From Ireland to Sobriety: Finding Belonging Through AA

Mike, Alcoholics? First of all, always an honor and a privilege to speak at a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Abraham, thank you for asking me to come out and share with you guys. Natalie, great job.

Man, I want to hear the 45-minute one. That was awesome. That was awesome. Yeah, no, I love the

story and I'm from Southern Oregon also. No, I'm just teasing, teasing, but I like that. It always made me

laugh. I love football. That's the wife. I'm nuts and she's, I had the game on before I left, came over

here. So I love passion. Yeah, thanks for the great little haul. I haven't been here. We actually live

not too far away. Moved, got a house like three years ago over here. And so it's cool to be here,

man. And, you know, I like new places and checking it out. So anywhere there's Alcoholics Anonymous,

I love to be, man. This is my life today. And because of Alcoholics Anonymous, my life is

pretty, pretty amazing. My sobriety date is December 28th, 2012. And then happy birthday to you,

12 years. Awesome. And yes, that was my sobriety. I have a sponsor, Gary H. He took me through the

12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. And because of that, my life is pretty, pretty, pretty good

today. Pretty good. Antonio, welcome. Welcome, man. Welcome to the best deal in town. I like to

call it, man. Alcoholics Anonymous is definitely the best way to live if you're an alcoholic like

me. You know, it's given me a, I didn't get that manual how to live life when I got here. And

Alcoholics Anonymous, the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous is my manual to live. And it's a great

design for living for an alcoholic like me, man. And, you know, so welcome. And anybody else who's

new or newer than me and older than me, you know, let's have a good little Saturday night. Good to

be in Alcoholics Anonymous, right? So you guys get a little bit of the story. I got a little more

time than Natalie there. But I love that. I don't know. In my head, when I was young and out there

doing the thing, I thought I was like running cartel stuff, you know what I mean? But I wasn't.

But that was cool. I was like, oh, I was like, in my head, I was, I was at grandiose,

right? I grew up in Burbank, and not that not the toughest spot in the world, you know. But

originally, I was born in Ireland. That's why they call me Irish Mike. And when I was eight years

old, my mom bought me and my two sisters out here after she kicked out my dad, because he was an

alcoholic. He's one of us. And she kicked him out and wanted to take her kids and go have the

American dream. So we moved out to America in 1989. And I left all my family back home. And

it was the first time I remember when I was little, I was just a crazy little kid. I was

mischievous, ran around. I'm the baby.

I have two older sisters. And, you know, and I was just a nutty little kid. And when I got to

America was the first time I really had like feelings like even with my dad, my mom kicked my

dad out. I had like two uncles back home. So I didn't really, I just didn't, you know, grasp it,

you know, and when we came to America, just leaving all my family was the first time I felt

like different, not fitting in even in my own family, because there's three girls, I'm the only

boy like, you know, and just, and then also had an Irish accent. And so I said, Hello, how are

you? How are things everybody, you know, and everybody is new. Where's this kid from weirdo.

And that's how I felt, you know, and so I wanted to fit in immediately. And I just wanted to be a

part of so bad man. And, you know, and where I found where I fit in was with the older guys. And

then we moved to, we moved in downtown LA for like a year. And then we moved to Burbank and this big

apartment complex. And I found kids like me, like single parents and stuff who were a little

mischievous. And the first time I do the first time I drank, I was actually like four or five

in Ireland when my cousin Dave, we went around to, to, we're at a wedding, my cousin's wedding,

we went around, drank all everybody's drinks while they're out dancing and stuff. We got,

drunk, had a great time, but it didn't kick off to an everyday thing, you know, but my first time

really getting drunk with a, you know, just on purpose. I was 11 years old, and I was at that

promenade apartments. And me and my I was hung, I was like older kids, and I was like, I was 11.

They were like 16. We got two 40s of old English each, and drank that chip my tooth blacked out,

couldn't wait to do it again. You know, had a blast. The music was better. We were funny. I

remember just laughing, having a blast, falling around, couldn't even walk just like this had a

great time. And I was like, you know, I was like, you know, I was like, you know, I was like, you know,

I had a great time, man. I was like, this is cool. This is what life's all about. And like I said,

I didn't get that manual how to live life. So I love movies, and, and TV shows. That's my like,

my reference for everything. And I love like gangster movies. And I love gangster rap,

like, you know, and that's like what I got into. I remember like memorizing easy, easy does it like,

you know, one of the first songs I were, you know, memorized, and, you know, got into underground

far side and all this stuff. And I love to rap and stuff, you know, so like, that was my thing,

man. And that was like, you know, so that's the persona that I wanted to have. And I circled my

friends, you know, hung with people like that. And, you know, we're all in the skating and just,

you know, anarchy and all that stuff, and just running the streets of the mean streets of

Burbank, right. And, you know, just and what we did was party, man. And like, just, you know,

kegger parties and all that high school stuff. And, and I did go to high school. It's funny,

you say the Christian thing. I was actually I'm Catholic, you know, I did the communion thing,

I did confirmation. And I got kicked out of the Burbank Unified School District. I also like to

fight. I'm a big fighter. I love I love fighting. I was good at it. And my mom got me into St.

