Finding Family and Sobriety Through Music and Faith

I'm Fred. I'm an alcoholic. I'm grateful to be here and sober. My sobriety date is December 3rd, 2014. I have a sponsor. His name is Nathan Sixson. And Abraham, thanks for asking me to come and share. And thanks, Ara, for being here. Ryan, David, Ish, USR. My home group is the USR group in Northridge.

I'm Patty. Thanks for writing. Thanks for driving me. Thanks for writing over here. And me and Patty go, whenever she speaks, I go and hear, listen to her talk. And I always enjoy her talk. So Alcoholics Anonymous has been good to me. You know, Alcoholics Anonymous has shown me how to live this life, you know, sober, like a sober member. I didn't know how to live.

You know, I did not know how to live. I was born in Iran. I'm Armenian. I have a brother and a sister younger than me, about a year younger than me. My brother's a year younger. My sister's a couple years younger. And yeah, we had everything that we asked for. You know, I was never, you know, my parents always provided for us. You know, we never, you know, felt like we were short, you know, on anything, you know, when we were living over there.

You know, and then they decided, you know, because of the war and all that, this was back in the 70s, 80 something, 84, 85. They decided to leave because it was getting too dangerous. And I didn't, they didn't want me to go to the army and all of that. So we, they decided to come here. I didn't know at the time why, you know, I had everything I needed over there. I had my bicycle, you know, my little bicycle. I love my bicycle, you know. But yeah, they wanted to come here. And at the time, you know, I felt like I was going to die.

I felt like they were taking something from me, you know. They had to sell everything, the house, all my toys, my bicycle. And they had taken something from me. And I remember on the airplane coming here, coming, getting out of there because we went from there to Germany because we couldn't leave and come to the United States. We had to lie and say that we're going on vacation, you know, in order to get out of there. And we were going to Germany. I remember on the plane saying, you know, I'm never going to see my family.

I'm never going to see my family again. You know, I'm never going to see my grandparent, grandma, grandpa, you know, and uncles. And I haven't, you know, I haven't gone back, you know. And my couple of my uncles on my dad's side and my grandma were able to come here, you know, a few years later, way a few years later. But, you know, I got to see them. And I remember, yeah, I remember I was really sad, you know, and why do we have to leave? And, you know, I never, I was crying, you know, broken.

And went to Germany for the first time, you know, went from a Muslim country where you had to, you know, where my mom always had to be covered up and all of that stuff. And when we were in Germany, she didn't wear that, you know. And in my psyche, I'm like, oh, mom, you know, like I was scared, you know, like put it back on. They're going to come, you know, like because they used to come in your house without invitation, you know, just to come in, you know.

And I was like, mom, you know, where are you?

Oh, Fred, it's me.

It's okay. It's okay. You know, it's not like that here, you know. And it was a surprise to me, you know. And again, in my psyche, you know, police and guards and all of those kind of things. I was always on guard, you know, fear, you know.

And so went to Germany. And then from Germany, we came to the United States. I got here in 1990 with my family. And we ended up in Glendale, little Armenia. And, you know, and there was a lot of Armenians around.

So we got a little community over.

And, you know, I started hanging around with the guys, you know, the, you know, fifth grade, sixth grade, you know, seventh grade, you know. And, you know, I remember when I was in the fifth grade, I used to listen to, I still listen to Michael.

Michael Jackson is one of my favorite, you know, artists. And I love music. Music was a way of, you know, for me was a way of expression. But, you know, and I remember my uncles back in Iran, they used to listen to Michael Jackson, BGs, you know.

And all of them, you know, American music, you know. And they used to break dance, you know. And I remember watching them. They had parties and stuff like that and watching them drinking, you know.

And I was like, wow, you know, that's what life is about, right? They're drinking, having a good time, you know, and all of that stuff.

And so anyway, by music, you know, where was I going with this, with Michael Jackson? I don't know how I got there. But, oh, yeah, the talent show.

So fifth grade, I just had got here to the United States and my neighbor saw me, you know.

That I could move, I could dance and all of that stuff. And he got me to join the talent show, you know, in fifth grade.

And once I did the talent show, the whole school knew who I was. So that's how, you know, I became popular, you know.

I just started to jump. I just got to the United States and I did this thing. And fifth grade, sixth grade, seventh grade, eighth grade, all these kids, you know, knew who I was, you know, because of that cool experience.

