From Childhood to Sobriety: Bruce's Journey

Now, I would like to introduce our main speaker, Bruce R.

Good evening. My name is Bruce Richards. I'm an alcoholic. What a great group.

You know, absolutely insist on having fun. You know, my home group, when I first started going

there, we used to have Halloween parties and, you know, not so much anymore. So,

it's great to see you guys in spirit and, you know, I could have put on my Colombo outfit.

It's my go-to costume. It's a trench coat with a, I would still wear a tie, but my hair is not

as long as it used to be, so I can't scruff it up. But, yeah, it's, thanks, Alex, for asking me

to be here. Thanks for inviting me out. Abraham and Tammy, thanks for your pitch. Tammy, you're

a great sport. Yeah, I'll tell you a little bit what it was like, what happened, what it's like

now. Yeah, I grew up here in the San Fernando Valley. Moved here when I was four years old

to Granada Hills up at the top of Louise. And, yeah, we,

went to school at Rinaldi Street Elementary School and I went to Robert Frost Junior High

and I graduated from Granada Hills High School. I went to a couple of colleges. I went to

Colleges of the Canyons for a minute and Pierce College for a little while and

spent about six, seven years there. I still don't have a degree. Yeah, I grew up in a functioning

alcoholic household, you know. My father was an alcoholic. My mother had her medications.

My dad didn't drink much, you know, all that much at home. You know, he was a salesman. He worked in

the aerospace industry and he was traveling around the country all the time. It seemed like he was

gone two weeks out of every month and, you know, he has great stories. I never did much. You know,

I never got out of the San Fernando Valley hard. You know, he used to talk about going on

business trips and blacking out for two or three days and flying home on the plane, you know,

coming back to LAX and, you know, going back to Los Angeles and, you know, coming back to LAX and,

coming to and not knowing if he ever made any of his appointments. And yeah, I only know that

because I heard his tape. I went later on when I got sorry, I went and heard his pitch a couple

of times. But when I was growing up, my parents would have parties and people would show up

carrying cases of alcohol. They'd all come out and it was hard liquor, beer, just all sorts of

different things. And they come in and they put it behind the bar and me and my sisters and whatever

kids were there would rush drinks back and forth to the adults. And, you know, you always got to

pull off a beer or sip off a drink. And it was just cool. You know, alcohol from a very young

age just had this illusion about it as, you know, that's what the adults do, you know. And later on

at night, you know, when we go to bed, you know, the fights would start and things would be breaking

and crashing and wake up in the morning and all those boxes of alcohol, all there were empty

bottles, you know.

And it was my job, of course, me and my sisters, we all gathered all the empties together and threw

them out in the garbage can. And, you know, every adult that I knew who was of influence to me

drank, you know, it was a nightly thing. When my dad did get home from work, he would sit down with

my mother and we'd have dinner and then they'd have cocktails, you know. It was just a part of

everyday life. You know, when I was in grade school, I was about nine years old and when I

was introduced to marijuana for the first time, you know.

I had a friend whose parents grew it on the side of their house. You know, they had it all

netted off. So, you know, it was kind of concealed. They had plastic tomatoes tied to the plants and

in the coffee table, you know, in their living room was a big sesh tray with a bunch of joints

all rolled up, all different colors and everything. And my friend said, hey, let's go get high. You

know, I'm all, what, you know, I didn't really know what it was about. You know, I knew my older

sister was experimenting with pot and, you know, I wanted to look cool. So, you know, I had a friend

of, you know, I started, went outside and I puffed on this little joint a couple times and, you know,

I wasn't trying to escape from this reality. I wasn't trying to, I was just trying to be cool

and fit in. And, yeah, I don't know what happened. You know, I don't think I got high that first

time. I don't think I was really, I was just kind of puffing. I wasn't really inhaling and just like

our president. But, yeah, it was all around me, you know. First time I drank with a purpose was

got together with some friends and we planned this. We're going to get some beer before the

high school football game. Like I said, I went to Granada Hills High School and at break, we drove

down to this liquor store on Reseda Boulevard and we sat in the parking lot, waited for people to

come by. And we just kept on asking people, would you buy us some beer? Would you buy us some beer?

