Kathy's Journey: From Teen Punk to Sober Recovery

Hi, my name is Kathy. I'm an alcoholic and I really don't have to speak because Adam you just knocked it out of the park

I'm not I'm really gonna end up repeating a lot of what you said

You know if you're new if you're new here if you're old here if you're whatever

Hello everyone, especially my my dear friends and sponsors. I really appreciate you being here

Um, I am blessed. I am grateful

I have what they say in this program of a new freedom and a new happiness

And you couldn't told me that when I came in in January 15th 1987. I know I look really good

um, I came into alcoholics anonymous the first time because my father's secretary was sober a

few years and I was working in the office next to her and I was showing up drunk and on other things and

She knew I had a problem. And so she took me to a meeting and I wasn't ready. It's not that AA wasn't great

I wasn't ready. I was 18 years old and I went to the Brentwood meeting and

When they said, you know, are there any new people here?

I raised my hand not because I believed it but because everyone else around me was raising their hand and that's what I did

I'll do whatever I have to do keep you off my back

You know, it's born and raised in Santa Monica to a wonderful family of a chemical physicist and a physical chemist

I was a geek from the day. I was born. I was born on April 1st. I'm a twin, you know

The big joke in our house was we didn't get Barbie dolls. We got molecular building sets, you know

And I wanted to be cool and I don't know where that came from

Um, I remember when I walked into that Brentwood meeting and there were some old-timers there and they're like

Do you remember your first drink? No, I don't his drinking was a way of life in our house

I don't remember it but boy do I remember that feeling and you touched on it Adam that feeling like when I drank I didn't

Care anymore. I just didn't want to care. I didn't want to feel guilty. I didn't want to care

I just I used to describe it as that tingly feeling of Christmas morning, you know

I'm drinking everything will be fun for a bit. Um when I was a teenager we moved to Europe

Which was where my drinking took off we lived in France and at that time there really wasn't a drinking age

And so at 13 I asked my parents for a case of Bordeaux now most parents with a child who's asking for that

Michael there may be an issue here. Um, but my parents were very impressed by my choice

They thought I you know and they ended up getting it obviously didn't give it to me

But shared it because like I said drinking was a way of life

My parents neither of them neither of them were alcoholics

But they left the environment for an alcoholic to thrive, you know, and you talked about amends and you know

I I know some people do what it was like what happened and what it's like today

I don't think that way so forgive me and sometimes I

Start to say something and I don't finish so feel free to catch me after the meeting go

But did you you know, um, but I remember you know

We came back from Europe and I really didn't fit in because I didn't fit in rather than try to fit in

Rather try to be that Girl Scout again or be that you know nerdy kid

I became a punk because that way if I walked in the room, you knew I was off you didn't question it

You know if I tried to walk in like a normal person like something's weird with her

But if I walked in weird, it was out on the table. Um, I stole and I stole a lot

Um, I stole from my parents. I didn't consider it stealing when I did my inventory with my sponsor

I was like, you know, I borrowed this money. I'm gonna pay it back

she said, you know Kathy borrowing without asking is called stealing and I was like

It never occurred to me. I didn't think of it as stealing because it was family, you know

but I needed it because you see I'm a teenager and I'm trying to get alcohol and I'm trying to get other stuff and I'm

hanging around Hollywood and I'm going out with friends and my parents they they kind of had a

Lacey fair attitude with us like as long as we were getting straight A's who cares what you're doing

Just don't get into trouble fast forward to when I was 17

My mom asked me I won't say asked me my mom insisted that I move out now I say move out

I moved out she kicked me out and the reason she kicked me out was for the year the prior year

She had to I'm sorry. She died not too long ago

She had to take her purse put it in a file cabinet lock the file cabinet and put the key

Inside her pillowcase so that I wouldn't steal she had to watch the odometers on the cars

Because I would steal the cars, you know

um, so I was asked to leave and if you're an alcoholic like me you have lots of friends and I have a lot of

Friends who are my lower companions. Um, you know

It's really interesting because that same mother years later because of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous

Asked me to be power of attorney over her finances now

I have a twin sister and an older sister who never bounced a check. I

Stole thousands of dollars. I wrote so many bad checks and this was right when check systems was starting

I'm old and years ago. They didn't have that and when I was in Europe at one point I wrote close to

