From Texas to Sobriety: Estevan's Journey

Speaker, Estevan.

My name's Estevan, I'm an alcoholic.

Oscar, thank you for asking me to be the main speaker tonight.

It's always a privilege and an honor

to share my experience, strength, and hope.

Thank you, Billy, and thank you, Tracy,

for your first 10-minute, for the 10-minute speech.

Thank you, you guys.

You know, again, my name is Estevan, alcoholic.

My home group is Watt Alex, Woff.

My sobriety date is January 8th, 2010.

My sponsor is Milton, and this is my home group.

And I pray and I hope I never have to change those days.

You know, and I just want to say

I'm very, very grateful to be sober today, let me tell you.

I saw some things this weekend

that I will share later in my pitch,

and that I recently saw, and it reminds me

that if I don't stay here and do the things

that I'm supposed to be doing,

and I'm not talking to the newcomers

or anybody else that's coming through that door,

I could be there just as well, you know?

So that's why I say I'm so grateful to be sober.

So anyways, I'll try to stick to the format.

I'll probably go back and forth.

I am nervous, and so, you know,

I am a Texan boy.

I was born in Dallas, Texas, you know, right, Jerry?

And, you know,

you know, I, yeah, I was born in Dallas, Texas.

I have three older brothers,

what they call the baby boy of all my brothers,

and I got a younger sister, you know.

I have four beautiful children,

and, you know, hopefully that never changes.

Right, Irene?

But, you know, and I got a,

you know, a stepdaughter, you know.

Also, and I wanna thank Vanessa and Joshua,

my lovely children, for coming here

and, you know, giving me support.

And I wanna thank my fiance, Irene,

for standing behind me.

for being here. Thank you, babe, for showing up with me, you know. But anyways, that's the way I

used to talk anyway, just like that. When I came from Texas, Dallas, Texas, I talked just like

Jerry Jones. And, you know, when I got over here as a kid, people would make fun of my accent.

You know, they literally make fun of my accent. They go, you talk funny. I'm like, I don't think

so. You know, why do you think that, you know? And, but that's how I used to talk. And I grew up,

shoot, I grew up, you know, saying, well, back in those days, we were taught, or I was taught,

it was yes, sir, no, sir, yes, ma'am, no, ma'am, you know, nothing else. Not like, yeah, okay,

you know, and all that, you know, yeah, whatever. Thank you, Nate. And it wasn't like that. Not for

me growing up, you know, if I say, yeah, okay, dad, you know, you get that look. Oh,

yes, sir. Yes, sir. Okay. Okay. You know, that's the way it was. And, you know, they were strict,

but not to the point where they beat us. You know, I, I myself grew up, if anybody's seen Sandlot,

and anybody's seen Bronx Tale, combine those two. That's how I grew up, you know. My dad,

the reason I say that, because my dad used to go to a bar when I was a kid. It was called

Casablanca, you know. And my mom used to,

I guess, out in the middle of the night, about 11, 30, 12 o'clock at night, maybe one o'clock in

the morning. She goes, we're going to go get your dad. And I'd be like, okay. You know, I was maybe

like five years old, maybe six, seven. And we'll go, I go in there to go get your dad. Not my mom.

My mom wouldn't go in there. She'd say, go get your dad. So I go in there, you know, and everybody

knew me. Everybody knew it. Hey, Steve-O, you know, hey, this and that, you know. And I said,

hey, you know, and I go, you see my dad? He goes, hey, Steve-O, you know, hey, this and that, you

know. And I go back there and they go, hey, wait, before you go back there, here, take this to the

guys back there. And I'd be taking them drinks, you know, and I'd take the drinks back there to

the guys back there. They'd be, I mean, playing cards and all this stuff, you know, and drinking,

you know. And I thought to me, that was attractive, man. This is what I want to do. This looks so

cool. It looks so tough. Because back in the days, all men, whether you're a farmer or whatever,

you wore a shirt and tie, you know. And my dad always wore one of those hats, you know. And,

