From Acid to Sobriety: Lance's Early Years

Thank you. Lance, alcoholic. I want to thank Oscar and the group for having me out tonight.

Grateful for one more day of sobriety. I'm sober today by the grace of a loving God,

good, current, and honest relationship with another man that I call my sponsor,

the 12-step application, and rooms like this and people like you. I grew up right here in the San

Fernando Valley as well, had older brothers and older sisters. I thought it was a vitamin on the

floor when I was four years old. I ate it, it was a hit of acid. Went outside, looked like an

earthquake hit, came in the house, it was on fire. My mom goes, what's the matter with him?

My brother said, hold on. He checked his stash. Oh, I know what's the matter with him. She said,

deal with him. And I remember at four years old, I was never going to do drugs.

And my dad owned a bar on Hollywood Boulevard called the Frolic Room. And he was also a

contractor. And also when the Christmas parade would come to town, he would set up the scaffolding.

So when he put us up there, the kids up on the scaffold, so we could see everyone's head and

see the, you know, Santa Claus parade. And I remember at like six years old, walking into

that bar to use the bathroom and saying, wow, that's what that drinking thing is all about.

They're having a good time in here. Not knowing, you know, you know, the ball would drop on New

Year's. I drink champagne and it wouldn't do nothing to me. And then when I was nine years

old, I drank two cans of Old English 800. I got the effect produced by alcohol. Right then and

there, I knew it was happening in that bar. And I knew why my older brothers and my mom and dad

drank, because they got the effect produced by alcohol. And I didn't drink every day after that,

but I knew what alcohol could do to me. And the next thing I'd do, I'd go to the bar, I'd go to

the bar, I'd go to the bar, I'd go to the bar, I'd go to the bar, I'd go to the bar. And the next

thing I know, we're in fifth, sixth grade and junior high school is coming up. So we're

locking our bikes up on the outside of the school, riding to the junior high school,

hopping the fence and going in at lunch, checking out what junior high school is all about next.

And I remember Ms. McCloskey chasing us in a Mercedes, get back to school. And I remember

giving her the bird. And my mom was an alcoholic. She'd always cover for me. And you know, my dad,

we didn't get, you know, you know, my dad didn't abuse us or nothing, but we didn't get timeouts

when we were kids. We got knocked out, you know what I'm saying? But you really had to be screwing

up for pops to clean your clock. And I knew at an early age to duck and dodge my dad. My mom would

always cover for me. Don't let your dad find out. And I knew right then and there, I'm not telling

him if you're not, you know, and sure enough, man, I got in so much trouble. I'd get away with

murders as a little young kid, not even in junior high school yet. And then once seventh grade hit,

you know, the party was on. We'd have these little backyard parties, garage bands playing and

a couple of 12 packs of beer and 10 o'clock, everyone's got to go home. And

my friend's parents over in North Hollywood had a bar on their front porch. And he was a mechanic.

His mom was always cooking stuff for us. It was okay to smoke pot. We were 13 and we'd go camping

all the time up the Lytle Creek, Bighorn. And it was okay to drink and smoke pot. And that's when

I met the LSD brothers, Larry, Sean, and David. And their dad sold sheets of acid. And man,

you can drink on that. I'll tell you. So we would go camping and we'd have a couple of sheets,

you know, a couple of hits of, uh, you know, blue dragon, red dragon. And we'd just go

up the Canyon. We'd be gone till sunrise. We'd come back. And there's his mom would be right

there cooking breakfast for us. You know what I'm saying? Not, not saying where were you guys all

night? We're up there making avalanches. Stars are, you know, shining bears are running around.

We didn't know, but we were just having a good old time. This is 13 years old. And, uh, you know,

my, my, my mom knew if I was, you know, uh, not getting in trouble and I could do whatever I

wanted to do. And, uh, we didn't have to go to church. My older brothers and sisters went to

church because they wanted to. And I remember when I was, uh, like 10 years old, my dad said,

you don't have to go if you don't want to. And I said, well, I ain't going, man. Cause you know,

I don't want to start studying just like school. And they'd pass me from seventh grade to eighth

grade to ninth grade. And I had all D's didn't read one book. And next thing I know on my first

day in North Hollywood high school, man, I put my books in the locker. I never went back. My dad

said, are you going to get a job? Are you going to join the service? So I went to work for my dad.

He was a contractor. And I remember we had a job down in South central. We stopped at the pantry

for breakfast. And, uh, I drank two pitchers of water before the food got there. That's how

I was saying to myself, man, I need to start cutting back. And at that time was low and brown

Henry wine hearts. And I was drinking, I was drinking a good 12 pack. Uh, you know what I'm

saying? 14, 16 beers a night. And we'd work from six in the morning till two o'clock. We'd stop

little mom and pop liquor store. We get three beers, one for me, my brother, my dad, and we

drive home. And my dad would go in the kitchen, start cooking dinner with my mom. I'd hop in the

shower, hop on my bike. And I'd scoot up to the neighborhood park where the fellas are. We're

hanging out, drinking, playing quarters, horseshoes, hanging out. And my girlfriend,

my girlfriend's there and we're having a good old time. And it's eight 30, nine o'clock and

everybody's going home. Cause I have to go to work and school the next day. The next thing I know

it's quarter to two. We need another 12 pack. There's me and two other guys there. And sure

enough, man, we're, we're getting that 12 pack and, uh, man, I'm, I'm tore up the next day.