$15,000 worth of checks to American Express and I said it was to an account that had it back home and it didn't and

When I came into Alcoholics Anonymous, I still had a checking account

I was you know

I had done stuff but I didn't feel the repercussions till I wrote a check to a woman in our group and the check bounced

And all of a sudden I get notified by the banks that you can't have an account here anymore

And I remember running around on a Friday to seven different banks

Trying to get an account and I'm nine months sober, you know, it was I it was like I wanted that sobriety check in the mail

I'm sober now, you know, I've changed, you know, and they're like no

No, you haven't and I remember my sponsor's late husband Vince talked to me in the yard

The yard is a Saturday thing that we went to in our group and he said cap

You're gonna have to live off of money orders and you're gonna have to make this up

You're gonna have to clean up your your financial affairs and it's funny because I married a man in who was also

sober member in our group and we were married a little bit and he's like

I want to get you on my account and I'm like sweetie telling you I can't and we went down to the bank

I'll never forget this and we're there in the guys like what can I you know, how can I help you?

And Jim's like I'd like to put her on the account and he's like, okay

And what's your social and I tell him and he goes I'm sorry

What's your social and I tell him and he goes and he looks at my husband and husband he goes

Yeah, we can't and I looked him I said I'm not making this up, you know

My father when I when I got sober and started making my amends

I went into my father's office and I said dad I stole from you and I owe you money and I'm

Gonna pay you back and he's like hold on and he grabbed a ledger out. Yeah, he had he had money

I wasn't even gonna tell him about that. I had stolen and compound interest and thank goodness

My sponsor told me amends are not just an apology

It's doing what makes them forgive you, you know

and what I can tell you is years later this same father also made me power attorney over his

Finances and my older sister is an accomplished doctor. My twin sister is an accomplished scientist and I'm the alcoholic

But they saw it

You know, um Denise Denise and I met I was speaking at this meeting and I was telling the story of you

See if you're standing in between me and my alcohol you're gonna lose

I I have no scruples to walk through you and I was about to get kicked out of UCLA

I was a student there and I knew if I got kicked out of UCLA, I get no support from my family

You know, they would cut me off

So and my father is Denise knows because she worked with them was a professor there

so I went to the counselor and I said the reason I'm not doing one showing up to class is

Because my dad's having an affair with a student and I know you can't say anything and you know and she couldn't

She's the counselor and I went to my father's office that same day and I walked in and I'm crying

Cuz I'm good at crying, you know

These days I cry sincerely back then I cried manipulatively and I said dad

I think I have a chemical dependency issue because you see I'd learned it from the secretary

I think I have a chemical dependency issue. I'm gonna go away for a bit and get help

Oh and here's your American Express card because he had put me on it because he's an idiot. No, I love it

I said, here's the card. I'm not going to Europe. I'm gonna go get help and he's like good

I hope so. That's a great I walked out of that office

I had already had the replacement card in my pocket because I had reported that one stolen and I had the ticket and went off

To Europe and back then you couldn't follow your accounts online

and my dad years later told me he remembers the day the American Express bill came in and he ran in the backyard to

My mom and said she's in London

Think about the pain I caused you know after I had about two years of sobriety my parents got divorced and if you're you know

If you're an alcoholic like me, there is nothing better than fighting parents

I could get what I want

But I had a program and I had to be really honest and kind about it

And I remember my dad one day saying, you know, your mom has a drinking problem, you know when you were younger

I used to go to the liquor cabinet

It was empty all the time and we'd always buy more and she was drinking it and I had to sit there and say dad

That wasn't her. That was me. And I remember you know, you talked about reflecting

I remember going home after that

Conversation saying this is what it's like to have a disease that affects other people and we don't even realize it

You know, um, I I have two sisters who were perfect, you know

and when my father was really sick, um, he had to stay with us for a bit and

My older sister I had kept trying to make amends

I had apologized as you know, and there was nothing I could do

I was being a good sister and all that but she had a lot of anger towards me for things

She knew I had done to the family and when my father got sick

I had about 24 years of sobriety and she flew down to see him and she flew back up north and she called me and

She said my you've changed now. Those are words

I've never expected those are words I had given up and it was it changed our relationship. She trusted me

I'm the one she came to when she left her husband and had a lot of other life changes