you know, I go, this is cool. And I'd go give the guys their drinks. Hey, Mio, what's happening? And

all this stuff, rubbing my head and all this and giving me tips and all that stuff. And I'd be,

then here comes my mom. Where are you? I go, oh, I, oh my God, I sent you in here to get your dad

and you're over here, over there, you know, talking to the guys. So I go, come on, dad,

she wants to go and stuff. And my dad would be all drunk. And he,

he had a gambling problem, you know, much less drinking problem, you know. But can I call him

an alcoholic? I don't know. That's for him to admit, not me, you know. But, so, you know,

he'd come home with us and all this other stuff, you know. And go home like normal. It was no big

thing. And the reason I say Sandlot, because all we did, we didn't have telephones. We didn't have

cell phones. We have none of that. No PS4, PS3, anything like that. So we're out playing all the

time. You know, we're playing with our friends and all that stuff. And, you know, we're playing with

our friends and all that stuff. Sandlot ball, football, whatever it was. And that's the way

it was in those days. And, and I loved it. You know, we'd stay out and then all you hear is my

dad calling us, you know. Hey, mijo, you know, I'll go to the park and pick us up and say it's

time to go home. So, you know, we'll go home and all that. Just like nothing. And, you know, I

would, I was close to my dad, you know, when, you know, I, I love my dad. I really did. Even though

I saw him do some things that I don't think it was appropriate, like hit my mom a couple of times,

you know. And so I really, I didn't think, I knew it was wrong, but I didn't think like, okay,

it's not too bad. You know, mom and dad aren't going to split up or anything. It's not that bad.

So I remember, you know, my dad, my mom coming home and next thing you know, he, he, he pulls

her from, you know, she comes in, he's hiding behind the door. He grabs her and he, he wails on

her, man.

And it scared the hell out of me. You know, my brother would pound on, on his back and this and

that, you know, stop and all this. And next thing you know, the next day they're making up and all

this stuff, you know, and say, okay, well, it's normal. And then next thing you know, we're going

to cocktail parties. They had cocktail parties in those days. That's what they call it. You know,

my uncles and them, they go to cocktail parties. You know, I go, this is cool too. Cause I'd be

playing with my cousins and my friends and while they're out drinking and dancing and all this

stuff. And, you know, it was cool.

That's the way I grew up and I just think anything was wrong with it. So I go, okay, I want to grow

up like this too, but I'm not going to hit my, my wife. I'll never hit my girlfriend. I'll never do

that. That's something I won't do. Well, that's in the future. Uh, so anyways, you know, I grew up

like that. And, uh, you know, uh, we, uh, next thing I know we're packing up the car station

wagon with this man. And I remember him a little bit, but I'm like, who the hell is this guy? You

know? And, uh, next thing you know, we're coming to California.

You know, back in 69, you know, and, uh, I'm already like, uh, what, 12 years old, you know?

And I'm like, why are we coming to California with this man? Well, it so happens my mom was

having an affair with him and we left my dad. I remember it was during work time. He was at work

and we leave. And I thought, well, I didn't think too much of it. I thought we were going to go

back, but we didn't, we never went back to, uh, Texas. And when I used to get ridiculed about my

talk and all that stuff, I hated California. I hated it. I hated it. I hated it. I hated it. I

hated California. I, I did. I didn't want to be here at all. Cause I thought you'd talk strange

and you were me. That's what I thought, you know, and some are still me, but anyway, that's beside

the point. Uh, you know, and I didn't want to be here, you know, my older brothers, they didn't

care, you know, cause I already had two older brothers. They were already here in California

anyways, you know? And, and, uh, you gotta understand my dad was in the air force.

He was in the air force. Here's, uh, uh, what'd you call it? An engineer, architect engineer.