And I remember, man, looking at, you know, going, getting up. My mom's like, you better get in bed.

Your dad's getting up. It's like four 30. I'm sliding in the back door and I lay down. Let's

go to work 15 minutes of sleep. And I'm tore up, man. And I brushed my teeth, get in the car and

we're off to work. And I remember my dad looking in the mirror, you smell like a goddamn brewery.

And I'm like, man, I brushed my teeth. How's he know? You know, we're always the last to know.

And, uh, and I'm saying to myself, man, when I get home today, I'm going to take a shower,

get a little something to eat, watch a little TV. And I'm going to bed, man. We're having that one

beer on the way home and ding light bulb comes on. I'm just going to go check on the fellas and see

how they're doing and see how my girlfriend's doing. And sure enough, eight 30, nine o'clock

rolls around. Everybody's going home. And I'm saying to myself, you need to get your ass home,

and then the alcoholic persuasion comes in. It's Wednesday. You can rest on the weekend.

Bam. I convinced myself that easy. Sure enough, we're off getting another 12 pack and you know,

and it's, I'm trying to control it. I'm trying to enjoy it. And pops is looking at me. I'm dropping

tools off the ladder. You got the drops today, huh? And I'm like, man, I just, you know, I'm

only, uh, what? 18 now. Now I'm 18, two years of trying to control and enjoy this thing. And I just,

if I'm trying to control it, I'm not enjoying it. And, uh, I bought an El Camino 1968 El Camino.

And, uh, you know, now we're going to Van.

I's Boulevard. We're cruising Van. I's Boulevard, you know, Wednesday nights, weekends. And, uh,

I'm drinking and driving, hauling ass, having a good old time. And, uh, you know, my dad said

that you need to do something about your drink. And so I did, I moved out of the house, you know,

me and my girlfriend got a little apartment, you know, and I went to work for another contractor

in Glendale and I'm a carpenter and we're framing up these four and five unit apartment buildings.

And, uh, my girlfriend would roll up to the job at 12 o'clock on the dot every day, bring me a

sandwich and one beer. And as soon as she'd roll up, we'd send Mark down to the neighborhood pop

and mom and pop market.

I'd get a piece of beer and come back. There was four of us on the crew and we'd each drink a six

pack plus my one beer. And we'd have lunch from 12 to one. And by one 30, we'd be, you know,

sweating that six pack out. We're building stuff. The contractor didn't care. Nobody was getting

hurt. He was making money. Shit was getting built. And you know, three 34 o'clock we're

throwing our tools in our truck and we're heading home. The thing is the other guys

would get in their trucks and go home. Me, I'd stop at the mom and pop liquor store and get a

six pack to get from Glendale to North Hollywood. Knowing I got beer in the fridge,

we'd go to the house, we'd go to the theater at home and cocktails and all that stuff. And I got

to drunk drivings in Burbank back to back. I was 20 years old and supposed to do that 18 month

alcohol program, but I knew I'd have to quit drinking. So I never went to the first class. My

good thinking was I'll get on the five freeway in Glendale, shoot up the Sunland Boulevard, get off

at Sunland, then come down Vineland Boulevard and miss Burbank altogether. Well, I'm not in Burbank.

They can't catch me, man. This is back in the eighties. And you know, it worked. It worked well.

have her drive, you know, and we started having kids. And back then you could drink beer in

Burbank and a lot of my buddies lived in Burbank and we were playing horseshoes on the weekends and

you know, you know, paying the bills time, you know, things are good, but I couldn't go anywhere

without a beer between my legs in the car. And I'd have a nice chest full of beer and cocktails for

me and then milk and sodas for her and the kids. And thank God I never wrecked the car and hurt

anybody. And I started getting in trouble, started going to jail, you know, do a little time here,

a little time there. I'd get out, you know, and, you know, straighten my act up and I'd, you know,

try to control and enjoy my drink and be never knowing I got a progressive disease that centers

in my mind. No matter how I tell myself it's going to be different, I pick up right where I left off.

And she goes, you need to do something about your beer drinking. So I did. I switched from beer

to Captain Morgan, you know, and, you know, the only thing with Captain Morgan, I'm putting in

big gulps and back then there were wax cups, a cup would melt my hand. So my cure for that,

I drink them faster, you know, and, you know, it wasn't long before I was getting in a high-speed

chase.