You know, um, you know, I got sober in the Pacific group

I had been going there for a few weeks and like I said I came in with spiked white hair

I looked I walked in and you knew I was new you knew I was loud and you knew I was new

And there were a lot of people running up different. Oh, she'd be a good sponsor for you

She'd be you know all this and it was always like women with chopsticks in their hair or you know outrageous outfits

I'm like whatever and I sat in the meeting and I don't know what the speaker said

But and I don't know if you've experienced this but I was sitting that meeting

I wasn't sure if a was for me and whatever the speaker said that night opened that little spot where all of a sudden I thought

This could work. It probably won't but it could it might um, the girl next to me

It's my friend Michelle and the couple behind me

The woman handed me her card when I raised my hand for being a newcomer and Michelle said she'd be good and I've had Pat

Now for you know, 38 years and seven months and whatever, you know

I haven't had Pat all that time because I'm a perfect sponsee

I haven't had Pat for all that time because she's a perfect sponsor

I've had Pat all that time because she lives an example of a life a sober life that I want

You know when I had a couple of years of sobriety

Um, so I would say, you know

I was listening to someone recently who said like they got involved in their first year and my sponsor was very big

Like you do not get involved with anyone your first year. So I didn't I just slept around and to me

That was not getting involved

And so, you know, you can't do that in a big group and try to keep it a secret

but I was pretty good at it and my I

Came to the Saturday night meeting and my friend Jim comes up and he's like, oh my gosh

You're seeing so-and-so and I'm like what and he said well Pat said in front of the whole finance class that you're seeing and I

Was devastated. This is my sponsor and I remember going up to her at the meeting saying we need to talk

We sat outside and it was the break before the main speaker and I said Pat Jim said you said this and she goes

No

I didn't and I'm like Pat Jim said I never ever said anything like that and I was like, okay

All right, and I went back into the meeting and I started looking around for other old-time women

You know, who am I gonna get to sponsor the meeting ended?

There was gonna be a party and Pat pulled me outside because I need to talk to you and I said what she goes

you know, I didn't say it that way but this is what I said and she owned it and I had two years and I'm an

Arrogant little brat in sobriety and I'm like, well, I don't know if I can be sponsored by you, you know

Just like and she was so great in her example of like I understand

You let me know and I went home and I started to write about what happened and I realized if I wasn't taking bad actions

She could talk about me all she wanted if I'm taking bad actions and she talks about me

It's not her fault. It's my fault and it really changed the way I was

Like I said, I was a thief

And it's funny because today I work in a business and I have for the last 18 years

Where I take people's money for the good

I'm a major gifts officer and everybody says how honest I am and how much integrity I have in blah blah blah and inside

I'm dying, you know, I I'm I'm anonymous out there and anonymity is really important to me

And I know that there are a lot of people who can go there and they say all the time, you know

I'm sober and blah blah blah. That's great

But for me, it was really important to be anonymous out there

and I remember I was going to a

faculty dinner one night and I had brought my husband at the time Jim and we sat down and one of my

Colleagues pulled me aside and he said Kathy. I hate to do this. Um, do you guys mind moving tables?

And I was like, mmm sure what's the problem?

he says well Greg over here got a DUI last year and he

Recognizes your husband from meetings and he wants to drink and it's so funny because I didn't sit there and go well

You know, I'm sober too. I just went okay. All right. Okay, I understand

It's not my place to tell you to get sober years later Greg got sober, you know

And he walked up to me and he said, you know, I didn't realize you were sober and I'm like, what's what should I've said?

you know, it's the example I have a

So the last few years have been kind of crazy

let's just say that we all know we all went through COVID and I had worked really hard in sobriety to

Repair that relationship with my mom and she lived in Calabasas and I had a town home in Sherman Oaks

I had moved my son's family in because they were struggling and I was really happy with my life and COVID hits and my mom

Asked me to come over one day

This is the woman who kicked me out at 17 and she asked if I'd move in with her and I told her well if I

move in with you

everyone has to move in with you because they're living with me and she's like

I love that idea of a multi-generational home and I remember leaving her place crying calling my sponsor

Not out of gratitude out of sheer terror

I'm like Pat I've got this relationship down when I only have to see her every so often