And finally, some guy said, sure. We bought him a 12 pack and I bought myself a six pack of Mickey's

Big Mouth. My two friends bought a six pack of Michelob to share. I bought myself a six pack of

liquor. We went to that football game that night and we got there and my friends opened up a couple

of beers and they started drinking them. You know, we had to get to the game. It was pretty quick and

I drank a six pack of Mickey's in about 18 minutes, I'd say. And, you know, it was my first

time really drinking, you know, going out to get drunk. And, you know, that's a lot of malt liquor

for a kid, you know, 17, 18 years old and 120.

20 pounds, maybe. I was really tiny back then. And, yeah, it hit me. You know, I got into this

football game and the world's spinning. I'm actually having a pretty good time, you know.

And it was the night of first. I decided I was going to chew tobacco that night. The first time

I'd ever chewed tobacco. And this guy gave me his canister and I took a thing. I was sort of

dipping there and, man, I got that little burn going. I'm all, oh, man, this is different,

you know. And then they forgot to tell me that I'm supposed to

spit. So, if anybody's ever swallowed chewing tobacco, you get, it makes you ill. You know,

the Granada Hills Highlander Band is a bunch of guys in skirts, you know. They're all sitting,

I'm sitting up in the stands behind the band and all of a sudden I get sick and I throw up all over

the band. And my friends rush me down the stairs, you know, quick, you know, get them out of here.

And they rush me underneath and I'm underneath the bleachers and, you know, everybody's,

the teachers and the parents are all looking for,

you know, the kid who's getting sick, you know. And I'm, oh, great, I'm going to get busted. I go,

this, I got to get out of here. And I'm looking at this fence, you know. As a kid, I can hop,

you know, I was a real climber. I could hop a fence, no problem. Alcohol, it took effect. And

I'm looking and it's like 12 feet, 14 feet high. I'm just all, I can't, I can't make it. I can't,

I go, we're going to, I'm going to get busted. Oh, my God. I'm just, I'm going to be in so much

trouble. We sat there for a couple minutes. We realized the gate was open like 12 feet away from

us. But, you know, that night I was sitting, you know, we went to Bob's Big Boy after the football

games. And I was sitting in my friend's car. I had driven there, but they left my car back at the

school. And, you know, I was just sitting in the front seat and people were coming by. I was like

the fish or the pet at the pet store, you know, and people come and tap on the glass to get your

attention, you know. And they were laughing at me and, you know, I was laughing at them because

they didn't realize they're standing outside the window. And I kept on opening up the door and

getting sick. And, you know, this is the first time I went out to drink. You know, I could tell

you thousands, probably literally thousands of stories just like this. You know, I don't know

if that first time that I set out to drink like that, if I was, you know, overcome with the

phenomenon of craving and had to drink all that six pack. I just watched these people in my life

drink that way. And so I was going to finish that six pack. And, you know, I,

I got into trouble. I always got into trouble. I got a DUI when I was 19 years old. I had already

graduated high school and I was leaving a party. I had drank a bottle of Jack Daniels that night

and I was kicked out of the party because I was too drunk and my friends didn't want to leave.

And I had my truck there. So I was sitting outside and in my truck and I'd go outside to get sick.

I always got sick when I drank.

Um, I don't, I don't know why, uh, I just couldn't stomach all that alcohol, you know,

tequila, um, vodka, you know, it didn't matter what it was. I, I drank anything, you know,

uh, Seagram seven. I, I like to drink a lot. I didn't use much, uh, seven up just straight

Seagrams. Um, you know, I, I drove home that night and, uh, my friend came tapped on the

window and he said, it's time to go. And so I tried to drive home and I'm driving up Louise

Avenue right by Devonshire. And, and, uh, I see a cop,

pull up behind me and I'm all, Oh, I'm in trouble. Yeah. So I tried to, I tried to take

off real slow and not swerve. And, and, uh, somehow he knew I was drunk. I don't know,

but, uh, I got pulled over. I went to, I went, you know, got taken down to Devonshire division

and yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm inside. And, and, uh, you get one phone call, they're gonna let me

call somebody, you know, an inopportune time to get arrested. Um, my grandfather had passed away

just like earlier that day. And my grandmother hopped a plane.