Francis, which is an all boys private school for high school. So I had that the same duality where I

was like living on the mean streets of Burbank, you know, doing like thug things and then going

on all boys Catholic school and doing pretty good. Like, you know, I was trying to get kicked out,

but they never let me out because my mom would always come and be like, please, my son. He just

needs guidance. You know, she has an Irish accent. And so I got through high school and by the skin

of my teeth, love partying, going to raves. I grew up in the 90s. You know, that's what we did,

psychedelics and all that stuff. Drugs are a big part of my story. But I love to drink. I'm Irish.

I drink and fight. And I was I wore like a badge of honor. I was like, I'm gonna drink you under

the table. I'm coming with 240s to the party, drinking your keg beer, and then I'm gonna go

steal some liquor inside. Like, you know, I'm just going all out every night. And, and then I'm

fighting. That's what I do. And I got respect for that. And I love that because I want to fit in. I

belong to my crew. I'm a boys. And that was what it's all about, you know, and then, but also came

with the problems, you know, always fun, getting jail time, like not really always in and out.

And then the first DUI. And like, I was like, 18 or 19. I got the DUI. I was like, the first

consequences of my drinking. And it was the first time I was introduced to Alcoholics Anonymous. And

I had to go do some meetings at the Burbank group. And I saw that, you know, they were just there.

And I just signed the card, right. And I was like, I could sign a card, sign my own card, you know,

I mean, you know, we do, and often running and but I did get exposed to a little Alcoholics

Anonymous, you know, but I was like, not for me. I'm drink to the day I die. That's what I do. And,

you know, so then I got a fake ID. And I love to drink at bars. I'm a bar drinker. I love sports.

I'm watching sports, drinking bar, like I used to go to champs, which is in Burbank right there on

a Burbank Boulevard, a little sports bar. And they call me little Tony, because my fake ID said Tony

Santos. So that's what they call me for, for years. And then when I turned 21, I remember, I was like,

Hey, by the way, I'm turned 21. And my name is Mike. Nice to meet you guys. They're like,

well, we've been serving you for like four years, you know. And so that was what I did, though. I

went, you know, graduated high school when the Valley College, you know, took some night classes,

I guess I showed up once in a while, and then I'd go drink at the bar. And that was like my

little life, you know, and then hung out with the boys doing drugs, like, you know, just doing that

thing that was like, biggest my life got, I thought that was it. You know, I thought it was

cool. That was like, that's what we do for the rest of my life, right? Just like they do in

Ireland, you know, you work, go to the pub, that's it, you know. And, you know, I didn't know what

else that was out there, really, I just, I just didn't know. And then, you know, I just got out

of control. Early 20s. I'm, you know, just always drunk, my family's like, so my dad, this time,

he's in San Francisco, and I try to have a relationship with them. But he's he's one of

us is drunk, and just didn't want to have anything to do with us. And, and, and it was my sisters

always was like, my mom, like, you're just like, Dad, you're just like, Dad, until like, you're

worse than Dad. And I'm like, man, I'm becoming that guy. So like, I always found my human

solutions and stuff. And so like, we got into the pill game. And that took me away from drinking for

a minute. But it was another disease that just like kicked off. And that was what was big in

Burbank in the in the 2000s. You know, so we were like running pills,

doing all that thing thinking we were hustlers and doing all the big game stuff. And it was small

time, but it was still fun. You know, because it kind of worked. It was like, I felt like we were

doing stuff. And I wasn't getting arrested anymore. And I wasn't getting into bar fights. And the

family didn't mind me coming around. You know what I mean? But just like everything else progresses,

gets worse. And now I'm robbing and stealing and doing all that stuff just to get by. And then I'm

drinking more than ever when I don't have my pills and like, just the craziness that that comes with

that. My dad died of this disease. He was 52 years old, and alcoholism killed him. I saw firsthand I

got to be with him a couple of times like in his 50s and 51. I saw him I went up north and my cousins

came over from Ireland, I got to see him, we kind of hatched things up. And I remember so sad. I like

he was 51. And we sat at the bar together. And, and I was like 20. It was the first time we had a bar

and beer at the bar together. And he's like, Oh, the proudest moment ever having a having a beer

with my boy, you know, and I was like, sad. I remember thinking that at the time, you know,