Living with her is a whole different thing, you know

meetings were all on zoom and I would be asked to speak and I couldn't speak because she's in the next room and

She came to one one a meeting when I was taking a cake and the main speaker was a guy named

Don Newcomb some of you may have known and she's sitting there and he's talking about drinking wood alcohol

And she's just like looks at me. She goes he should be dead and I'm like, yeah a lot of us should be you know

But in her eyes it was like my daughter couldn't be here and while we had our struggles and we worked it out

my sponsor was like the last thing you need to do in her late stage of life is

Tell her your entire story and we've thought about is that's a form of anonymity, you know

I don't have to tell everyone but I do need to be there for the women I sponsor for my friends

They need to be there for me for my sponsor and I need to have the hand of a a out there and available

you know, I um, so we moved in and my mom got very very sick and in

2023 February she passed away and it's so funny because she wanted to die in her home

She was in a rehab facility and she was really falling apart and the doctors like she's not gonna make it. I said great

Let's bring her home because that's what she wants and we move the furniture in the living room

So she could look out on her

she had this beautiful view of the whole valley and they roll her in on the gurney and her first comment to me is

You move the couches and I just like I love her

That's my mom a month after she passed away. Um, I ended up in the emergency room and Nate

Thank you so much for all your patience. He has booked me a few times and we've had to change

Anyway a month after my mom died. I ended up in the emergency room

They weren't sure if I was having a heart attack. They did blood work. They found out I was severely anemic

You know, I'm in the hospital bed and I'm calling people like getting commitments covered, you know

I call my friend whose husband is on the board of directors at our school and I'm like

I just want you guys to know I'm in the hospital and she's like

And I said I just don't want Ed showing up there and hearing it from someone else. She's like what?

I said, I don't know they're running tests and all that and the cardiologist walks in and he's like

I have great news because your heart is perfect. Your veins are perfect

you are perfect in that way, but the pulmonologist is gonna come talk to you and I'm like

And he came in and they had done a scan and basically from here down to the top of my thighs

I have cancer everywhere. I look like a Dalmatian

I have a stage four cancer and the pulmonologist says to me. This is the second day. I'm in the house

Um, yeah, you should get your affairs in order and enjoy your days. Just remember that I mean Ferlet remembers

I was like enjoy your days, you know, but lucky for me. I've seen miracles happen

I have another disease other than cancer. I have a disease of alcoholism

I'm not promised tomorrow if I follow these steps if I follow the treatment plan of alcohol synonymous

Calling my sponsor being of service working the steps, you know all of this stuff

I haven't and I don't drink I have another day

And so I applied that thought process that lifestyle to cancer and I you know

I went to cancer support groups in the beginning and you know, this is a fun lively group

You guys love each other. Like you said Adam, it's a fun group

There are a groups that are really depressing and it's the same with cancer and like I'm sitting in the first support group

And it's like yeah, I'm gonna die next week

It's awful. And I'm like get me out of here. Like I can't do this

They put me on very heavy-duty chemo

Keytruda my sponsees and my friends saw my hair fall out saw my skin go wild, you know weak

I had points where I couldn't even lift up my cell phone and AA was always around people are always there

But the other thing that happened was people in the community were around and that really surprised me

Like I expect my tribe of alcoholics to be around

But that means I carried this out there and people have hair were around and that blew my mind, you know

Two and a half years later. So I'm enjoying my taste, you know my

Oncologists, I have a couple

They and their entire team are like you were the happiest person

One of my oncologists said if I saw you on the street

I'd not I wouldn't know how sick you are and all I'm thinking is yeah, and you're talking about cancer

You don't know what all it's like. It's really sick, you know, um, I have truly been blessed

I had I got married in sobriety a week before I got married. I told you I'd jump around a bit

Um, so I told you in the beginning of my sobriety. I kind of slept around I had a hard time committing

Um, I like options. Um, I ended up meeting this guy, you know

They always said you'll meet the guy you least you'll get to get a guy you least suspect

So I'd watch the guys come off the skid row bus like

But it was the guy I least suspected

it was the guy sitting next to me at meetings and we got married and we had three wonderful kids and

our middle child came down with spinal meningitis and encephalitis and we went on a

series of years of therapies for cat and then therapies for my oldest and we found out he was autistic my my