You know, I didn't even know nothing about nothing. And so that's how it went.

So years later.

Went by and all of that. And, you know, my parents, you know, were very guarded. They always guarded, you know, make sure, you know, I went to school, came home on the right time, this and that, you know, very guarded.

Then there was problems in their marriage, you know, their problems, you know, my dad used to get drunk real bad, you know, you know, beat up on my mom and this and that.

And I got to see this.

I was claiming I was cheating on her and she was cheating.

On him and all of that stuff.

And hearing that those kind of things, it was it was like, let me find out, you know, and so I was anyway.

So that's where I saw alcohol, you know, where what it did to my dad, you know, like like the beating and all of those things and beating us up and all of that.

And but he was a he was a good, you know, he's a good person was not drinking.

Right. And so I remember when they were separating, you know.

They did get back together, you know, fight, get back together, fight.

And finally they had broke up, you know, and they split and all of that stuff.

And they let me go.

You know, they were like, you know, I didn't have to show up on time.

I didn't have a curfew.

And little by little, you know, they let me stay out late, you know, and hanging out with the guys and all of that stuff, you know.

And back at a high school, I graduated high school by the skin of my teeth.

I graduated.

You know, and and I remember my my history teacher, you know, I was barely graduating.

And she was like, you know, Miss Collins, I'm going to bring you flowers, this and that.

Make sure, you know, I graduate, you know, and she's like, you better bring me my flowers or now you're not graduating, you know.

So went to Magic Mountain because you had to go to Magic Mountain after, you know, graduation and all of that stuff.

And after Magic Mountain, I went back and I got her flowers and she put in my grade, you know, I can make this stuff up, you know.

But so I graduated.

You know, first year, second year, I always had a hard time finding a job.

I couldn't find a job, you know, try to go to Glenelg College, you know, get a little little education after that.

You know what I'm saying?

Oh, because my friends were going and all of that.

I didn't like to go to school, you know, I did not like to go to school, you know, and I got me a little job at Office Depot, you know, I try to get a job at Burger King, you know, when they were hiring me at Burger King, I don't know why they didn't hire me at Burger King.

They hired my friend, but they didn't hire me.

I was willing.

I got a resentment.

I'm serious.

How do you get not get hired at Burger King?

Right.

And so, you know, we're drinking with the guys and here and there, you know, I remember the first time I took my first drink, you know, my dad was it was Easter time and my dad was coming home and we had to wait till like ten o'clock till he got home.

And I know there was wine there.

And I remember drinking the wine and I remember that wine going down.

And it was.

It was as it was going down.

I felt this feeling come over me like like from the first second sip, you know, that that oh, my God, what is this juice?

You know, like and I remembered, you know, the the laughter with my uncles, you know what I'm saying, all of that stuff.

And I did. This is what it's about.

You know, so I my dad got home.

You see me buzzed.

You whooped on me.

I went to my room and I couldn't wait to do that again.

You know, I know. So.

I found, you know, the guys that drank, you know, on the weekends when drinking, you know, my my friends, parents used to go out at parties on on Fridays or Saturday nights.

We used to go over there and drink, you know, and I never asked how you refilled those bottles, you know, because we were drinking their liquor, you know, because we were too young to get liquor, you know what I mean?

And anyway, and that's how it happened.

And drinking started where.

From the from the beginning, it was hard on me, you know, like from the beginning was problems already.

You know, I got my first DUI at the age of 18.

I remember we're at a palace in Hollywood and this was like two o'clock in the morning, you know, and I'm sitting in my dad's Cadillac that he let me borrow and I got three or four guys in my car and just looked on my left.

This guy's looking at me.

I'm what are you looking at?

You know, with some curse words, he threw a drink in my in the car, right in the dash.

And I just followed this guy.

He took off and I followed him.

I followed him through Santa Monica, you know, going on on onto oncoming traffic and this and that.

Then we have helicopters, police everywhere and get down and they did blocked off the street.

Get out of the car.

I got out of my car and this and that.

And I got arrested for DUI.

That was my first experience with.

The police and I didn't I didn't get my license back till 21 and I try to be a good kid.

Right. I try to be a good kid.

Follow the rules.

Drive one suspended license.