Man, I'm going to jail or getting the bark beat off me. You know what I'm saying? The cops don't

dig that. And, uh, one more time, I got one of those good deals where I was going to make a lot

of money. And it was, uh, it was a, you know, it was a setup. I ended up doing my first prison

term in Tatchby State Prison, 1986. I did three years and, uh, you know, I'm a father now, you

know, I need to straighten my act out. I'm only going to drink on Saturday and Sunday when I get

out. And I mean it, Saturday and Sunday. And when I got out, it was Saturday and Sunday for about

two months. Then it was Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Thursday, not knowing I got a progressive disease

that centers in my mind.

And no matter how much I tell myself the consequences or whatever, it doesn't matter. King

alcohol wins out every time. And when I step in the ring with King alcohol, it's not done until it

whoops my ass one more time. But I'm not knowing any of this stuff. I just, I go on to the bitter

end, not knowing it. And sure enough, man, I'm, uh, I'm working over here at Tarzana Treatment

Center. I'm building the outpatient program on it. And, uh, I remember at three 30 going down

to my truck, man, cause I always got an ice chest in my truck and I grab a beer and I pop it and

I'm drinking. I look over at one of the inpatient people. I go,

what's this guy rubbernecking at? You know what I'm saying? And I didn't think of nothing. I threw

it in gear and went home and partied all night. And I came back to work at six 30 in the morning

and the superintendent said, Hey dude, if you can't wait till three 30 to get the AMPM on the

corner to get a beer, I can't have you working here, man. Don't even bring alcohol on the

property. That a little moment of clarity, you know, maybe I'm an alcoholic, but I'm not that

bad where I need one of these places. And at that time I was drinking a case of beer, a fifth of

Captain Morgan smoking a good couple of grams of cocaine every day. And my patience got so thin.

The only time I would eat is if there's three,

four cars or less than a drive-through burger stand. I'd pull in and choke down some dollar

burgers. If there's four cars, I'll eat tomorrow. I got to go. You know what I'm saying? I would

pull up to a red light and I couldn't wait for it to change. I'd turn right. Then I'd turn left,

turn left again. And then the cars that were behind me were repassing me. I just, I just,

my patience, I had got to get there. You know what I'm saying? And I'd show up to work, man. I mean,

I'm a damn good carpenter. I could talk, perform. And you know, there's something about this guy.

They couldn't figure it out. And I was up for like four days and they're like, where the hell were you?

Oh, my aunt died. She died last month. Oh yeah, that's right. You know what I'm saying?

And here they are. They're handing me a check one more time. And the pride and ego is telling me,

you know, I'll just go on to the next job. And I would, I'd go on to the next job. I'd talk my way

in there. I'd perform and I can't have a problem. Look at me, man. I'm on top of the world. I'm

running the crew again. We're building stuff. You know, I, you know, it's not the alcohol. It's not

the drugs. And, uh, sure enough, man, there's a one more attempt to one more failure, you know,

crashing bird worse, never better. And here I am one more time, just, uh, hauling ass. I look in

the mirror and there's those red lights, man. And, uh, one more time, I'm going down harder. I'm

going down soft. And now they got the cameras rolling. Now I'm on cops. Now I'm a movie star

and I'm hauling ass down Van Owen, man. I'm coming up onto hung and turn, turn on, uh,

to hung Avenue off Van Owen. And they had it blocked off, man. And sure enough, man,

I pulled over and one more time I'm on my way to jail. And, uh, this guy goes, what are you in for?

I said, I can say it's this, I can say it's that, but it all boils down to my drinking and using.

I didn't go to jail every time I was drinking and using, but every time I was on my way to

jail or emergency room was because I was drinking and using, I was taking step one right there,

admitting my inner, my own self that I had a problem and not knowing it. And, uh, he goes,

well, uh, he goes, just tell the judge or a drug addict and alcoholic. And you go to this place

called Tarzana. I said, Tarzana. I said over on Oxnard, he goes, yeah, I go, I built that place

10 years ago. And he goes, yeah, he goes, uh, I go, how's it work over there? He goes, well,

you go there in the morning and they UA test you. And then you go to group where they teach

you of your trigger about your triggers and alcoholism and drug addiction. Then you go to

12 step meetings. I go, what are 12 step meetings? And he said, Alcoholics Anonymous is the first 12

step program. It's got the best success rate for recovery. Then there's Narcotics Anonymous,

Cocaine Anonymous. There's over 412 step programs. I said, wow, that sounds like a good program. He

goes, it is a good program. I said, if it's such a good program, what are you doing on the bus

handcuffed to me? And, uh, he was still, uh, doing a little speed on the side. He was mixing

water and yellow food coloring and turning that in, in the morning and getting, you know,

getting by for a little while. And, uh, they gave him a 30 day wake up call up Bisco Lou.