And, and flew out to California because, you know, she couldn't handle it to be with my mom.

And, uh, here it is the middle of the night and they're getting a phone call from me that I'm in

jail, you know, on a DUI. And now my father had already started to go to AA, you know,

our paths kind of crossed. He was trying to stop drinking when I was starting to drink,

you know, um, you know, I, I, I got home and, and, and they kept it all under the,

under the rug. So my grandmother didn't know what, what went on. She was asking him,

what happened last night? What happened? Where'd you go? What happened? You know,

you know, no, no need to upset her anymore. Um, yeah, my, my father told me it's,

this is your one and only get out of jail free card. Next time you get arrested, don't call me.

And, uh, I said, okay, you know, I was really lucky, you know, never to get arrested again.

Cause I was pulled over a few times when I was very intoxicated and, and, and got away from it.

You know, one time, uh, uh, they were, they were going over my truck for everything.

And they're asking me, have you been drinking? I'm no, sir. No, sir. I'd been up for like three

or four days, but, uh, they got a call for a burglary or a robbery and they spun off,

you know, um, another time I was, uh, in Simi Valley and the sheriff stopped me and,

uh, I was dressed really nice. Uh, but I'd been drinking for, I don't know how many days straight.

Uh, but I had enough, uh, outside issues in my system to keep me running. And, uh, I talked my

way out of it. I had driving around in a truck. I was driving around in a truck. I was driving around

in a truck with, uh, no registration. And, you know, uh, it hadn't been registered in,

in two or three years. I made up some lie about how I've been working on the truck all day and

I wanted to test drive it. And, uh, they, they wrote me a fix it ticket and let me go. Um,

you know, I, uh, I had a, I had a experience, life experiences. Um, you know, I, I learned

from a very young age before I ever thought about taking a drink. Uh, I wanted to control everybody.

You know, I, I wanted, I wanted everybody to treat me a certain way.

I wanted to be the center of attention. I wanted to be the best athlete. I want, you know,

I was selfish and self-centered from, from the earliest age. Now I wanted more than my share

from my sisters. Um, and it drove me. I mean, it, it drove me. It made me crazy at times. You know,

um, I had this, uh, I had this girl that I really liked, uh, and, uh, she moved away for a little

while and I convinced her to move back. And we played house and, uh, we lived together for

four years where, uh, we landed in, in Palmdale. I was out at the corner of 20th R out in Palmdale

and, and, uh, rents were cheap. And I got this huge apartment. I had a garage. It was much better

than North Hollywood where we started living together. And, uh, after, uh, four years, uh,

she started going to church and, uh, she came home one day after about three or four months

of going to Bible study. And, and, uh, she came home and said, you know, you're an alcoholic and

a drug addict. And if you don't stop, I'm going to leave you. And, uh, she said, I'm going to leave you.

My first thought was, thank God, you know, God, I'm, you know, and then I said, you know, look,

you knew what you're getting yourself into. I've always drank this way. Have I always partied this

way? You know, this is what I'm about. You know, this is fun. You know, this is fun. You just got

to join in a little more, you know, and she left three weeks later, she pulled up her stakes and

left after four years of being together, you know, and, uh, I tried quitting. I did try quitting,

uh, for four days. I made it.