I was like, whatever pops, you know, cool, you know, and, and he when he died, I kind of lost,

I lost my mind a little bit, because I always wanted that relationship. I like I always felt

that love I was missing was, was his love, you know, and his approval. And my dad was like a

big star in Ireland. So it really messed with me, man. And, and it was just sad to see what the

alcohol had done to him. But I didn't think it was doing it to me. Like, you know what I mean?

When you see it in others, but I couldn't see it in myself, you know, even though I could hear it,

my family, just like dad, worse than dad, and like, just wasn't getting it at all. You know,

I'm just young, just having a good time. I'm not hurting anybody, you know, and, you know,

and then, so the next couple years were rough. I always got good jobs. I'm a good alcoholic. I mean,

money, I can work. I got in post production, I was working there doing well, you know, but just

drinking heavily and popping a lot of pills and, and, you know, getting written up and stuff. And

my favorite work store, what I do for work is I go to medieval, yes, I've been in medieval times,

right? You know, it's a fun time. It's a good time, right? I've never been there. And so I'm

doing well, I'm moving up, and they knew I'm a little crazy, you know, they call me a crazy Mike,

you know, and, but they don't know how crazy I am. And so we go to medieval times, and there's

a bar inside, I'm drinking, I'm drinking before pre-gaming, right? I'm drinking inside, I'm

drinking during the event, and we have the red night, and like, I didn't know, but like, you

know, whoever sections the loudest, they win the contest. And I was like, we're winning tonight. So

I'm going up and down the stands, come on, everybody, red night, get loud, like, you know,

everybody's cheering. And, and then all of a sudden, the last guy, the blue knight stabs the

knight in the back, and I lose my shit. I was like, no, not my knight. I was like, this is my

knight. And I just wanted to get on the stage. So I grabbed the turkey leg, and I threw it out there.

I broke a piece of the table off through that out there. And like, they're like, holding me down,

like, I'm just losing it, because I'm that guy. And, you know, the security guards come over,

and they're like, hey, you need to calm down, we're gonna kick you out, you know, and I was

like, all right, I'll calm down, whatever, they take me outside. And there's a club going on out

there. I didn't even know there's like a club afterwards. So I'm going in there dancing, still

bumbling and falling, because that's what I do. And then all of a sudden, I thought the security

guards were coming again, but ends up being the Bonaparte police. And they're escorting me out.

And I fall into one of them. And then all of a sudden, I'm getting tased. And they're tasing me

30 of my co workers are looking at me just getting tased by the Bonaparte police. That's what I do,

you know, and then I'm yelling at them. And they throw me in the back of the cop car. And,

and, you know, I'm just, you know, by then now I'm blacked out. And I come to I'm in the jail cell,

like happens all the time. But this time, I'm trying to punch my way out of this little

glass window for some reason. I don't even know just came to and I'm like, Oh, and this is like

my alcoholism and not full remorse, full of shame, full guilt. And I'm like, Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

I'm looking for the camera. I'm like, Hey, I'm so sorry. I just came out of a blackout. Whatever I

did. I'm so sorry, because I don't remember. I know my hands are bleeding. I got it. You know,

I don't know what I've done. I know I got mad because the red knight lost. That's all I remember

really, you know what I mean? And so I'm like, I'm so sorry. I sat down, sit down, I'll calm down.

And then the other cop comes and he's like, Hey, you're and I was like, Yeah, man, I was like,

I'm so sorry. I came out blackout. And they're like, it's cool. Sorry, we tased you. You're a

big guy. I was like, it's all good. I understand. We're cool. And they're like, we're gonna let you

like, you know, just once you sober up, we're gonna release you. And man, I'm like, every time

that happened to me, like, you know, and I was like, man, another one I'm getting off. And,

you know, but the sad thing is my buddy came and picked me up. It's like 530 in the morning

picked. I was like, I can't wait till six in the morning. I need a drink. And I didn't know when I

was so sad in that cell. And I was like, I gotta fix my life. I gotta get better, man. I'm just

gonna it's just going downhill quick. And nope, right when I got no mental defense against the

first drink, right. And I go and I get that drink. And then it's off and running. And like nothing

happened, right? Because I just know how to numb out. And then I'm running amok. You know, and

that's just what I do with the job side, lose that job, get fired, losing the apartment. I'm 26.