He was on the way to wayside with me. And you know, third time he said he was going back to

court and getting state or County time. I said, wow, that sounds like a good program. And I

remember going to court. My attorney says, I'll take you downstairs and get your time served.

What's one more felony on your record. I said, well, I think I got a problem with drugs and

alcohol. And I try this outpatient program. He goes by looking at your record, you've been a

drinking, using machine for 20 years. What makes you think you're going to straighten out now?

I said, I don't know. I heard about this 12 step thing. I want to give it a shot. And, uh, the

judge said, do you got anything to say, Mr. Rodriguez? I said, yeah, your honor. I think I

got a problem with drugs and alcohol. I want to try this outpatient program. He looked me square

in the eye and he said, as long as you don't do your violation on your parole, come back to this

courtroom. It'll give you a shot at it. And they shot me up, uh, to wayside again, before the

parole board. And they said the same thing. What makes you think you're going to straighten out

now? And I explained to him, I heard about this 12 step thing. I want to give it a shot. And they

didn't mean any more violation. They shot me off to Chino. And I remember I was a week to the house,

had a grandma seizure off the top bunk, bit half my tongue off, had black bugs flying on the side

of my head. I was tore up. And my girlfriend, I did have at the time, I didn't know where my lady

and kids were because I pushed them so far out of my life. But my girlfriend at the time, they said

the candle was too close to the curtains. The house burned down, she burned down, you know,

rest her soul. And, uh, everything I owned was gone. Everything. I went down to that, uh, that

shelter on Lancashire Boulevard. They had a bed for a parolee for one night. And I stayed over there

at a shelter for the night. The next day I went down to that courthouse and, uh, the judge said,

go down to Tarzana Treatment Center and get enrolled. And I went down to Tarzana Treatment

Center and I got enrolled. And it was suggested I get a big book, a sponsor, a home group, and a

loving God. And I went to my first meeting at a place called Unit A over in North Hollywood. I

said, my name's Lance. I just got out. It's just that I get a big book, a sponsor, a home group,

and a loving God. I got all four at the end of my first meeting and I've been sober ever since. And

that was July 25th, 2001. And they told me the truth. They said, it's not going to be easy and

it's not going to be quick. And I did the best thing I could have done, which was dummy up. I

forgot everything I thought I knew about staying sober, living, working, everything. My sponsor

took me next door to the 99 cent store. He got me a dictionary, notepad, and a bag of pens. And he

said, start reading this book. And when you come to words you don't understand, you look it up and

you write it down. And when I see you tomorrow, I'll explain it to you. I had no God in my life.

I ain't been to church since I was eight, 10 years old. So I used the rooms for my higher power. If

it can work for you, it can work for me. It's real simple. It's monkey see, monkey do. We're

not going to tell you what to do around here. We're going to show you what to do. And that's

when I needed somebody to show me how to do this thing called recovery. And we started reading that

book. When it said, do something, we did it. And I'd get to that meeting an hour early every night

and we'd sit out in the truck and we'd read that book, you know, and I'd run into the same people

I got loaded with. I got sober in the same neighborhood I got loaded in. And they'd say,

damn, Lance, you're looking good. What's going on? I said, I'm trying the sobriety thing. You got

20 bucks I can borrow. I tell them, yeah, meet me over a year today. They wouldn't show up. You know,

insane. And, you know, so I started going to Tarzan every morning. I'd go to Tarzan in the

morning. Then I'd go, I'd fill out two job applications a day. My sponsor said, you got

to get a job and be self-supporting. And he goes, just fill out two applications a day. Within two

weeks, you'll have a job. On the 10th day, I got a job doing demolition work, 10 bucks an hour,

really crushed my ego and pride, but it was a job. And, you know, so I wanted to get my

contractor's license. So I went to West Valley Occupational Center and I got the books to study,

filled out the application, and I'd get to Uniday two hours early every day. And I'd study my

contractor's license books. And then I'd study the big book with my sponsor. Then we'd go in and

make the coffee. You know, I had my commitments. And I'd go to Uniday every day. It was like

sobriety checkpoint for me. As long as I made it to Uniday, I was going to be okay. And I thought

about drinking every day. And I had to go to that power. God, please be with me. Help me remove this

obsession right now. And then I'd thank him at night. God, thanks for another day of sobriety.

And in the morning, I'd read my little 24-hour day book. You know, my daily reflections. Say that

prayer. God, help me stay sober today. Simple as that. And I use the Rooms for Recovery for my

power. And I just started doing what you guys were doing. And before I knew it, I had 30 days.

And I'm saying, wow, I could probably do this. Man, I got 60 days. And then I got my contractor's

license. Along with that came a lot of responsibility. I started doing smaller jobs and

bigger jobs. And I started hiring guys. And the next thing I know, I've got, you know, workers

compensation, EDD. I got, you know, a lot of responsibility. And I'm paying all this stuff.

And I went by my kid's dad's house, granddad's house, their granddad's house in Burbank. And

he gave me a phone number for my kids. And I called and left a message.