And, uh, it was the first four days in a row sober that I had, uh, since I was 16 or 17. You

know, I had either smoke pot, take a pill, do whatever it is, drink, you know, every single

day trying to escape, you know, you know, every time that something happened to me in my life,

every time somebody left me or every time one of my best friends, all of a sudden he, you know,

he's, he's best friends with somebody else now, you know, that hurt. And I didn't, I didn't want

that to happen. I didn't want to get, I didn't want to get, I didn't want to get, I didn't want to get

anymore. Now I was tired of getting hurt and trying to control all you guys were just so much

work. You know, drinking allowed me to let everybody kind of be themselves. All of a sudden

my world shrank. I became even more self-centered and whatever you did just didn't affect me

anymore. You know, after that girl left, I sat there, I just cried in my beer. You know, I was

so sad. I was just devastated. I really, I actually really did love this girl. And, and I,

I, I chose drugs and alcohol over her, you know, and you know, my, my, my, my father was sober a

while now. And, and my sister, my younger sister was testing the waters in CA and she had got some

time and they, the inquiry police came in and they're asking me all sorts of questions. So what

happened? What, how, how come Denise left? What, what happened? And I don't know. You know,

she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she,

she just started going to church. And I guess she met some guy, you know, again, blaming it on her,

you know, and you know now my, my, my dad and my sister let me roll. They let me tear it up.

They watched me slowly go down the ladder, you know, and never said once to me, you need to

stop drinking. You need to stop partying. You need to give all that up. You need to shape,

you know, never, never did they put their finger in my chest and tell me to stop. You know my

dad pulled me aside one time and said, you know, every now and then this disease skips, you know,

skips some people, you know, if you ever need, you know, if you ever need help, you know, there's the

program for you, you know, and I kept, I don't need the pro, I don't, I don't need help. Things

are going okay. You know it may, it made it real easy. Every time that something bad happened,

I just drink it away. You know every time I, I had to slip down that notch, I just drank it away

and it was okay.

You know, switching, you know, moving places. I lived in a, I lived in a pantry for a while.

I, I, you know, I lost that apartment in Palmdale. I burned a friend. It was a good friend of mine

who owned, you know, his family owned the, this apartment building and, and I left it in just a

mess and I just kind of moved out and, and didn't say goodbye. And, and he got ahold of me. He goes,

hey man, what's happening? You're not paying your rent. I go, well, I'll just take my deposit.

And, you know, I'm, I'm,

I don't have any money. What are you going to do? You know, and I had some friends that let me,

let me stay at their, their condo and for free, you know, I disrupted their lives.

His wife was pregnant, you know, and, and doing a few months and, and here I am staying in the

guest room, which is going to be the baby's room. And, and I'm not paying any rent and I'm sitting

out on the street drinking and doing drugs all night and then coming in the house about 2.30,

3 o'clock. You know, I, I got to a point where, um, things were getting really bad.

You know, uh, I couldn't excuse everything that was happening. I couldn't just drink it away

anymore. And that, that's what's really, really got to me. Um, up to this point in my life,

all I had to do is get plenty drunk and I just forgot about my problems. It just didn't matter

anymore. And all of a sudden I'd give me, I'd be drunk and I'd be alone at night and I'd be

thinking about all the crap that's starting to pile up. And, uh,

and I can't escape it anymore. Alcohol had always worked. Oh, always worked for me. You know,

some of the other stuff I was doing, it, it never took away the problems. Alcohol always worked for

me. Um, you know, like I say, I, I don't know when I crossed over that invisible line, you know,

um, I am bodily and mentally different than normal people. That's been obvious for a long

time. Um, you know, my friend Larry explained, uh, explained the disease,

to me, uh, when I was new. Um, when I ingest alcohol, there's a chemical reaction that

happens in my body. Emzines are sent from my liver to my brain and pop fires off this endorphins in

my brain. And that, that process doesn't happen in normal people. And that it, it creates that

phenomenon of craving. And, uh, and I was, I was fighting that I was trying not to drink at this

point in my life. I'm trying not to drink anymore. And, and, and it's, it's just getting insane.

Okay.

All the things that are going on in my life. And because of all the drugs I was doing, uh, I, uh,

I, I was losing my mind. Yeah. I was seeing things and hearing things and, and, uh, it wasn't stopping

when, uh, when I would go to work in the morning. I, that's one thing I always held onto. I had a

job. As long as I have a job, you know, I, things aren't that bad. You know, um, the age of 30,

uh, things caught up, just things caught up to me and I couldn't fool myself anymore.