Youngest child is dyslexic and we're like, oh, that's easy. Like we can deal with dyslexia

um when my youngest was in so when my children were in high school, my oldest would come in and

You could see he was stoned and I'm like Sheamus. Come on, and he's like what nothing and his eyes are dilated

I'm like you're forgetting who you're talking to, you know, um and my youngest during that time

Um Thanksgiving before his of his senior year. He went mom. I'm just going over to my phone to Luke's house

We're just gonna hang out. We're not gonna go anywhere, you know, and I don't know about you an alcoholic like me

We're not gonna do anything means we're gonna do something

So the next morning I get a call from the uncle of Luke says you may want to take Brendan to the emergency room

We didn't want to do it last night because we know he was on then

Gonna be on the national rugby team and we don't want to ruin that and I'm like, hey, and so we rush him to the

emergency room he had fallen down um and hit a

fire pit and then concrete and shattered his jaw and the funny thing is I know

Only an alcoholic would say the funny thing is I have a friend who's past Susie who fell into a fire pit

So I'm like, oh we've got this down

don't work and I remember walking into the emergency room and my husband was like we are gonna sue them this is awful and like

Calm down because my son is flipped out because he's an alcoholic and he knows he's not hiding it anymore

And he's scared to death and I kind of pushed my husband said calm down and I went up to my son

I said you don't have to live like this

It doesn't have to get worse and I gave him

the program and I said I pulled out the meeting directory and I circled the meetings that my husband and I went to and I

said if you want to see us go to these meetings if you don't want to see us don't go to those meetings and he got

Involved in a really spectacular group out here. They I mean they were so funny when they would see him they'd

Sing Ring of Fire and I just thought that's that's alcoholics and others. I mean we make light of absurd things

um

Brendan ended up getting married and moving to Alabama and I went to visit him one day and he sat me down and he says

Mom, you know, I want to let you know. I don't think I'm an alcoholic now

I'm sitting there going. Oh, no, honey, you are but I live the program of alcoholics anonymous

I can't tell someone you're an alcoholic if they don't think they are I can't make them so I said Brendan

I want you to know I will always love you whether you're sober or not. I just hope it works out

So fast forward I'm in Calabasas taking care of my mother living in this crazy house

And he calls me and I'm sitting outside in my car and he's in tears. He's like mom Mickey's gonna leave me

I've been drinking a lot. He would he worked from home

And so when she would leave with the kids he'd drink all day and she'd come back, you know

And he's crying and I said Brendan

I happen to know there's a lot and he was in he was in Nashville by this point

I said I happen to know there's a lot of good AA in Nashville and why don't you go he says I don't want to

I said don't go for you go for your family have an open mind. That was about three years ago. He is super active

He runs a panel. He has a group of guys

he is so in love with a

My middle child when my mom was sick in the ICU and I'm driving up to the hospital

I get a call from my kids boyfriend and he's like I can't take her anymore

I need to drop her off. She's drinking. I'm like, okay drop her off at the house

I mean

I don't know what to do and comes in and literally goes into the bedroom and

detoxes and my older son is furious at her, you know, and I'm like, she's an alcoholic now call it

Um, we were able to get cat into treatment and we were laughing because now cat works at that treatment facility

you know and cat is very involved in their a not my a very and we and and that's the

Blessing we have in LA of so many different meetings because I don't know about you

I don't know that I could sit in a meeting with my parents here though. They weren't alcoholics

I've always invited my kids to hear my story. Thank God. They haven't come and heard it

But they knew you know when they were growing up we had parties

We had a lot of AA people over they knew a lot of the people from Pacific group

Which is why they didn't want to go there

I was laughing about it

But AA has been a blessing and I was reflecting on it today

When it says you will know a new freedom and a new happiness and the little words

Little words make a difference because they don't say you're gonna have freedom and happiness

You're gonna have something new and it's absolutely true. This is not any happiness. I ever had

Drinking shots of Jack Daniels. This is not happiness

I ever had of getting away with stealing money from people the freedom the freedom

to be able to walk in the world to drive and not worry that the police are gonna pull me over to be able to

Open my mail when it arrives. I couldn't do that before and it sounds silly to people outside of AA

I don't live in fear

I live with a new freedom and a new happiness and I am so grateful for all of you and for AA and let it

Thank you for letting me share