He was educated, well-educated, graduated from college and this and that. Now we're leaving with

this man who he can't even speak English. Like what the hell, you know, instead of calling it a,

Hey, get that chair out of the way, get that share out of the way. What the hell, you know,

I feel like I'm in Scarborough. Hey, come here, man. What's she talking about? Like that,

you know, that's how we talked. And I'm like, we used to laugh. I mean, I'd be laughing. I go,

Oh my God, this guy hardly speaks English. What the hell is my mom doing with this guy? You know,

and, uh, back in the days we had another word for him, but now today we call them border brothers,

you know? And, um, you know, and the thing is, is that, you know, here he was, he used to work in

a, in a strawberry fields. He used to, he used to pick strawberries for a living, you know? So this

guy is totally different than what we're used to. And, but he also carried a mean stick. Don't call

each other stupid. Don't say shut up in the house. And yes, you're still going to,

tell me yes, sir. No, sir. And that's it. Now, if I'm not ready to ridicule for my accent. And when

they'd call me and tell, I'd say, okay, so I'm coming home then. Oh my God, the guys are going,

why the hell are you saying, sir? I go, that's my dad. Don't you guys say that? They go, no. And I'm

going, Oh, okay. So I, for the longest time, I never said, yeah, anyways, I never used to do

that. I never did that to my mom and my dad, even as I grew up, I never did that. So as I got older,

you know, I, I attended this school was here, junior high. And, uh, I remember my brother and

my stepdad at, uh, 13 years old. Um, they got me drunk. They bought those little course cans,

like those eight ounce course can with a flip top, you know, and I think I drank like two and a half

and I was wasted. I was drunk talking to the TV and this and that, and thinking I was hot stuff.

And my mom got so ticked off at him. Cause the next day I was throwing up my guts. I was sicker

than a dog. I go, I was sicker than a dog. I go, I was sicker than a dog. I go, I was sicker than a dog. I

go, I'll never do that again. You know, uh, you know, I'll never do that again. Well, as I got in

eighth grade, I did that again, but it was on my own. We had a liquor store where we used to be

able to go and, and we'd be able to buy beer and booze and all that stuff. So there I am in junior

high at, uh, it's a story son. So, you know, just don't follow as example, but anyways, uh,

so, uh, you know, here I am at an eighth grade at eight, 7 30 in the morning drinking, getting those

slits, uh, courts. We used to buy those slits courts and, uh, getting drunk before school and

then going to school like that. And I thought it was okay. You know, plus when you get ridiculed

and you're getting laughed at, I didn't care anymore who laughed at me or who said what they

did. I didn't care. I was drunk and everything. You talk to me any ways you want to. I didn't care

nor did I think I was tough or big and bad and everything, because I never wanted to, you know,

I'm not a fighter, you know, I'm not one of these guys. I'm not a fighter. I'm not a fighter. I'm not

one of these guys who, who, you know, call you out and say, Hey, let's go outside. And, you know,

I'll be one of those guys. Let's go outside. Let them go out that way. And I'm going out the back

way. You know, I'm not one of those guys, you know? And, uh, so, uh, and, but, you know, that's,

that's what I did in junior high. I started drinking early and from junior high, it went to,

uh, it went to high school. It went all the way to high school, you know? And, uh, you know,

I wanted to be a professional athlete. I want to play professional football and everything.

And so, but again, you know, I, uh, I started drinking again. I was drinking very, very heavy,

you know, and, and when you're on the football team, that's what you do. You know, I remember,

uh, cause I went to Hoover high school here in Glendale and I'm thinking I get from junior high

Roosevelt out there in Glendale. And you're talking about at that time it was, uh, the surfers

and the Chicanos, you know, and whatever it was in between, you know, and there was like a, a big,

big thing about, we're going to have a rumble, you know, actually a rumble surfers against the

Chicanos. And, you know, they would ask me, well, what side are you going to be on, man? And I'm

going, fuck, I'm American, man. I don't know. You know, I'm like, you know, they go, oh man,

you know, uh, excuse the cuss words, you know, sorry about that. You know, it's hard to tell a

real story without a cuss word. Come on. You know, I mean, you know, heck with you. You know, I'm,

you know, see, even Bruce is saying, do it, man. Bruce is going, go with it, man. Go with it.