Make sure I'm looking in my rear view all the time when I'm driving.

You know, I had to do that.

I had to drive, you know, and I'm drinking too and driving, you know, and again, the years few years went by.

I am at this time.

I was starting to hang out with some other guys that were doing some illegal stuff.

You know, we're starting to rob grocery stores, not rob, but going in there and taking bottles of liquor, you know, and we're bootlegging it to the this not being recorded.

This is not right.

Bootlegging it to the little stores, you know, like the mom and pop shops in Glendale.

And we're hitting a lot of a lot of bottles of liquor, you know, and and that's how we got our money.

You know, I didn't work, you know, and we used to go to strip clubs and do all this this crazy stuff.

Money came real fast and it went faster.

You know, I was trying to save some money to buy me a vehicle, a nice vehicle.

By the time I had enough money, there was an incident where Patty told me to tell the crazy story.

So I'm going to tell you a couple of crazy stories.

Right now, I'm we're in we're going in the in the in the in the in the store.

And I'm walking around and I'm looking at the bottles and through the bottles, I see a guy looking at me, this guy looking at me.

So so we leave. Right.

We leave while we're driving and we're following this truck that we're hitting.

You know, we used to hit these 18 wheelers that had cigarettes, cartons of cartons of cigarettes.

And and we're following this truck all the way to like Valencia, this and that.

And I'm looking in my mirror, this car is following me.

I told my friend, I said, dude, this car is following me.

Dude, we're being followed.

Hey, you're tripping this and that.

And so we're coming all the way back in Glendale from Valencia, going back all the way back.

And I said, dude, this car is following me, bro.

And he's like, no, they're not following us.

I said, watch this, man.

I hit the brakes and I got out of the car.

I said, well, what do you what are you following?

Like curse words and all that.

Right. All marked, you know, police, you know, get down, you know, police, this and that.

I said, I told you, you know.

So we went to jail.

They put us in a different cells.

They're interviewing us and everything.

And, you know, anyway, that was one of the stories, you know, we had to do some time over those crimes and stuff like that.

I had back to back, you know, burglary charges and all of that stuff.

And I so I had back to back burglary charges and all that.

And I did some time.

I had a lawyer.

He told me because you have a possession charge, I had a possession charge.

Go to Salvation Army.

You know, you could go to Salvation Army.

And then the.

You'll be lenient on you.

You know, that way you won't you won't give you maximum time.

You know, I was looking for about a year and a little more than a year in jail because I had back to back crimes and stuff.

So I went to the Salvation Army, spend a month in Salvation Army, you know, went back to court.

The judge said you had to surrender.

So I had to do some time in the county jail.

And so that month that I spend in there was for no, no, no, no reason.

And that was the first time like I got introduced to like.

Alcoholics Anonymous.

I had some time without any drinking for like a month.

You know, we're going to meetings, we're going to church.

I remember we're going to church and all that.

I remember working, you know, and it's like boot camp over there.

You can't really do anything, go nowhere, you know, and you're just locked down in that

facility.

They fed us real good.

I remember that.

And so I went back.

They sentenced me for three months of jail.

So I did my time and then I went back to the Salvation Army, spent six months over there.

Court ordered.

Court ordered.

And when I got there, over there, court ordered, I did my whole six months, you know, no drinking,

no nothing.

And I graduated, you know, I graduated the Salvation Army.

I remember going to meetings in Pasadena, Aura knows about that, right, Aura?

I was 20, 20, what was I, I spent my 21st birthday in county jail, you know, and I was

21 years old.

You know, I wasn't, at the time I thought I was ready.

I thought I was going to, you know, this is it for me.

This and that, you know, and I graduated probably in August.

In December, I went to this club called the Coconut Teaser in Hollywood.

I met her, man, you know, I met her, you know, and she was tall, beautiful.

And I wasn't drinking at the time, I don't remember, I don't think I was drinking, but

she was drinking, you know, and so she got my number and this and that, and she called

me the next day.

And when she called me, we became friends.

We started dating and stuff like that, and she was from Atlanta.

She came here, down here, because she was a hairdresser.

She worked in the movies and all of that stuff, and that's why she was here, you know, and

so we began dating for about a year, I think it was, you know, for about a year.

Then she got homesick, you know, she got homesick.