And I couldn't live the way I was living, uh, on, uh,

the 1930s.

1994 earthquake. Uh, I'm sorry if anybody was put out by that, but that's the event that

started into action. The series of events that, uh, got me sober. You know, uh, I was, uh, with

my, uh, with my girlfriend at the time. And, uh, it was, it was, it's very odd. You know,

it was the first time in, in years that I didn't do any drugs that night. And I made a nice meal

cause I was trying to make up. I tried carjacking her a few weeks earlier and things had been really

rough. And, uh, uh, she came up to me and she said, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm

sorry. I made this nice meal. And, and, and I was up at like three o'clock in the morning. I was

watching Gettysburg, you know, the movie Gettysburg goes on for like four and a half hours. And, uh,

I was just, my, my head was buzzing. I drank a little wine that night. Uh, but I didn't really

get messed up. And, and, uh, in the middle of the night, the earthquake hits, you know, I was,

I was barely asleep and I lived at, uh, Devonshire and Balboa. And, uh, I thought the world was

coming, coming down, man. It was, it was scary. You know, there was, I, I heard, uh, the electrical

transformers exploding outside. I could hear wood timber snapping and breaking. And, and, uh, I grabbed

my girl and we get out of the, get out of bed. I'm standing there naked and she's wrapped around me.

And I, I got this little doorway in the back of my apartment and it's literally going back and

forth like this. And I'm all, she starts praying. She starts praying to God and I'm standing there

naked thinking I'm going to die. And I got absolutely no contact with any kind of higher

power, nothing. And I, I had, I had had that as a kid. You know, my mother gave that to me as a

kid, taught me how to pray, how to get down on my hands and knees. Uh, I wasn't really formal with

the church, but I had this concept of a higher power at a very young age, you know, and standing

there, I had nothing. And I told my girlfriend out loud, pray for me, pray for me. Um, you know,

I, uh, it was shortly after that. I, I, they condemned my apartment.

They red tagged it. So I had nowhere to go. Uh, FEMA came and wrote me a check for $2,400

and said here, and that started my last run. And, and, uh, I went to my friends and said,

Hey, I need a place to stay. Uh, is it cool if I stay here? You know, no, you can't stay here.

No, that's not going to be good. You know, I had a friend who had a room for rent and he wouldn't

let me stay there, you know, and I had cash and, uh, he goes, no, no, Bruce, you can't stay.

So where do I go back to mom and dad's now? Uh, so I, I went back and it just opened my eyes to

what I was doing. You know, my, my last blackout, you know, I had nowhere to go to party. I'd kind

of staying away from all my, my, my party pals. And, and, uh, so I was driving around in my truck

and I had this Frisbee. I kept on the side of my seat full, full of cocaine. And I had a 12 pack

of beer or a case of beer just on the floor of the truck. And I just drive around and drink and,

and, and do my drugs. And, and I drive from the Valley out to Palmdale and come back over the two

and, and all night long. Sometimes I go out to Ventura and back down the one-on-one, you know,

and, uh, I came to out of my last blackout. I was on Balboa and, and Van Owen, and I was sitting

there. I drove up to a intersection and I, I kind of was like shocked awake and there's, you know,

lights going around and police and fire trucks, and there's a big accident. And I'm,

I, you know, flash awake and I'm all, I didn't know if I was in the accident, if I was getting

arrested or what. And, and, uh, I looked down and, and my drugs were still there and there's a bunch

of empties on the floor. And, and, uh, there's a cop standing at the front of my truck going like

this and I'm all, and I made a left-hand turn to avoid the accident and drove on. And, and, uh,

you know, just, I just couldn't, I could not do this anymore. I couldn't do it anymore. Um,

I reached out to my younger sister. Yeah. Uh, my younger sister had seven years in CA at the time.

