I

need help, and she cried, and I feel so bad, and I told her, I said, I don't know, I said,

you need to go to AA, I don't know what to tell you, what it's done for me, and she,

the other day, she went, oh, I'm past AA, I'm, and I, she goes, no, I'm long past what

AA, you know, and I'm like, what, what, what does that mean, you know, that's the disease,

I mean, I, I get to see this disease, like, you know, because I, and I think, what if

I kept drinking, what if, what if Lydia and I kept drinking, you know, what kind of, I

mean, I, I know that I have that in me, you know, my mom kept drinking too, and she would

be really mean, and, and, you know, and she, she was in a senior living, and nobody liked

her, but she said it was because she looked better than all of them, you know, you know,

but I know I would be that person, you know, it's, it's, you know, I would, I would be

that person, you know, I got, you know, and I, and my sister, it's, there's nothing I

can do, and the thing is, is she has money, she has a place to live, you know, she has

all this, and, you know, and that is the, the brutality, and the, the, you know, the,

God, I can't think of any words, just alcoholism, like, it doesn't matter, it just doesn't matter,

and it is hard, you know, and, and I don't know if she's going to want to take those

hard steps, you know, and I, and I told her, I said, there's nothing I can do, and, you

know, and then she said she was going to go to a meeting, and the most I did is I found

meetings for her, and gave them to her, and, you know, and I haven't heard from her today,

so I, you know, it's, it's hard, I don't know, you know, it's a hard thing, and, you know,

I, so I have to, you know, I have to talk to my sponsor, because I, you know, I, I've

said I feel like I'm allowing her to drink, you know, she's like laying at her own feces,

I mean, it's bad, but it's, you know, but that's that alcoholism, it doesn't matter,

it doesn't matter, you know, it doesn't matter that she has sober, you know, that her, her

daughter's getting married, you know, and, you know, and I think, I, you know, I just

think, my God, I'm so lucky, I'm so lucky that I get to go, go to meetings, and listen,

and keep an open mind, you know, because I used to not be able to do that, but listen,

and not listen for the differences, or, you know, how they got where they got there, but

what their feelings were, and, you know, and, you know, our plan, you know, we're getting

near retirement, and, you know, I'm, as I said, Italian, and I just, you know, I got

my Italian citizenship, and, you know, and that's what we want to do, I mean, I don't

know, we want to go to Italy, you know, and retire there, and see what happens, you know,

and, you know, I have, you know, my daughter has had, you know, she's, she had Crohn's,

she was really sick, and we didn't know what it was, and, you know, and I, you know, I

just did the next indicated action, and I had AA helping me, and I remember thinking,

she's never going to be able to, you know, because this is the thing, is my thinking

is so, you know, negative sometimes, that I just think, I know the answers, and, you

know, and then God's like, oh no, this is what's going to happen, right, you know, this

is how it's going to be, and I thought, she's not going to be able to have children because

of her Crohn's, because she had part of her alien removed, and, you know, and I'm like,

and she wanted kids, and I'm like, oh my God, so we, you know, she's had three kids, so

hello, you know, so, you know, and she just had, so, you know, I have to remember what,

what my thinking is, you know, it's like, I have to remember, is, is God in there, you

know, when I'm thinking this, is this where, you know, is this, am I including God, or,

or why do I think I know what God has plans for anyone, you know, for my daughter, or

for my son, you know, they have their God, and, you know, our son, you know, he came

out to us when he was 15, and, you know, and I remember, I, I, he always, his room was

always so messy, and I, and I said to him, I'm like, I mean, if you're gay, shouldn't

your room be a little cleaner, you know, and he goes, that's a stereotype, I'm like, yeah,

but it's a good one, you know, it's like, come on.

So he's, you know, and he's, he has his past, too, I mean, it's, you know, life happens,

it's just like what Greg was saying, I mean, it's like, just because I'm sober, you know,

bad things don't happen, you know, my, you know, daughter doesn't get Crohn's, my son

isn't born premature, my, you know, my sister isn't drinking herself to death, you know,

and my older sister Leanne, who was, you know, like our, kind of our rock, you know, she

got pancreatic cancer out of nowhere, out of nowhere last year, and she died like three

months later, and it was awful, you know, and she was, she used to say, I'm the Switzerland

between you and your, you know, you and Lucia, because she wouldn't get in between us, and

she was, you know, it, that was like a really big loss, you know, but it's, that's what

happens, you know, and there's nothing I can do about it, you know, and it, and it was,

it was hard.

So anyway, I, you know, like I said, things happen, and, you know, and then I just get

to go to a meeting, or I sponsor someone who's crazy, and I think that's, God puts people

in your life, and she's like, oh my God, she's got her, you know, she's got her fists up

like I did, you know, and everyone's always out to get her, and, you know, and, and, you

know, it just, you know, I have a good life, despite all that I have a good life, the kids,

my daughter and her husband live in the house in front, and, and our house, and we built

an ADU, and we live in the back, and so every day those little girls, you know, come in

our, come in our house, and we call, you know, I'm Nona, no grandma, it's Nona, and no no,

you know, and, you know, and it's a wonderful life, and I absolutely wouldn't have that

if it wasn't for AA.

People like you show up at meetings doing commitments that I freakin' hate to do, but

I do, and, you know, because that's what keeps me sober.

So anyway, thank you for having me.