She wanted to go back, you know, and I'm like, well, you're going back, I'll follow you,

you know, and so I followed her.

I cleared everything up with the courts, paid all my things, got done with probation, you

know.

That was it for me, you know.

I was going to live a new life over there, free of everything, no, like a blank canvas,

you know.

I don't have any problems with the courts, with the judges, nothing, you know, and I

went to Atlanta.

Here I come, you know, and, you know, in the book it says we did a geographic, right?

I didn't know what geographic was until I came here and I read that, you know, and I

did a geographic, and I went over there, I was really good for the first six months and

we drank together.

We loved to drink together, we went to restaurants together, we went to concerts together, you

know, we grew up together, you know.

She was young too, she was a couple of years older than me, she was probably 23, I was

22, you know, I was 22 at the time, she was 24, you know, and we grew up together and

drinking.

I mean, and she was a barber, right?

She was a barber, she worked at a real good salon, she was doing her thing and I was just,

you know, I didn't know what I was going to do, you know.

I didn't know.

I started changing oil, you know, I worked doing that, then I changed brakes in Atlanta.

I knew I wanted to get into air conditioning when I went.

My dad was like, go and get into air conditioning, you know, it's hot over there, but my dad doesn't

remember saying that, you know.

I said, I don't know where you got that from, but I don't know, maybe God was speaking to

you, you know what I'm saying?

But I have no idea, you know, but I remember distinctly him telling me, go, you know, it's

hot over there, go learn the trade, you know, and so that's what I did and Amber, the girl's

name was Amber, that was dating.

And Amber's family, one of her sisters worked for a heating and air company, so finally

I got into doing heating and air over there.

I was 20, 22 years old when I started doing my heating and air over there and I started

as a helper, you know, then I started going to school.

She was doing her thing, she was a really good hairdresser, you know, and she was growing

and growing and growing in her field.

And she was really popular and we started, you know, having this life together.

We bought a house, you know, we're drinking, having parties and, you know, at our house,

you know.

Then we decided to get married, you know, we decided to get married.

Right before we got married, I got a DUI, you know, and that was devastating, devastating.

Because in my career, you know, you need a driver's license to work, you know.

To run a truck and all of that stuff.

So I was running my own truck and I got the DUI and somebody had to drive me now, which

I hated.

You know, I wasn't free, you know, and for years I drove like that, like somebody had

to drive me and I was resentful of that too, you know.

Why me?

Why did this happen to me?

And all of these things that, you know, goes on, you know.

So we built this life together, we got a house and all of that, you know, we're living this

life.

You know, and my drinking was getting worse and worse.

You know, I was the second DUI, now I'm starting to do outside issues and stuff like that.

And I'm hiding it from her now, you know.

And she thinks I'm just drinking, but I'm not just drinking, I'm just getting high too.

And for years, you know, I was hiding it, you know, and one day, because my friend,

my best friend, Chris, he told me, he's like, he's like, if you don't tell her, I'm going

to tell her.

You're not going to tell her, I'm going to tell her, you know, you're not going to.

And so when I told her about my outside issues, you know, she was angry, we're trying to have

a baby and all of that stuff, and the stuff, the substance I was doing was hindering that

situation.

And she threw me out, you know, when she threw me out, my best friend in Atlanta, he took

me into his house, you know, he took me and put me in his room and in his house.

And this is the thing with me, you know, I, you know, like the book talks about, you know,

I built this life, right?

I built, you know.

I get this house, get the car, get this and that, you know, and I tear it all down in

one night, you know, and I've been to jail, you know, I've been to, you know, county,

you know, all of these things, you know, those things don't scare me, you know, just doesn't

scare me, you know, the things that happened with the wife, you know, I thought she was

never going to leave.

That's one thing that I knew 100%, she was never going to leave, you know, and that happened.

When that happened, it was like, I met, you know, I met my match, you know?

It was like, I knew, you know, I had to do something, you know, and the way I was feeling,

the way this stuff, the substance was making me feel as far as, you know, I was doing everything

around the clock with this substance and I was never like that, you know, it was never

like that for me, you know, even working out, like I love working out and I was doing this

stuff and I'm working out and I'm like, what are you doing?

You're crazy, you know?

And so when she kicked me out, my friend took me in.

Yeah.