She doesn't have time now. Um, she, uh, I re I asked her to take me to a meeting. I said, I,

you know, I can't, I can't do this anymore. I said, I'm dying. And, uh, she made me promise

that I wouldn't drink. I wouldn't do any drugs. I wouldn't take anything that affects me from the

neck, neck up. And I said, yes, it was March 24th, uh, 1994. And, uh, I used to say that I came to

AA and I never had another drink, but I forgot about that time when I had that DUI and I had

to go to AA meetings. So in 19,

uh, uh, I went to the rafters four or five times and got my court card signed. And, and I, I related

to what was going on there. I thought, you know, everybody drinks that way, but, but, uh, you know,

she drug me around the meetings for my, my first few weeks. And, uh, you know, the very first

meeting I ever went to, I was over in, uh, off of Lancashire Boulevard. And I don't remember much

about anything, you know, it was a participation and then there was a speaker and, and, uh, I just

kind of looked around and I was like, oh, I don't know what's going on. I don't know what's going on.

And I looked at everybody's shoes, see who had the new shoes on. And after the meeting,

these guys all grabbed me and, and, uh, took me out to, to coffee after the meeting, or they were

taking my sister out to coffee after the meeting. And I was coming along or, and, uh, we stay there

till like two, two 30 in the morning. And, uh, you know, there's a guy there who's an amateur

magician and he was doing card tricks and he's pulling little fuzzy balls out of my ear. And I'm

get this guy away from me.

You know, my head is spinning, you know, I can't quiet it down. This guy's doing, uh, I found out

later on that, uh, that coffee shop closes at midnight. Um, the owner was at the meeting I was

at, but I, I didn't put that together and, and they stayed open, you know, late because they

figured if I left there too early, I was, I was going to go out. So, um, you know, I, I came back

a couple of weeks later and, um, I got a big book. My, my sister bought me my very first big book and,

and, uh, I sat down outside of the Beverly center. I, I, I worked at a, an office supply place,

a stationary store in Beverly Hills. Uh, so I went down to subway at lunch and I opened this book.

That's a, that's a lot of reading for me. You know, I'm not a big reader. I don't, I don't like

to read and never enjoyed it, but, uh, I opened up the big book and I started looking at it and

I'm all, well, I saw this chapter, chapter five, how it works. And I figured, well, I'll just start

there.

Now just start on, I just figured I need to figure out how it works. You know, there's probably a

diet plan and exercise program and, you know, some, some meetings and, you know, how many

meetings a week you have to go to. And, uh, I read through it. I read, I read through chapter

five and it made no sense that nothing, nothing resonated with me. I don't remember really reading

the word God or anything. And after the ABCs, it goes on in the next few pages to describe the

alcoholic. And, uh, I was, I was brought to tears. Yeah. I was weeping.

The big book of Alcoholics Anonymous describes me better than any piece of literature better than

anybody's ever tried to talk to me before. It just nailed me. The director that wants to run the whole

show. That's been me since the first time I was thrown into a social situation. I wanted to run

everything now. And as long as everything worked and I got my way, life was fine. When things

didn't work out my way, it was, it was awful. Um, later on alcohol made it less important to

control everything. Um, you know, I, uh, I was really moved. I really was, well, I was kind of

amazed and, and then people were explaining to me, this book was written in the 1930s and I'm all

that's that really like, how'd they know so much about me before I was ever bummer. Yeah. Uh, you

know, the next week I went to that meeting again, we're going to the same, she was taking me to a

meeting. I was going to the same meetings every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every,

seven days a week. And, uh, we get there and there's an African-American woman who was the

speaker that night and I'm all, oh, this is going to be a bad meeting. Now I've been going for a

week now. I'm ready to start judging the meetings. And, uh, she got up there and they went through

their thing and I listened to her and, uh, she had absolutely nothing in common with me, but the way

she talked about her drinking and her feelings just overwhelmed me. You know, she, she, I identified

again for the second time in a, in a quick amount of time in AA.

Yeah. Um, now I didn't know what AA was. I had no idea about the disease of alcoholism. You know,

I watched my dad and my sister come here and I thought it was a place you come to hang out once

you're not drinking anymore. You know, you guys all get dressed up in costumes and stuff and you

go, you know, you play softball and you go bowling and, and, you know, go on picnics and you do all

sorts of fun stuff. You know, I had no idea about the disease, you know, it, it, it, it, and it took

me a long time to figure it out in AA.