And everything's falling apart. And I'm doing,

you know, I'm in the coke game on this game. I'm doing all these things trying to hustle and be

this guy. And like, I'm just broke because I'm getting high on my own supply. Rule number one,

you know, you don't do that. And and so I'm just losing and I'm going to mom, mom, please. I need

money. I need rent. I need rent every time. Mom, mom. And it was like two months in and

it was the end of 07. It was New Year's Eve. And my family calls me up like we're having a family

picture. Come on up. And I said, all right, we've never done a family picture in my life.

But this made sense to me that night.

And I go up there because I wanted money. I needed to get some money because I'm going out

to party. Right. It's New Year's Eve. I go up there and my family, they're Irish. They always

got drinks and stuff. So I know they're going to be partying. And so I go up there and I see this

lady, lady sitting down. I was like, oh, I must be a photographer. Hello, photographer lady. And

no, it's Candy Finnegan from the show Intervention. She's at my house. It's a family intervention.

Mike's first one at 26 years old. And the gig was up. Right. And so I'm sitting there and,

you know, they all go to read the letters. And by this time, too, my mom had remarried.

I had a stepdad.

I had a stepdad that I hated that threatened his life several times. You know, you got between me

and my mom and like, you know, all this craziness. I thought like, you know, because I used my mom

to get money all the time. That was my big hustle. My mom, please help me. And and so he goes to read

his letter. I said, shut up next. And then my sister's in town. She goes to read her letter.

And I said, I just gave you a gram of weed. Shut up next. And then my other sister, I was like,

party all the year, coked out the other night next. And then my mom and reads her letter.

And my mom's my everything, man. And

she's like, I cut your father off. She doesn't know. I have another uncle, John, and she's I cut

him off and I'm going to cut you off. You don't get help. And and I knew, man, I was like, I relied

on my mom for everything. I love my family. Right. And it's just us out here in America. And it was

just like, you know, I was like, I'll I'll try something. And plus, I asked first at first. I was

like, no, I'm fine. But then the lady, Candy Finnegan, is very good at her job and persuaded

me to go. She's like, don't worry, you're about to lose your apartment. You're going to be homeless.

This place is nice. It's down in the desert. You'll be you know, you'll you might get something

out of it. And I did. You know, I'm glad I went. And it was the first time I got H and I came into

the facility that I was at. It was like a lockdown facility place, a men's place. I was there for two

months. And but H and I came in and that and that was the first time I heard the message of

Alcoholics Anonymous, where the seed was really planted, you know, and they came in and I saw guys

like me with with with some time they had four or five years and like, you know, their stories and

was very similar and stuff. And then they were having good lives. And they were like, they

frigging stuff out. You know, they were learning how to live life on life's terms. And I was like,

all right. So there was some hope right there. And then, you know, but of course, you know,

get that ego back and everything. I got a little pass. I go out and what do I do? I end up at a

bar and I get drunk, blackout, fight. And once again and again, no mental defense. I wanted to

be so I had 45 days sober, the longest I had since I was 11. And I was like, I'm going to do this. I

was gung ho about sobriety, you know, and no mental defense, man. I'm drunk one more time.

And I do that again.

The next five years of that just in and out of the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous in and out of

sober livings. Just that was my hustles of finding a new sober living. I've been lived all over this

valley, everywhere, just in and out of sober livings getting kicked out and stuff. And, and

that's, that's where it all ended, man. My last little thing was found meth, meth and vodka. That

was my thing. I finally thought it was a good balance. And it worked for like a year.

Got another good job. I was working at two jobs because you know, I think and, and, and it didn't work out though. And I lost a lot. I had a girl at the time, lost the girl, lost the house, lost the job, lost my mind. And, you know, I'm 31 years old. And I go to the top of the Holiday Inn in Burbank, and I'm going to jump. I was like, alcohol and drugs have beat me down. I was homeless for like six months. Just, you know, the family didn't want me around. The mom locked the doors, the sisters didn't want nothing to do with me. My friends didn't want me around. I was like, I'm going to jump. I'm going to jump. I'm going to jump. I'm going to jump. I'm going to jump. I'm going to jump. I'm going to jump. I'm

going to jump. I'm going to jump. I'm going to jump, jump, jump. Jump, jump, jump, jump, I want to do anything. I used to be like Irish Mike's here party time to like, don't invite him, he'll steal your shit. And I became that guy. In people's houses, dealing doing all the criminal stuff. And, and, you know, cuz I'd all like to do it. So, uh, you know, and, but then when I was up on that roof 18th floor, I'm looking down, and I used to party at the Holiday Inn, that's like right across where I grew up. So like, I'm very