Yeah. But anyways, so, you know, that's the way it was. I'm like, cause I used to be ridiculed

because they tell me you don't look Mexican. You don't look Hispanic. And I'll be like,

I'll show you the food stamps if you want to see it, you know? Uh, but the reason I say that,

the reason I say that you laugh because that's the way I felt. We all wore, all the Mexicans,

all the Hispanics, all the Chicanos, all the Chicanos, all the Chicanos, all the Chicanos,

all the Hispanics were on food stamps. The wife was at home while the husband's working or the

dad's working and we're living on food stamps. And I had a big resentment for that a lot. And I

remember my mom telling me to go to the store and get some stuff. And you guys are so lucky today.

Who's on that? Cause I had that too. Today, you guys get a credit card. We had stamps, stamps,

not a piece of plastic or anything. So you'd have to get those stamps out and they collect them

right there. They're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're,

tear them out of your book right there. And there's a line right there. And I'm like,

oh my gosh, you know, I go, really? And I really didn't want to be a Chicano. I didn't want to be

Hispanic. I was so embarrassed, but I didn't know at the time that my mom and dad were doing the

best they can to raise five, uh, three kids. You know, I didn't know that they're doing their best

to feed us and to clothe us and this and that. All I thought was about me and trying to look good

and not trying to look like somebody that was on food stamps. So, you know, that's, that's, that's,

that's what I was doing. I hated it to the max. I really hated it. And so when I used to drink,

I could care less. I could care less what you thought of me. I could care less what I was doing.

I could care less what you were doing to me, you know, as long as I was getting drunk and this and

that. I didn't do drugs yet, but I was drinking a lot. And you know, uh, so that ran up for a

long time. The way I felt about being Hispanic that always felt that we're always ridiculed,

laughed at. And, but yet people, when they say you don't look Chicano or Hispanic, that made me

feel good. It really did. Cause I go, well, let me look, well, maybe they think I'm Italian, you know,

maybe they think I'm something else, you know, that'd be great. You know, but of course I didn't

have the accent, you know, ghoul and all that stuff. I didn't do that, you know? So the thing

is I wanted to be everything else, but Hispanic. I lived in a fantasy world when I used to watch old

movies, uh, Cary Grant and all those guys with a shirt and tie and a cigarette and all that.

And the bar around the ladies, I wanted that. I wanted it look glamorous. Cause back in the days,

they made it look glamorous, you know? And, uh, you know, that's the way I wanted to live. And

that was my fantasy world. So again, when I was drinking and using, I, I could be anything I

wanted to be, you know, and I didn't care what you thought of me, you know? And, uh, you know,

that carried on for a long time. Uh, and it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just,

uh, and it just kept me out there more and more and more, you know, every time I never tried

getting sober. I, I just thought what the hell for my life's going to be born, you know, who gets

sober, you know, at 20 something years old, I go, I don't do that. My life's going to be,

always going to be boring. So I ended up meeting the girl of my life and we ended up getting

married. I'm getting married at, I think I'm older than my brothers when they got married.

Cause I got married at 23, you know, and they got married in the, you know, 20, 21. So,

I think that lasted for two years. Now, remember I said, I never hit, hit a woman. You don't call

an alcoholic, a drunk. You don't call them an alcoholic either, but she did that. You call me

a drug addict cause it sounded more sophisticated for some reason, you know, but you call me an

alcoholic and you're calling me somebody that's pushing a cart, carrying a bottle in a bag, uh,

somebody on the streets on the curb. Don't call me that. That's low life. She called me that.

I chased her outside. I hit her. I hit her. I hit her. I hit her. I hit her. I hit her. I hit her. I hit her.

I hit her. I hit her. I hit her twice. And now this is the guy who said he would never do that

cause he saw his dad do that to his mom. But I ended up doing that. And the great remorse was

I went inside, put all the alcohol in the drain and everything. Come Friday, I'm out there again.

She still remembers, but she's forgiven me, I think. And this is a routine, repetitive routine.