And it was one of those automated machines. Please leave your name after the tone. And I left

a message. And I leave a message every Tuesday night. And, you know, I was just hoping that

they'd call back eventually. And I, you know, started just sponsoring guys. Then I got a year

of sobriety. Then I got two years of sobriety. Next thing I know, you know, I got five years

of sobriety. I'm making tens of thousands of dollars. Dating all kinds of women. What more

could a guy ask for? You know, I started cutting back on my meetings. That's when the alcoholism

started coming back into my mind where it centers. They're not paying me enough. She's

gonna treat me right. The traffic's getting thick. And next thing I know, a drink's starting

to sound good. That's when I got involved with H&I, which is hospitals and institutions. And I

started doing H&I work. I got a panel at Tarzana Treatment Center. I tried getting cleared for

jails. Took me five years to get cleared for L.A. County jails. And I started doing panels up at

Tehachapi State Prison. Psych wards. They had a panel over at PIP, which is People in Progress

over in Sun Valley for the parolees. And my little brother was on parole. His condition was not to

drink. I know his parole officer because I know them all. And he came to work for me full time.

He's been sober living. 13 months was up. And he was off parole. He goes, I'm gonna quit working

for you. I'm gonna go back to school and get my heavy equipment operator's license to drive

tractors and stuff. And I said, okay. And he really had no one to answer to. And because I go

to a meeting every night, he wasn't working for me and going to a meeting every night. And then he

came into unit A drunk like two weeks later. And I told him, hey, leave the bottle outside. Come

inside. Maybe you'll hear something. I got that call a week later to come identify his body. Where

was it that night? Do what I'm doing right now at PIP. I had my panel up there. And my sponsor told

me, hey, if you're sober, you can't keep anyone sober. You can just be an example of what this

program has to offer. And, you know, I took him downtown. I cremated him. I made him a nice little

maple box and put his ashes in there, put a picture of him on it and brought him around all the

meetings for everyone to say goodbye to him. You know, and I laid him the rest of my mom and dad

up at San Fernando Mission. Alcoholism, jails, institutions, and death. You know, if I don't

treat this with the 12 steps, I need to treat it with alcohol. I know for me to drink is to die,

you know. And I ended up, I was sober seven years before I got a phone call from my kids. And we

hadn't had dinner. And having dinner within an hour, my kids said, Dad, we don't care what you

did in the past. It's what you're doing today that counts. Because they could see I was a changed man

as a result of these 12 steps. You know, I can't bullshit a bullshitter. I'm only bullshitting

myself. And your kids can see right through you. Your parents, you know, your husband, your wife,

or whoever it may be. It's not what we say around here. It's what we do around here. It's our

actions. If we take the action, our mind will follow. And a lot of stuff didn't make sense when

I was new. But I did it anyways. And I look back now, thank God I did that stuff. It's real simple.

I did it because I do what I do. And if I'm sick and tired of getting what I'm getting, I might want

to change what I'm doing. And the first place I go is to that power. Call my sponsor. Talk to any one

of you guys. I've got hundreds of people I can talk to and let them know what's really going on

in my life. And they're not going to judge me for what I'm going through. The only stupid question

is the one I don't ask. And the day I think I have all the answers is the day I'm doomed. The day I

think I don't need to suit up and show up and come out here is the day Lance starts taking self back.

When I start taking self back, then the alcoholism starts coming back and I suffer. Nobody beats me

up rather than I beat myself up, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. If you did what

I did to myself, I would have killed you. But I need to slow my roll and ask myself,

how much pain am I going to put myself through? When am I going to put the ego and pride aside

and ask for help? The sooner I do that, the sooner I get the answers I need, which are the truth.

Because I want to hear things and see things for what I want them to be or what they should have

been or what they could have been. When I start seeing things from a different perspective with

an open mind, maybe they are right. Maybe I have been wrong all these years. Maybe there is a

different way to see things and live. That little bit of willingness and open-mindedness has got me

really far in sobriety and very comfortable in my sobriety. I have alcoholism, not wasm,

but the main thing is I don't have to suffer from it today. Why? Because I go to that power day in

and day out and it's with me. I have a conscious contact with that power all the time. They told

me when I was new, if you're going through hell, just keep on going and believe me. My feet have

been hot plenty of times. My girlfriend, Julie, had 10 years of sobriety, really good girl and

just millions of dollars in the bank, just really beautiful woman. She didn't want to explain to

anybody. She took her life. Her five-year anniversary of her death was a few days ago.