Looking down, and I used to party at the holiday, and that's like, it was right across where I grew up, so I'm like, I love movies, right, so I'm like, hey, this is where it all started, it's all gonna end, you know, it's all like making it all dramatic, right, and, but, you know, God came to me and said, you know, go ask for help one more time, and thank God I did, man, and I went up to my mom's, and she's one of us, she's in the program also, and she was going through this place in Glendale, and it was funny, I think you guys read it here at the start of your preamble, like, you know, it's the one alcoholic talking to another,

and my mom wasn't an alcoholic for a long time, like a workaholic, until like the last couple of years, and she went downhill quick, and she could relate, though, and she was like, man, I didn't know you were this sick, I thought you were just an asshole, and, you know, but you got a problem, like, you know, she like knew, but she didn't know until she went through it, she knew about all the medical, she's a nurse, so she knows the medical disease, the reason, but until you experience, you don't know what we're going through, you know, and she was like, I found this place, I'm at this rehab, and there's a lot of love there, and I think that's what you need, you know, and it was,

man, I didn't know, I thought it was like my dad's love, and this love, but it was, it was another love, man, it's God's love, you know, and I got into this program, I got into that room, that place, and it was the first time I was able to get honest, I got in there July 2012, tripped and stumbled a couple times, because I still have old ideas in my old ways, you know, but I got sober in December, and how I did it, man, I just, you know, I got honest, man, I couldn't get on, I was a liar cheating a thief, I remember the first prayer I did, I started praying, like, I didn't pray, you know, I had God in my life, I'm Catholic, if I prayed when I was in a

cell, that was the only time, and, you know, and I started praying, and I prayed, I was like, God, please, please put the, put the right people in my life for once, man, I'm always, my friends were terrible, like, everybody I picked was just terrible, I was like, I need the right people in my life, I need to be sober, and, you know, and like, about 30 days in, I met this girl in the rooms, and I started hanging with her, she had like a year and a bit, and she 13th stepped me, and, you know, and, and we, I hung with her friends, though, like, they were all sober, and they

were doing the deal, and I got in the middle of Alcoholics Anonymous, you know, that was like my first thing, right, and then I met my sponsor, Gary, who put his hand out to me, and introduced himself, and I started honestly going through the steps, and, you know, it was the first time I did an honest step one, an honest and thorough step one, man, because I read the doctor's opinion, and I've read it, I was in and out for like five, six years, so it was the first time I read it, and I heard it, you know what I mean, and it was like, I found out what I was suffering from, like, I was, I'm alcoholic, I'm proud to be an Irish, that's what we do, like, you know, bullshit, and, but it wasn't,

it was, I was suffering from that, you know, the obsession of the mind, I had an allergy of the body, and I had a spiritual malady, and, but my, I remember my sponsor was like, but there is a solution, let's get into some work, you know, and he also said, nothing changes if nothing changes, he said, and I was like, so I had to change everything, right, and, you know, so I quit hanging with the old friends, every time I went out, it was like, I'm hanging with the old friends and stuff, so I stopped doing that, I was like, I'm changing it all, right, I'm gonna do it different, because this thing does not work, and all my ideas do not work, so, you know, we got into that step one, and that was the honest

thing, man, that principle behind step one is honesty, and that's my foundation for my program, to then and today, like, I try to be honest in all my, it's just an easier, softer way, man, when I was trying to always come up with ideas, and lies, and all this stuff was just so confusing, and just disruptive, and just negative, you know, and that's like what my God today, I keep it positive, and keep it moving, that's like my, my thing, right, that's my mantra, so, and then I got into step two, and, you know, that was the God thing, and I didn't have a problem with God, I just needed to know I had a relationship, and I love the, I always tell my

I'm like, you know, you're crazy, right, like, step two says, you're insane, like, we can be restored to sanity, but I knew I was insane, because I was homeless, and I was crazy, and, you know, but, so I was like, I could be restored to sanity, I could dig that, so I gave me some hope, and then we got into step three, and I used to always get into step three, and I was like, what do you mean, turn your will in your life, like, what does that mean, like, what do I get in my keys, like, I wanted something tangible, you know, and it wasn't about that, it was just, you know, it was just making a decision, and now I know, it's like, just let go, and let God, you know what I mean, let go, and just,