So we ended up splitting up after two years. And then I meet somebody a couple years later and I go,

great. She's a party girl. I'm a party guy. You know, I met her at Circus Disco, you know,

and, uh, that's when the disco is out, man, you know, but, uh, I met her there. We got together.

She partied. I partied. I like to do coke. She likes to do coke. She likes to drink. I like to

drink. She likes to stop. I like to drink. I like to do coke. She likes to stop. I like to drink. I

like to do coke, you know? And, and that's the way it was. And we ended up having three kids, you know, children.

And we were together for about 10, 11 years. Uh, I tried being sober for about six years, but, you know,

I got to give O'Doul's credit, man, you know, and, and Cutty Sarks or whatever they were, the,

the Cutty Coors Cutties or whatever, non-alcoholic. My girl at the time, you know, oh, he's not drinking

anymore. Great, great. We'd have a party at my house. People would bring beer and everything.

I'd go to the bathroom, get the beer, go to the bathroom, get the Coors Cutty or whatever, empty it, put the alcohol in there, walk away.

Now, after nine of them, she's going, you've been drinking? No, I haven't. You know, I haven't been drinking. I'm hung. Oh, hold on, babe.

You know, go somewhere else, you know, so she don't know that I've been drunk. So, uh, you know,

that saved me for a minute. Those, those O'Doul's and stuff. So, you know, but, uh, anyway, so we ended

up splitting up because she couldn't handle anymore. You know, I was on the deep end. I was already

losing it. And, excuse me, I was on the deep end. I was already losing it. And, excuse me, I was on the deep end. I was already losing it. And, excuse me,

I was already losing it. And, excuse me, I was already losing it. And, excuse me, so then after that,

I meet somebody else, you know, I'm 40 years old. I'm 46 years old. She's 26 years old, you know,

and, uh, she didn't like to party too much. She did party, but not like I did, you know, and we ended

up having my son right here. And, uh, I'm like, oh my God, I must've really been messed up because

I'm like, I'm done with kids. And then next thing you know, at 46 years old, I'm having another one,

16 years later after my last one, I'm like, what the heck, you know? And, uh, so we ended up

staying together for about 11 years. And like I said, I like to drink, you know, I like to do Coke.

She didn't like to drink. She didn't like to do Coke. I like to drink. So that story ended up the

same way. We ended up splitting up. So, you know, I, but at the time I go, I got to do something

about this. So I came to, uh, to a licensed session. And I remember you guys with your

smiles and stuff. I'm like, oh, this is so crock of, I go, they all smiling. Hey, how you doing?

How you doing? You know? And I'm like, what the, what is this man? You know, they seem so happy,

joyous, and I guess free, you know, and a lot of people would say I want what they want. And I'm

like, I don't want anything. What you guys want, you know, I don't cause it looks so, so phony,

so ridiculous, you know, because this is, you know, I, oh, I don't know, but I went cause I wanted

to save my relationship. So then Nolan, uh, I don't remember how it happened, but everybody

asked you if you have a sponsor, you got a sponsor, you got a sponsor. Here's my card.

You got a sponsor. You got a sponsor. I'm like, oh my gosh. You know? So then Nolan, I guess he

asked me if I have a sponsor and I go, no, I go, you want to be my sponsor? So he ended up being

my sponsor. And he told me I had to do all these things. And I wanted to do all those things

because I wanted to keep my relationship. And I'm thinking, oh my God, 90, 90 days, read the big

stuff. I'm like, I go, okay, I will. So one day he's, he's in a Saturday meeting. I call him. I go,

Hey, Nolan. He goes, uh, Hey, Estevan, what's going on? I go, I won't be at the meeting.