It's sad that we can't talk to people. It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem and

it sucks. I was able to quit smoking cigarettes 11 years ago. The money I saved from smoking

cigarettes are used for down payment on a ranch up here in Canyon Country. Bought 11 bedrooms,

seven baths on five acres, four guest houses, pool, beautiful property. Burned to the ground

two years ago. Everything I own burned to the ground. Where was I? Doing what I'm doing right

now in Santa Barbara. Thank God I was going out to work. I was going out to work. I was going out to

Santa Barbara because I would have been there with my ego and pride with fire hoses trying to

put that thing out. I got to Main Street in Ventura. My son calls me. He goes, Dad, the fire's

coming down the canyon. I said, get the hell out of there. And sure enough, I turned my phone on.

I could see each building just blowing up. And my girlfriend at the time, she says, you want to go

back? I said, there's nothing we can do. So, he stayed the weekend out there. And my older brother,

Rick, he was on parole. He's been on parole for a long time. And I remember when I was 13 going up

San Quentin to visit him. He was in a halfway house. And he got a resentment at somebody. And

he got a hotel room that weekend. It's a pole, but I got loaded, OD'd, and died. And I was cleaning

up the ashes at my ranch. And I was spreading his ashes. And it sucks, man. Family disease. And I

got another brother that's out there right now. And all I can do is be here for him. I'll carry

the message. I can't carry the person. It's a program of attraction, not promotion. And I'm

just grateful that my feet are trained to be at certain meetings on certain nights. I get to the

end. I meet the new guy. We study the book, man. Get him into the step application. Gets me out of

my head. And it gets him into the step application. I've got a life worth living today, you know?

Staying sober is not easy. If staying sober is easy, everybody be doing it. Takes the real man,

the real woman. Put the ego and pride aside and ask for help. And stay committed to do this stuff.

You know, I've learned a lot of things to do in sobriety. I've learned a lot of things not to do

in sobriety. As long as I have an open mind, I'm learning something, you know? When I slow down and

get right here, right now, I'm right where I need to be on a Saturday night. Right here with you

guys. Everything's okay. It always has been. It always will be. It's just my mind tells me

different. I should be here. I should be this, this, that. You know, I've got the unsatisfiable

mind. I think if I just get this, I'll be okay. If I just get that, it's never enough. And I thank

God every morning for everything he's given me and everything he's taken away. You know, I get up

every morning, two hours before I have to leave the house. I do my prayer and my meditation. I do my

little workout. I think of the 24 hours ahead. 86, 87, and 88 in this book tells you how to pray. I

got my 24 hours a day. I got my 24 hours a day. I got my 24 hours a day. I got my 24 hours a day. I got

my daily reflections. I read a few other books as well. You know, and I get that quiet time alone

and it's what I need and it's been working really well. I ended up getting two shops right down the

street here, well, Fulton and Sherman Way. And I'd get there every morning at five o'clock and

the guys would get there early too before they started getting the tools going out to the jobs.

And you know, I'm in the office doing my prayer and meditation. They wouldn't bother me because

they knew, you know, that's what I, you know, I need to do. And I couldn't get it at the house

with my girlfriend because, you know, she, she's who she is. I mean, she needs,

her time and I need mine. So, you know, I'd be at the shop every morning. I'll tell you,

my day goes a lot smoother. I know for me, sobriety must come first. Then I go out and

sign that next job or I take that trip to Maui or do whatever I'm going to do. You know, and

what the program has really given me is a constant thought of others and how we might meet their

needs. It's what I can do for you today, not what I can get. You know, when I started turning that

around in a different perspective to be a maximum service to God and the people about him and other

alcoholics, my life has gotten a lot, lot more nicer, a lot more smoother. No expectations. You

know, there's a lot of people in these rooms that'll pray for you. And there's a lot of people

in these rooms that'll pray on you. You spot it, you got it. How'd you get rid of it? That's what

I want to know. You know, I let people know what's really going on in my life, you know? And for that,

I'm clear. I'm transparent. I need to be. Because if I'm not, I'm trying to hide these mistakes.

I'm trying to hide these lies. And that's the stuff I drank and used on, you know? How comfortable

do I want to be in my sobriety? I'd be really comfortable. Why be in a 12-step program and not

apply the 12 steps in your life? You know, how much pain am I going to put myself through?

I'm very fortunate enough. I got to pin the badge on my son. He's a firefighter,

Santa Fe, New Mexico. My other son, Lance Jr., is studying to be a lawyer. He's with his mom

in Henderson. My other son's in UCLA right now. He speaks French, Mandarin, and Russian. He's

going to China in July. He already did four years in the Navy. My daughter, Heather Rose, is up in

Akadolsi. She works at Starbucks. And my youngest son is an accountant. I've got all five of my

children in their life. And me and their mom, it's just a lot of work. And I'm very fortunate enough

we've been trying to get back together, but it just hasn't worked. It hasn't worked out. We've

been off and on for 32 years. And I'm just grateful. I'm just grateful for one more day

of sobriety, you know, today. The years are easy to get around here. Some days are a bitch to get

through. And I need to remember, I don't have to go through anything alone ever again. And that's

a God-honest truth, man. I meet with my sponsor every Tuesday night. I still talk to him every

day. The guys I sponsor call me. I go to regular meetings on regular nights. Monday night, I'm at