let God, it's just, just let it be, and, because my way don't work, you know, and let God's way work, you know, just like how you were sharing, Natalie, it was perfect about, like, you know, just at the start of your, you know, how God did for you what you can do for yourself, and that was how I did my fourth step, Studio Spirit of Studio 12 was going down, and I, like, stalled on my fourth step for, like, a month or two, and they were having a four-step workshop, and I went to that, and I sat there, and I knocked out, like, most of my fourth step, and then finished it, presented it, you know, gave me the courage to present it to my sponsor, and, you know, finally gave me some integrity, man, I was

able to clean house, like, you know, what a gift that was, I, like, you know, I just got to see my flawed character, and, like, you know, and it was, it was a, it was a great experience, I knew I was selfish and self-centered to the core, but just seeing it, and how I blamed others, and all the resentments I really had, that was just all my doing, and all, all the things I'd done to, to, like, manipulate everybody, and do all that stuff, and then, so we got my defects off of that, so we got into six and seven, and we'd rather drop the rock, and, you know, but that gave me the willingness to look at my defects and make them assets, and then I got humbly to ask

God to take away my shortcomings, and that's how I align myself with God today, right, so all my defects, my dishonesty, my, my hate, my anger, my violence, like, you know, I turn into, like, compassion, honesty, and do all that, and, and, and that, that's the person I want to be, that's, that's the, that's the good Mike, that's the, the character, right, the psychic change we have, that's that side, man, and so I want to live in those assets, so I ask God every day, I do a seven-step prayer every morning, just to get in line with God, you know, and then it got into eight, eight step, and, and wrote out

those names down, and, you know, I didn't want to do a lot of them, didn't want to make amends, but I know there was a couple I had to make, and when I did that ninth step, you know, I went to the mom, I went to the stepdad, who I hated, and, and then I wrote a letter to my dad, who had passed away, and it was the biggest resentment I had, blamed that poor man for everything, man, and, and, like, what I finally realized by writing this letter, and what you guys taught me, was that he was just sick, he was just a sick man, he was doing the best he could, and, man, it was just so, so freeing, man, I went to the beach with that girl I had met, we were

there, and I wrote the letter, I had written it, and I just read it out loud, and gave it to God, and, and, man, what a weight that was lifted off my shoulders, man, and I was like, man, I'm in Alcoholics Anonymous, this is crazy, I was like six months sober, and I was like, I'm doing the deal, and I was feeling free, man, and, and I was like, man, I'm not turning back now, so, you know, and now I do 10, 11, and 12 on a daily basis, you know, I got that perseverance, I do a 10 step as best as I can, I'm always, I think that's the meat and potatoes of this program, is really doing a 10 step, how free do you want to be, you know,

I mean, where do you want to go, what do you want to do, like, I don't want alcohol to ever come in, like, and it hasn't, thank God, like, when I did those steps, man, like, after probably that 9th step, the obsession had been lifted, maybe day one it was lifted, really, but, like, I really felt safe after doing that 9th step, and, you know, so I do, you know, I'd always check for resentment, for, for, for fear, for dishonesty, and for selfishness, like, I mean, I wake up selfish, I wake up thinking of Mike, I don't know about you guys, but I'm waking up thinking about me, how's my day, like, you know what I'm saying, I get in with God, I pray, I ask God to remove

that, you know, I do a, I do my first, I've been doing these prayers since day one, I go, like, God, my name is Michael, I'm a real alcoholic, and I need your help today, and then I do this, like, second step prayer I learned, which is, God, give me your protection and care, as I abandon myself to you, and give up my old ways and my old ideas, just for today, and I love that prayer, that's my favorite prayer I've been doing since day one, because that's my old ways and my old ideas, got me in trouble all the time, and I, I can't use this thing, I need God to help me use this thing, and then I do a third step prayer to, you know, relieve that bondage of self, think of others, and then I do my step-in-step,

little,

step, and then I kind of do some reading, then I listen to God, and that's, like, my thing, man, every morning, because that's what God has taught me to do, and it's worked, and I do not want to go back to the old Mike, so I'm just going to keep doing that, because I'm happy, joyous, and free today, you know, my life, my life is pretty amazing, and then that 11th step is, you know, just more spirituality, you know, I just connect with God, and try to get that wisdom, I pray, I'm going to get a big prayer, not a big meditator, you can ask the wife, she's more of the meditator in the family, I think I got some ADHD going on, you know what I mean,