Um, now I, I, I got a sponsor. Um, I asked my, under my sister's direction, find somebody you

like who likes, you know, who has what you want and ask them to your sponsor. All right. And there's

this guy, Jimmy and Jimmy showed up there, you know, at the meetings in a Porsche and he had a

couple of different girlfriends and he was an ex Navy SEAL. He was a semi-professional baseball

player. Uh, he was a stunt man and, uh, he had everything I wanted, you know? And, uh, so I

asked Jimmy to be my sponsor and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and,

and Jimmy's said, Oh yeah, he didn't decline. You know, he said, fine, fine, fine. Call me,

call me every night after the meeting, call me at, uh, whatever. I forget what time it was,

but he goes, call me at night. It wasn't in the morning or anything. And I, I hadn't had another

sponsor. So I thought calling at night was right. But, uh, so he'd see me at the meetings and I

couldn't even talk to him. I was so scared. I was so scared. And, uh, Jimmy, uh, Jimmy was my

sponsor for a while. He taught me how to hit my hands and knees and pray. He, uh, I told him, uh,

I don't believe in God. And he goes, I didn't ask you to believe in God. I asked you to get down

on your knees and pray. And, uh, I go, okay. And I started doing those things. Eventually Jimmy

wanted me to stop going to a meeting. I went to on a regular basis and, and, and, uh, go to a men's

stag. And I said, I can't, that's too much. So I stopped calling Jimmy. Yeah. I went around AA for

a long time without a sponsor. I went eight months and, uh, I was doing everything because

I was starting to have fun. Now I was going out to dinner and hanging out and I realized I could

have fun and be sober. Uh, I shared that one night that I didn't have a sponsor. I don't know what

I'm doing. I don't know what AA is about. And this guy came up to me and said, Bruce, you need to

get a sponsor. That's what, that's how you figure out what you're doing around here. You know, it

gives you some direction and tells you what to do. And I, uh, this guy came up to me after every

meeting, every meeting. And I finally, I see him coming across the way. And I'm like, so Bruce,

did you find a sponsor yet? I said, no, Mike, would you like to be my sponsor? And he said,

no. He goes, I wouldn't like to be, I have to be, that's my debt in AA. Um, now I got busy. I did

my steps. I didn't think, you know, my first initial thought on everything is this is stupid.

This is stupid. Why do I got to write or write all this stuff down? And, and, uh, you know,

I, I resented that girl so much for leaving me. I resented her. I loved her still. And I resented

her. And, uh, by the time I was done doing my, my fifth step, I thank God for taking her out of my

life because whether she was there or not, I was going to drag her through the,

you know, and because she left, found the strength to leave. Uh, she didn't have to endure

the next, you know, six, seven years of my life. Um, you know, my, my sister, she, uh, she went

out on pain medication. She had a, a sore knee and, and someone gave her narcotics, the doctor

prescribed narcotics. And, and, uh, now she's, uh, she's homeless. Some of the time she's living

in shelters and she's been in prison. And, and, and, you know, we have these talks where I ask her,

you know what you're doing, right? You know, you understand what you're doing. And she says,

yeah, I go, all right, I'll leave you alone. When you need help, let me know. She had a great job.

She has a son, you know, I try to take care of her son. He's, he's a, he's 24 now, but it breaks

my heart. Um, you know, I, uh, I got married in sobriety to a great woman. What she saw in me,

I don't know. I was, I was literally less than 30 days sober when we met. And, uh, you know,

it was okay. Cause I, like I said, I didn't have a sponsor. So.

Well, we have a family now. You know, I, I have two sons of my own. Uh, I have a stepdaughter,

put her through college. My, my boys are all over the place, but they're good kids.

Uh, I have some great friends who came out to see me to support me. Thank you guys. Makes it a

little easier. Um, thank you guys for asking me to come out. I really appreciate it. Thank you.