Stepping Stones, which is a favorite part of the big book. Tuesday nights, I'm at Unity Day,

six to seven, speaker participation. Wednesday, I'm back up at Stepping Stones,

five to six o'clock step study meeting. And then Thursday, I'm at Sunset Group over here in

Sherman Oaks at the Senior Center on Van Nuys Boulevard. Friday nights, I'm in the office. I

got to do my paperwork, invoicing, and estimates and stuff like that. And it's barbecue day. The

guys come up, get their paychecks, and we barbecue at the ranch. And then Saturday's date night,

I usually go out on a date Saturday night. I've been dating, me and my daughter have been going

out lately.

And still date night, right? Unless I'm asked to come out here and share with you guys. And then

Sunday night, I'm over at Toluca Lake Speaker Meeting, where I've been going since I got

sober. And on the first Sunday, I'm at the fire camp over on Little Tonga Canyon, bringing books

and literature to the guys that are doing time over there on the fire crew. And then the fourth

Sunday, which is tomorrow, I'll be at Tarzana Treatment Center and Detox East. I got a panel

over there. And then on the second Wednesday, I've got Wayside Supermax panel in the 500 dorm. And the

first thing I do is I bring books and literature to the guys that are doing time over there. And I

bring books and literature to the guys in there. And I go anywhere I want in that facility,

non-escort. And I used to be a trustee there, a trusted inmate. And the cops look at me,

thanks for coming in. I said, you got it, Sarge. Thanks for having me. And it used to be the other

way around. And I explain to the guys, man, I tell them, man, I've got a life worth living today,

man. I don't have to endure another day. I've got a life worth living. Everything's going to be okay,

no matter what I'm going through. And I tell them, when you come back, I'm going to be back. And I'm

just get a big book, a sponsor, a home group, and a loving God. Come to your first meeting. And

I've seen a few guys get out, come to the meetings, get a sponsor, do the steps, lights come on. Now

they're passing it on and they've got a life worth living. It's real simple. You take the action,

the mind follows. We can't do it for you. There's a lot of new people in here. And I'll tell you

what, man, my life just started when I walked off Chino 17 years ago. And like the book says,

I barely scratched the surface. I tell people, man, please be patient with me. I've got a lot

of lessons to learn. God's still working with, you know, I'm sober today, man. I don't ever want

to forget where I came from either. You know, true humility. I need to be right sized, man. We're all

equal in here. Simple as that. I'm just trying to get through one more day of sobriety. Trying to

get through one more day without picking up a drink, hurting anybody or doing something I'm

not supposed to do. And if I lay my head down tonight, I've had a pretty damn good day, you

know, and I should have been doing this whole, my whole life. And I want to pat on the back for it.

You know what I'm saying? You know what I mean? But, uh, you know, we're, we're, I'm an alcoholic,

you know, now, you know, people would always ask me, what's the matter with you, Lance? And I tell

them, I don't know. I never knew. I never knew what was the matter with me. I suffered from

alcoholism, left untreated. Now I know what's the matter with me. Selfish, self-centered,

self-seeking. I turn all that stuff around, man. Think about others, do for others. It's not what

I can get. It's what I can give. Bam, right then and there, my whole life and whole perspective

of living in the day I'm in has got a whole new meaning. I'm really, really enjoying life now.

It took a few years of sobriety.

I recognize this stuff. Where's mine? I need this. I need that. Then you get to the point

where shit, that ain't cut it, man. I'm still suffering. What's the matter? Oh yeah. Go to

that power. Ask that power. Help me be a maximum service. Get out of the way. What can I do for

someone else? Dishonest thoughts cross my mind. I don't act on them. Not that you guys are going

to find out, but that's the stuff I drank and used behind. Life is good today. Life is really

good today. I, uh, you know, I go mountain biking. Uh, I met a girl, she's training for a triathlon

and, uh, went mountain biking. She blew me into the weeds. She's all, you don't do much

cardio, do you? And I thought I was in good shape. She was, you're not going to have a heart

attack, are you? And, uh, she took it easy. You know, ego and pride smasher, you know what I'm

saying? But I, you know, Hey, I told her, Hey, I don't ride like you do, you know, but I'll try

to catch up. So, and, uh, yeah, really nice woman. And, uh, yeah, she goes to the beach three days

a week. I mean, she swims like two hours a day, rides 25 miles and runs two hours. And, uh, I,

you know, I'm in pretty good shape, but man, yeah. And she's 57.

And, uh, I'm just grateful. I got to meet her. I call her the organic wonder woman. She's all

organic. She's got a food line and all that stuff. And she really knows what to eat to keep you,

you know, healthy and, uh, and going and stuff. What's good for you and so forth. And my daughter's,

uh, a vegan, uh, organic girl too. So they got along really good and it's really cool. And, uh,

you know, I'm still, I'm still learning. I got, you know, I got a lot to learn, like I said. And,

uh, you know, I do, uh, my Brazilian jujitsu on Tuesday nights. I get an ass whooping and pay for

it. All right. So again, for my homeboys and a 12 pack.