I'm kind of all over the place, but I did, I have, and I know if it's a tool, when I, you know, need it, but I always do little readings, and I sit and just listen to God, and I, in my car, I kind of, like, you know, just turn down, when I shoot hoops, I love playing basketball, you know, just when I'm shooting by myself, I just listen to God, like, God's there with me, I'm at the gym, bone, God's there with me, I bring God everywhere, by the way, you know, where I go, God goes, man, and when you guys go, God goes, and I love hearing you guys speak, too, and people share, because I hear the message through you guys, I hear God speak through you guys, you know, and I love hearing you guys speak, too, and people share

when I found Alcoholics Anonymous, I found home, you know, and I found, I found God here, man, through these steps, and then, what I do, I give it away for free, for fun, and for free, I sponsor a lot of guys, I'm all, I'm in the middle of this thing, I do, I'm a serviceman, and I wouldn't have it any other way, because it's, this program has given me a life beyond my wildest dreams, like, I didn't even think, I just wanted to be, be my dad, I wanted to live to 53, that was my biggest thing, I remember, I was like, I'll beat that bastard, you know, 53, that was my thing, right, and now, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's,

it's like expanding, I want to just help, man, I just want to be, I just want people to be sober and live this life, especially if you're sick, you know, because this is the best, best gift for an alcoholic like me, man, and yeah, I got lucky, and I get to sponsor a lot of guys, and I go to like, so, like, even from day one, man, I got commitments, I got in the middle of Alcoholics Anonymous, I still do, like, about two, three meetings a week, I'm a men's meeting in, on Monday night, in Glendale, I'm a, I have a commitment there, still, I was just a secretary, now, I'm, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm

I'm the setup guy, you know what I mean, that's what we do, right, you know, that's the unity part of that circle, you know, being a part of, and my fellowship, I, Thursday night, Pacoima's men's meeting, I've been a regular there since I had like six months of sobriety, I've secretaried that meeting, I'm a service there with those guys, and then my Friday night meeting, I'm in unit A, Scantless Pigs, it's a men's meeting, if you guys ever want to get rowdy on a Friday night, come on out, it's fun, it's rowdy, but then we get serious, it's a good group of guys, but a great fellowship, I love all those men in there,

and we have a lot of guys, and then Cry Help comes in, Impact comes in, we got a lot of guys, and that's where I get a lot of sponsees, that's like my sponsee place, and, you know, so I help a lot of guys through that, and, because I'm willing, I'm still willing today, as I was willing when I first came in, to have this better life, and, you know, so there's, you know, these days, it's kind of weird, like, you know, we read in the big book, and, you know, Bill, how they did it and gone to the hospitals and all that stuff, it's changed, right, and, but now, like, you know, you have to, like, how willing are you, so, like, some guys, like, I know, don't want to go and make commitments to go pick up

guys at Impact, or go to Cry Help, I don't know, there's criterias these days, but I'm willing, like, you know, I'll set up, I'll go once a week, I'll meet a guy, take him through the big book, and see his life change, you know, that's the gift I get, and it does, man, I've sponsored a lot of guys in these 13 years, and a lot of lives have changed, man, it's cool, you know, that's a little wrinkle in the pond, right, you know what I mean, all those little, the ripple effect, you know, because of me getting sober, for what my sponsor gave to me, I pass it on to the next guy, pass it on to the next guy, like, you know, and I have, like, a little sponsee for me, you know, and I have, like, a

12-step promise, by the way, a fellowship will grow up about you, and it has, man, and I have guys all around me, you know, which is great, and then what else, so in sobriety, so that stepdad, I remember I had, like, two years of sobriety, right, my mom got sober after me, which was cool, she was in and out, so that was tough, the first, like, I remember six months of my sobriety, my mom was a mess, but she, we got her to the Pacoima Women's place, and she got, she had to get a little humble, she was a little high and mighty, that Irish woman, and she got

a little humble, and she got sober, and then my stepdad got sick, and my stepdad got terminal cancer, and so, you know, for the next year, not even, man, it kind of went quick, but it was, like, my second year of sobriety, but what a guy, I got to show up, and be a son to my mom, to my, I have stepbrothers and sisters, and to be there for my stepdad the best I could, you know, and you guys taught me that, you guys gave me that gift, Alcoholics Anonymous was there for me, and walked me through that, and I remember one of my, before he passed, he was, like,

man, I'm, like, we hated each other, we didn't get along, and he said, I'm so proud of you, like, how far you've come, and I have a stepbrother who's a little, a little out there, and he was, like, man, you give me hope that my son can, can, can get his life together, and, you know, he's just proud, and I was, like, man, what a gift, what a gift, man, and then when he passed, you know, I got to be there for my mom, and I got to show up, and suit up, and be a son, and what I always wanted to be, like, you know, I was such a taker, and such a terrible son,