Then he took me to a meeting the next day, you know, he took me to Alcoholics Anonymous

meeting, took me to a meeting and sat, kind of identified with the speaker a little bit.

But after the meeting, these guys approached me, right, and they gave me their phone number

and all of that stuff and I started bawling, crying, you know, and, you know, and that

experience, that love that, you know, keep coming back, keep coming back and I went back

to that meeting.

And I started to sit down and listen, don't, don't sleep, David.

I started to listen and they told me to get a sponsor, I got a sponsor, you know, he started

to read the book with me in the car, you know, and three months later, you know, things didn't

work out over there in Atlanta and I had to come back.

So I came back to Los Angeles, back to Glendale, started living with my pops at the time and

I started going to the Windsor Club over there in Glendale.

Yeah.

I started going to the Windsor Club, found a sponsor at the Windsor Club and started working

the steps with my sponsor and I remember my sponsor telling me, you know, are you sure

you're an alcoholic?

I said, yeah, I'm an alcoholic.

He was like, don't waste my time.

You know what I'm saying?

Don't waste my time.

He spent like three months on the first step, you know, making, making sure that I wasn't

messing around with him, you know, and that was a profound experience, you know, with

the doctor's opinion, the obsession of the vine and the allergy of the body.

Yeah.

What they talk about, I understood what they were talking about, you know, I understood,

you know what I'm saying?

Once I take one, I'm off.

I got that, you know, and I could look at my, my life, you know, and, uh, every time

alcohol was involved, if I was enjoying it, I wasn't having fun, you know?

So and, uh, he started to go through the steps, you know, the second step, third step, you

know?

He was like, I'm just gonna do whatever it takes, you know?

I'm just gonna do whatever it takes.

I'm just gonna make sure that God doesn't say, you know, you go through all that shit

and go through all that shit, you know?

You just don't think about anything.

You just don't think about anything.

That's what God is.

That's what he said to me.

He said, you know, you just, you know, you know, you can't do anything.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

Well, that's good.

That's it.

No, that's good.

I like that.

Yeah.

Thank you.

I know what my God wants for me. I'm no longer thinking He's out to get me. I used to think He was out to get me all the time. Why me? Why does this thing happen to me? Why does this happen to me? God was picking on me. I was just doing dumb stuff. I started with the inventory process and found out a lot about myself that I didn't know. Like a resentment was. What was a resentment?

You know, the hurt, anger felt over and over again. I get that. You know, I get that. I remember thinking about these people that I wanted to kill. You know what I'm saying? And then I drink and I drink and I drink and I hope they would die. You know, and that's the way it was, you know.

And then as far as that, you know, with my character defects, you know, I pray God, God, please, you know, help me with these character defects. I still got most of them. You know what I'm saying? But I try to do better today, you know.

And with the amends process, I made a list of all the people and stuff like that that I hurt. And I had to go back and make them right, you know. And I went back to Atlanta with my wife and ex-wife and all of that stuff and her mom. And, you know, I went back and made those amends, you know, with them.

And I remember, you know, making amends to my mother-in-law. And she's like, what about that time when you threw a fork across the room at dinner, you know. And I had forgotten all about that, you know.

And I was drinking one day and her husband was making like schlappy noises, you know, while he was eating. Schlapp, schlapp, schlapp, you know. And I threw the damn fork. I was, you know, like mad. And I threw the fork, you know, across the room. And she was like, what about that time, you know.

And I don't get fired about that, you know. Those are the things I did, man. I was, you know, restless, irritable and discontent, you know. And I love my life today, man. And today, you know, I go to a lot of meetings, you know. I do the same thing I was doing.

And my first year of sobriety, you know. Nothing has changed, you know. More, there's more responsibility now, you know, with having time. I, you know, I want to be more involved in this program. It's given me a lot, so I want to give back more, you know what I'm saying. It's saved my life, you know.

I got mentors right here, you know, that's walked this path with me. I love dearly, you know. And I think my time is almost up here, you know.

I just want to say, you know.

If it wasn't for Alcoholics Anonymous, I don't know where I'd be, you know. To tell you the truth, you know, I'd probably be in prison, you know, the way my life was going. But today, I get to have a good life. I get to enjoy life. I get to give back what was freely given to me. I pray to my higher power all the time. And this power helps me and guides me daily, you know. And I'm truly grateful to be here. Thanks for letting me share.