You know what I'm saying? But, uh, you know, I'm, you know, go surf and I do all the things

that I wanted to do. You know, one day I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that. No,

I'm living. I'm finally doing the stuff. You know, I've been blessed with some really good

clients, man. Why? Cause I practice these principles and all my affairs. You know,

I got like four or five jobs going to my, my routine is I get up two hours before I go to

the furthest job. That way I work on the job for a couple hours and I come back,

get the guys going. I know which meeting I'm going to that way. I can get to the meeting

an hour early and meet the new guy there, do my meeting.

And then I get home, I make my lunch, take a shower, do a little paperwork, say a prayer

and go to bed, get up in the morning and do it again. I've got a real simple life today.

You know, real simple life. You know, my, uh, my buddy wanted to put some bees on the

ranch. So he put some bees up at the ranch and, uh, the bear came and opened up the box

and he, uh, he ate the honey and his Queens flew away. And he said, I'm taking my bees

out of here. And I said, okay, I'm going to get my own bees. So I got my own bees. And,

uh, I've been keeping, I've been keeping bees now for like six years. And, uh, I built

this, uh, bad-ass bear cage for it.

Put the bees in there with the screen on it. So the bees can get through the screen

and the bear can't get in. I see the tracks around it. And, uh, me and my daughter, we

extract the honey. We just got like a 180 bottles of honey. I brought one tonight. It's

up there. You guys have some, and it's a hundred percent raw organic. And, uh, the fire came

through, burned everything. Everything was burned to the ground, but the bear cage was

fine. And the little honeybees were okay. And then the flood came right after that.

And the water came up. I mean, I got 22,000 acres that drained through my property, which

is 19 square miles, about as big as a Valley. And that water came up.

And, uh, the honeybees survived again. And I was just in the, uh, bear cage today, checking

on them. They're doing great. And then my neighbor had some, uh, some bees in his Eve

up in his, uh, second story. So Mr. Nice guy, I am I'll take care of it. I cut his Eve open.

I'm up there for four hours. There were Africanized bees, really aggressive up there. I had to

suck them all up with a vacuum and I had to cut all the comb out and all the honey was

dripping on me and everything, but you know, good neighbor. So I did that today, you know,

and, uh, it felt really good.

Being able to help my neighbor. He didn't know what to do. I can hear him buzzing in

the wall. I think they've been there for a week or two. They've been there for like two

years. I guess his hearing's going, but, uh, but who knows, you know, I just, you know,

so I can, I do things like that today. And it was, what do I do? I said, you don't know

me anything. And, uh, yeah, it's just been a blessing. I'm, uh, I just lined my Creek

with boulders for erosion. I almost got my permits to rebuild. And, uh, you know, I'm

just grateful, man. I'm just grateful. I can, you know, embrace this journey that I'm going

to do. You know, you knew guys, if I could zap you with 10 years of sobriety, I wouldn't

do it. Why? Because I wouldn't rob you of the journey that you're going to have each and

every one of you guys are going to have your own journey in this thing called recovery

with your sponsor.

And once you get this thing, you're going to pass it on to the next guy or the next

gal. And then, you know what? They pass it on. And that's, that's all we do around here.

It's one alcoholic talking to another simple as that. You know, I trust in God, a clean

house and I work with others. I keep it that simple. Everything's okay. Everything has

been, everything will be 90% of the shit that I worry about never happens. So all the time

I put towards worrying about something, I can be putting towards something positive,

like helping the next guy. You know, I donate blood every 56 days. It takes pressure off

by heart and it's good for your body to remake the blood. And I don't, you know, get money

for it or nothing, but look at all the times I was in the emergency rooms, you know, I'm

all positive and my blood can be used for anybody. You know, what's the reward on that

is? I get a little email, like a month later, your blood went, your blood went to like New

Jersey to, to help little Susie.

You know, transfusion, you know, that's the bright spot of that right there. I'm not bragging

or nothing, but it's stuff like that. I do today. I'm a changed man today. I'm not the

same guy who walked off Chino 17, 18 years ago. And I continually grow towards this new

person and I need to remember I'm sober today. It's what I'm doing today. That counts. Not

what I'm going to do or what I used to do. What have I done today? You know, so if you're

new or if you've been here a while and you're struggling with this thing, man, just drop

the ego and pride and ask for help, man. We're not going to judge you for what you're going

through. We're here to help you. You don't ever have to go through anything alone. I

sure haven't. And I won't have to. And I know that now, you know, constant thought of others

and how we might meet their needs. It's what I can do for you today. So thanks for having

me out, Oscar. Thank you.