and now I got to be, you guys have taught me how to show up, and, and, and be accountable, and just be a loving son, and just, you know, an arm, a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to listen, and, and just to be there, you know, and, and then, same time, my mom's, and, like, it all happened, like, he died in November, and then in March, my other uncle, my mom's brother, Kevin, who was back in Ireland, got colon cancer, and he passed, and, you know, again, got to be there and show up for my mom, then, in that summer, my uncle John, who was my other mom's brother, who was one of us,

came in in Hawaii, and never came back, and, and, you know, and, again, I got to be there, be a son, and, and, and walk my mom through that, and, and, it was cool, we went to Hawaii, he, he was in the Big Island, and we went a couple years ago, and I got to go to the spot where he disappeared, you know, and just had a little, because John was cool, like, when I was, like, 15, he lived with us for a while, and he's one of us, and he used to bring me, I used to get home from school, from St. Francis, and he'd always have a six-pack of Bohemia waiting, and, like, and that was our thing, you know, so we'd drink some beers and shit, and, like, you know, he'd always have a six-pack of Bohemia

and I always had the sick, he had the crazy killer bud from up north, too, you knew the guys in Humboldt, so, yeah, so we got along, right, so me and John were cool, and, you know, and I missed him, and he was, you know, but he was a sick man, you know, and he was one of us, and, so it was cool to go there and have a little peace, and, and say a little prayer, and give it to God, and just, I don't know, it was just a nice little experience, and I wouldn't have got to experience that if I wasn't sober, let's see, so it was, like, some rough spots in life, but then good things happened, too, it was that girl I met, and I was hanging around with, and who, who kept me sober,

helped keep me sober, I ended up marrying her, and that's that woman right there, so five years into sobriety, we, we got married, and, and it was, it was, what a day, what a fun day, hot, it was, like, 105 degrees in, in the, where were we, in Westlake, maybe 110, I don't know, it was a hot day, it was, like, the hottest day of the year, AC broke, things were going wrong, but we were having such a great time, and, and the coolest thing was, I remember sitting up front, and, like, so her, her mom and dad have over 40 years of sobriety, it was the whole time,

sobriety in that family, and, so they were there with all their AA friends and stuff, and then in the middle is my sponsor, my, my fellowship, my buddies, and my boys, and then over here, my crazy, drunken Irish family came out, you know what I mean, and I was just, like, cool, man, and I loved it, and, man, I was just sitting there, I was, like, for me, like, you know what I mean, this guy who would just, I wouldn't have cared, done nothing for them, I didn't, I was just a taker, I was a terrible, you know, just person, and then they were all there to, you know,

share that love with me, man, and I was, like, man, that's, that's Alcoholics Anonymous, like, you know, I wouldn't have got to experience that, and, and all the trips we've had, like, and I have a great relationship, man, with my wife, and she has her own program, she's sober, also, and, and we live this, we're in this thing, man, we're in Alcoholics Anonymous, and we do this, and the whole family is really, another tough thing, my mom has been in and out, she had, like, 11 years of sobriety, and then she went out, and my sister, still sober, but her and the mom are, are beefing, and families, man, what can you do?

right, you know, life's in session with the families, and, you know, so it's, it's tough, man, and, but it's been, it's been rough for my mom in the last, like, year, and it hurts, man, but I, I just show up again, I just do what you guys have taught me, and I show up, and I try to be the, you know, the son, I just try to keep it honest with her, and, you know, she's sober now, kind of, we think, and, you know, but thank God, I got my sane, sober in-laws, you know what I mean, who go through their own stuff, and, but, but thank God I have that, and then the best thing, man, I was homeless in my life,

and hopeless, man, and, and, and three years ago, we bought our first home, and, like, you know, we, like I said, we live around the corner, and, like, that's just blows my mind, like, I, when I came to Alcoholics Anonymous, I didn't have a driver's license, I didn't have a bank account, I was in check system, like, you know what I mean, I couldn't even get a credit card, I had to get a secured card, and start building my credit up, and then I got good credit, like, today, at 13 years sober, man, I have good credit, I have a home, I have a truck, I have, like, all those, like, things, like, that you guys taught me, like, you know, grown-up stuff, you know, but the best thing, I have a peace of mind, I

have a big heart, and, and I got peace, man, I got so much peace, and it's all because of Alcoholics Anonymous, and another guy, like, and I haven't hit anybody in 13 years, like, I've never, I haven't fought, like, I have no reason to, because you guys taught me, you know, so many things, how to, how to deal with situations, how to deal with people, and for that, I'm forever grateful, and, you know, and I'll just keep coming back, and thanks for letting me speak tonight, guys.