And he goes, what's up? I go, I'm at Disneyland. He goes, stay at Disneyland. I'm like, oops. I go,

I don't think he took it too well, you know? Uh, but he didn't fire me. I don't think so. Did you

know after that? He don't remember either, you know? Uh, cause I was like a quick turnaround,

uh, you know, and, uh, he continued to be my sponsor. And then after we split up from life

in session, he asked me if I wanted to stay with him and stay. I go, well, yeah, of course, you

know, I do, you know? And, uh, so we ended up here at Quality of Life and, and then, uh, that didn't

last too long. I ended up going back out and then, uh, I came back in and I asked Eddie if he wanted

to be my sponsor. And he told me I had to do the same thing. I go, okay, the same routine, same

routine. I go, okay, same routine. I go, okay, same routine. I go, okay, same routine. I go, okay,

same routine. I go, okay, same routine. I go, okay, same routine. I think I did all that. Didn't I,

Eddie? No? Okay. Uh, so, so anyways, uh, so, you know, I was really trying, you know, he was

taking me through the book and everything, but I just, I just went back out. I went back out,

you know? And, uh, so I'm out there thinking I can do this. And my, uh, his mom, uh, Joshua's

mom at the time thought she could give me an anabuse that'll do the trick. So I'm like,

I'll do that. I'll do anabuse, you know? So I'm working at a,

at a college over here. And so on the way home, and I've taken anabuse in the morning. On the way

home, I'm going, oh, the urge hit. So I go, let me get an airplane shot. So I get an airplane shot.

I go, I'm not bad. I get close to the house. I stop at another liquor store. I get an airplane

shot. Next thing you know, I'm coming home and she goes, oh my God, Estevan, look at your eyes.

And I go, what? If you're new here, don't take anabuse. You know? Uh, you know, I ended up in

emergency. I thought I was going to die. You know, she's going quick, quick, help me. And I'm like,

you know, uh, because that stuff will kill you, you know? Uh, now I'm not saying go out and get

drunk and all that. Don't get me wrong, but you know, if you're not finished, you're not finished.

That's the bottom line, you know? And, uh, so that didn't do the trick. We ended up splitting up,

you know, and I ended up splitting up from here. And, uh, I don't know if you, a lot of, you know,

that are new or whatever, they call me in and out because that became my nickname in and out.

Uh, I had Al, my sponsor for a minute. I, I stayed in the

sober living. That didn't work. I, uh, Mark was my sponsor. Uh, I forgot who else was my sponsor.

I think Eddie twice. He was my sponsor. And I'm like, I think I'm running out of people,

you know? And, uh, so, but this last time, man, uh, you know, I came in this last time and I,

I was hurting. I was hurting. I knew what I had to do, but it was too hard, man. It was

too hard for me to do what you guys wanted me to do, you know? And, uh, I was literally dying.

Out there. And I remember Nolan saying, man, when you came in, you were gray. You look like you're

dead. You're walking dead, you know? And, uh, I came in again, you know, and, uh, I did the things

I asked Milton to be my sponsor, you know, Milton, man, you got a sponsor yet. Are you going to do

the same things or why you, you have fun yet? Are you done? And I'm like, will you be my sponsor?

He goes, I'll think about it. And I'm going, okay. So by the end of the night, he said, okay,

I'll be a sponsor. You got to do this, this, this. And I, I did it this time. I was done.

I was done, you know? And, uh, you know, let me tell you something. If you're new here,

anybody promises you anything, anybody tells you your problem is going to go away. You know what

they don't, your problems don't go away, but what happens? You find a solution to your problems. Now,

if I cannot give you a solution, somebody will, they'll give you suggestions of what you need to

do. Nobody ever promised me. Oh, now that you're together, your, your girl is going to stay.

Your kids are going to go back to you. They're going to love you and this and that, and all this,

you know, all these flowers are going to bloom and all this. No, you know, it's not going to happen,

but what will happen is that you will start seeing slowly that things start getting better.

You will start seeing that you can man up or women up to the problems and find that solution.

You won't be scared to open the mailbox and see there's a bill for you either. You know,

you'll be able to get your license. You'll be able to do all these things. If you're

willing to do the things that you're told to do, they say suggestions, bull crap. They're,

it's really telling you, they're telling you, these are the things you need to do.

See, cause I don't look at suggestions. When you give me a suggestions, I do what I want. When I

look at a suggestion now, while you guys tell me by suggestion, I look at it, this is what you better

do or your ass is going to be on the street. You know, um, I'm going to try Dan. I'm going to try,

you know, I was at the Shell station this, this Friday morning and I've seen a lot of people,

a lot of people go out and they never made it back. And they're still walking around the streets.

I saw a guy the other day and I look, I'm at the Shell station. I'm looking, I go, is that what's

the name? And I look, yeah, I don't want to give it a name, but I go, is that, and I call his name

and he looked, he was on his knees, like a, like a dog, like that. And I go, Hey, it's me. And I

call his name. Let's just say John Doe. And he looked and he, and he came looking, look at me.

And he came walking and, uh, this guy was tore up, tore up. And I love this guy, man. You guys are

like brothers and sisters to me. We're like brothers and sisters. We're like brothers and sisters to me.

We're like a band of brothers and sisters. We're fighting this thing together. So when you see

somebody out there that has been in here, it's going to affect you. If it doesn't, then you

better check yourself because I'm not above this at all. You're not above this at all. And I saw him

and, uh, I gave him five bucks and I told him, I go, I love you, man. I know you might not buy

something to eat, but Hey, I love you. God bless you, man. And he's like, uh, okay, man. Okay.

And he took off. I told my girl, Irene about it. I told my daughter and my

kids, you know, when Oscar asked me to speak tonight, I thought he was going to ask me to be

a 10 minute speaker. I'm like, okay, that's cool. Cause Lisa texts me one time and she said, you're

going to be the 10 minute speaker. And I'm going, okay. And he goes, I go, what? He goes, well,

I want you to be my main speaker. I'm like, okay. It's an honor and a privilege, you know? And I'm

like, you know, uh, and then, uh, but he calls me at four o'clock. So he gives me about three,

what? Four hours to think about it, you know? And my main concern was how am I going to look?

Seriously? Does this tie? I'm asking Bay. I go, Bay, does this tie go with this? Right. She's like,

yeah, yeah, exactly. She goes, she goes, I don't like that one. I'm like, oh, you know, but, uh,

you know, life for me has got 100% better. 100%, 110%. I'm a working man today. I work with Eddie,

you know, we're laughing all the time. We're making fun of people in our group all the time,

taking their inventory, you know? Yeah. You know, it's great. You know, what else we got?

Talk about, you know? No, but we love you guys. Uh, you know, I'm engaged. I got engaged in,

in, uh, Christmas. Uh, that couch gets cold, man. So I have to say that. No, I'm just joking.

I love you. Uh, but you know, I got my kids in my life again. I'm lo I love them to death.

They love me to death. I got grandkids that look up to me. We laugh, but this wouldn't

to all be impossible. If I would have just, if I would have stayed out there and drank that last

beer or did that last hit, this would not have been impossible for me today. So was it nerve

wrecking to come up here tonight? Yeah, it was. Because I wanted to make sure, see, I'm always

one of those guys where, well, I want to look good. I want to make sure you guys laugh. I want

to make sure you guys cry. I want to make sure you guys like me. And that's the way I always live my

life, man. But today, you like me or not, I shared a message. If it didn't get through to you, there's

going to be somebody that might hit your story, man. And that's the beauty of this thing. This

is a good meeting. This is a good group. But there's other groups out there. If you can't

find it here, find it somewhere, you know. And you will find your story. You will hear your story,

you know. But see, Dan's asleep. See, he didn't see me cry a little bit, you know. So a little

bit. Oh, thanks. Thank you. I use it though. But anyways, you know, I love you guys. I love you

with all my heart. Do I want to be here all the time? I'm not going to say yes.

Because I don't. Because I think I got another life. I got a life to live. But you know what?

I can't live it if I don't have what you guys taught me is a higher power in my life today.

Today, I got a God in my life. And I'm not afraid to say that anymore. I'm not embarrassed to say I

got a God today. Because there's a time I didn't want to say God. But I got him in my life today.

And I pray that you guys find yours. Oscar, thank you very much. I love you guys. I'd like to thank

my sponsor, my higher power as a whole, and Quaff. Thank you for letting me share.